Authors Note: All the events in the world of KHR yield its creation to the genius that is Akira Amano-sensei. I, like many writers before me in this fandom, only borrow slivers of unfathomable ideas and what might have beens. To this end, I created this tale well before I finished the KHR manga. And though my story is in no way as convoluted and maze-like as the actual story, I really wanted to write this one. It was my ground note for "Ties that Bind…" which I will be editing and fine tuning in the following weeks.
I've always wondered how Giotto got his flame. I know the manga revealed the reason. But as I stated, I started this story long before the truth was revealed. I waited for the right words, the right frame of mind, the right everything I guess. And though this work might still have kinks in them—I am quite satisfied with how it turned out.
Please keep an open mind and suspend your knowledge of how KHR truly unfolded. Sit back with me and imagine what difference it would've made, if this was how the story came to be.
Notation: "dialogue"
Internal dialogue
flashback
SPARK
Our wills and fates do so contrary run
That our devices still are overthrown;
Our thoughts are ours,
their ends none of our own.
(Hamlet, 3.2.208), Player King
My story…or should I say our story began in a small village in the midst of an even smaller town where nothing much of merit ever occurs. There was nothing remotely remarkable that ever happened in this small nook in this forgettable corner of the world except perhaps for the fact that this is where the child that would change the course of my fate was born.
But let us not get ahead of ourselves. Proprieties must be observed, of course, and so, introductions are par for the course. So let us begin…
I am an immortal…I know…I said introductions but I do believe this is the proper way to go. I cannot tell you my name yet, that would come soon enough, but it is only right to warn you of what I am so as not to confuse you. Indulge my eccentricities for the moment. Consider it a gift—a condition, if you will—for telling my tale. There is very little that I demand in return for unveiling my past. Quid pro quo and all that.
As I have mentioned, I am immortal. I have been for the better part of this pitiful world's existence. I have watched the great Ages of man come about and I have watched it fade like dying embers…I have walked all the four corners of the globe and been thrust in its midst in various guises and varied circumstances. I have been feted and courted by kings and derided like a beggar on the streets. I have tasted all the pleasures offered by the world, and partook of all its myriad miseries. In truth there has been little about man that I haven't seen, heard, touched or experienced firsthand.
And I did it all, in the hopes of understanding man. Mortals are a fascinating, intricate puzzle that I wished above all else to solve. Because the reason I came to be in this world is partially because of man.
I used to reside in the bastion of His radiance. I was, you could say, content. I have never known any other existence save being in His presence and beings like me need no reason but that for existing. Though contentment is a mortal concept, a human construct, I suppose that is as close to what I felt at the time. Never having a need to define what one feels, simply because one IS, is the nature of beings like myself. For the record, I am not a "creature". The term is derogatory and is only fit for lowly things created out of morbid curiosity or sheer boredom. And in that regard, I am neither.
I used to dwell in the service of The Most High. I would like to say that this is how I still am but that would be a lie and even with all that I am capable of, all that I have done and become over the course of my stay here in this world, lying is still a singularly mortal flaw. I try, much as I am able, not to get into the habit of falling into that particular vice. I may have lost much, but standard are standards for a reason, and as reason would have it, I have my own.
Before the Great War…before there was a need to sever the ties that bound all of my kind…before there existed a plane for those that fell from grace…before all that we knew was changed forevermore…we were His source of joy and He was our cause for being. He was our everything and there was nothing we would not have given in His service…His glory…If He willed it, we were all too willing to obey. The mere notion of defying Him did not exist. There was no need. He was our everything…and for the longest time we were His.
That is, until man came along…until the moment when the overflowing cup of his endless grace was forever denied to my kind and offered willingly into the hands of humanity. After that, there was no going back. Even the most radiant of us lost his light and like him, I, too, fell from grace. I was banished from all that I knew…stripped of all that I was…denied that which allowed me to come into being...
