I don't know what I am getting myself into here, especially because I don't know how many people are still reading, nor do I know how many people will be interested in the other side of this story. But, I was burning to write it from a different perspective! And a decent amount of people asked for it! So...enjoy the next installment of Puberty Is One *BEEP* Of A Mess...from Carissa Smith's point of view! This story skips the first chapter of the first installment because I covered that portion in one of my epilogue pieces. To read it technically starting from chapter one, read 'I won't wear dresses, but I'll cut my hair'! Also, I was being petty when I changed Claire's name to Crystal (it's a long story), but I decided to change her name back to Claire. Anyway, enjoy!


She has a very active mind. Anger takes the reigns, usually. But sometimes, each of us will get the chance to monitor dream duty. God, they're so abstract...but they convey so much.

Joy is in awe, staring at the screen. Her blue Mohawk is perfectly spiked- the yellow plaid skater dress complimenting her loosely tied black docs in just the right way.

This dream is my favorite one by far, it's a recurring one...she'll have it at least three times a month. It's like...Carissa is watching herself. That figure is standing at a cliff's edge. And she will raise her arms to her sides. The eyes blink slowly three times...until they finally shut. And she allows her body to fall back, right off of that cliffs edge. It's easily a six hundred foot drop. Maybe more. What should be an utterly terrifying experience? It's anything but that. It's peaceful and quiet. It's...euphoric. She can feel the cold air rushing past her as she continues to drop. She never makes a sound. She just... S. And always, just before her body can hit the ground- with only six inches between her body and said ground...she remains floating in place. Her eyes peer open. A single hand raises, reaching for something...but nothing is there. But it's in front of her...in waves- slowly but surely. It's the purpose of this dream. It represent H. Carissa is committing suicide in a morbidly beautiful way, because always, just before she can collapse against the unforgiving surface, without fail, she will remain floating in mid air. Carissa Smith? She doesn't fear death. She embraces the inevitability of it. And she lives every day as if it's her last...with so much passion, Anger should be thanked for that.

The lights are no longer dim in headquarters, and the first emotion to emerge is, of course, Anger. She's curvy, a shaved head, and a pair of black ripped jeans along with a white shirt with a red plaid tie, "Morning, sweet thing, how was dream duty?"

She'll turn around in her seat, "'Ay, not too shabby. The cliff dream again."

"Kick ass, then she slept well. We got band practice after school, right?"

"Yup, she's showering, but her outfit's all picked out. And just as you requested, she's gonna' wear the jean vest again- she finished putting the last of her patches on it. Oh, and we have band practice after school at John's this time- not Claire's so make sure we don't go to the wrong house.."

"Got it- YO! GET UP, ASSHOLES, WE'RE BURNIN' DAYLIGHT HERE!"

Fear is looking over her clipboard. A purple plaid vest covered in various patches. Though she'll argue her personal favorite one is the one that's attached to the right vest pocket 'fuck fear, just scream really loud'. Her black jeans are low cut, revealing prominent hips, though her body is fairly masculine, "Alright, so worst case scenarios for today: we get our period early, band practice is a bust, We aren't able to score tickets to see Half Moon Run, we don't make any friends at school, and last but certainly not least: cute girl from yesterday isn't gay and therefore we don't have a shot."

"Who- Riley?" Disgust will interject mid yawn, wearing her signature 80′s style ripped black t-shirt and green high-waisted shorts with a loosely buckled studded belt. Her hair is retro styled, bangs tied back with a green, twisted bandanna, "I dunno', she was pretty damn flustered talking to us yesterday. I'd say there's a pretty good chance she'd rather order the taco's from the Mexican food truck over the burrito's."

"But still, how the fuck we gonna' get the ball rolling? We hardly know her, and we only have two classes with her." It's not as if Fear doesn't want this to work out! It just seems like a gamble. And she's well aware that Carissa doesn't handle rejection well at all.

