AN/ Like many things I write this is short but I didn't see any point in making it longer when I got my point across just fine.
Dislcaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Every time he is called a 'greasy git' Severes feels hatred.
He feels it first for the students. They are insolent, repulsive things that make him wonder why he tries to teach him his beautiful art. They are also innocent and ignorant so that anger does not last long.
Then he feels hatred to their parents for sheltering them so much. Severus was never a shelter child but could not say he was never ignorant. He forgives the parents because childhood is a precious thing that he wished he ha d held onto longer.
He turns his loathing on to Dumbledore because the aged wizard had the chance to save him and failed. This is the quickest anger to be gone though because for as long as he can remember Dumbledore has been the only constant in his life who has not wished to harm him. Using him is another matter.
Severus hates himself the most. He hates himself for not being strong enough to stand up to his drunken father and his belt. He hates himself for loving a girl who deserved so much better than him and he hates him self to hating that she chose the right man instead of him. He hates himself whenever he sees the dark mark on his wrist reminding him that he was too weak to stand on his own. He hates himself for running back to the Light and pleading Albus for another chance.
He hates that he got it. He spends hours brewing potions that will save the lives of people who despise him and kill Death Eaters that once were old friends. He continues to protect Lily's son and he hates that he can't get past his loathing of James to get to know his last connection to Lily better. He acts a spy for a side he doesn't care for. He gets sent back night after night to be tortured, to return with information that is rarely act upon and tossed aside until he is needed again.
He hates that he cleans every night for hours but can never wash the dark magic reside from his skin or the potions' aftermath from his hair.