I didn't care much for banishment. I didn't participate in any of the fights that broke out amongst the brethren. I suppose my crime was apathy. I simply felt—nothing. I am certain that was the reason I simply accepted my punishment. I walked out of heaven and never looked back. I had lost faith—something that someone like myself should never have to go through…something someone like me should never ever feel towards anything or anyone…for an entity such as myself, such a feeling was just half a breath away from actual death…I had nothing—except emptiness and the knowledge that what once was…can never be, ever again…
And that was when my interest in unraveling the puzzle that was man began. I was consumed with just one other notion: I was determined to understand how a creature like man was able to overthrow the balance that existed in my home…how a frail, creature, incapable of affecting the flow of time or controlling the elements reduced beings that had power second only to HE that was Most High into wanderers…nomads—banished…exiles….
To that end…I chose to spend eternity with these mortals…and hoped I could find the answers to some of my question…The mortals that populate this realm are a predictable, yet unfathomable race. They are flawed and vulnerable…ill-content and capable of bringing great tragedy towards one another. And yet they are, for all their faults and foibles, an interesting lot. Whereas they can generate some of the most despicable, depraved crimes against one another, these self-same mortals sometimes display the greatest and most heart wrenching demonstrations of grace and nobility that would make even angels themselves proud.
Their dichotomy confused me…their varying natures were like an unsolvable puzzle that I needed to conquer. I sought out the brightest minds, the most enlightened souls…and yet the answer eluded me still. I spent eons wandering in and out of different societies, hoping for a clue, wishing to catch a glimpse of what made human the way they are…and then, just when I had reached the end of my tether, I found my answer. I just never considered the form my answers would take…
I met her on the banks of a lake that stretches as far as the eye can see…a lake formed by melted snow that flowed and pooled into a shallow basin at the heart of a mountain. It was a beautiful sight, one of the truly breath-taking ones I have thus found in this world. To this day I could not call to mind any other scene as wondrous or as awe-inspiring as the simple majesty that created the harmony of earth, water and sky. It was truly the closest to paradise on earth as I have come.
She was sitting on the banks of her mystic lake, her legs immersed in its icy waters, her head tilted back and her eyes closed in reflection or meditation, I never did find out. But something in her called to me. I can tell you that it wasn't her looks…though many told me since having met her that she was quite beautiful. I have seen others more beautiful…entities whose face and form could rival any goddess imagined by man…No… far be…it wasn't her physical nature that drew me close though her eyes did remind me uncomfortably of things eternal, ethereal and evanescent. They were the color of the sky just before the sun takes its final plunge to the sea. A timeless color…known to all and yet there are no words to describe them…the greatest poet on earth would beggar himself on the pedestal of the Muses and still have no lines beautiful or poignant enough to capture just a fraction of what it is about the sun's dying light that holds men and creatures alike in thrall.
No, what drew me was something found deep within. It was her gift of foresight that called to me like a siren's allure, beckoning me from centuries of indifference and ennui. It was her gift of seeing that sought me out, across the distance that separated us—across the very fabric of fate and destiny that she seemed to control with enviable ease.
I came close and waited for her to notice me. I have discovered much to my amusement, that men and women alike are drawn to my form. I have used this to my advantage to deflect casual interest and to seek out the answers I sought to find. But this one woman-child gave my face and form no heed. Indeed, she didn't even bother to do more than give me a cursory look before dismissing what I looked like from her mind, as if whatever shell I wore mattered little to her.
Undaunted but curios nonetheless, I decided to simply sit next close to her and wait for her to speak. After a turn, she then faced me and asked quietly what I was doing so far from home. As I struggled to come up with the usual glib excuses, she turned her head and simply laughed. I was startled to say the least, and irked besides. No one has laughed at my expense for so long and for no reason I could ascertain. When I simply sat there and listened as her laughter subsided into silence, I wondered what she was going to say next. Her mind is unlike any I've met before. I cannot see into her thoughts. She told me the same thing when she spoke just as she mentioned casually in the same breath that I was late.
"Don't waste your gifts peeking inside my head…it won't work. I would've thought you'd learn that by now. And really now, what took you so long? How long did you think I could wait for you to come and find me?"
"I didn't know I was making you wait…"
"Well, you were. Never mind that, at least you're here now…come on…time to go home."
We made our way towards a small hut that was only a fair distance away from the lake. She explained that she chose its location because it was the only place that afforded her an unfettered view of the sky. She didn't explain why this mattered, and I didn't tell her why it made such a difference to me.