Sadness finally joins her co-emotions, she appears nothing but cynical with that messy short hair with that emo side bang and thick rimmed black glasses, "And let's not forget that it's hard to be gay at this age. Plus, it's even harder for other girls to be as sure as we are. Everyone's too fucking afraid of what others think." If she weren't too busy being nearly buried alive in her black leather jacket and over sized blue t-shirt and leather pants, everyone would be shutting her down real quick. But that's just it: she's not wrong, either.

Anger slams her fists against the controls, "Everyone chill the fuck out! We're just gonna' take this shit slow. There's no need to rush into things. We've got more important things to focus on. Like the fact that our first gig with the band is coming up. We're gonna' try and get little miss awkward crust punk to talk to Riley, but we gotta' keep calm and focused. And if this girl is gay and she ain't out, we don't pressure her. Mom wasn't okay with us at first. For all we know, she could have a really conservative family. And I swear to god, if you punks screw this up for Carissa, you're all gonna' be fired on the spot! Riley's a hot piece and we are NOT risking the chance to date her just because we don't know if shes gay. Got it?"

In unison they will all speak, "...G-Got it."


She'll run her fingers through messy, short hair. The mirror conveys a vision of a gutter girl dream. So she would argue. Down the stairs where she'll trot to the kitchen in high spirits. Her mother hands off a piece of whole grain toast coated with extra nutella, "Morning, love. Sleep okay?"

The toast is grabbed. One bite is taken and she'll speak with a full mouth, "Mh- like a rock."

Her mother will chuckle, pouring herself a cup of coffee, "So what's on the agenda after school, anything? And you never told me how your first day was!" She's all too eager to learn about her daughter's adventures in her new public school, "You seem happier already, so should I assume you made friends?"

"Eh, none yet, but it's only been a day. But I like the school's atmosphere. And yeah, band practice, but I'll be home for dinner."

'Yo, let's tell her about the cute girl we're totally gonna' bag.'

'Oh, hell yeah, now we can really test how well mom accepts her little lesbian.'

She'll smile, taking another bite out of her toast and glancing over at her younger brother for a moment who's fixated on and episode of Peppa Pig, "I guess I'm also pretty happy because." A pause before she's gazing at her mother again with a very bold look of confidence, "There's a cute girl in my English class."

There's some hesitation from her mother.

It's enough to make Carissa slightly uneasy.

'Oh, come on, is she fucking for real?!'

'Hey, this is her first time mentioning a girl crush, give her damn mom a chance. Besides, her face looks like it's softening.'

And to her luck, her mother is looking a little more positive, "Really?" And she'll raise a brow, "A girl, huh? What's her name? What's she look like. So, what's my daughter's type?"

'What a relief!'

'Told ya' not to lose your mind so fast!'

"Carissa will laugh, waving a hand in front of her mother's face, "Stop with the third degree! I'll argue this is probably my first real crush...kinda'." But anyway, "Her name is Riley. I know nothing about her other than she's cute. Medium brown hair with blonde highlights, She's got blue eyes and she's just really cute. Kinda' shy, though. I think it's because she might like me too, but I dunno'. She barely said a word when we talked, but I'm gonna' try to get to know her."

"Well if she isn't swooning over you by next month, then she must be blind." Those dark pink lips will curl into a smirk, "Us Smith women have been known to work the room on our looks alone. Add that in with your charm and I'm sure it'll work out if she's gay too."

"Thanks mom." If nothing else, it certainly encourages her to feel better about her chances, "Oh crap- I gotta get going." But she will take that coffee mug right out of her mother's hand and take a sip, "Mh- you know you're always saying we don't have anything in common but we both like our coffee black."

Strangely enough that makes Carissa's mother...emotional. Their relationship is improving, one day at a time. And, God, it's such a relief for her, "And what makes us different is that I ask before sipping your coffee." But she'll chuckle, "Get to school, and text me and keep me posted, kiddo."

"I will- bye Brendan! Love ya', kid!" She's darting out the door with enough good spirits to power the entire city of San Francisco.


"So, think we oughta' talk to that girl today, Anger?" Joy is itching to move things forward, but day two at a new school? Jumping ship so quickly might not be smart.

