1.) Hello! Welcome to my first multi-chapter FE story! Hopefully this goes well.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem: Awakening. No copyright infringement intended.
Enjoy!
Chapter One: "Battlefield Babies!?"
"Hello, and welcome to 'Ylissean Bachelors'!" said Robin, a bright smile on her face, as she motioned to the huge sign above which depicted the title of the show in big, flashy letters. Below the sign were four seats, with one of the seats cut off from the rest thanks to a nifty divider. "This is the show where a lucky bachelor gets to walk home – and into bed – with one of three beautiful warriors!"
As applause sang off from the crowd, Robin was yanked backstage by the Prince of Ylisse himself, Chrom. He was in his usual attire – royal blue armor with a missing shoulder pad to flaunt the Mark of the Exalt properly – and he was showing an expression that didn't really suit him: he was sweating bullets, his hands quivering towards his trusty blade Falchion. The fearless leader of the Shepherds was nervous. "Yes, Chrom?"
"Robin, why are we doing this again?" asked blue-nette, narrowing his eyes at the chair that was obviously meant for him. The white-haired tactician gave him a playful smirk, and Chrom decided that trying to push the mischievous Anna and the intelligent tactician together was a bad idea.
"This is to increase Team Dynamics," said Robin, getting into a lecturing pose: left hand on right elbow, with right arm and right index finger-pointing skyward. "And this is for the sake of creating the perfect 'Battlefield Babies'!"
"'Battlefield Babies'!? What in gods' name does that mean-"
"And we're back from a surprise commercial break!" interjected Robin, cutting the poor prince off. Dragging the said prince into the limelight, Robin continued. "Here's our lucky bachelor for tonight! For the sake of the contest, he'll go by the alias of 'Krom'."
"But aren't they the same-"
"Anyway, give a round of applause for Krom!" interrupted the tactician/show host, leading the heir to the throne to the chair. Chrom noticed that he couldn't see the other chairs, thanks to the big wall that was blocking his view. After the cheers coming from the audience subsided, Robin said, "Now, let's introduce the bachelorettes!"
At Robin's command, three women - namely Sumia, Cordelia, and Tharja – were ushered into the three remaining seats. "Now, let's explain the rules. These three lovely ladies, who we will call A, B, and C, are going to be asked questions by Krom-"
"Captain!?" cried Sumia (AKA Lady A), her voice magically transformed into Lissa's, much to the young Cleric's chagrin. Robin smirked, and decided that it was the perfect segue to her next topic.
"As you can see, folks, A's voice – and B and C's voice, for that matter – have been magically altered, so that the bachelor won't be able to tell the voices apart," said Robin. The girl walked up to Chrom, handing him an index card. The card – which was labeled "Question 1" in hastily scribbled handwriting – had nine questions on it. "Alright, Krom, pick a question for Lady A!"
Chrom examined the card, and sighed out of relief. He had thought that the questions would be more on the perverted side, factoring in Robin's new mischievous side into the equation. Luckily all the questions were basic and simple. Some examples of questions on the card are "Swords or lances?" and "Strawberry or chocolate?" Robin, noticing the sigh, smirked. There would be time for the more... exciting questions later on in the program. "Krom, have you decided?"
"Well, let's get this over with then." At that, Robin chanted a few mystic words, the magical lights dimming till only a single magic orb was left, its light fixated on Sumia. "Lady A, would you- Robin, will this really help-"
"Yes, it will. Not hurry up, you're keeping the wonderful audience waiting!" said Robin, waving her hand towards the crowd. Steeling himself, he nodded, and continued.
"Would you prefer to go to our... honeymoon suite on horseback, or on the reliable mount of a pegasus?" asked Chrom, barely getting "honeymoon suite" out of his mouth. He didn't really like to talk about romance. He was a fighter – not a lover – and he felt like he was married to his work. He didn't want to hurt anyone through a game show-induced romance.
"A pegasus, of course," Sumia answered immediately, sighing a little out of relief. "That's where I'm at my most comfortable." Indeed, pegasus riding was the only aspect of her life that she hasn't tripped up in: her love life was down the drain (thanks to an oblivious blue-headed leader of hers), her cooking was decent at best (though she was slowly getting better – her last palatable rhubarb pie trial only took fifteen tries, and it didn't taste that bad), and she still couldn't get the handle on walking on a flat surface with out falling flat on her face. Pegasus riding, you could say, was her one and only skill. The lights finally returned, after Sumia's answer sank in.
Interested, Chrom decided to leech out a little more info. "Really now? Why-"
"What a smart answer, Lady A, but we must get the show moving! Now onto the next lovely lady!" Robin said, cutting off Chrom yet again. Chrom bit back a sigh. It would only give the strategy-addicted tactician satisfaction. The lights all dimmed, till the limelight graced Cordelia's features. "Lady B, get ready for Krom's next question!"
'C'mon, Cordelia, you read 'Make Him Fall For You in a Fortnight',' said Cordelia, calming herself down. 'You can handle... whoever 'Krom' is. Hopefully it isn't the Chrom I know, or else I'll die of embarrassment.'
"Hm..." said Chrom, calmly flipping through the rest of the questions. It seems that the prince had finally accepted his fate, and has now adapted to it. The sweaty expression he wore earlier on had upgraded into the handsome face he usually had on, which melted the hearts of some of the girls in the audience into little puddles of lust. "Lady B, do you like blue hair or brown hair?"
"U-Uh..." mumbled Cordelia, a certain Captain with unruly blue hair popping into her mind. "B-Brown hair, o-of course!" Deep inside, Cordelia was smacking herself with a Silver Lance which she didn't have enough weapon proficiency to wield. 'Argh, get yourself together, Cordelia! This may be your only chance to get over... him.'
As the light returned to the studio, Chrom, looking up at the blue mess on his head, shrugged his shoulders. "Well, thank you for your opinion-"
"Ooh, looks like Lady B lost a few Love Points!" said Robin. "Krom is known to love his royal-blue hair of his. In fact, he spends whatever time he has not training or eating pie to tame that mop-"
"I don't do that, Robin," said Chrom. He was speaking the truth – he only spent thirty minutes grooming it everyday. "You know that-"
"Please, Krom," said Robin, holding up a hand. "After we tried making Morgan in the wee little hours before dawn, you were combing that thing like it was dying-"
"Who's Morgan, and we never did what you were saying!" cried Chrom. The Krom fangirls quickly put down their pitchforks. "Ugh, I should've never told you that Anna needed to find someone to Pair Up with-"
"Anyway, sorry for your loss, Lady B, but let's keep the ball rolling! Spotlight on C please!" The lights dimmed for the third time that night, as the remaining light shined down on Tharja, who had a malicious-and-sadistic grin on her face. "Go, Krom!"
"Would you ever cheat on me with another man?" asked Chrom in a monotone voice, wanting to get the show over as quickly as possible, so as not to lose the small amount of dignity he still had left. Tharja's expression remained the same, seemingly unaffected by the controversial topic that Chrom had put up.
"No... but cheating on you with another woman is completely possible," said Tharja, eying Robin with an ominous grin. A huge comedic drop of sweat formed on Robin's forehead.
"...We shall be having a long commercial break to regain the sanity of the bachelor and hostess. See you in the next chapter!"
2.) Anyway, please support this story by subscribing, favorite-ing, and reviewing! It helps to inspire me, which leads to a new update!
3.) If you are going to review, feel free to suggest a few questions for round two of the game-show!
Till we meet again...