She, though truthfully she was about eighteen, was just a child to me back then. At that time she was known far and wide as a mystic, a seer into the future, an Oracle that speaks auguries for the use of men. How she came to be there, and how she came upon her gifts were never discussed between us. She may or may not know and I have not the defiance to inquire. She wasn't the kind of person one simply demanded answers from. She gives answers one might seek, she may give some that others are not aware they seek, and sometimes, she would give answers to questions that no one had ever thought to ask.
The small cottage—for that was what it was in truth was set in the middle of a clearing on top of a mountain with no visible track of route that leads from it to the path below. When I asked her how people even managed to know of her, she simply looked at me and didn't say a thing. Not having the means to elicit the answer for my own queries through the usual path of peeking into her mind, I was reduced to actually stating my query and waiting patiently for an answer.
"How do men find you...in this remote corner of your world...? How did they come to know of your-gifts?"
She didn't speak for a while, busying herself with preparing a meal. I had thought she would never answer but eventually she did and I found to my chagrin that I wished I never had asked.
"People will find what they want—whatever it is that they want—when they desire it strong enough. I could hide in the very bowels of the earth and still they would find me if they will it. Men have found ways and means to take a hold of whatever it is that they wish for with all their heart and soul. My home makes it only difficult—not impossible—for them to seek me."
She then explained that the villagers all pointed to her enclave when people seek her out, believing that only the deserving would actually reach her. She confessed that her gifts made people wary and uneasy. Man, she told me the first time we met, did not like things he could not explain away. Things that cannot be touched, weighed or seen by his naked eye—things that defy what is and what can be—they are things he would rather keep in a place far from where he would usually tread. But that does not mean he doesn't covet it and its uses. Man's morals, she remarked, are as flexible as his needs. He will use it when it is convenient and disregard it whenever it hinders what he desires.
So she lived in isolation, set apart from all her fellows in order to keep her purity and sight—a lie, she admits, that helps all the others sleep better at night. A truth that helps her live the life she was born to. It wasn't the most joyful of bargain, she admits, but she has made her peace with it a long time ago.
She didn't ask anything of me that night. Or any other night after that. She didn't ask me to stay or to leave either. So I stayed. At peace, perhaps for the first time in my wandering, aimless existence. I found comfort in her simplicity and her acceptance of her place in the world.
So I remained close, though I never interacted with the others in her world. I watched from the shadows, venturing into it when the curiosity gets the best of me, even leaving the mountain enclave where I have felt like I belonged occasionally to see how the rest of the world has change but always returning, always coming home to her.
Once, after being away for the longest time since meeting her, I came back to find that my friend has changed far too much. Time held no meaning for me so I didn't realize that I have been gone for far longer than I had anticipated. What for me was a series of jaunts and exploration meant nearly a decade for her. But like always, she and her mountain home made me feel welcomed.
The young woman I met on the lake is now an old woman. There was none of the flush of youth in her now, none of the timeless beauty that haunted those that set eyes on her for the first. But her eyes looked the same. Her gifts were the same too. Her first words to me after being away was also, ironically, the same as well. It was as if it was only her shell that changed, like she decided to wear a different set of skin to try on and forgot to take it off.
"Don't waste your gifts peeking inside my head…it won't work. I would've thought you'd learn that by now. And really now, what took you so long? How long did you think I could wait for you to come and find me?"
I found myself smiling at her that time as I wasn't able to the first time. So like the very first time we met at this exact spot I sat close to her and waited for her to speak. Only then did I notice that she wasn't alone. There was a young man lying with his golden head on her lap, her fingers caressing the tresses of his soft mane absentmindedly, and her eyes looking far into the distance once more.
"Aren't you going to ask old friend?"
"Do I have to?'
"No…with me, you will never need to ask. I will always say what needs to be said."
"So will you?"
"You have been gone a long time, my friend. What wonders lured you and kept you away from my side for so long?"
It was the first time she asked me about my wanderings. She didn't ask where I have been. She never did. Until today. I sought to find the right words.