"I'm thinkin' we just maybe say hey to her in English and History and kinda' just make the occasional joke or comment here or there. After all, the last thing we wanna' do is be pushy."

"But what if that makes her think we aren't interested?" Fear is doodling away at her clipboard while she nonchalantly adds that comment.

Sadness is in silent agreement with a nod, "Will it matter if it turns out she isn't gay?"

"How about." Anger begins, "We all sit the fuck down, shut up, and relax before we jump to any conclusions? We're not marrying the damn girl any time soon so everyone relax. It's not a big leap! I think casual is best right now since we should play it by ear. Now come on, the bell rang, let's at least try to pay attention?"


She'll take her seat at her assigned desk, opening up her binder just as the bell rings. In comes Riley, just in time. And Carissa will give her a coy little smile, "Morning, Riley."

Riley, looks as though she's been struck- heart eyes are so difficult for her to hide (though she's certainly trying), "Morning- Carissa, right?" She'll take her seat, dropping her messenger bag beside her desk. Trying so hard not to make direct eye contact with the girl she's so secretly smitten with.

"Yeah, Carissa." But now she's closing up. That sweet face, those big blue eyes. They melt her soul.

'...SAY SOMETHING, IDIOT!'

'Ugh, Carissa, come on you stupid little shit, talk to her!'

'Riley has an Eskimo Callboy patch on her bag ask about their music, we love Eskimo Callboy!'

But just as she goes to speak, she'll be cut off by the teacher, "Okay, so today we're going to be watching the 2013 adaption of The Great Gatsby, you will be quizzed on it. So no dozing off. I will be checking." Even so, movie day? It's enough to make the whole class cheer regardless.

'There goes that opportunity.'

'Yeah, but now Carissa's just staring at her- oh great! Now Riley's starring back and she's looking at us like we've got three heads.'

'That more likes the shy girl hiding a crush face.'

'That cocky attitude is gonna' be wrong one day, and I think today is that day.'

But Carissa finally breaks the awkward silence with a casual joke, "You know what they say, it ain't a Leonardo Dicaprio movie if he doesn't end up dead in the water, right?"

And much to her happiness...Riley will giggle, the shyest, sweetest giggle.

That bring's the tomboy's confidence right back up.

'Oh we've got this in the bag, guys!'

But it's still not enough progress to be able to decipher whether or not this girl plays for the same team. It'll take some more digging.

It's frustrating enough as it is considering she only has two classes with Riley. Nothing but stress and calculations. But alas, Science class. The students are lucky enough to be greeted by a substitute teacher who gives them a worksheet...which of course nobody really cares to work on and instead? The middle schoolers talk among themselves instead. And while Carissa opts to look through the Aries on Fire song book...a particular conversation going on just behind her, strikes her interest.

"But she's not interested in Austin. This isn't news." It's a voice and a face Carissa recognizes. The kid from yesterday who directed her to the main office. Carl, "Why you always pushing boys at Riley? First Jordan, then me for two minutes until I bagged you...and now this?"

The blonde girl will sigh, "Because I want to go on double dates! And I always worry Riley feels like a third wheel with us, honey."

"Oh, come on, she does not! You know we're careful not to get lovey dovey in front of her like that. I just...think that maybe Riley's not as boy crazy as you. Not everyone is interested in dating at this age. And besides, you should let her choose who she dates. She'll find someone when she's good and ready."

Carissa can't help, but eavesdrop.

'Should we ask that Carl kid about her?'

'Definitely, but lets test the waters first. See if he's cool with talking- ask to borrow a pen.'

Like clockwork, she's turning around, "Yo- Carl, right?"

"I might be." But he's teasing, "Sup, gutter girl- I totally forgot your name I'm so sorry."

"Carissa, you gotta' pen I can borrow? Mine ran outta' ink."

"Uh...I actually don't."

But Amanda to the rescue, "Ignore him, he's never prepared- here." And she's handing off a black gel pen, "I'm Amanda by the way! It's nice to meet you. You're the new girl right?"

