Disclaimer: I do not own Fallout or the Fallout universe. I do not own any of the characters associated with Fallout. I do not make any money from this.

This story was written in the middle of the night which I think is a good example of how weird inspiration is for me.

This story was most likely inspired by JayceCarter's soul mate series which is great btw.

I love heartbreaking stories because anything that can make me cry is obviously good in my view. That is generally my goal with this story, maybe.

TW: There is mention of abortion in this part and I am sorry about that. If that is something you don't want to read. It's very brief and starts in the fourth paragraph.

. . .

Unwanted

. . .

The first time she had felt the jolt of connection that only a mate could cause was in a crowded marketplace down in College Square.

Nate wasn't her mate and she wasn't his but they had accepted each other in an unbonded relationship. Nate's other half had died during the war, the reason he was allowed to be discharged. And she, well, she just never got lucky enough to come across her other half. It was often a fucked up situation of chance. Either you found your mate or you settled for less, like she did with Nate.

So, there she was, five months pregnant in a college flea market looking around frantically for the reason why her chest clenched and mind narrowed. It was a confusing feeling, her mind narrowed down to just wanting to find her mate and her chest beat erratically as if desperate to be whole. Nate had blended into the crowd and Josie was close to collapsing. All she remembered about that day was the flash of blue eyes and a fedora before she had doubled over in pain.

The doctor later had said that the contact of her mate had caused complications with her pregnancy. The body seemed to recognize that the baby wasn't her mate's and that caused problems. The doctor had actually had the audacity to suggest she have an abortion and search for her mate. At least she knew they were in the Boston area but Josie had adamantly refused. She wasn't going to go on some wild goose chase to look for her mate. Whoever it was had the time and the means to find her in the market and they didn't. This to her meant that they didn't want her. And why should she want them? She had Nate and she loved him. That was all she needed. Right?

Josie had often questioned her decision months afterwards. Periodically she would have light pains in her chest and her abdomen. It was common among unbonded mates. They had unintentionally made contact and stayed unbonded, there was going to be pain. She hid it from Nate. He hadn't taken the idea well of her giving up her mate for him. He knew what it felt like to be bonded and he wanted that for her. It was in a fit of tears that Josie pointed out that her mate didn't want her either otherwise they would have approached her. Nate had gone quiet after that but Josie could see the pity in his face when he looked at her.

Josie often dreamed of blue eyes. When she did she woke up having soaked through her underwear and an almost unbearable itch lurking beneath her skin. She hated them. She hated her mate. Why didn't they want her? They were born to be together and they didn't want her. It was a blow to her self-esteem. Wasn't she supposed to be enough?

Josie tried to push the feelings away especially after Shaun was born. But she would look down at their son and couldn't feel anything. It was frustrating not being able to connect to the child she grew in her womb but the doctor had said it was normal in their kind of relationship. There was a great chance that she would never be able to connect with their child because of her mate. She hated them even more for that. Why did she ever go to that market?

When the bombs fell Josie had felt the severed pain. She hadn't thought about her mate when they ran to the vault not until she watched the bomb drop and she had doubled over in excruciating pain. It was like someone had lashed at her chest and she knew that her mate was dead. It left a hollow feeling that ached with every move she made. She didn't speak to Nate. She didn't even flinch when she willingly climbed into the cryopod. She just stared, numbly, at the glass until she felt nothing.

There was something about his voice that made her chest tense. It was a fluttering feeling deep in her stomach when he looked at her. She didn't know what was wrong with her.

"Hey, are you feeling alright? You don't look so good there, doll." Nick was looking at her with concern in his voice. She held onto her wrist starting to feel a faint buzzing under her skin that made her want to scratch at it. She didn't know why it was happening. She was fine back in Vault 114. But the moment they had stepped out onto the street it started. It started almost immediately when Nick had touched her hand to help her out.

"I feel strange. I don't...I don't know what's happening." She wavered and Nick reached out to hold her up right when she collapsed. She had looked up at his face, his yellow eyes bore into her with confusion. His rough and broken neck exposed wires that seemed to glow with an odd light and a look of realization came upon his face. A flash of blue passed her mind and the touch of his synthetic hand on her bare arm where her vault suit had torn jolted her into understanding.

She pushed away from him roughly. She stood, rigidly, with her back to him and breathing hard. Anger was rising through her faster than she could process. Fuck the universe for doing this to her, she had thought. The feeling was there, undeniable, a connection that only happened between mates. He had touched her and now they were a step closer to being bonded. She huffed in irritation, how was it possible? He wasn't human.