"I felt a call…a need to see the rest of the world…see how it has changed. This mountain exists seemingly out of time…I knew it would remain the same so long as you do…I knew I could come back home when I feel the need to again. But I needed to see how the rest of it has moved beyond us…"
"That's the first time you said it."
"Said what?"
"That this place was home. Remember that always my friend. This place will always be home to you should you need it. You can regale me with your adventures later. For now, perhaps you might like to take a look at my little guest."
"Do you want me to?"
"Go ahead. You two can have a proper meeting when he wakes up."
I listened to the underlying lilts in her voice that always revealed how she felt about anything. Like her golden eyes, they tell their own tale, even if it denied whatever words that came from her lips. I took a moment to look at her once more before allowing my eyes to drop lower.
The youth she held in her arms had golden hair and a long, graceful frame. He wasn't a particularly remarkable physically speaking though perhaps I should amend that he was in truth a young man, no more than eighteen summers' old but for someone like me, he would forever be a child. His face was angular, sculpted by a benevolent hand that gave his visage the kind of allure that called forth attention. The rest of his physical make up was unremarkable, though to be fair, I haven't seen his eyes yet. I would withhold my final decision until then.
His clothing revealed that he was not born to wealth or privilege. With my gifts I could tell that he was blessed with coordination and athleticism among his many gifts. I decided to look deeper into the boy and even with my eyes focused on him, I felt her amusement. I ignored her, my curiosity aroused even more so now than when I first beheld him in her embrace. My friend has no blood-kin of her own. And she has never looked for or found a mate. And yet the way she held this child so carefully in her arms spoke of a depth of affection I could only guess at.
The child didn't even stir as he slept. At peace with his world and in his dreams, I suppose. I looked into his mind and saw a rare gift of spirit in one so young. Sweet-natured and even tempered…prone to laughter and harmless mischief and given a disposition as accepting and open as the endless blue skies that hung over his golden head. What he had in terms of possession—any other child in any other part of the world could possess. But what he was born with—what set him apart perhaps was to be found deep within.
"So, you see it too, don't you?"
Her voice called me back. I was surprised to see that the sun has dipped even further into the lake than when I first came. We had been sitting idly by the lakes edge for hours.
"Is that why he is here? Is that the reason you keep him close."
"Among other reasons."
"You like this child?"
"What is there not to? Don't you see it too? The gift he was born with…"
"Why don't you tell me what it is that you do see…"
"Ah…old friend, you have grown cunning in your old age. Very well, I will oblige you this once. What he had in abundance—fully formed and certain- was a sense and intuition towards justice seeded deep inside him. It called to me—pulling at my very gut like nothing I've felt since I've grown into my own gifts and found you."
"How did you meet this young one."
"This boy rescued me when I ventured into town the other day. Kept away the bullies and those hooligans that disguises their darkness behind the excuse of youth. I learned that he does that often…defending the little ones when others bully them, giving aid wherever and whenever its needed…rescuing people who have been dragged into the growing unrest fermenting in the cities down below and found its way to this little enclave."
Something about the way she spoke warned me that she did something she shouldn't have. Something that cost her in ways and means no other requests hadn't done before. For the first time since I walked away from my own world and mingled with humans I felt the stirrings of fear.
"What have you done?"
If I had surprised her, she didn't show it. Her eyes, like always, were clear shimmering gold. Only this time, there was something not quite the same about her golden gaze. I stared deeply into them, into her as I haven't done since we met and found to my horror that the flames that once lighted her very being, which made her spirit so luminous like a lighthouse in the darkness of the ether was weaker now, lessened somewhat until what once blazed like a conflagration now only burned with sustained warmth. She was still powerful, but unlike she was when we first met. Her powers were clearly diminished at an alarming rate. Whatever flame was left inside of her was now flickering and fluttering like a dying flame. There was barely any power inside her left and with that knowledge came the realization that her time was running out.
She was dying…
But she was dying far too soon for me. I found inside of me a well of anger I never knew existed before and it was all I could not to wrench the man-child she held so lovingly in her embrace. It was indeed, all I could do not to wrestle the youth she clearly favored above her own being.
"You foolish child, what have you done?"
