Greneck's Amazing Most Awesome Excellent Video Game Adventure
Note: takes place slightly before the space rebel stuff happened.
One day Greneck was in his living room showing off his new Mega Square game console to Cynthia and Derick, who were sitting on the sofa. The console had been modded to play games from different planets, universes, and dimensions.
"I picked up this brand new video game system," explained Greneck. "It contains video games from across the universe, and any game can be played on it. I ordered it online from Blendtendo!"
"Who designed the machine?" asked Cynthia.
"Someone who knew that the video game realm is actually a real realm picked up on by our imaginations! If we can think of something, it's out there somewhere in the cosmos! And there's even a super mondo awesome lil button on this thing that will warp you into the video game universe!" said Greneck.
"Cool!" said Derick.
"I want to play games from Earth!" said Cynthia Koraway.
"Meh, Earth is that planet where they constantly question whether there are other people in the universe besides them. Their games must be pretty weak and unimaginative! Let me guess the titles, Fur Hair Trimmer 10, that sounds really hardcore. How about Duck Hunt? Donkey Thong? Policeman Coffee Break: Drinkathon? PLEAAASE! Dull and uninspiring, at best!" said Derick.
"Not true," said Greneck. "Some of the most imaginative video games I've played are made on earth, and by the way, this baby can take games from almost every planet in the known universe" said Greneck.
"Wow, how'd you get it modded to do that?" asked Cynthia. "You're truly amazing Greneck!"
"Yeah. I wish I knew where he gets all that stuff! Especially that invisibility glue he showed us once! Speaking of which, I really should just use that glue on myself, make myself invisible, and glue myself to Greneck so I can figure out where he gets all that cool stuff!" said Derick.
"I'll glue your mouth shut you silly furball!" said Cynthia, as she began tickling Derick. Derick began laughing hysterically like a hyena, as Greneck popped in the first game disk. He continued laughing, until Cynthia gave him a gentle karate chop in the gut.
"OH, the game, right!" said Derick. Greneck was having some trouble getting the picture on the screen. Cynthia came over to help Greneck. Directly afterwards, Derick came rushing in accordingly, thinking he could help.
"I WILL ASSIST MY HERO, GRENECK MIST, AT ALL COSTS!" said Derick. Derick pushed a button on the Mega Square that was located on the bottom of the console. It was marked with strange alien symbols and drawings. To everyone's surprise, the entire room began shaking.
"Derick, what the heck did you do? I've seen games go funny, but when life goes funny, it isn't funny anymore!" said Greneck. The room continued shaking, and a portal opened up in front of them. Strange noises began coming from the portal, some sounded like beeping sounds, others sounded like screaming Italian people, and princesses crying for help.
"What can I say Greneck? I tried really hard. REALLY REALLY HARD GRENECK. All for you!" said Derick. Greneck folded his arms and gave Derick a frustrated look.
"And, what, exactly, is going on here, silly mcsillypants?" asked Greneck.
"The fruits of my labor?" asked Derick.
"AAAAAAAAH! HOLD ON TIGHT GANG!" said Greneck, as he tried to hold on to a bookshelf. The portal was starting to suck everyone inside of it. Derick and Cynthia had already been warped inside, and Greneck finally gave in and followed them. On the other end of a portal, was another world spreading out before them. But this world was different. Quite different. As a matter of fact, it was made of ice, and it felt like they were either in the North Pole or Antarctica. Only Greneck and Cynthia were there. Derick was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly they saw strange looking people approaching them. They were Eskimos.
"You should be wearing more than a jacket, boy it's damn cold out here!" said one of the Eskimos, putting a coat on Greneck.
"BUT I DON'T FEEL THE COLD!" he protested. Greneck was famous for not being sensitive to extreme temperatures, much to the amazement of his friends and family.
"Ahh well, anyway, you too, missy!" said another Eskimo, dressing up Cynthia with a coat.
"Thanks for the coats guys!" said Cynthia. "My name is Cynthia by the way, and this is Greneck Mist" she added.
"No no no!" said one of the Eskimos. "You two are Popo and Nana, aren't you?" he asked.
"Uhh, psst, Cynthia, agree with him, we're in the Ice Climber realm" whispered Greneck.
MEANWHILE…
"WHAT? How the heck did I end up here? I'm in a Japanese dating sim!" said Derick, biting his claws nervously.
"Ahh well, at least it's an obscure, odd, Japanese dating sim. Heck, I love weird dating sims. This one might have even been banned! Those are sometimes kinda cool" said Derick, remembering an odd computer game he tried hard to convince Greneck to play with him once.
He saw some cute anime girls chatting amongst themselves in the corner near a fruit stand.
"Hmm," thought Derick. "What's the first thing you never do in a dating sim. ASK SOMEONE OUT!" he remembered. He knew he would first need some experience points, or the girls would reject him and slap him around, but he wasn't sure how to gain it. There was a gym nearbye, and to the right of it was a pizza parlor.
