Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters.

Chapter 1: Boy Talk

"Who's the hottest konochi in Konoha?"

Everyone around the table looked up from their empty sake cups at Kiba. He grinned mischievously at the collected guys around the table. Shikamaru looked at him out of the corner of his eye with a single eyebrow raised. Choji looked up from his half finished bowl of noodles, a surprised look on his usually innocent face. Naruto grinned drunkenly and chuckled a little. Neji and Shino looked at Kiba impassively. Kiba's grin turned into a the same drunken chuckle as Naruto's. Akamakru, who was laying at his feet, joined in with a wolfish grin and soft growl.

"Well?" he looked at Shikamaru who was sitting right next to him. The chunin sighed and poured another round for himself before answering.

"Must we confine this hypothetical display of masculine buffoonery to the great city of Konoha? I know of several exquisite specimens who are not from our village." Choji grinned knowingly at his teammate and refilled his own cup before tapping it with his lifelong friend's. They both took it in a single swig before setting their cups down on the table with an audible clunk in unison.

Kiba frowned slightly. "Whatever, man. Just answer the freakin' question. Though I can guess which village you're girl is from." His frown melted into a sly smile.

Shikamaru looked unconcerned as he took a handful of cashews to munch on looking at Kiba out of the corner of his eye again. Choji, as the dutiful friend, came to his rescue.

He pointed at Kiba with his chopsticks while saying, "Why do any of us have to answer first? You should. It was your question, after all." Then he picked up another bundle of noodles and slurped them down noisily.

"Fine, fine. I'll start this shindig off." He paused dramatically crossing his arms in front of himself feigning deep thought. He looked up with the same sly smile and answered. "Ino."

Shikamaru and Choji smirked. There was no question about their teammates attractiveness, but they both knew it only went skin deep. That girl was the bossiest, most self-centered women either of them had ever met, and that included Shikamaru's mom on the bossiness front. In Shikamaru's opinion a lot of what made a girl attractive, or at Kiba had so tactfully put it 'hot', was her manner and attitude.

"So, who is she Shika?" Kiba had a wolfish grin on to match Akamaru's who was now sitting up at attention. He panted happily looking as if he was enjoying to conversation just as much as his master.

Shikamaru sighed. He couldn't believe he was giving in to this foolishness. The sake must be affecting his judgement. Might as well give the simpleton what he wanted. "Temari is the most attractive woman I have ever encountered," he said with a straight face. "She has an excellent number of effective and useful jutsu's at her disposal and a good head on her shoulders. She is as competent a konochi as any you will come across. I have never know her to fail a mission assigned to her." He paused for a moment to take another sip of sake. His comrades all looked at him with incredulous looks. He smirked. "Plus she's a badass and that dress she favors shows off all the right curves." Kiba barked a laugh that Naruto joined in with. Choji just smiled through his mouthful of noodles. Even Neji cracked a grin. Shino remained impassive, though you could see the shadow of a grin at the corner of his eyes behind his sunglasses if you looked hard enough.

Kiba's laughter died out slowly. He wiped a tear from his eye and poured himself another cup of sake. After throwing it back he settled his sights on Choji. "What about you, big guy? Anyone caught your eye?"

Choji finished off his noodles before finishing. He thought for a while, then started munching on a handful of cashews. After a while he just shrugged. "Not really. I mean all the konochi I know are very admirable and attractive women, but I've never really connected with any of them. I'll be sure to let you know if I ever do, Kiba." Neji and Shikamaru chuckled at that. Kiba only gave him a disdainful look.

"Dude, I'm not taking about a connection, or Kami forbid, love. I'm taking about the basest of instincts here." His grin turned slightly feral. "If you had the choice of any konochi you know who would take to the sack?"

"Well, that's a completely different question, Kiba," Choji said with a little bit of a blush on his face. "Someone you want to sleep with may not necessarily be the most attractive woman to you. That's just a physical impulse, nothing more." He paused thinking again, but only for a moment. "If that's the case, I would have to say Ino is the most attractive woman I've ever seen, but I also know her. That erases any urge I would ever have to take her to bed." Kiba looked utterly confused.

"Why?" he asked sounding slightly dumbfounded.