She gave me her usual laugh and to my chagrin, it brought bittersweet tears to my eyes to realize that even with all the gifts now diminished and slowly eroding inside of her, this one thing remains the same. When she reached out a hand to my face I held her frail fingers in mine and kept her hands caged against mine. I savored the warmth of her touch and wished, for the first time, that I had made a mistake.
"Why…?"
"He needed the strength to defend what he loved…so I gave it to him."
"I don't understand…"
"I knew you wouldn't…not at first…so I guess it would be best if I showed you, right?"
And with that for the first time I lost consciousness, falling into a deep, dark abyss where her memories lay waiting for me.
Where am I…
Where else…this is a sliver of my memory, created just for you so you better be grateful.
What are you showing me…
The reason I took such a risk…the reason I'm so happy you finally came back
You're—
I know, but that's not what we're here for…listen now, old friend, watch…
I don't want this gift anymore! I don't like how it makes me feel—I hate feeling this way—this is not gift—this a curse! A curse!
Hush child. You mustn't say such a thing. No matter what, you must never reject the gifts that fate gave you. There is always a reason why we are born the way that we were. Always.
All I have are these odd feelings, Nona. They don't tell me anything and the people I talk to think that I'm different. All I want is to protect my friends from those that take advantage of our weakness…I don't want to watch my friends to dying all around me…I can't bear it!
My little one...such power inside of you...such love...this gift—it was never meant to cause you such pain. It was given so that you may protect yourself and all those you love.
I wanted the power to protect those around me...I can't let them die...I can't lose them again. But knowing about the danger—feeling them, makes no difference when I have no strength to support my resolve. I can tell them to avoid things and places and people but we can't keep running forever Nona…
My beloved child...your heart is so strong...so certain of what it wants...come...I will show you something…
What is it Nona?
I shall show you something…a fitting means to the end you so desire…I shall bestow on you a gift...for rescuing a lonely old woman like myself.
You're not old Nona…its just—why won't you tell me your real name?
I am old, older than you, I can tell you that. Now, as for my name, well it doesn't matter. You call me Nona and that is enough of a name. Come and sit with me by the water's edge.
What are you doing?
Showing you what I gave that child, what else? You wanted to know what happened to diminish my gifts didn't you?
I wondered more at what caused your life to lessen. Your gifts are yours to use as you see fit.
Ah…but you disapprove old friend. I can feel it in my heart.
I wished you did not take such risks…
But risks, my friend, are what keeps my life moving, the world changing, and fate turning…without risks and those of us who take it, existence would have ground to a halt…and there would be nothing waiting for us in the void. Now hush…
What are you doing Nona! Your eye-! Stop that! What are you doing to your eye! You'll hurt yourself! Stop that!
Hush now, child! It is nothing…
Nothing! You have blinded yourself-!
No. I am sorry my child…I suppose I should have told you that I keep this little thing inside my eye. Did I frighten you so much?
N-no…but I was afraid that you were hurting yourself. Are you sure you're alright Nona?
Quite fine my dear.
Your eyes are different Nona…I can see it.
I know, but they will work just the same.
But-!
Hush now child and listen to me. Tell me what you see…
I don't see—is that…? It is like a small flame…
A small flame huh? I suppose that it is indeed. This, child, is a sliver of Mithras.
Mithras? I've never heard of it before.
Hah. I don't suppose you have. Time and certainly mortals have forgotten the name. Moreso, they have forgotten what it is.
That's not an ordinary flame is it Nona?
No child. This is no ordinary flame. You can say this is the flames of creation itself...nothing in all the worlds would ever equal its strength...no power that exists could extinguish this tiny spark of light. With this you could conquer lands, subdue kingdoms, and rule thousands...With this you can change the course of fate...this flame shall be my gift to you.
Nona you can't—I can't accept this gift. This is too much…I don't want too much strength grandma. Just enough. Enough to shelter the ones I call family and keep them safe. That's all I desire. No more and no less.
Ah my beloved boy...Your heart is true. Only you deserve this gift and no other. I have carried it with me for far too long. I have no use for it. But you, you will change the course of many lives with this…you will save many…with this, you will always be protected and be able to protect.
