A continuation of "Shelter", please, read that one first so this makes more sense :)


Theo was running down a hallway, it was dark and the only thing he could see was the dim light from a distant corner. He has been in the run for what seemed like an eternity and he was so damn tired. His legs threatened to give up and he barely could breath. Everytime Theo slowed down he could hear the pulse in the walls, like there was something alive inside them, hunting him, getting close.

He knew what would happen if it caught him.

So he ran.

A misstep made him fell and he didn't have the strengh to stand up. He really knew how it ended and there was no escape, his efforts would never be enough and there were no place to go. A shadow came over him. He closed his eyes, but even if he wasn't seeing her face, he could feel her wet cold hair touching his skin and her hand on his chest, pressing down.

Refusing to look, he felt like being nowhere, floating, trapped again – hyperaware of his trembling body, his chattering teeth, his heart beating so hard it seemed like it was pounding inside his head, in the tip of his fingers.

And then the pain.

Theo opened his eyes, gasping, trying to breathe through the taste of panic hovering over him. His first instinct was to protect himself from the promise of violence he was still feeling all over him, so he sat down and pressed his back against the headboard and used his arms and legs to shield his body.

With his forehead tightly pressed against his knees, focusing on breathing and to be aware of his surroundings, Theo felt like a child. He hated how fear could make him so irrational and pathetic.

Theo stayed like that until his senses settled down. He looked up and around. The curtain was open and the weak light of the morning assured him that he was safe, in his own room. That the bed underneath him was his even if it was just for a while.

He didn't move at first. It was too early, no later than 4:00 am, and he felt like he had been fighting all night, his muscles were tense and his limbs weighted tiredly. In moments like that his body seemed to forget everything that had been done to him: he was no chimera, no werewolf, just a human. An exhausted and fragile human.

The nightmares were a constant to him. Theo didn't remember the last time he had slept without them and, lately, he would rather not sleep than revive his terrors every night.

Someone fumbled around downstairs, probably Liam's stepfather making some coffee and reading a book on the kitchen island. He was an insomniac, almost never slept. Some days both of them would be awake late in the night and Theo would listen to the pages turning until morning, when they would pretend that nothing happened and everything was normal.

He sat down and put his bare feet on the floor. He needed to feel real again. The four walls of his room seemed to shrink around him and make it difficult to breathe.

The window was already open (he'd never close it) and he walked to it quietly, trying to not wake Liam up, who was just a thin wall away from him. He'd learned that the guy was anything but a morning person, going to sleep too late and waking up like a piece of shit next day.

Theo looked outside and felt the urge to leave. He wasn't a fan of living in his truck, but he wasn't a fan of being trapped either. Not that this house was a prison, but Theo felt like the person these people thought he was didn't exist and that who he really was didn't deserved anything that was happening to him. He was mentally tired of pretending day after day that he was a normal person. He didn't want Liam's mother to make him breakfast or ask him how was his day like she was genuinely interested in what he did; for her, he was just a kid who had run from an abusive family. Well, ma'am, my family is dead because of me, you know? If she knew the truth any of this kindness would exist.

He didn't want Liam to say shit about love to him and treat him like he was special when he was nothing but an weapon. Nothing but a murderer. Someone who had been raised to destroy and take.

It wasn't that he didn't want to be that Theo, he was just pretty aware that he wasn't and would never be him.

He didn't belong amongst these people.

He felt like a shadow of himself. Without a purpose and without a use to everything the had learned, Theo didn't know what to do with the second chance he was given.

Back then, before his little trip to hell, when everything he had wanted was power, Theo had saw the world as a place to play. Things – people – had been his to take possession of; they had been just means to an end. He'd been the first chimera, a survivor. He had done everything he could to prove that he wasn't the failure the Dread Doctors said he was. He enjoyed the thrill of having people's lives on his hands, the feeling of being more powerfull than anyone else.

This all endend with him being dragged to hell. Screaming. Begging. His hands empty.