Choji looked at him levelly for a moment. "Because I would want to be in control of how I give pleasure to my woman. Ino wouldn't give me or anyone else that chance." Shikamaru burst out laughing at that. Kiba just looked slightly disturbed. "So, to answer you're question, no one. At least not yet. If I had to choose based on looks alone it would be a toss up between Shika's Temari and your Ino." He paused for a moment. "Though, Hyuga Hinata is quite beautiful in a more traditional way." Neji's eyes hardened at this. It didn't go beyond Choji's notice. "I'm sorry if I offend, Neji-san. It is only the truth. She has not only become a very attractive woman and talented shinobi, but she was also the nicest girl in our graduating class. A little timid for my tastes, though." That seemed to mollify Neji slightly, but it also brought Kiba's attention to him.

"What about you, Neji? What girl is worthy of the Hyuga genius?" Kiba chuckled at Neji's scowl.

Neji relaxed into a slight smirk before answering. "As a matter of fact there is one who has found me worthy. You all would have found out sooner or later, so I might as well fill you in." He paused to pour himself another shot and drink it down slowly. After setting his cup down softly he looked up at them and smirked. "Ten-Ten and I are engaged to be married. So she would have to be the one I name as the 'hottest' konochi in Konoha." There was a momentary pause, then an eruption of talking all at once. Naruto actually got up to slap him on the back and say congratulations. Neji didn't even seem to mind, too much. Everyone else was still giving him their congratulations when he held up his hand for silence. He looked very pleased. "Thank you, all. We will let you know the date when Hiashi-sama has made the necessary arrangements. You are all, of course, invited."

"Wow, dude. I didn't expect that at all!" Kiba laughed out loud while Akamaru barked happily wagging his tail vigorously behind him. Once they settled down Kiba ordered another round for the table in celebration. "You have to let us know when you want to have your bachelor party. And that is not an offer. It is a prerequisite for you to be married." Neji looked a little uncomfortable with the idea, but nodded anyway knowing there was no way out of it. Kiba grinned and took a shot before leveling his gaze on Naruto. "So what about you, dude? You still hung up on Sakura, or is there a new girl who's rejecting your advances?" Naruto frowned at him.

"What about Shino? Is there a girl in you're life, man?" Naruto asked trying to redirect the conversation while still glowering at Kiba. Kiba, in turn, just shook his head and sighed.

"I have yet to find a suitable mate," was his only response.

"That's just what Choji said in fewer words, man," Naruto insisted. "If there's isn't someone you've found 'suitable to be your mate', who have you considered? For even the slightest moment?"
Shino pushed his sunglasses up on his nose a little. "I have considered everyone." The assembled party just looked at him in silence as he looked back at all of them in turn. He sighed slightly and poured another shot for himself. He took it in a single gulp before finishing. "The first I considered was Sakura. She is intelligent and has the gift of learning things and retaining them quickly. This would be a good quality for my children to acquire. However, she was very obviously in love with another who I do not think it necessary to name. Next I considered my teammate Hinata. She has many admirable qualities, including determination and compassion. Qualities necessary in a mother. However, she also was in love with another. I considered Ino, briefly, but found her too abrasive and single minded to be a good mother to my children. When I saw Ten-Ten fight in the chunin exams I was impressed, but saw the obvious devotion she had to Neji soon after, even at the time, so gave it no further thought. There are others, but I will spare you the analysis. In conclusion I have found no konochi suitable for me as of yet." He paused looking at their irritated expressions. "If I must make a conclusion based solely on appearance I would choose Sakura."

"So, why not just tell the truth and say that's the real reason you thought of Sakura in the first place? That's why I wanted to go out with her," Naruto said with a grin while pouring himself another shot.

"Her appealing looks were merely a bonus, Naruto. I considered her first for the reasons I stated. She is smart. Certainly the smartest konochi of our class. Perhaps even the smartest shinobi of our class, though that is yet to be determined. I think Shikamaru has her beat at strategy." At that Shikamaru raised his refilled glass to him and drained it. "Now, the only one left to answer is you, Naruto. There is no more hiding. Who do you want to bear your children?"

Naruto scowled at the bug master. "Well, I don't know about all that, Shino, but to answer Kiba's question the hottest konochi I've ever seen is that mystery girl in the waterfall." Kiba immediately burst out laughing. Naruto promptly punched him in the arm, hard.

"What are you talking about, Naruto?" Shikamaru asked with a crocked smile. Naruto glared at him.

"There was a mission that Kiba, Shino, Hinata, and I went on 4 years ago to find a bug that would help us track down Sasuske after he defected. On the first night we were gone I woke up in the middle of the night. I don't know why, but I was restless so I got up to take a walk. I heard a waterfall nearby and I thought that would be a good way to settle whatever nerves had woken me up. When I got to there there was this ultra-hot girl dancing on the water. Well, that's not quite right. It was more like she was gliding on it. It looked like she was doing a kata and the water was flowing with her chakra in ribbons around her. It was beautiful." He paused for a moment looking at the table, but not seeing it. "She was beautiful, too. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen before or since. And you know I traveled around with Ero-senin for 3 years, so I've seen my share of beautiful women." He looked at them all defiantly, daring them to laugh.