"Maybe I'll just wing it!" said Derick, approaching a girl named Melinga. He attempted to ask her out, but she picked him up by the tail, and tossed him flying into a garbage can.
"I guess that's why they call it winging it. When you wing it, you go flying!" said Derick. He got out of the garbage can, with a watermelon he found in it that looked surprisingly edible.
"That was actually kind of cool. Hmm, maybe I'll just wing it, again!" said Derick. Derick approached a girl, whose name was Melonie. He was presented with a piece of paper that displayed a list of options. These included:
TALK
ASK OUT
KISS
GIVE GIFT
DO THE NASTY
FLEE
"I'm gonna give you a gift!" said Derick, putting a checkmark on the "Give Gift" box. Derick handed Melonie the watermelon.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS OBSESSED WITH COLLECTING MELONS? A watermelon completes my collection, teehee, you've been spying on me haven't you?" said Melonie.
"Well, actually, I just found that on the street" said Derick.
"Oh suure, like I'd believe that, you sly silver-tongued snake! If you give me the rare blue watermelon atop Mt. Pilloviah, I'll give you my number!" said Melonie.
"But I don't even….oh, ok, this is gonna be difficult!" said Derick.
"No it's not! I'll toss you!" said Melonie. Melonie picked up Derick by the tail and flung him all the way to the summit of a mountain.
"This is Melonie's idea of a summer fling?" Derick thought to himself, as he hit the mountain top with a plop.
Sure enough, he saw a blue watermelon. But it was being guarded, by a monster. The monster presented Derick with a list of options. Derick was very confused by them.
BACK IN THE ICE CLIMBER DIMENSION:
"We've gotta get out of here Greneck! I'm cold!" said Cynthia, as she struggled to carve a snow bunny.
"Aww, does someone need a hug?" Greneck asked Cynthia as he plowed through an ice block with his huge mallet fiercely.
"Ugh, it's so cold, Greneck, I just might take you up on that offer!" said Cynthia. Greneck put his arms around Cynthia, and they embraced.
"Oh Greneck, I feel so warm, thank you!" said Cynthia.
"You feel warm? Well I feel kinda hot!" said Greneck. Greneck and Cynthia were about to share an eskimo kiss, when suddenly they heard a romance song that seemed to be coming out of nowhere.
"EEK!" said Cynthia, breaking free from the embrace. "It's like we're being watched!"
"Who cares? It's bitter cold I'm gonna die!" said Greneck.
"I care, Greneck. You wouldn't be cold if you were wearing nothing but your fur. Well, you wouldn't be hot either, wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Anyway, someone saw us hug and thought they'd play a sneaky prank I'm sure!" said Cynthia.
"Heh. Well How do you know?" asked Greneck.
"I have a little brother!" said Cynthia.
"OHHH! Well, anyway, I'm sure if we call loud enough, we can find out where the radio is!" said Greneck.
"Good idea!" said Cynthia. An avalanche fell on Greneck and Cynthia due to their screaming.
"We're stupid aren't we Greneck?" said Cynthia.
"Yes, Cynthia, we are. Very very stupid!" said Greneck. Then they saw another boy and girl dressed like eskimos approach them.
"I'm Popo!" said the boy.
"I'm Nana!" said the girl.
"And you're the ones who played that love song?" asked Greneck.
"Yes, it signals when time is about to run out, and when the time runs out you get game over and fade into another dimension!" explained Popo.
"But we want to save the Ice Climber Realm and help you guys get out of here!" said Greneck.
"Well, you two have 5 seconds, and if you like each other, you should share a warm embrace, cuz you two may never see each other again!" said Popo.
"Greneck, we must embrace, or we may never see each other again!" said Cynthia, putting on a dramatic tone.
"Yeah, let's make this last!" said Greneck. Greneck and Cynthia hugged, and while doing so, faded into another dimension. Popo and Nana watched and laughed.
"Hahaha!" said Popo. "They're fools. Master Hand, King Bowser, Ganondorf, and Lord Degethria shall take care of them!"
"Yes, and now that they're out of the picture, we don't need our masks anymore!" said Nana. Popo and Nana took off their disguises. They WEREN't Popo and Nana after all. They were imposters. They were actually Jessie and James of Team Rocket from the Pokemon games.
"Do you hear that? Is that a voice?" asked Jessie.
"Yes, it's speaking to me loud and clear!" answered James.
"On the wind!" added Jessie.
"Past the stars!" James interjected.
"Into your TV sets, earlobes, and nostrils!" added a lone snowman in the distance.
"Bringing chaos and destruction at a super swift pace!" said Jessie, tossing her red hair back.
"Dashing hope, leaving fear in its place!" said James.
"WE'RE TEAM ROCKET, IN YOUR FACE!" said Jessie.
"Wait, that was not the entire poem!" said James.
"True, but Meaowth is no longer with us, remember his accident on the little PokeSeat?" asked Jessie.