Then Liam brought him back.

In his life, Theo had developed the ability to supress him feelings. He could detach himself from physical pain, from emotions, from whatever moral compass he could have. He had to, or else, he wouldn't be able to keep going with his plans.

When Theo crawled his way out of his hell, though, he saw himself experiencing another kind of detachment. He couldn't see what else there was for him now that everything he'd done, his every effort, hadn't worth anything. With nowhere to go and no one who cared if he was dead or alive, nothing.

Helping Scott's pack after that was complicated. Theo had to be side by side with his own victims, letting himself be used one more time and out of what? Regret? Remorse? Was him even able to feel those things?

Theo preferred to think of it as a last step and that being over with it would pay his debt and free him of all the crap he had been throught. It was easier.

Or would have been if his relationship with Liam wasn't even more complicated. They helped each other more than once and, sometimes, Theo would forget that any of this could last or be real. He didn't have friends. He couldn't.

So, he did his best to look like he didn't care and don't get too close. Theo didn't believe in redemption, what had been done was done, but the weight of all this shit was too much for him to bear. He couldn't help himself, feeling trapped in a spiral of accusations and guilt.

He'd made his own bed and now he would lay on it.

The only certainty he could trust to never leave him alone was the ghost of his past, it's name and face were craved deep on him, it shared his blood. Tara wasn't forgiving.

Theo sighed.

It'd been weeks since Theo had a home address in Beacon Hills, that he had regular food and people around making noises, living, caring about each other. Fuck, caring about him. Sometimes he would feel the pain in his chest get worse, like his body was rejecting it, making him remember how much he didn't belong there. He tried really hard to act like a normal person in front of Liam's parents; they didn't know him, they had no idea that they had agreed to share a roof with a murderer and he wanted to keep it like that until he couldn't pretend anymore. They would find out who he really was sooner or later, or by his past or by the rotting thing he had inside him.

He wasn't made for domesticity. He wasn't made for normality. He wasn't made to be happy.

Even if he had thought he could, for a while.

When he left Beacon Hills after what happened in the hospital, Theo had mistakenly believed it was all over. That he would create a new person and then be it. But he hadn't known where to start or how to be different so he ended up falling back on old habits. His survive mode had turned on again by circumstances. He'd used his charm, his words, his knowledge, his body, to make his way in life. But, instead of before, it had been pointless this time – there was nothing he wanted anymore – there was no goals. He'd thought that surviving was a good priority to have, but his life wasn't worthing much. He had never been as careless with himself than at that moment.

Maybe that explained why he got caught.

Kidnapped and tortured by hunters, Theo had decided not to fight, but if he was about to die in that shithole he would, at least, be his worst. He took everything the hunters had for him without saying one word, without breaking. The pain was bearable, he could handle pain. Always had.

But then they had mentioned Monroe's name – her obsession with Scott's pack and the aberration that was Beacon Hills. Theo had gritted his teeth, forcing himself to not care, to not react at the discussion of Gerard's original plan to destroy an alpha over his beta. They are like father and son, they'd said, kill the son and the father will break.

Theo had tried to contain his anger. It wasn't his business anymore, he shouldn't care if they were dead or alive – damn, he didn't even care about himself. He had nothing to do with them. But feelings have ruined him.

Since the universe ceased to be an endless chessboard and he opened his eyes in the world of the living for the second time, Theo had to deal with every feeling, every emotion he had to suppress during his entire life. And the beta, Liam, was responsible for most of them. Working with him as a team was an emotional roller coaster.

With him Theo learned what was jealousy – if he saw Liam and Hayden kissing or holding hands one more time he would have blinded himself before Scott could make it a trend –, sacrifice, worry, empathy, infuriating hopelessness, he felt so many combinations of feelings that his theory about feeling just one thing at a time made him look like he had the emotional understanding of a 10 years old child (oh, if it wasn't the sad truth).

