Warnings: Umm...angst and alcohol. Kensuke and Miyaken, sort of.
Best I Ever Had
Ichijouji Ken sat at his usual place
at the bar, staring fixedly at his drink. He'd sat in the exact same place
for the past two hours; he'd lost count of the number of drinks he'd gone
through, but the bartender had mentioned that it was a good thing that
his job paid so well, considering the amount he'd consumed.
Eyes bleary with alcohol, he pulled
out his wallet; however, it was not to pay. His gaze landed on a small,
dog-eared photo of a younger Ken and an auburn-haired man of the same age.
The auburn-haired one had his arm around Ken, and both of their smiles
were blissful and innocent.
"Dai-chan..." the man whispered
hoarsely. "Why'd you 'afta go an' leave...?"
His mind traveled back to the time
when the world stopped spinning. He wasn't exactly sure how long ago it
was. As far as his alcohol-blunted senses were concerned, it could have
been five minutes ago, or it could have been five years. No matter how
recent or ancient the memory was, it was fresh in Ken's mind and it burned
like acid.
It had started off normally enough.
He and Motomiya Daisuke, his best friend and lover, had been spending a
regular day together. Of course, that wouldn't last. Now that Ken reflected
on it, Daisuke had seemed a little more tense than usual that day.
At the end of the night, Daisuke
and Ken had been watching a movie and sitting on the couch together. As
the credits rolled, the two got to talking and eventually Daisuke dropped
the bomb: he was leaving Ken.
I'm sorry, Ken...I just can't
go on like this. Daisuke's words
repeated over and over in the purple-haired man's mind. I've been thinking
about this for a while now, and I really don't think I can stay with you
any longer. There are just too many reasons why we can't be together. My
family just won't accept me if I tell them I'm gay, and we'll be forever
outcasts. There are so many other reasons, too...listen, Ken, I love you.
But I think it's not the kind of love we're looking for. I'm your friend,
but I don't think I can be more than just that anymore. It just won't work.
And, well...I don't want to hurt you anymore. Find someone else, Ken. You
deserve better than me. We both need to move on now, all right? Promise
me that you won't dwell on me for too long... Daisuke had offered a
weak smile at that point.
The news in itself was earth-shattering.
Ken hadn't had much to say- his heart was bending apart. I say bending
because it wasn't broken yet. No, there was still more.
If it had been just that, Ken would
have been able to handle it sober. But as he followed with Daisuke with
his eyes as the noodle salesman walked away from his apartment, he was
met by a worse sight.
There was an American girl waiting
on the street corner. She was fairly attractive, and was dressed well.
She waved to the auburn-haired man. Daisuke walked up to her and, as if
they had arranged to meet there all along, they walked along to the train
station together. Daisuke had his arm around the foreign girl after five
steps.
That was when Ken's heart broke.
He couldn't really remember what
happened after that. All he knew was that he ended up at the bar, where
he promptly sat down and ordered the strongest drink on the menu. He hadn't
even noticed that he was crying until the bartender mentioned it. There
he had stayed, not moving until the moment before.
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
"Dai....chan..." he whispered brokenly.
I just say your name now
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
Now I'm just a phony
And Ken was alone again.
He couldn't help feeling jealous of Daisuke's new partner, whoever she was. She was with the one person Ken loved most, and Daisuke would most likely be faithful to her.
What does she have that I don't? he thought in despair. Why did he choose her over me?
The answer was painfully obvious. She was pretty. The girl had blue eyes and short, blonde hair that was held back with barrettes. She was thin, and was dressed in pink when Ken saw her.
She looks like Hikari, he realized with a start, wiping his eyes. He likes her because she reminds him of Hikari.
Of course Ken knew about his friend's past crush on Yagami Hikari. When they were young, Ken had often offered advice to Daisuke about wooing the girl. Of course, none of the tactics ever worked. But Ken honestly thought that Daisuke had finally given up on her when they were together.
Of course, she's also female, Ken thought with more than a trace of bitterness. He'll never be an outcast because of her. It's socially acceptable to love *her*. That's the edge she has.
The desire to cry overwhelmed him again.
Leaves me down and lonely
During some of their more violent arguments, Daisuke had left for somewhere else in Japan to 'cool down', as he once put it. He would stay somewhere unknown for up to a few weeks before finally sending a postcard that told Ken where he was and when he was coming back. That always symbolized that he was ready to make up.
Yes, any day now, I'll get one of those postcards. Except this time he won't want me to expect him back or to come get him...
The near-smile disappeared again.
Make yourself feel better
Of course he wouldn't want me to 'dwell on him'. He always thought that everyone could forget things in a snap like he could. Doesn't he know how much I...how much I... A fresh onslaught of tears prevented his thoughts from being completed.
You're only the best I ever had
You're just the best I ever had
And I can't take it so I run away and hide
You're always right
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
He turned around to see Inoue Miyako, another friend of his. She looked concerned as her eyes looked over him.
"'Smatter, Miyako?" he asked her, his voice slurring slightly because of the alcohol.
She rushed over to him. "Ken, what happened? You look awful. You weren't mugged or anything, were you? Look, your face is all flushed and-"
He looked away. "Dai and I...we broke up. He left."
Could it be I'm haunted
Ken let himself tune out part of Miyako's worried tirade. It was almost a reflex of his; in the past, he hadn't let anyone but family and Daisuke worry about him.
Daisuke... The name brought back fresh pain, and he fought the urge to curl up into a ball. Even though this was a bar, people would definitely stare if he did that. Miyako would be even more worried, too.
Poor Miyako. She's being so nice to me, despite the fact that I hurt her.
Miyako used to have a crush on him when they were younger. Before he and Daisuke had become more public about their relationship, she had confronted him about her feelings with the traditional "I like you; do you like me back?" routine. Unfortunately for her, he had declined her offers to become his girlfriend. There was an initial argument, and a time period where things were very uncomfortable between the three of them, but eventually she accepted that he and Daisuke were together. She had the crest of love, after all. She couldn't ignore things like that very long.
And now, here Miyako was, concerned about him when the world was collapsing around him. How could she be so nice? He'd wounded her so badly.
But you're in the same position that she was in. Someone you love has left you without warning, and you don't know what to do. She knows how badly it hurts. You're not alone.
Something inside Ken changed then. I'm not alone anymore...I can make it through this.
He stood up shakily. Tears, alcohol, and gravity didn't mix well. Miyako started over to him concernedly, and he shot her a weak smile.
"Let's go, Miyako," he said quietly.
She blinked in surprise, then nodded.
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever...
-------
Owari
-------
A/N: ducks all the tomatoes that Kensuke/Daiken fans throw at her> Ack! I'm actually a big Kensuke fan, but I wanted to write something that fits with the end of 02. ducks even more tomatoes> Hey- inspiration just struck. I dun control what my muse tells me to do! ^_^
