A/N: Thanks for reading and let me know if you like it.

Numb me down to the core, 'cause love don't live here anymore,

And we fought hard but we lost the war, without you, what am I living for?

And I know I can't take back all the things I did, but if I had one wish, I would wish for one more chance,

Somewhere our fear took all control, that's when I turned cold, won't you give me one more chance?

'Cause I'm a lost river that'll never reach the sea, when you're not here with me, when you're gone

I'm sick to my bones, I don't feel natural, without you I'm not whole, when you're gone

Vanya goes through her routine. She sticks to her routine as best as she can. It's a simple enough routine, involving taking her meds daily, giving music lessons, going to orchestra practice, things like that. Despite her medication helping to keep her in a state of numbness, her sleep is often plagued with memories and wishes. Every time she thinks she catches a glimpse of a familiar figure across the street or turning a corner just before she reaches it, the dreams and restlessness gets worse.

She'll catch sight of a tense pair of shoulders hunched angrily when she turns around due to the feeling of eyes watching her. She knows that it's wishful thinking or something like that. After all, the city has no shortage of angry people that wear all black. She just likes to hope. But, it's dangerous to hope when she's the one that insisted and demanded and forced that things end and change. That things be different. She never even gave him the chance to change her mind or be a part of the decision. She just made up her mind and went ahead with it. For the best.

And she hates that she made someone else's decision for them because she thought she knew best. It's too much like her father who she escaped the first chance she got. Quickly realizing that her father would never love her, much less love her as much as she loves him, still, after everything he's done, she'd escaped from her childhood home and tried to separate herself from everything Hargreeves. Until she wrote her book that is.

But, she'd needed that. It was cathartic and healing to let the world know that life in The Umbrella Academy was anything but perfect. And she knew that if she didn't leave, Diego wouldn't. And if she gave Diego the option, let him know how much she loves him, that he'd make her stay. And she couldn't have her choices stripped from her like that, no matter the intentions. She couldn't let Diego stay in a place where he was considered second rate, not quite the best no matter how good he is. Vanya needed him to get out in the world and see that he has so much more to offer than being not quite good enough, not Number One. Though, why anyone would want to be Number One escapes her continuously. Maybe it's skewed perspective. Maybe no one else saw that Luther's life wasn't exactly perfect. That he couldn't meet their father's increasingly hard demands either. But Luther tried.

All of them tried. She just quit trying first.

Making it to practice with barely a second to spare, she sits in her chair in the back row, thankful that she's not close to the front right now. She'd love to be first chair at some point but today isn't that day. Today, she wants to blend in and hide. She can't stop thinking about how her window had been closed when she'd left it open the previous night. Or that her violin had a finger smudge on its shiny wood frame. Someone had been in her apartment and touched her violin, the most valuable thing she owns, yet left it exactly as it was.

And, it's not the first time that she's noticed something like that. Doors locked when she hadn't locked them, her blanket pulled back over her when she knows she'd kicked it off in a moment of restlessness. Simple things.

As the song draws to a close, the house lights come on and she opens her eyes, her gaze drawn to the second balcony from the stage. She thinks she catches a hint of movement but it's too dark and too far away for her to be sure. Her heart hurts and she knows she's wishing she'd caught a glimpse of Diego. As if he'd be there.

So much wasted potential, she thinks, so much wasted time. Their friendship lasted longer than anything else between them. She'd introduced him to grunge bands in dirty bars and he'd showed her how to stake out bad guys. They'd had plenty of fun, nights filled with laughter that no one else knew about. Almost touches and almost kisses and too long stares. Too much and not enough.

But, their house was never meant for laughter and joy, she should've never forgotten that. She'd been so sure that Five would come home. That he'd find his way back to them. Then Ben had died. She'd become friends with Diego and he'd helped ease the sadness and fear but only for a while. Until she'd felt sad for him, scared for him.

Packing up her case at the end of practice, Vanya makes her way back to her apartment, trying to ignore the constant loneliness that's creeping back in. Sometimes, she can push it away for a little while but it always comes back, her only constant companion throughout her whole life. She doubts that they even noticed she was gone for a while. Then, they probably didn't care all that much. Just brushed it aside since she didn't matter in the bigger picture. She isn't much in the grand scheme of things.

Shoving those thoughts away, she gets to her apartment and puts her stuff away quickly before making herself something to eat and taking her pills. Twice a day, every day.

A little more numbness slips back in and she lays on her couch with a book, putting Diego to the back of her mind where he stays throughout every day and probably for the rest of her life.

2x7