Chapter One – When I Grow Up

A/N: We don't own Twilight (yet), as everybody knows. This was inspired by the song "When I Grow Up" and hyperness caused from Sprite, Maoms and Dr Pepper, and don't forget the Galaxy chocolate. The things the imagination comes up with when it's stimulated. By sugar, and random...don't want to say activities after all that's gonna happen down there \/ so...umm...and randomness. Yeah, we're going to do something else now, something...something.

MPOV (Mike)

The darkness of the night was great cover for my mission, I thought meanly as I tapped my fingers against each other Mr Burns style from the Simpsons. My two assistants - both females and pricks;

"Oi! Who you calling a prick, prick?" They both said simultaneously, shooting me glares from halfway up the glass wall of the Cullen household. My 'little minions' who fortunately owed me a favour;

"Unfortunately." Lexy -the tallest of the twins- shot down at me; her tone of voice was as quippy as an arrow being shot from a bow. The other twin -Kyra- ignored me completely.

"How the hell do you keep finishing my thoughts?"
"We're just that good babe." Kyra joined the conversation with a sarcastic smirk.

"Keep scaling the glass wall." I shot at them angrily before either of them could make any more sarcastic comments. Both were dressed in specially designed outfits –the fronts were visible representations of the surrounding woods near the Cullens residence and from the back; they were a creamy white to match the colour of the mansion walls.

"All right, all right, don't get your panties in a bunch!" Lexy demanded.

"Just shut up and get climbing." The accompanied fwhoop fwhoop of the suction cups they were using filled the silence enveloping us like a fluffy blanket. That reminds me, I need to wash my blankie.

I had done my research, and only two of the Cullens would be home; the doctor and his wife and I was almost certain they would be putting their alone time to good use, if you catch my drift.

"Eew! That disgusting!"

"Again! How did you read my mind?" Sometimes the twins freaked me out.

"No reason..." Lexy said a little too fast.

"Sometimes we're just extremely..." Kyra added on to the end of her sister's statement.

"What's that word?" Lexy clicked the fingers on one of her hands after releasing it momentarily from the suction cup. Kyra seemed to think for a moment and then she copied the motion.

"Intuitive." Click and point. An eye roll from me before they continued their climbing. Edward's room was on the third storey of the white house; I could recognise the outline of the shelves of CD's even from this distance.

My knees protested from being bent for so long down on the damp, moist mud that lined the small passage between the two boulders I'd been camping behind for two whole days. The house was never left on its own; I came here on Friday night and set up my camouflaged sleeping bag and pillow. My blankie hadn't fit into my backpack so I'd had to settle for Mr Snuggle bear, my snuggle bear that I had nightmares without.

"Mr Snuggle bear?"

"Seriously?" I shot them weird looks; questioning their ability to know everything that I was thinking.

"You're reading my mind!" I shouted; forgetting for a moment that I was meant to remain hidden. The twins obviously didn't forget that though because they shushed me impatiently as they continued fwhoop fwhoopingup the side of the glass wall. They'd almost reached the second floor.

"No we're not." They relayed at exactly the same time, looking oddly fishy. A voice interrupted the girls climbing and took away the suspicions budding in my stomach. Why were the twins so in sync with my thoughts?

"Esme? Did you say you'd found Mr Snuggle Bear? Emmett's been looking for him everywhere." Dr Cullen's voice reached my ears so I knew the girls had to have heard him. They froze mid-fwhoop.

CPOV

"Carlisle, what the hell are you on about?" Esme's voice reached me as I leaned against the window curiously, looking out into the night, wondering if the kids were back early and that's what I'd heard. No one was running over the horizon so the mystery still wasn't solved.

"I heard someone say 'Mr Snuggle bear'. Who else would have spoken?" Esme joined me beside the window.

"Maybe you're hearing things with old age honey." Esme tapped my shoulder reassuringly.

"I'm only 360 something. I'm not that old." I defended weakly. Esme chuckled and wrapped her arms round my waist.

"Maybe the kids are going to be back early."

"I already thought about that. I can't see them anywhere." Esme narrowed her eyes as she concentrated on the scenery in front of us. I copied her as we both scanned the open area. No, there were definitely no pale blurs shooting towards us at the speed of light.

I opened my mouth to say that I must have imagined it when something squeaked from above us, snatching our attention. Our gaze broke away from the window and we looked straight up the staircase.

"Are you sure we're the only ones here? That sounded suspiciously like Rosalie and Emmett's night-time activities."Esme sounded confused.

"No. The squeaking would be more constant. Maybe it's Alice and Jasper."

"But the squeaking would still be constant if it was Alice and Jasper."

"Not necessarily."
"What are you on about?"
"Sorry darling, that's father/son confidentiality." My wife narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously but let my comment slide. I wasn't sure how I'd explain Alice and Jasper's preference to speed when it came to...certain deeds. A light blinked once overhead and Esme's expression changed to one of happiness and she looked seductively at me.