When Liam had reached for him and asked about his return to Beacon Hills, Theo lied. He wasn't saving himself from being tortured – actually, he was pretty ready to die – or just trying to play it cool with Scott's pack. It was because of Liam. If Theo was still alive, it was because of him. He couldn't let Liam die after saving his ass so many times in that fucking hospital.

Liam had ruined him.

Liam who had nightmares too – sometimes Theo would listen to him talking in his sleep, calling the names of the dead ones, sometimes crying and sometimes whispering Theo's name and pleading for him to stay alive or just to stay.

Liam who told him he deserved to live even with everything he's done.

Liam who would touch him like he was ephemeral. Like he was waiting him to disappear.

Theo didn't notice he had closed his eyes until he had to open them and see who was entering his room. He was so distracted in thoughts that he didn't heard when Liam's breathing changed and he was waking up.

"I swear I could hear you in my dreams." Liam said, his voice low and hoarse. He looked younger than ever with those sleepy blue eyes, hugging a pillow and with a half smile on his face. "You're thinking too loud."

"Should I say sorry?" Theo answered, his nonchalant smirk in place with his mask of normality put back together. No signal that he was just thinking about how Liam was the only thing that mattered for him in the entire world. Or how much Liam deserved better. Theo watched him lay down on his bed like it was nothing.

"You should stop looking and bring your ass here." Liam invited, his eyes closed and an arm smoothing the sheets where he wanted Theo to be.

"Has anyone ever told you how clingy you are?" He answered, even if it was hard to say which one of them was clingiest. All of the touching had increased a lot after the basement event – their shoulders brushing when they walked together, their tighs touching when they sat too close to each other during movie nights, the hands casually longing on each other arms during a talk or an argument and – for Theo, at least – to feel the warmth of Liam's skin, his pulse under Theo's fingertips. After everything, he was finding it hard to keep his grip on reality and the touches helped. If Liam was still with him, things were fine.

Also, at some point they've started to fuck in a regular basis.

"Nope. Just you say that." Liam replied, while Theo approached and sat in the space beside him. He couldn't help but feel wrong wanting Liam as much as he did, even if it felt so right to have him. "But you don't see me messing around and wanting to cuddle random people. You are the only option I have at the moment."

"Oh, poor little wolf." Theo's hopelessness around him was ridiculous. He laid down and they faced each other. Liam's bed head was a mess and Theo absorbed that image, his inexplicable willingness to be honest and open with him like it was easy.

Liam put a hand on Theo's chest and closed his eyes. Theo noticed Liam would do this sometimes, especially when he was distracted or not paying much attention of what he's doing, like this morning.

"Come here then." Theo said, holding Liam's hand and putting him closer.

Theo didn't like to remember what happened between them when Liam assumed the position of his anchor. The way it happened. Theo hated to know that he could be so vulnerable, so small and powerless. He hated even more that Liam had to see him like that.

That Liam was the one to put him together.

Theo started avoiding wearing clothes with short sleeves, not just that people wouldn't see the scar left on his arm and realize that he was defective both inside and out but also because he couldn't face it. He couldn't admit letting himself being so exposed, so open and out of control. Theo wouldn't use Liam to share the weight of his demons; Liam was too good for that, he shouldn't have to deal with all this crap. He wanted Liam to be happy and he would never be it by his side. So, in the beginning, he also tried to avoid Liam.

Not that he could go too far, with all the living together arrangements and with Liam shamelessly digging his way into Theo's heart.

"Are you alright?" Theo asked, trying to get out of himself for a bit and giving attention to Liam's uneasy. Liam's answer was burying his face between Theo's neck and the pillow.

"'m fine."

"Sure." He smiled when Liam pressed himself even more into the mattress like he wanted to disappear completely underneath him. Theo put the cover over them and rested his hand on Liam's waist. "So, what got you out of bed so early?"