Nona…what…I can't accept this gift, it's too much, I don't have anything to pay you with…
You will pay with it with your vow, your heart and your soul, my child…Sleep now my child…sleep and when you wake, you will have my gift…
For the first time since I came upon man I felt despair. The sole human that I felt any lingering ties to was fading before my eyes and all because she has chosen to foolishly surrender that which made her powerful. As if she caught the very fabric of my wandering thoughts, she once again reached out and brushed her small hands across my cheeks.
"I didn't think it was foolishness that made me bestow my gift, old friend."
"You have given over to him charge of the spark you were born with…why?"
I have lived through the ages, and yet all the wisdom I have gained could not begin to unravel this puzzle for me. I was drowning in a quagmire of despair, anger and helplessness. I wanted an answer from her. I wanted an answer that would quell the burgeoning anger licking at me from within.
"It needed strength and youth and a soul to nurture it. I knew my time with it was coming to an end. I didn't have much use for it anyways."
"It would've prolonged your life."
"What kind life would it prolong? I existed and that was that. With me, the spark will die out when my mortal shell expires. My blood is needed to keep the spark. As you well know, I have no family to pass my gift to. I had to find one that bore the same gift. I had to wait for someone who shares my particular gift to be born."
"But at the cost of your life? You are dying, don't you know that?"
"I know. I am not so foolish as to delude myself that Fate would not exact a payment for giving me my wish."
"The Mithras—it was tied to your life force?"
"No. Though giving it away certainly weakened my powers, it wouldn't have caused me to die quite as fast."
"Then why are you fading right before my eyes!"
Desperately I tried to understand. Desperately I tried to fathom what was causing her to slip past my fingers like the eager tide relentless in its quest to return to the shore. I could feel her fading, flickering like the faint embers of a dying flame. She didn't answer me right away, only looked towards the horizon, her eyes seeking the skyline as if she could find the answers there. It took me a while to realize that she began to whisper a strange, lilting chant.
You who once held Primo in your thrall
Who shared his feast shall share his fall
Should one betray the sky's pure light
And wrestle from his grasp his right through might
A hundred lifetimes of misery to you shall fall
Until the one true sky commands it all.
Until one whose heart beats like the one who has been banished
All your gold, your honor, your happiness will be tarnished.
Until a child born from his light, his flame comes anew
Joy and peace for you will be far and few
Only a soul akin to his shall set you free
Or else you shall be as you are now and ever will be.
It was then that I finally understood what was causing her slow death. She had given the Mithras to the boy. But such an act wouldn't have caused her to fade so fast. I waited for her to tell me more, to tell me that I was making a mistake and that she was simply tired but like all the times since I met her, she managed to surprise me yet again.
"Promise me…that you will watch over him and his blood. Watch over his family and care for them when they have need for you."
"What are you saying! You are dying you foolish mortal! Fading into oblivion while you shelter in your arms the one that's causing it! Has love for this boy clouded your sight?"
"Love for this boy has made me see farther into the future than ever before. Love for this boy has caused me more joy than I have felt in all my years of isolation here."
"And love for this boy has blinded you to the truth. I cannot interfere with fate's design. Even I am not above the whims and caprices of Fate. Ask me anything else—ask me to save you and I will!"
"He is precious to me…"
"As you have been to me! Ask me to save you! I have eons left! I can spare you decades, centuries left inside of me! Ask that of me but do not ask me to care for a child that has already taken so much from you!"
"He has taken nothing that I haven't given of my own free will. Please old friend, do this for me."
"You cannot ask of me such foolishness! You have already given him a gift—one that should never have existed in someone like him and here you are—ready to bestow another? You're asking me to care for this child who was already blessed by fate and now blessed by your own sacrifice?"
"They have taken much from him, betrayed him and cast him aside and do you know what burns inside of him still? A flame to guard and care for all of them…a drive a will so strong even as he sleeps in my thrall he dreams of saving them from the dangers they brought upon themselves. No i have no cause to regret what I have done, what I have given this boy."
"Do you not blame the boy for what he was born with? Look into your soul, you foolish,foolish child! You are dying!"
"It was meant to be. This was my gift-!"
"Was not this very gift that called me to you and you to him? Was it not this gift that you shared with him that allows him to live while you sit here wasting away faster than the sands of time?"