"Come here big boy."

We disappeared upstairs, leaving my shirt behind on the doorknob.

We didn't want to be disturbed.

LPOV (Lexy)

That was a close one, and a very disgusting one at that.

I agree with you on that one sis.

Kyra's thoughts ran through my head like a course ribbon of string connecting us. Our forms were prone on the glass; light as feathers as we waited for the occupants of the house to be distracted by each other so they didn't notice the noise we made as we ascended to the third floor. It was a definite that we had to fwhoop up the wall faster than before. Neither of us had a wish to hear the doctor and his wife "get it on".

Yeah, I agree with you again. I most certainly don't want to hear them "get it on," the blonde and the bear were bad enough. I didn't think he'd leave any of the pillows in tact.

"We'd better get moving then." I whispered as my hands steadily started moving again up the glass. Fwhoop, fwhoop. The sound repeated until we'd scaled all the way to the third floor. Once we'd reached the top; we had nothing to do but wait.

After one minute I got a mental call through from Kyra.

I'm bored. Can't we snack on Newton and go home?

My scowl was strong but I couldn't help the daydream that passed through my mind. A world without Mike Newton would probably be an improvement.

We'd have to share him, and I'm not in the mood for takeaway. Plus we sort of owe him.

Kyra scowled.

I don't like owing people. It sucks.

I know. Couldn't agree more. But we do owe him so keep your teeth to yourself.

Kyra growled silently in her thoughts.

You know you want his blood as much as me. He talks way too much and he's delusional.

If we're going to start afresh, we'd better not do it by eating our classmates.

Kyra pouted, giving up.

No one would miss him anyway.

His parents would.

She scoffed under her breath.

We'd be doing them a favour.

The rest of the wait passed in silence, except for Mike's thoughts down below, which were centred on Doctor Cullen's wife.

That kid really did have a thing or two wrong in the sanity department.

EPOV

Jasper had won the bet.

Emmett, Jasper and I had bet on how long it would take Esme and Carlisle to retire to their bedroom. I'd said they wouldn't full stop, Jasper had said they'd go just before we arrived back and Emmett had claimed they'd jump on each other as soon as we got out of the door. Jasper had been the closest.

Emmett and I now had to buy Jasper a car. A very expensive car. Alice kept bouncing up and down in amusement, obviously liking our choice. It hadn't taken us long to decide on what car would suit Jasper's personality the most.

The house was quiet except for the occasional squeak from upstairs in Carlisle and Esme's room. No prizes for guessing why.

All I wanted right at this moment was to go and see my Bella sleep, but I had to get changed first. The mountain lion I'd managed to track down had been feisty, and my shirt was in tatters. The lion had had the worst aim though; he'd managed to rip the fabric of my trousers off my butt. Good thing I didn't wear my Thomas the Tank Engine underpants, because everybody has to have a pair of them, but it's still embarrassing when you're caught wearing some.

"I'm going to my room. Don't disturb me."

"You're going to dance again ain't you?" Emmett said with a cocky grin.

"No." I looked at a piece of interesting wall across the room to hide my guilty expression.

"Just don't do Baby One More Time please. Last time it took a week to replaster the ceiling and relay the carpet in your room."

"Don't you need to find your beloved Mr Snuggle bear?" I shot at him angrily as I headed towards the stairs. Alice, Rose and Jasper were laughing at the distraught expression on Emmett's face. Didn't he know that his beloved bear had been put through the shredder by Rose at least a month ago when he'd forgotten their anniversary? Rose was giving me a rather vivid mental image of the little bear slowly being ripped apart piece by piece by the razor sharp blades. Emmett would break down if he found out.

As I passed Carlisle and Esme's room on the second floor I heard Carlisle go;

"Shazam!" And not long after Esme's voice –high-pitched- joined his.

"Good for you darling." The distant sound of someone patting someone else's chest reached my ears and I mentally gagged.

Was I the only vampire in the house currently not screwing anyone almost daily?

"Yeah." Voices said from thin air, creeping me out and sending chills down my vampire spine. Where the hell did those voices come from? As I continued up to the third storey I felt like someone was watching me from the every shadow or hidden crevice, but that was impossible, I'd smell anyone who was camping out in our home.

My room was exactly as I'd left it; and I wasted no time in closing and snapping the lock across on my door before I headed towards my top-of-the-range stereo system.

What music would I rave to tonight?

The voices came again, suggesting quite a decent song.

"Pussycat Dolls, When I Grow Up." Maybe I was hearing a passer-by's thoughts and they were just uncannily in sync with my current surroundings, but I knew that I had to block everyone out so I could focus on the raving.

