A/N: I regret nothing!


"Yes, just as I thought." The doctor turned away from the x-ray to gaze intently at the mother and son in front of him. "Do you know what this x-ray tells us?"

"That you're a pervert?" Inko Midoriya glared at the doctor, both hands covering her four year old son's eyes.

"No," the doctor said calmly. Then he frowned. "Well, perhaps, but that wasn't the point I was trying to make. No, what I was trying to say was that your son is quirkless."

"And you needed that"—she inclined her head towards the x-ray, her hands still covering the eyes of her now shaking son—"image to tell me that?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," the doctor said, adjusting his glasses. "While your son might be quirkless, this image is the proof that there is some consolation. After all, this is a picture of your son's penis."

Inko gaped at the image, shocked out of her anger. "My little Izuku's . . . but it can't . . . that has to be at least . . ."

The doctor nodded. "Yes, it's very impressive, and will only become more so over the years! You see, studies have shown that there is a direct negative correlation between quirk strength and size of genitalia in males."


"Young man, you too can become a hero," his idol told him.

Izuku sobbed even harder. Unlike nearly every other time he'd cried—which happened almost every day for him, if he was being honest—these were tears of happiness. Those words were ones that he'd needed to hear for an entire decade, for almost his entire life. He was so focused on them that he almost didn't catch what All Might said next.

"I was quirkless once too," All Might said, still gaunt and emaciated, but strangely cheery. "And there's one big advantage to this kind of situation!"

"What-what advantage?" Izuku asked.

The man grinned at him, transforming briefly into his hero form. "Yes! As an inheritor of One For All who was formerly quirkless, you can now have the best of both worlds –– a strong quirk and a big–"

"Please stop," Izuku groaned.


Aizawa had stepped out of the room to do something and the classroom was almost peaceful for once.

"Deku, why did Bakugo call you quirkless earlier?" Uraraka asked quietly, from the desk behind him. "It seems like kind of a weird insult, considering we've all seen you use your quirk. You don't have to say if you don't want to; I'm just curious."

"No, it's fine," Izuku said, taking a deep breath. He'd known that this would come up sooner or later. "The thing is, I actually thought I was quirkless until about a year ago."

Tsuyu leaned over. "Isn't it true that the stronger the quirk, the smaller the dick? If you thought you were quirkless, you must have had physical evidence backing that up." She'd spoken with considerably more volume than Uraraka had, and it now felt like the entire class was waiting for his answer.

"W-well, yes," Izuku admitted sheepishly. "That was the reason the doctor originally told me I was quirkless."

He looked around the room, surprised to find every single girl staring at him and looking . . . hungry? Then he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind.

"Huh?" Izuku blushed beet red when he realized it was Uraraka holding him. "What are you . . . ?"

He trailed off as he looked up to see her leaning out of her chair to reach him and glaring, not at him, but at the rest of the class. Maybe she was going to tell them to mind their own business, Izuku thought. It sure was nice having friends to help him out of awkward social situations.

Alas, it was not to be.

"I saw him first," she said firmly, tightening her grip.