"He will walk a lonely path because of the very gift I have given him. Now, they wish to take everything from him by force and he will yield because it would cause the least harm. I do not claim to misunderstand his reasoning. But I cannot forgive them for causing him pain. He has already forgiven them, but i fear that once I loved, I too became prey to the foibles of humanity. I cannot-will not forgive them for what they have stolen from him."
"So you used what little power was left in your soul to curse his line for all eternity?"
"I have lived long enough and without the Mithras spark to take care of and protect I have no purpose left in living. So I will go and take my rest. I didn't curse them for all eternity…I have left them a chance to resolve it all. I know that it would hurt him more than they would ever know if I had simply raked them over the coals of my hate. So I made sure they will find a way to absolve their sins when they desire it the most."
"You foolish, foolish, willful madwoman…why? Without this curse you would've have lived still. Without this willful act I could've found a way to ease your burdens…found a means to extend what little life you have left. I could have found another way..."
"My old friend, generous and kind to the very end. I am so glad I found you. So very glad. Gladder still that I know you will care for my beloved child. I will give my beloved boy one final gift…a means to make amends for my sin…I will entrust it to you, for only you could outlast all of them...only you could bear witness to their fall and their revival."
"You thoughtless, irrational child! What sin? You committed no sin-! You foolishly allowed yourself to be blinded by love but that is no sin on your part!"
"Am I really blameless, truly, my old friend? He didn't ask for this gift of flame…I gave it to him of my own free will—"
"And he had accepted it willingly…"
"Yes, because it gave him a means to protect, because it was from me, but at what cost to him? I have altered his fate."
"His fate was meant to change—!"
"Not to this extent. I made it go down this path and so it is up to me to find a means to make amends."
"Then care for this child's blood…see that his family doesn't stray too far their path…live so that you may make the amends you so desperately desire. Live, you foolish one…You know I can do so little for them…for him…I have been given no gift for altering fate…"
"But I was…"
"And yet here you are, choosing to end it all, to end the life that Fate had so willingly given you."
"I chose to live without this anger festering inside of me…they have hurt him and I can find no forgiveness in my heart for that. They made him weep bitter tears and I fear that the scar in his heart poisons mine as well. Better to do this now…before I succumb to the need to exact revenge with my own hands. Please old friend, promise me that you will care for my child like you have done for me all these lovely years. That is all that I wish to take with me when I go. The knowledge that I have not abandoned him nor you to a life filled with nothing but pain..."
I wished I had anger to keep me from speaking. I desired for anger or disgust to stem the flow of words that threatened to consume me. I wished for any other feeling save helplessness to swamp my veins and make me weak to her demands. I wished there was another way, for me to stay the flow of time, for me to deny her wishes, for me to change her mind, but I knew her. Knew her strength and her resolve.
I knew that she possessed the kind of strength and conviction I could not have found anywhere in heaven or hell. I knew that once she made up her mind, no tide, no turn, nothing could dissuade her and yet I wished despairingly that just this once, she would relent.
If she had raged at her and harangued her way to my acceptance I would've resisted. If she had threatened me or cried or begged I would've been disgusted enough to leave and walk away without a backward glance. If she had been anyone else—I would've said nothing and simply banished, casting her from my mind and forgetting she ever existed.
But this was her. This was the child who waited for me for years, calling for me across the distance, across the fabric of time so that I could find a place to call home. This was the one mortal who accepted my fall from grace but never breathed a word of question about my hows and whys. This was the woman who learned how to love so deeply and so freely that she willingly gave up power and immortality for a broken, yearning child.
"I promise only to give aid when he and his blood needs it the most—when those of his blood that deserves and earns the right to be salvaged calls upon me—then and only then would I give them aid."
"That is good enough for me."
"Can I not change your mind?"
"No old friend. My mind has been made up a long time ago. I just didn't want to leave you all alone, but now, now I have given you something much better than even my continued presence."
"Oh? And what is that?"
"I have given you a purpose in life. Wait for the child who will fulfill my little Giotto's heart with pride and hope. I shall wait for your tale then. Live well…and tell me what the future holds, will you Talbot?"
"I will…"