Shikamaru was amused, but not at Naruto's expense. "What did she look like?" he asked already guessing the answer.

Naruto looked uncomfortable with the question. "Well, it was really dark, so I didn't actually see her clearly. But I know she was beautiful cause of the way she moved." He said in a rush. "She was so graceful. Perfect, really." He blushed lightly and looked at them all. "I wish I could give you more than that, but that's all I got."

"Well, didn't you say anything to this perfect girl?" Shikamaru prodded, a grin spreading on his face.

"Well, yeah!" Naruto nearly yelled. He blushed a little more, then continued. "I said something, but then I slipped on a rock and fell into the water. When I came back up she was gone."

Shikamaru just smiled. "Well, let all agree she wasn't a water nymph of something like that. Then we must ask ourselves who this mystery woman was."

Kiba barked a laugh out. "I told him then and I'll tell him again. She was a figment of his imagination. He was sleepwalking or something."

Shikamaru just smirked at him. "You're so sure? Are there no other possibilities?" Shino suddenly coughed loudly.

"Excuse me," he said calmly. Though his sunglasses covered his eyes it was obvious to everyone at the table he was looking directly at Shikamaru. Shikamaru just smiled at him innocently.

"Oh, think nothing of it, my friend." The shadow master's look suddenly turned very devious. "But I don't know why you don't want him to know the truth."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Naruto asked knowing they were talking about him. Choji took a couple more handfuls of cashews watching the exciting drama unfold.

"Because she does not want him know, or she would have approached him," Shino responded easily keeping his gaze locked on Shikamaru.

"Are you so sure?" Shikamaru's eyes lit up. "Women are not always predictable creatures. In my experience it is the other way around as a matter of fact. Why not tell him?" The two sat locked in a silent combat of wills for several minuted before Naruto stood up and slammed his open palms on the table.

"Is there something the two of you want to share with me?!" he just about yelled. With a glare from the bartender he took his seat again and asked more calmly, " I mean, seriously guys. If you don't tell me what the hell you're fighting about I just might beat it out of one of you in a minute." Shikamaru's grin widened. Shino remained stoic.

"What bad could come of it, Shino? He's already shown interest. You think that will diminish with a name. It can only work in her favor really." The two shinobi remained locked in stares for another couple minutes before Naruto stood up again. This time his look was distant and a little confused.

"Hinata?" he just about whispered. He gaze sharpened and brightened as his tone took on a triumphant tone. "Hinata was the girl in the waterfall!" he proclaimed to the world loudly. His tone shifted suddenly as he spoke quietly as if to himself. "How didn't I see this before. Oh my Kami! It's so obvious now. Oh my Kami!" He sank into his chair with a dopey smile plastered to his face. His gaze focused and found Kiba, who was sitting next to him looking flabbergasted. "I told you she was real!"

"And now that you know this, what are you going to do about it, Naruto?" Shino asked quietly.

Naruto froze, turning his gaze to his sudden prosecutor. The only sound at the table was Choji munching happily on his cashews waiting for the answer. Naruto stared blankly for a few moments then his eyes focused and he smiled.

"I'll go win her heart," he said with a confident grin on his face. "I fell in love with that girl the moment I saw her on that water. Now that I know it was Hinata I won't waste another minute. It's so obvious now I can't believe I was so blind. Well, no. I can believe that, but I should have seen it since then. Now that I know it I promise you I'll make her my bride before I become Hokage!" He flashed them a fabulously wide grin while giving them the good guy thumbs up pose. Neji sighed, but smiled internally. Shikamaru look smugly at Shino. Choji laughed openly at the whole situation. Kiba finally smiled widely and thumped Akamaru on the back.

"Looks like I owe you 10 milk bones, buddy," he said softly. "I never thought that idiot would figure it out before she worked up the nerve to ask him out. Though I guess Shika did have a hand in his conclusion. My fault I guess." He looked down at his canine companion and grinned. "I'm not sorry about that at all." He winked at the huge dog and got a loud "woof!" and a lick on the face to go with it.

Naruto was still riding on cloud nine when Neji cleared his throat loudly, and meaningfully. Naruto looked at him and his giddy expression faltered. "Don't tell me you're gonna stand in the way of this?" Naruto asked with a worried expression on his face.