"Likewise. And yeah, from LA." The smile is wide, this is a good sign. They're both welcoming. This might prove to be easier than originally planned.

"That's so cool! I want to hear all about it- but right now, I need to use the little girls room." Amanda comes to a stand with her purse. But she'll turn to Carl before she's headed for the door, "I'm just saying...I think Riley should give Austin a chance. Her standards are way too high and he's a nice guy- and your best friend."

Carl will shake his head with a sigh, "And I really think you should mind your business, Amanda."

But she'll walk away without another word.

'Okay, go in for the kill.'

Carissa will turn right around once again, flicking Carl's snap back right off his head. Which certainly earns his attention and she wastes no time, "I'm going to be incredibly blunt right now and get straight to my point."

He raises a single brow, placing his hat back atop his head, "Uh, okay...shoot, I guess."

"Your friend Riley...she gay?"

There's a brief pause from Carl before he'll laugh a little, "Are you serious?"

'Is that a look of disgust?'

'I dunno' I can't tell if the kid is grossed out or just found our straight forward approach funny.'

'Just be prepared, guys.'

And so she attempts the friendly approach, laughing along with him, "Yeah I'm serious!"

And so Carl will waggle his eyebrows, "You got the hots for my friend, metal head?"

"Tit for tat, Carl." She wants an answer first. After all, she did ask first.

"I'm gonna' be honest...I actually don't know. She's never dated anyone I don't think. I mean...she's been on dates, I'm pretty sure. But I don't think she's ever had a real boyfriend." But Carl leans back, looking as though he's genuinely thinking about it, "Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if she is and just doesn't know it herself yet. Especially considering my girlfriend tries to set her up every week with someone and she always has an excuse as to why the guy isn't right for her. And granted, she could very well just have high standards...but it's possible."

'Wow, this school is really fucking great. He didn't judge us at all for being interested in a girl.'

'Always look for the silver lining in this kinda' shit, right?' Joy is lowkey ecstatic!

And since the answer is fairly satisfying, she'll grin, "...Then yeah, I got the hots for your friend." And while Carl begins to laugh, she'll punch his shoulder lightly, "But don't you dare say anything! I'll kick your ass."

"I won't! I won't, I promise." However, "I'll see if I can find out for you, but she's a pretty lowkey person. Might take a little time."

"Any info you can get for me would be awesome. And maybe keep tryin' to get your cute girlfriend to stop pushing dates on her. I don't want this to become complicated."

"You got yourself a deal, Carissa." And it will be sealed with pounded fists.

And so, their little game of cat and mouse shall begin.


"We should be less judgmental, that Carl kid is way cooler than I thought." Disgust begins, "I guess not all dudebro's are assholes."

"Well, at least we know we've got someone on our side who's low key routing for Carissa and Riley to have a shot at something real." Anger is already beyond pumped about where things could potentially lead.

Fear sighs, "I'm just nervous it'll turn out she isn't gay and we'll be left with egg on our face."

Sadness will nod, reaching for Fear's delicate hand, "I agree. Carissa doesn't need another girl to hurt her heart. How many will it take to shatter her?"

Anger simply rolls her eyes, "Fucking relax! She's 14, it ain't like she's 32 and waiting to meet someone outta' damn desperation. Let's just say it doesn't work out, she'll be fine. She always finds a way to pick herself back up."

With a look of agreement, Disgust is focusing back to the main screen, "That's what bangin' on those drums is for. It works every time- but it's ninth period, last class of the day, so let's get focused."


Art class. Finally. She'd been itching for it all day. Carissa takes a seat at one of the tables, acrylic paints sprawled about. Today? She's opting to paint something atop the blank, medium sized canvas. She simply stares. Waiting for the idea to come to her.

'Something political?'

'Nah, she's passionate in her beliefs but hates political statement art.'

'What about something Halloween themed?'

'...How about we do the unthinkable...let's paint our two biggest struggles from.'

'...That's brilliant.'