"I...I didn't think that was possible," he voiced out her own thought and she glanced at him to see that he looked truly bewildered. He wasn't looking at her but at the torn part of her vault suit. He moved forward and she roughly moved away from him. He flinched at the anger he now saw on her face. Josie pushed back a whine that threatened to fall past her lips.

"I…" she tried to find something to say but her body was telling her to run to him. And all she really wanted to do was run far away from the detective. "I can't do this." She started walking briskly down the alley away from him. It was a painful process, her body was desperate to go back but she couldn't. Because everyone only had one mate and if he was her mate then he didn't want her. He didn't want her before the bombs and she was sure he didn't want her now.

Even if he did, she couldn't bring herself to give in. He had hurt her. She wouldn't give in.

She was sure that he had died. Had felt the moment when it happened but it was there. She wondered how it was possible for someone like him. He wasn't human. Had he always been a robot? How was that possible?

Questions swarmed her mind as she walked. She didn't want to be anywhere and so her feet led her back to Sanctuary. It was the only place she felt she could clear her mind. Her mate was inconsequential, what mattered was finding Shaun. She didn't need a detective to do it. She just needed to focus and find another way.

When Nick first saw her he couldn't help but find something familiar about her. The overwhelming sense of déjà vu had overtaken him when she walked into the room. It was her eyes that had him feeling strange. They were a deep hazel that shone brightly at him. He had hurried them along afraid of what else might pop up on his old sensors. She needed help, that much was obvious, why else would she look for him?

He had unconsciously reached for her climbing out of the subway tunnel and that moment had his body jolting. His fans and motors kicked up and he wondered what was wrong with him. His processors were acting erratically and all he could do was focus on her. She didn't look too well.

She was flushed and a sick almost confused look came over her. He wondered if she was dying and then she had almost fallen. He instinctively caught her but it was a mistake. He knew it the moment she met his eyes. The feeling was there an almost deep gut feeling that told him she was his mate. And for a moment he wasn't a beat up old synth but someone whole.

Then she had pushed away from him.

"I...I didn't think it was possible." He was too in awe to notice that she was upset and it wasn't until he moved towards her that he realized she was angry.

Everyone only had one mate. A lost memory pulled up abruptly and he remembered long curly black hair and the desperation of hazel eyes. The tug of his hand brought him to look at the beautiful woman on his arm, Jenny. Then he remembered walking away because he was already in love. Jenny was his everything.

"I...I can't do this." His mate started walking away from him at a brisk pace but he didn't follow her. His synthetic body was telling him to move, to follow the source of comfort but he refused to. A part of him knew that she didn't want him because over 200 years ago he didn't want her.

The stab of pain he felt in his chest was foreign, it was like a ghost feeling and he realized that it must be from her. He had touched her and so part of their bond had taken. He cursed the night air and stared where she had disappeared.

It shouldn't be possible. He wasn't human. The old Nick Valentine was dead. He wasn't him. He had his memories and his voice but he wasn't Nick Valentine. He looked at his metal hand devoid of synthetic flesh and cursed the Institute for finding a way to bring the bond over. It wasn't fair, not for him and not for her.

Nick started walking toward Diamond City. Ellie would want to know he was still alive. She had sent the woman after him after all. His mate had saved him, had killed for him. And he had fucked her over.

He could feel pain, anger and confusion warring in his chest. Should he go after her? Would she do something stupid? But Nick doubted it, she wanted his help to find something and he doubted she would just give up. Or was she looking for him, for her mate? Nick could see the possibility but a part of him didn't think so. It had to be something else. He tried to remember that day at the market. What did he remember about her?

But all he could remember was seeing her face and then turning to Jenny.

Jenny. The old Nick Valentine had loved her and so did he. He wasn't Nick Valentine but he was and all of it was damn confusing. He never questioned the choice he made. He didn't pursue his mate and didn't even think of what that meant. What it meant for her? The way his chest ached told him that it hurt her. And he could only imagine what she thought about it all. He tried to explore the small piece of their bond that had taken hold but when he reached out towards her she had yanked almost violently away from him and the bond went quiet. Nick wondered how she was able to do that.

