A/N: Hi guys, this is my first fanfic, so review and let me know. I'm really excited for ACOWAR and I know that we're close, but I'm going to post this anyway and see what happens. Enjoy.
Nesta POV
Pacing around like the caged tiger I was, I glanced toward the bed. Elain had buried her face in the fluffy pillow. We had both spent the last month in this room, adjusting to our new Fae bodies. I nearly spit, thinking of the creatures we had become. My rage, quick to ignite, again flared. As my pace quickened, I tripped over my new limbs, now sprawled on the floor. Elain spared me a concerned glance before once again burying her face in the pillow. This had not been infrequent recently. I nearly growled, although I froze at the light knock on the door of the bedroom. We hadn't interacted with anyone and it seemed that the others had known how we felt as we hadn't been disturbed, or maybe they didn't care what happened to us a small part of me thought. Food had appeared inside our room every day, and everything we could have possibly needed had been in the surprisingly lavish bedroom.
A sweet voice called softly into the room "Nesta, Elain, I was wondering if you wanted to join us for dinner?" The voice, which I recognized as the girl named Mor's, seemed slightly hesitant. I sighed. To be honest with myself, I had been hiding from the others, but it seemed like it was time to step out of this room and face the world. I glanced at Elain who had sat up and was staring at the door with a conflicted face before longing flashed across it.
"Ok" I called simply to Mor.
Her voice, toned with surprise and delight, answered "Great! Dinner in an hour."
Cassian POV
I lay face down on my bed letting my thoughts wander. However, more often than not, they would return to my shredded wings. I am Illyrian, my wings are my everything. I once again try to console myself, it was to save Azriel, they might heal… But then everything went to hell again. Azriel might not live, Feyre had been taken to the damned spring court, and Nesta… and Elain a small part of my mind chimed in. Was she okay? I hadn't left my room for a month since we came back. I had locked myself in despite the concerned queries of my friends. I hadn't answered any of the questions asked through the door. I could hear the worry in their voices. A small part of me was disappointed that the voice was never Nesta's. I didn't know how she was feeling, I didn't know how Azriel was, I didn't know what had happened to Feyre in the time I was in here. That was the down side to my isolation, I didn't know what was going on in the world, especially at the brink of war. A gentle knock was placed on my door, like many of the last month. Prepared to ignore it, I was surprised when instead of concerned questions, Mor's sweet voice took command "Cas, I know you're in there even if you don't answer. Will you come have dinner with all of us?" At my hesitation she softly consoled me, as if sensing my worries.
"Cas, we all love you, wings or not. We love you for who you are."
Hesitatingly she continued, as if wondering whether to say it or not, "We're all worried about you. Will you come to dinner once so that we can see if you're okay?" I could hear her shifting from foot to foot outside my door, as if wondering whether she had said too much. After a few minutes, I hear her sigh and start turning away from my door. I can't bear to hear the strain in her voice, I can't bear to stay locked away like a coward.
So I simply rasped "Ok." I wasn't sure if she heard, soft as my voice was from disuse, but she paused and came back to stand in front of my door.
"Thank you Cassian" she whispered, sounding like she was holding back tears.
Nesta POV
An hour later, Elain and I both showered and standing in clean clothes cautiously creaked open the door. No one was in the hall, so we wandered around until we found Mor and Rhysand in the dining room. They had been conversing in low, subdued tones, but they abruptly stopped when they sensed us. Mor's face split into a grin and I would have believed that she had no worries had her eyes not held a great weight and sorrow. I stuck out my hand, not sure how to greet her, but she ignored it and pulled me into a warm embrace. I stiffened, before remembering that Feyre had trusted these people. Despite myself, I relaxed a bit in her embrace. Once she had stepped back from hugging me, then Elain, I shifted my gaze to Rhysand. Feyre's lover, her mate. I would have hissed at him for letting my younger sister be taken away if he hadn't looked weighed down with grief and guilt. It was only then I realized that I had neglected her for so many years, letting her provide for the family. Rhysand stuck out his hand, snapping me out of my thoughts. After both Elain and I shook it, Mor pressed glasses of deep red wine into our hands.
"You probably have a lot of questions for us," she said.