The CD was right near the back of the furthest shelf, mean as Alice had only bought a copy as a joke a while ago. I'd never felt the need to mention that I'd kept the copy. As soon as the song came blasting through my speakers, I let the rhythm take me. My hands started doing the washing machine –round and round- while my legs bobbed up and down to the rhythm. My head did the same. ((A/N: We're not that good at describing raves.))

When the encore came on I let the music really take control. My hands shot forward of their own accord and I started gesturing to an invisible Bella seductively. Just as the music was dragging me even further into its tantalizing hold a flash –quite blinding actually- distracted me; and I blinked rapidly as I switched the music off at vampire speed.

Voices were reaching me as I slowly allowed the thoughts back into my head.

Man, I need some more shoes.

I tuned Alice out.

Rose looks really hot tonight. I might take a leaf out of Carlisle and Esme's book and have some fun.

Emmett...I really didn't need the vivid mental images.

Should I tell him or shouldn't I?

I really didn't need to be in Esme or Carlisle's heads right at this moment. Yuck. They were having some private time. I worked hard to pick up thoughts that weren't my family's, and that's when I heard them for the first time. At first I thought it was only one person because the minds were so alike and so similar, but it soon became obvious that each girl had different thoughts. One of them had a camouflaged camera clutched in her hand and she was smiling guiltily at me.

Shoot, he wasn't meant to see us.

That came from the one not holding the camera; the other girl was cursing herself for leaving the flash on.

KPOV (Kyra)

How stupid could you get? I left the stupid, bloody flash on!

Why do they want a picture of me dancing? And why are they plastered on my window?

His thoughts came full into my head; like a train following tracks. It was obvious from looking at him now that Edward –the guy Mike had ordered us to get an embarrassing photo of- wasn't human. His skin was the same shade as ours but his eyes were a fiery gold. That's odd.

What are nomads doing on my window in the middle of the night?

His thoughts came again, more vibrant this time. He obviously felt strongly about people -our kind- feeding on humans, but we didn't know of an alternative diet, so he couldn't complain. I felt Lexy putting pressure on our bond, trying to get my attention.

We need to go. Now. His whole family's home.

How many?

Seven.

I don't think even we can...

Handle that many.

Lexy finished my thought.

We won't hurt them, not if they want to change diet.

I heard Edward's thoughts in my head. How did he know we wanted to change diets? And how did he know that we were worried his family were going to attack us? Could it be possible that Edward was like us? Was he a mind reader?

I've never met any other mind readers before.

Neither have I.

Well, duh. We haven't been separated before so I've seen everything you've seen dingbat.

Lexy rolled her eyes at me while I smirked sheepishly. It was true, we'd never spent one minute apart since we'd been born, except for the obvious reasons when we were human and when we went hunting and stuff.

I can hear you, you know.

He sounded bored with our thoughts. How dare he become bored with our thoughts! Sure, maybe the shock was a little too much but...umm...it didn't matter.

Mike had told us not to get caught...damn it. Edward could hear my thoughts so he knew Mike was behind this. Oh crap, I'd just told him Mike was behind this.

Shut up Kyra!

Lexy shouted in my head.

No, no, go on. I insist.

Edward seemed quite amused. He obviously thought Mike was a funny topic of conversation. He must be some sort of human stalker maybe.

I think it's about time we make our departure.

I agree.

Bye Edward.

We thought in union before we flipped from our positions –stuck to the glass wall with the suction cups- straight down to the ground floor onto the soft mud. The jump would have shattered a human's legs but to vampires, it was easy to gracefully land without a scratch.

As soon as we'd touched down on the floor Lexy headed in one direction –to the left- and I ran to the right. I was sure our home was to the right. When we noticed that we'd each gone a separate direction, we turned on our heels and followed each other; except Lexy ended up going right then and I was going left. Which way were we going for God sake?

I say left.

Lexy suggested, bringing up a picture of our journey here.

Left it is.

What about Mike? Edward's probably going to skin him alive and eat his insides.

We both thought for a moment. There was no way Mike could make an escape with us. I wasn't going to show him where we lived and he couldn't feel our vampire speed.

What about if we just tell him to run in a certain direction?

Lexy finally decided, not really sure of any other course of action.

Deal.

"Mike, if I were you I'd run right. Now." And with those final words we departed into the night before we could be joined by the Cullens, who I could hear moving about inside the white mansion, getting closer to the back exit.

They wouldn't catch us. Running was our speciality.

But Mike?

Not so sure.

A/N: Review or we'll eat you, (or we'll set Kyra and Lexy on you. They're close relatives.)

If you didn't realise before, Kyra and Lexy are meant to be me and Emm. Lexy is Emm while I'm Kyra. We thought it'd be funny to put some of our personalities here. Make the story a little bit more...Funny and...Fiery.

From Charli and Emm, over and out.