He wondered if the bond worked differently for him since he was a synth. It was a feeling, yes, sensations he could feel in parts of him he hadn't truly felt since before. But it wasn't much more than that. Some part of him that was his integrated personality felt the longing and the need to mate. But the mechanical part was...confused. His mechanics seemed at a lost to how to process what he was "feeling" and that enabled him to resist the pull.

But surely it was different for her? She had looked conflicted. Like she wanted to both stay and not stay. Nick couldn't imagine how that felt.

He was nearing Diamond City when he took a moment to allow his thoughts to wander. She was pretty, his mate. Her eyes were what pleased him the most, he supposed. Her dark hair had been in disarray and his stripped hand twitched at the thought of running his fingers through it. She had been a bit thin but that was normal in the Commonwealth. Her skin had been soft and almost unmarked. She was no Jenny but he supposed anyone else would have been filled with satisfaction to have her as a mate. The brief and sudden feeling of desire burst through his senses before it disappeared. Where had that come from?

Josie reached Sanctuary without much incident besides putting down a few ferals and bloatflies. She had waved off Preston's questions and hauled herself into her home and into her bed.

She dreamed of him. His blue eyes turned yellow and she could feel the weird texture of his skin all along her body. He teased her and brought her close to the edge over and over again before he finally spoke.

"Mine."

Josie jolted awake and noted the faint light emanating from behind her black curtains. She rubbed her eyes and flopped over onto a solid body. She yelped and jumped up. The rough sound of Hancock's chuckle rang through the room and relaxed her. She got back into the bed and cuddled up to the mayor.

"Miss me?" He asked in amusement. His rough hand moved through her hair and lightly massaged her scalp. She sighed in pleasure and moved into his side more. She brought her leg over his, content to feel him.

"Yes," She sighed happily. She could almost feel his grin against her head and looked up at him. He wrapped his arm around her and brought her closer so he could kiss her.

Josie lost herself in the sensation. She always enjoyed being with Hancock. There was a way about him that always calmed her and made her eager for his attention. Hancock was all too willing to provide.

She moved her hips and groaned at the way her center rubbed up against his leg. John pulled away from her lips to look into her eyes. He rubbed his thumb against her cheek and smiled at her. She smiled back at him. She continued to move her hips, hoping that he would go back to kissing her.

"Did you find Valentine?" The question had her stopping and the frown that took over her face worried Hancock. She pulled away from him.

Josie had forgotten about what happened until the mayor had asked. Then she felt it. It was a distant feeling wiggling too far away to notice. She focused on that feeling wondering why it was making her chest clench. The sudden onslaught of quiet anger and...possession had her yanking away and nearly falling on the floor in her haste.

Nick Valentine had no right.

Nick had told Ellie to rest after telling her about Skinny Malone and the woman who had saved his life. He hadn't told her about the bond but she seemed to just be glad he was back. She had dark circles under her eyes and he felt bad for worrying her.

He had been sifting through paperwork and notes when he felt it. It was a small feeling at first but then it had gotten bigger and almost louder after several minutes. His mate was happy and aroused.

The rational part of the synth told him to ignore it that he didn't want her and she didn't want him so it was none of his business. But the human part of him, the part of him that somehow allowed this bond to exist was angry. Angry because that was his mate and she was obviously with someone who wasn't him. That anger and feeling of possessiveness had overwhelmed him before he could push it away. He had pushed the folders on his desk off and brought his synthetic fists down on the metal desk.

It was the feeling of an anger that wasn't his own that brought him back to his senses. She was angry and it seemed to be directed at him through the faint bond. Nick was embarrassed that he let his own emotions get out of hand. That he had unknowingly made her feel it. He looked down and realized that he had destroyed his desk. The top metal was dented and mangled where his fists had collided. All his papers and folders were on the floor in a mess that was going to take forever to sort through.

He tried to see what he could feel through the bond but it was closed off again. She had pulled away. Nick sat back down with a groan. It was a mess. All of it was just a big mess and he didn't know what to do.

He had never felt more human. He should be happy about that but he wasn't. It was the first time he ever wished to just be a synth.

Nick wondered who she was with. He couldn't help it. Was she already in a relationship? Or had she taken the first opportunity to fuck some random person just to get back at him. He couldn't really blame her but anger still swelled in his chest just thinking about it.

He groaned, leaned back in his chair, and let his thoughts shut down. Maybe everything would be better in a couple of hours.

...