"Where is Feyre?" I blurted without thinking. Mor's eyes shot to Rhysand as his seemed to slump at my question. Mor slowly explained where she was, what had happened to Feyre. She explained about Amarantha, Hybern, and all the sacrifices that had been made by my sister, my incredibly strong, brave sister. With every word, Rhysand seemed to slump more and more, eventually looking like he just wanted to disappear. We sat for a few minutes in silence until and small figure clad in gray prowled in. Power seemed to radiate from her, ancient and cunning. Mor introduced her as Amren, explaining how both Amren and herself were part of Rhysand's Inner Circle. When she explained how Cassian and Azriel fit in, my head snapped up, remembering the two warriors I had overlooked. They had been hurt, I suddenly remembered. I was about to open my mouth to ask if they had healed when I heard two sets of grounded footsteps coming slowly down the hall. The two massive Illyrian warriors appeared in the doorway. Azriel looked mostly healthy, if not a little weaker than usual. However, there was a deep sorrow in his eyes, deeper than before. Cassian… he looked like someone had drained the will to live from him. And his wings. They were shredded. Open cuts lined them, and though they were bandaged, blood had seeped out. They drooped behind him, as if Cassian were trying to hide his wings from us.
Mor POV
The mood was incredibly tense when we sat down to dinner. Nothing like the laughter filled meals of past. Nothing like when Feyre was here, when Rhys looked like he was complete. I wasn't sure if this change in mood was because of Feyre's sisters, Cassian, or just the impact of Hybern. I tried to lighten the mood with jokes and stories, but Rhys didn't look present, Nesta sat stiffly, and Elain only looked down at the food she had barely touched, her discomfort with us apparent. Azriel attempted to help my efforts and Amren was uncharacteristically quiet, her eyes darting between those assembled. But Cassian of all people... he just stared unseeingly at his plate, pushing his food around like Amren. He used to be full of laughter and endlessly teasing. I wondered if the King of Hybern realized that by taking his wings, he had taken something more from Cassian. Somehow, we got through the meal, then sat at the table in an unbreakable silence until eventually Az suggested turning in for the night. As everyone filed out, I grabbed Rhys' arm. Once they were all gone, I turned to him.
"Talk to Cassian, Rhys. Help him figure it out. Maybe - maybe it'll help you too."
Rhys only nodded and turned away, hands in pockets, head down. My heart cracked. While Rhys had tried to act composed the last month, an undeniable change had come over him. The King of Hybern had broken us all more thoroughly than he realized.
Rhysand POV
I walked slowly through the House of Wind, heading towards Cassian's room. I knocked on his door before squaring my shoulders. He needed to see me strong and coping to believe that he could heal. I just hope he hadn't noticed how absent I was at dinner. The meal had overwhelmed me, reminding me of meals with Feyre, happy, filled with the love and joy I had only achieved once in 500 years; when she was by my side. I hadn't been able to communicate with her except for bursts of feeling over the bond. While the King of Hybern hadn't broken the bond, he had weakened it considerable. At least it was better than nothing.
I banished the thoughts from my mind and my face, as Cassian's now weak voice called out "Who is it?"
I remembered how strong and teasing his voice used to be. Now he sounded gone. As stoically as I could, I answered "Rhys".
"Are you going to pity me? Or ask me what I need or why I'm so down?" he answered back. Now he sounded a little more like himself, it was a start.
"Only if you want me too. Otherwise I'll just come in and hope talking to you will be worth my time. I am a very busy High Lord you know" I shot back.
"I'm done with the pitying crap, and as if it isn't obvious why I don't feel like my usual stunning self. And only you would pull rank right now prick" he said, and I thought I detected a hint of smile in his voice. "Come in" he added, almost as an afterthought. A smile twitched at my lips at the hint of the usual Cassian that pulled through. I pushed open the door of his room. He was sitting up, looking like he was trying to be strong. I wrinkled my nose as I walked in.
"Why does this room look like a load of shit?" I asked, referring to the mess that his room was. Piles of clothes were heaped over his floor, bandages, both clean and dirty were draped over everything. The healers were the only ones that Cassian had allowed in the room, but he obviously hadn't let them clean up anything. Dirty dishes were stacked precariously on the bedside tables with medicines strewn around them.
A smile twitched on his lips as he answered, "having no one but me in a room for a month will do that." We talked for the better part of an hour until he started yawning.
Before I left, I asked "Does this mean you will be taking visitors? Believe it or not, there are actually people who want to talk to you."
He made a vulgar gesture at me, already seeming more like himself before adding "No pricks."
"Oh, I thought I was welcome here. Well, that's what you get for 500 years of friendship." After talking to me, he looked less drained of joy, and talking to him made me feel better about Feyre.
As I was leaving, he asked in a tentative voice "How's Nesta?" I smiled to myself.
"I don't know. Dinner was the first time she and Elain came out of their room in a month."
I added as an afterthought "I'll pass on your concern though. She'll take well to that." He hissed and repeated the vulgar gesture before I closed his door.
