A/N: Well, here's my sad attempt of a parody. I hope you like it. :D
It's totally making fun of Leon. He's fun to mess with XD I love him.
I DONT OWN RESIDENT EVIL. IF I DID, HELL, LEON WOULD RULE THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHA.
Chapter 1: Leon Meets Claire
Some dude in a gay looking police uniform was driving down a dark and eerie street with his windows rolled down, and his speakers blasting Love Game by Lady Gaga.
All of a sudden, some dead chick was laying the middle of the road.
" Oooh. Why is there some dead chick in the street? " He got out of his car and stared. " Too bad, she was kinda hot. " He turned around to climb back into his car when there were three dead dudes walking towards him.
" Duuuuuude. You guys are dead. Why are you walking? Heh heh, that's cool. " The gay looking dude was named Leon Scott Kennedy.
---
MEANWHILE AT SOME RANDOM GAS STATION...
Another dead dude fell backwards out of a window and made this weird sex noise. Someones happy...
Some fat pedophilic man was sitting in his semi truck, holding his bleeding arm. " That guys a maniac! Why'd he bite me?! "
"Uhm, maybe because he's a frigging ZOMBEHH!" The-person-who-tells-this-story pointed out obviously.
BACK TO THE GAY LOOKING DOUCHEBAG IN POLICE UNIFORM...
---
The cool looking dead people were walking towards Leon as he pulled out a camcorder. " Nooo. Groan some more! Yes! Just like that! Uh huh. Now, you ugly bitch with the bad haircut and jaw hanging off by a few ligaments, walk more limpy like. There! Great! "
He saw more of those cool looking people and decided not to push it with the picture taking. " Well, I gotta run. There's some girl in this bar I need to save. Talk to you all later. "
Just as he said that some girl in a slutty pink leather outfit said " Wait, don't shoot! "
" You talking to me? Because I never shot anything in my life! I don't even have a gun on me! Wait, yes I do! I wonder what this thing does... " The asshat decided to poke and prod at the gun making it fire wildly.
The girl ducked for her life. A bullet that was shot due to Leon's crazy gun proding spree had miraculously shot a bald zombie man guy person in the forehead that was behind the hot chick with a ponytail.
" Hey bitch, we can't stay and drink a few beers here, so let's just assume the police station is a lot safer and go there! "
The bitch nodded and grabbed his hand as they skipped away singing Skip To My Lou.
They came across a random police car. " Hey maybe this car actually has the key in the ignition and we can get in it and drive! " Leon said, smiling stupidly.
" Totally! " The bitch agreed. And as they predicted, the key was in the ignition, and the douchebag Leon decided to drive.
They were only driving for a few minutes before the bitch started talking again.
" What is going on?! I arrived in town and the whole place went insane! "
" Great! The radio is out! " Leon pouted, ignoring her completely. " That sucks cow testicles. I really wanted to finished listening to Love Game... "
" Did you just cut me off?! " The bitch yelled.
" Yep. "
" Your a cop, aren't you? "
" What gave me away? My obvious police uniform or my sexy hair? "
" Your sexy hair. "
" I knew it! My name is Leon Kennedy, nice to meet you. " He said, still smiling like he was admiring some naked boobalicious chick in Playboy.
" My name is Claire, Claire Redfield. "
" I don't care how red your field is! " Leon yelled. " Heh, that sounded dirty. "
Claire with the red field and Leon Sucks Ass Kennedy chuckled a little bit.
After their we're laughing fit, Claire said " I came to find my brother Chris. "
" Yeah, yeah, that's nice. I don't really give a horse shit! "
Suddenly, behind them, a speeding semi came accelerating towards them!
" HOLY SCHNIKIES! " Leon screamed. " There's a dead Brad Pitt driving that car! I should pull over and ask for his autograph.
Claire slapped him upside his head. " No! He's dead. That's not even Brad Pitt anyways. "
" Ah fooey. You should open that glove box. There is a gun. Even though this isn't my car, and we just randomly decided to drive this car, I know there's one in there. "
" You have pyschic powers!! You should have your own show! "
" Yeah, I'd call it: That's so Leon! "
" Perfect! " Claire cheered as she opened the glove box to find a handgun. " I hope I don't shoot my eye out with this. "
A dead guy with the same exact hair as Leon popped out from the backseat randomly. " Hey guys! I was just wondering how you get to- "
" OMGWTFLOLSMILEYFACE! " Leon laughed hysterically. While he was busy laughing, the car spun around several times and crashed into a stop sign. The zombeh flew out of the windshield and hit the pole.
" Aww, poor guy. I liked his hair. " Claire frowned.
Leon patted her on the back. " Me too. "
While they were mingling, Claire noticed that the pedophilic fat ass who got bit was too busy eating a cheesburger to realize he was about to hit them.
" Leon! " She pointed.
" It's gonna ram us! "
" No shit, Sherlock! "
" Get out of the car! "
They both dove out of car just in time to save themselves. For the semi truck crashed into the car that Leon and Claire hijacked and it explodedededed.
" Claire! " Leon called from one side of the flames.
" Leon! " She responded from the other.
" I'm okay, and frankly, I don't give a shit if your hurt or not. Go to the flipping police station. I'll meet you there. "
" Okay! "
They were parted by an unescapable destiny. This is just the beginning of thier worst
nightmare...... WTF is this? The OC?! MOVE ALONG!
A/N: I hope you guys liked it. Lol. I enjoyed writing it. XD Now, I hope you guys who read it are some loyal reviewers.
That would soooooo make my day. :)
I'll update ASAP.
Kthxbai!