Josie tried to forget about what happened and focused on trying to figure out another plan. Hancock hadn't pushed her for more information after she had acted oddly when he mentioned the old detective and for that she was grateful. She knew she had to tell him at some point but she was putting it off until she could get her thoughts in order.

When she wasn't discussing with Preston, Sturges, and Hancock about other options for how she could find Shaun, she was helping with the work on Sanctuary. Codsworth seemed to be doing most of the heavy work and he seemed happy to finally be of use so Josie didn't comment on it. She helped set up some turrets and even helped pitch up a makeshift shed for some brahmin that Preston had managed to buy off of a passing caravan.

She didn't like to be idle. If she didn't constantly move and work her mind drifted off to Valentine. The old synth was falling apart, that much was obvious from what she could see. But she couldn't help but remember the burning of his yellow eyes and the way his touch had made her breath hitch. She didn't like these thoughts and so she pushed herself to work.

It had been two weeks since she had gone looking for Nick Valentine and John was losing his patience. She could see it in the way his eyes lingered on her like he knew she was keeping something from him. They often sat in tense silences as if prompting her to finally talk to him but Josie would just climb into his lap and shower him in kisses until he took her fast and hard.

Josie had loved the way he seemed to lose himself in her but now whenever she reached climax she saw yellow eyes and that unnerved her. She took to getting Hancock to fuck her every chance they had so she wouldn't feel Valentine through the bond. It was getting harder to shut him out and she was getting desperate.

"Stop," John said roughly into her ear. She had him pinned on the couch trying to get his jeans down so she could get to his cock. He gently pushed her hands away and kept dodging her desperate kisses. "You need to talk to me, sweetheart. You've been desperate ever since you came back and you won't tell me what happened. I know Nick's out and alive. My sources tell me he's back in Diamond City like he didn't go missing. So what happened? I'm tired of waiting for you to tell me." He was piercing her with his black eyes and Josie couldn't hide, not from him.

She sighed, climbed off his lap and sat back against the sofa. He sat up and continued to watch her. She met his gaze and fought the urge to cry. What if she told him and he decided to leave? What if he decided that he didn't want her too?

"I love you," she whispered it before she could organize her thoughts. His expression softened and he brought his hand to her cheek so he could caress her.

"I know, and I love you too," he said it so matter-of-factly that some tears escaped her eyes. Then she told him what happened. She told him everything and when she was done she was staring at her hands and waiting for him to leave. But he didn't. He was silent but he was still beside her. She couldn't manage the silence so she looked up at him. Hancock wasn't looking at her but towards the door. His jaw was clenched and his body was tense.

"Okay. Well, an old synth and a cocky ghoul, you don't seem to have good taste in men, sweetheart." She couldn't help but laugh. He was smiling at her but it didn't reach his eyes. "I've known Nick for awhile now. Can't imagine he'd be stupid to not want you but he ain't here and that's perfect for me." Josie was the one pinned. John was kissing her fiercely, a clash of tongue and teeth. And his hands were grabbing at her waist and thighs as if he wanted her as close as possible. And she couldn't believe she had worried that he didn't want her.

She didn't need her mate not when she had John.

. . .

Nick was trying hard to listen to their newest client but he couldn't focus. His mate had been sad and then the burst of arousal he felt from her end had him unintentionally clenching up. He couldn't stand it. Her emotions were coming in clearer every day and every time it was an effort to try and block it out.

Ellie seemed to have sensed his agitation and promptly took over the questioning. He rose from his place and moved to his room. He paced the small space trying to get his body under control. Everything was telling him to leave and go to her but he couldn't. They weren't meant to be together, biology be damned. He wasn't even human anymore; he was an old synth with an integrated personality that wasn't his. He had no business having a mate and he definitely had no business being with her.

His assistant came into his room an hour later to fill him in on what he missed.

"She thinks her husband was going to some new settlement called Sanctuary to try and get some kind of trade going but he hasn't been back in two weeks and she's worried. I think Sanctuary is where Joseline said she was from. Maybe you can head up there and ask her if she knows anything?" Nick stared at her. He had no business talking to Joseline and he had no business going to Sanctuary but what was he going to do? Ellie didn't do field work, she wasn't trained for it.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Ellie looked at him like he was acting weird before she sighed and handed him the file.

"Well, it's the only lead. Unless, you'd like to go tell her that you won't take the case." Nick cursed. He never turned anyone away. He sighed and nodded.

"Alright, I'll head out in the morning."

. . .