Neji just smiled and shook his head. "No. There is no one who would suite my cousin better than you, Naruto, but Hiashi-sama may not see it that way. He is a very traditional leader and you are a clanless orphan. I don't want to seem cruel, Naruto, I only speak the truths that Hiashi-sama will pay attention to. You must prove yourself to him in order to win the hand of his eldest and the future clan leader. He might have intended Hanabi to succeed him before, but since Hinata has proved herself to be a more than competent shinobi and fine leader in recent years Hiashi-sama's has chosen her to succeed him after all. It may be a relatively easy act to win my cousin's heart, but her father's may be a completely different matter."

Naruto gave Neji an incredulous look. "Dude, seriously? Winning Hinata's heart will be so much harder. You heard Shikamaru. Konochi are totally unpredictable. Especially when it comes to love and romancin'." There was silence at the table for the full count of 3 seconds before everyone burst into laughter. Even Shino was chuckling lightly. "What?!" Naruto demanded.

Shikamaru recovered first. "It's nothing, Naruto. We are just impressed by your confidence. Hiashi is a very proud man. He will not be an easy person to convince. And Hinata is a very shy girl. Why else would she disappear on you when you tried to talk to her at the waterfall?" Naruto's face blushed bright red for a moment before he stammered out an answer. "Y-you're right. Of course that's the reason she r-ran from me. No other reason. Just cause she was sh-shy. Yep. That's why. Makes total sense now..." If anything his blush had deepened by the time he was finished. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at his response, but didn't push him. Neji, however, did.

"Naruto, you're a terrible liar. You will want to work on that in case you're ever captured by enemy shinobi. Now, you have been caught by me. What are you hiding about your encounter with my cousin?"

"Ahh, nothing Neji-san. Nothing at all. Why would you jump to conclusions like that?" Neji just glared at him. A sweat drop fell down the side of his face giving him away. "Fine!" he sighed giving up and hanging his head in defeat. "She might have run away 'cause she might have been naked when I saw her," he mumbled.

There was complete silence for several seconds. Kiba almost burst out laughing, but didn't want the negative energy turned to him, so struggled to remain quiet and still. Choji was blushing almost as brightly as Nuruto, while Shikamaru just looked amused and mildly surprised. However, a killing intent was starting to radiate from Neji's side of the table. Naruto felt it immediately and stood up holding his hands in front of him defensively.

"Look man, it was totally dark out and I didn't see anything! Just an outline. Man, it's not my fault! It's not like I was peeking or anything. I was just going for a walk to try and get back to sleep." Naruto looked near panic and was backing up frantically as Neji rose from his seat.

Neji glowered at Naruto for several moments before relaxing minimally. "I wouldn't mention that ever again if I was you, Naruto. Ever..." he said through clenched teeth. With that he slapped a few coins on the table. He looked at the rest of the table and sighed deeply to calm himself before continuing. "It was fun tonight. I look forward to my bachelor party. Let me know when you want to get together for it. Though, I have to warn you, Ten-Ten might want to join us depending on what you guys decide to do." He sighed again and cracked a slight smile at Kiba's incredulous look. "Don't worry I'll try to talk her out of it, Kiba." He then turned and walked out the door. Naruto let out an audible sigh and sank back down into his seat. Kiba finally let out his fit of laughter while Akamaru joined in with a few barks. Naruto couldn't quite tell, but they sounded reprimanding to him. Kiba slowly stopped laughing, brushed a few tears from his eyes, then focused on Naruto with a lop-sided grin.

"So how are you gonna go win Hinata's heart, buddy?" Naruto's insides froze. He hadn't thought that far ahead. Kiba could see it on his face and chuckled. "Well, let me give you some advice. Why don't you try talking to her first? Also, she has a thing for tea." He started cackling again while Akamaru joined in with a more cheerful bark. Naruto, however, had his hand on his chin and was lost in his own world of thought.

Shikamaru looked over at Shino while Naruto puzzled over the pointless question that plagued him. "Should we tell him?" Shikamaru asked softly enough that only Shino and Choji heard him. Shino leaned down enough to let the shadow master see his sly smile behind his high collar.

"No. It will be good for their relationship for him to figure it out on his own. I have to thank you, Shikamaru. She still does not have the confidence to approach him, but this will make her both happier and stronger. You are indeed the best tactician I have ever encountered. Did you know how all of it would transpire?"

"All except that bit about Hinata being naked when he saw her at the waterfall." Shino smiled again and poured the three of them another cup of sake. Shikamaru took it, tapped it against Shino's, then Choji's, and downed it in a gulp.