In my heart, I'm always looking for something.
I know that something is lacking. Something precious. Something I shouldn't forget.
Every day, Tachibana Taki woke up with such feelings; sometimes he even found tears in his eyes upon waking up. He didn't know what it is, but there's something missing, a piece that didn't quite fit. He gave up trying to talk this over with his friends or family; they all said the same things over and over.
You haven't found a job, so it's normal to feel like this.
Make yourself a girlfriend and you'll be fine.
Just drink those problems away!
Taki considered the first answer. It's true that it's been a full year since his graduation, and yet all he did was going to interviews without actually getting any of the jobs he applied for. The job section of the newspaper he brought around with him was nearly full with red X marks. Although he tried not to be too concerned, he had to admit that it was slowly eating him up.
But somehow he didn't think that he not having a job was the cause for this… listlessness, if that was the right term.
He sighed, then shook his head slightly to erase the thoughts. This morning, he was going to have another interview. It had been a routine for him this whole year that he nearly felt nothing anymore. In the beginning, he had all sorts of feelings: nervous, excited, even both. But as he continued to do this without any results, it just felt like going to school every day when he was still a student. He just needed to go, survive, and go home again to sleep.
Even so, I still want to do my best and get the job! Yep. That's better. Any unnecessary thoughts can come later after everything's over.
With a more positive attitude, he walked into the train. As usual, with everyone going to work or school, the train was packed with people. He calmly took a spot close to the door, and when it slid to a close, leant one arm on it to keep himself steady. The people were quietly murmuring to themselves, and there was barely any space around for him to stand comfortably. Yet Taki didn't mind. He just wanted to make sure he got to see the view outside. Just in case he found it….
Find what? he asked himself, just when another train passed in front of his.
And he saw her.
Suddenly, it was as if he were in a movie instead of real life, where slow motion was possible. It was as if the whole world lost its colors. Everything turned to grey, except for her. He could see that she also noticed him, her dark brown eyes widening in surprise. She was also standing in the same position as him in that train, with one hand leaning to the glass. Some of her long, black hair formed two small braids and she tied them together behind her with a red ribbon. Taki was sure they had never met before.
But why does it feel like I missed her?
Then, his feet were moving on their own. Despite the voice of his head yelling to him over and over that he didn't know her, he started running. Somehow, he managed to get off the train at the next stop. Without stopping to catch his breath, he continued towards a direction where she might have gone. But he could no longer see her. Where is she? Where is she? Is she still on the train? If so, wouldn't all this be pointless?
His feet led him to a big staircase, before stopping. His heart was pounding uncontrollably, perhaps due to the running. Or maybe it was something else, he didn't know. Without looking, he knew that he had found her. The girl was standing on top of the staircase; Taki was below. She, too, seemed to have been running and also stopped just as he did. Taki wanted to see and confirm if he actually knew her. But suddenly he got scared.
What if I'm just making a total fool of myself? I was too desperate that I started imagining things that didn't exist. I didn't know this girl; that much is clear.
Ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in his chest and the urge to call out to the girl, Taki started ascending the stairs. He took each step carefully, slowly, as if giving a chance for himself to give it a try after all. To keep holding on to the what-ifs, and to listen to the maybes. He noticed that she was also starting to descend the stairs. One step at a time, as if she was waiting for something. They passed each other, too painfully slowly.
Yet nothing happened.
You're going to lose her! A voice warned him. His chest started throbbing faster, and more painfully. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. Why? He didn't understand. Who was this girl for him, anyway? Wasn't she a stranger? What was so painful about losing a stranger?
Call out to her! the voice, one he recognized as his own, urged. It sounded more persistent. Taki could actually feel the weight of the pressure it had. Now!
"Um, excuse me!" he yelled, turning his body back to her direction. I said it! Now there's no going back. "Do… do I know you from somewhere?"
She stopped walking. He waited. For a moment, he thought he saw that her body was trembling. Still, he waited. It was too late to take it back anyway, and weirdly enough, he never felt so sure about anything in his life.
And finally, she turned. There were tears in her eyes. "I thought so, too."
Taki smiled. And she returned it. That weird feeling he got back in the train never left; it got even stronger this time.
He missed her. So, so much.
"What's your name?" they asked each other.