"Twas such a tragedy, but Meaowth was nothing more than a pain!" said James.
"And we're simply just villains, so pain is our game!" added Jessie.
MEANWHILE...
Greneck and Cynthia had faded into a very evil dimension. The V.G.V. Club HQ. VGVG, which of course, is an abbreviation for VIDEO GAME VILLAINS. There they found themselves in a spaceship, and saw all the video game heroes trapped in a giant cage, including Link, Mario, Kirby, Donkey Kong, Samus, Spyro the Dragon, Solid Snake, The Four Light Warriors from the NES version of Final Fantasy, Gex the Gecko, and even Pac Man. The video game villains were seated in giant floating chairs surrounding the cage, when their leader, the overseer of all that is evil in video games, Game Over saw Greneck and Cynthia embracing. They quickly stopped as soon as he noticed. Or rather, it noticed. Game Over was simply a dark spirit, a ghost of sorts, that had no identity unless it took anothers life. It looked like a floating broken Playstaton 3 wrapped in a dark cloak, wearing an "I'm with the stupid people" t-shirt. It posessed sinister glowing red eyes. It then began to explain the evil plan of the Video Game Villain crime syndicate.
"Well well well, what a cute couple you two make! I'd love to reveal my entire plan, and tell you about how many times I've killed everyone in the cage you see before you, but I must make this quick, as I'm late for a villain meeting. But as it stands, if you two are hoping to stop me, you can't. I am not truly evil. Think of me as..say..the Grim Reaper, or...Santa Claus. All heroes encounter me at some point, as they have limited lives. Because of cheap deaths, many players give up, and worlds go unsaved, for me and my alliances to take control of. Granted, there are usually enough hardcore gamers and devoted fans of popular franchises who never stop playing the game no matter how many times their character dies. But what if those franchises vanished altogether? After these hideous video game heroes serve their sentence, I will remove them from the cage and deposit them into the pit of Spooky Things, and when I do so, the video game universe will belong entirely to me, and kids will get better grades on their homework world wide!" explained Game Over.
"And how is this a bad thing?" asked Cynthia.
"Well, in my view, it isn't!" explained Game Over, lighting up a cigarette. "But within the video game realm lies many entrances to the real world. If I can take control of the video game realm, I can swoop into the real world, and prove to the people of Earth once and for all, that life is in fact, nothing but a video game. I will then proceed to hack into the lives of inferior earthlings, and manipulate them, so I can gain energy. When I do this, they will fail at everything they do, yes, that includes homework. I am the very reason people fail to do anything. I am failure!"
"Then we can beat you! You always lose!" said Greneck.
"Wrong! I make YOU lose. I am already dead. I was once a happy child in the land of Rozonah, the dimension where dreams are supposed to come true, but they never came true for me, and so I became a depressed teenager and failed at everything in life. I was a hopeless video game addict. I wanted others to feel my pain, so I strangled myself with a playstation cord, and was forced to remain in this sorry state forever! My only hope is that I can give everyone a piece of me, to feel my pain, to feel my sweat and blood and struggle to know that as you suffer, I suffered once as well!" said Game Over.
"OHHHH, so that explains it. This has got to be a dream!" said Greneck.
"I think we're dealing with the AntiChrist!" said Cynthia.
"No, Cynthia, my intentions are quite noble, and Grenek, I assure you this is not a dream. The ultimate secret, you see, is this: Everything is real. Time and space, different dimensions, different universes, everything is linked in an infinite evolutionary loop. The future is determined by how much balance can be kept in each of the dimensions! But I have captured the people who help create the balance between the worlds, the heroes! The video game hereos!" explained Game Over.
"You may have captured the canon ones, but we fancharacters are still here!" said Greneck.
"I would love to give you a piece of me, to give you and Miss Kitty a lovely little game over, and destroy both of you. But alas, I cannot truly kill anyone. I work through others to give people pieces of my frustration, such as my underlings, my business associates, the lowest ranking most mediocre officers on the chain of evil, Bowser and Ganondorf. And they could not destroy you either!" explained Game Over.
"Why is that?" asked Greneck. Ganondorf was quick to answer.
"We cannot kill fancharacters, it is a sad state of affairs. We figured you fancharacters would be the only wrench in our plans, as we've captured all the real video game characters already!" said Ganondorf.
"Ok, I'm getting confused!" said Greneck.
"We cannot currently destroy you. Right now, in this ship, we could not even so much as touch you, or we would all explode! This ship exists in-between the many realms, and as a result, if we touched anything not of our realm while in this ship, the entire megaverse would explode! Even we wouldn't want that, as we want to control it, not destroy it! With this having been said, we have one fancharacter on our side, Lord Degethria! He will help us gain access to your world so we can destroy you without disrupting the sacred flow of time and space!" said Ganondorf.
"LORD DEGETHRIA? I knew he was behind this!" said Greneck.
"Can we get out of here already? Q-Bert is hitting on me!" protested Cynthia.
To be continued...
