Hello, reader. I am a fellow reader who has recently been browsing through fanfictions and am appalled at what I see. Finding a mind-blowing GOOD fanfiction on here is almost like trying to find a diamond in the Indian Ocean nowadays. This is a guide to good fanfiction writing. I will write my own terrible story, full of cliches and such, and critisize myself. I hope this guide will help you.

My true words are written in bold. The terrible fanfiction will be in normal writing. All mistakes are done on purpose.

I do not own Twilight etc.


chappie 1 i m bela

i m bela. i have cascedin brown hare dat blows don my bakk.i hav a hart shapd fase dat is lyke a hart. LOL. i have bigggggg brown eys dat lokk in2 ur soul n n infamouz blush dat my totally sxc eddie ward luvs. (a/n i luvvvvvvvvvv eddie he iz soooooooo hottttt!! LOL)

da cullenz r soooo kewl. dey r vampyres n dun drink blood. dey r ma famiily. so hot!

aliz is small pixi chick. she very quiki like a pixi wit spiki blakk hare dat iz up. she luvvs shoppen more n i do n she sukks 4 dat !!111111! she shopz al day n tris 2 b kewl n im lyke, dude, fokk u, im a betta fashonistah!! she doez ma make up n im lyke, dat's hot babe.

jazzi is cute 2 buu he luvvs my blood buu i secretly finks dat he lubbs ma body 2. he haz b lond hare n he suck a qt!!!!!!!!!!!

rosela iz tall blond n so super modle. she is soooooooooooooo stukk up her butt wil fill of. butt she iz so meen 2 me. stukk up byatch. in ya fase, roze.

ement is sooooooooo big n burly n a wrestling hotti. i lubb him so much n wud fokk so har d LOL im if ma eddie ward aint hear. LOL he so stwong.

esmi lukks a lil lyke mii bu' im so much morre pweetyer. n shez a fokked vampyre. :K

carlilzze is da pop. hi iz hot 2. he haz blond hair n im so swoonrn.

eddie ward is da best he gona b my hubby in lyke a while. so im al ecited. i m gona b a vamp son so i m da best!

'bela, u lukk so HOTT' eddie ward sed.

'wel u 2, babe boy' i sed.

we started 2 crwl on bed n fokked a lot. he licked mi al wet n im lyke 'bad vamp sxc'

he was lyke 'muah hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha'

he waz al warm n i died of hapinez.

wat u fink???1111!! GUD stouri, I NO!!!! REVIEW OR NO MOR UPDATES TIL 300 REVIEWZ!!!!!!!!!


That was horrible, wasn't it? Don't worry, I don't need 300 reviews.

Chapters - Don't make them too long or too short. It bugs people. And be creative when you name them. No one cares if you named your story 'Chapter 1'. Also, it gives people an idea of what they're going to read more popularity for you. Win-win situation, no?

Spelling - No one likes decoding a TXT MSSGE sentence for 5 minutes.

a/ns - a/ns between the story is SO annoying. It ruins the mood.

Descriptions - Do we really need that much description? O.o

Characters - Unless you're writing an AU or OOC, try to stay true to the characters. Like for example, Bella doesn't like shopping, okay? And she doesn't want to 'fokk' Emmett or whoever. Also, Edward is old-fashioned, he doesn't call Bella names like 'babe' or 'hott'. And since Edward is a vampire, how can he be warm?

Names - GET THE CHARACTERS' NAMES RIGHT. 'Nof said.

Exaggerating - I find this a lot around fanfiction these days. People pick really hard on the little details of the character's features, for example, 'messy bronze hair' is so over used, 'little pixie with spikey black hair, 'big and burly', 'tall, blonde and modle-like' ... you know? Overrated.

Threathening readers - Saying you 'need' however many reviews before you update kind of turns some readers off. While it's fine to encourage readers eg.'please review, I would like to know what my readers think.". 'FOKK U GIMME REVIEWS OR I WIL DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE N NOT LET UUU HAV MORR MUA HAHAHAHHAHA' however, is not.