Her focus will be broken by a feminine voice, "You know if you stare any harder, you might melt it."

Carissa will turn, laughing just a little, "I just didn't wanna' start painting until I knew for sure what I wanted to do."

"No I understand. Me on the other hand? I'm still trying to figure out how to draw hands for my sketch. It looks like crap."

"Well I'm always blunt." And that blunt demeanor is exactly why she's taking the girls sketchbook, examining the drawing, "Honestly? Hands aside, I think this looks great. It's gonna' look awesome once you decide to color it all and outline it."

"Really?" The girls face lights up at the comment of encouragement, "Thank you! I'm sure your painting will look great too." She'll shake her head, "I'm sorry, I'm rude, I didn't introduce myself and I know you're the new girl. I'm Jensen."

"Jensen." She repeats, "Well, Jensen, I'm Carissa, nice to meet you."

"So is it true you're from LA? I actually visit every summer with my family! I love Santa Monica, especially the food on the pier."

"Yup! Only for a couple years, we lived in New Mexico before then. But I loved Santa Monica, one of the few places I miss."

'Looks like we've made another potential friend, guys! This is going well.'

'Yeah, but her voice is kind of annoying.'

'Don't be so judge mental come on, she's nice.'

'Yeah but certain frequencies hit the ear wrong, this is one of em'. Don't worry I won't tell the poor girl!'

"Well how do you like San Francisco so far?"

"I think I like it a lot." She admits, It definitely helps that I knew a few people here already- my two band mates. They really helped me warm up to things here."

Jensen is incredibly impressed, watching as Carissa sets up her paint pallete and already begins brushing away at her canvas, "No way! You're in a band?! That's so cool! What do you play?"

"Drums." Spoken nonchalantly as she dips her brush, "M'dad taught me, actually. I've always been into music and stuff, so was he."

"I'd love to hear your band play some time, i-if that's okay."

'Let's tell her where we're playing our first gig! It'd be good to have some people come and watch us.'

'Good idea!'

"Well we're playing our first real gig soon. You should come watch, you know, maybe bring a few friends or something. We could use the support. It's at The Crazy Donkey."

Jensen is all smiles, "Just give me the details, I'll definitely be there if I can make it!"

"Alright, cool. Sounds good, and no pressure if you can't. We're all trying to get people down to see us, figured it increases our chances of getting booked again if the crowd looks enthusiastic, aha."

It definitely makes her feel good to know that the recruiting process is going potentially well. And the rest of the class is spent painting and sharing some mindless chatter with Jensen between brush strokes. Even so, she's ecstatic when school is over and she makes her way over to that grungey looking garage she's become so familiar with. It's during their first break that she finds herself starring at her phone. Staring at Riley's facebook, debating on hitting that add as a friend button. But she...can't.

'Fuckin' pussy.'

'She can be such a coward sometimes'

'But we don't want to come off too strong. I think it's a smart move.'

Claire breaks her attention away from her phone, "Yo, hello, Carissa- we're ready to practice the intro to Starve. Pay attention."

She's sliding her phone back into her jean pocket, "Right- right, I'm sorry."

"What's got you so distracted anyway?"

It's John who let's out a chuckle, "She's thinking about some girl from her school. She's been posting about it on Tumblr."

"Get the hell out! Carissa found a girl?" This changes everything. She'll put that guitar down and immediately she's leaning over the drum set, "Pull up a picture let me see her!"

"Ugh, now you guys are gonna' grill me too? Everyone's got something to say." Even so, she'll do just that.

'She better find her cute too!'

'If she doesn't, she's wrong!'

Claire takes the phone and Casually observes the photo, "...Damn she's adorable. Those big blue eyes even got me weak in the knees."

"Well too bad, she's mine!"

"Relax, relax. I'll be respectful. She's yours so you can have her." But on that note, "Let's talk about that later, let's practice."

There's one thing Carissa is certain of as she smacks her drumsticks together for a count of three, just before she's banging away with all of the passion in the world: Riley Andersen is something special. And she can't wait to see where it'll lead.