"Just told you. It's your fault." He changed position slightly so he could actually breathe and his mouth ended up touching Theo's collarbone.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot that besides turning into an actual wolf you also have telepathy. My mistake." Theo felt Liam rolling his eyes and smirked. "I'm flattered to know that just my existence bothers you enough to make you get up at four."

Liam growled, four o'clock in the morning was like night time for him.

"So, what is it?"

"Don't wanna talk about it." If he couldn't get anymore cute, Liam pouted. Theo sighed heavily. "Can't we just stay here really quiet and pretend that we aren't here, so no one will bother us and I don't have to go to school?"

"What's wrong with school?" Liam didn't answer right away. "Besides you sucking at every class except History, of course."

"Fuck you."

"You have to decide, Liam, I can't keep holding you if I am fucking mysel-"

"Christ, Theo, just shut the fuck up." He grumbled and lifted himself a bit just to be able to send a murderous glare at Theo when he laughed, Liam was really too easy. "You are a horrible person, man, just saying."

Theo made an innocent face. Liam rolled his eyes again and laid back down.

"It's not school. It's life in general." The words got out of him painfully. He was shit at talking about himself. Both of them were, although Liam seemed to think that talking about Theo was all fun and giggle and did it a lot. Sometimes Liam would drop something about his own feelings without even noticing and making Theo feel like living in a social experiment, stuck forever in that emotional roller coaster. He would never get used to it.

"Life's a bitch. Tell me something new."

"Scott's leaving Beacon Hills to college and he wants me to lead the pack." Liam said, staring at the ceiling like it's offended him, his arms crossed and jaw locked. Theo resisted the urge to touch him until his edges softened up.

"Well, that's something." Liam side-looked him in a no shit tone. Theo shrugged, unimpressed. "So what? You don't want to lead? Would you rather leave it to Malia? You're good."

"Are you kidding me? It's nothing good. It's… it's a disaster. Fuck." He rubbed his face with his hands violently. "I suck at making plans and taking decisions. What if something bad happens? What if I do something dumb and one of you dies? What if everyone get killed because I suck at leading?"

He turned to Theo, his face heated, plastered with disgust, probably imagining a dozen scenarios where the pack was having a very painful death. Theo ignored the part where Liam said one of you like Theo was part of the pack, which he would never be.

"I'm confused. Why everyone forgets that I'm a confused person?" Liam growled and hid under the cover.

Theo kicked down the fondness growing inside him seeing Liam genuinely insecure about this, it was almost funny that he was feeling unworthy of something that Theo one day thought was his by right. Ironic. They were so different.

Anyway, he needed to calm him down before his fear of responsibility and failure triggered his anger. Liam could be a lot of things, but he hardly ever was anxious like that.

Theo took the cover away.

"When is he going?" He asked, right before indulging himself and leaving a trail of kisses on Liam's jaw line. Liam made a face, but didn't push him away. He even grumpily stretched his neck a bit so Theo could have more space to work on.

"In a month. Maybe."

"That's tough." He replied, scraping Liam's shoulder with his teeth and putting his thigh between Liam's, pressing gently against him, who left out a quiet moan and turned for a lazy kiss.

"It really is." Liam replied absently while Theo touched the skin under his shirt.

"I think you need to let some of all that tension go away." Theo whispered and circled his thumb over Liam's sensitive nipples, earning a grunt and a slow thrust from someome who wanted more.

Liam put his fingers on Theo's hair and looked at him like he was annoyed, even if his cheeks were flushed and his pupils dilated. Theo winked at him and Liam bit his lips trying to keep his face straight before going closer.

"I can't believe-" A kiss. "You are trying to-" Another kiss. "Sex me out of my worries."

Theo smirked.

"Are you feeling sexed out?"

"I hope I'm going to be." Learning people had always been part of Theo's job and with Liam he knew how to push his buttons the right way and was determined to do this painfully slowly, until Liam got to forget what the problem was in the first place. "You suck at comforting, though."

"Well, sucking is something that I'm very good at." Theo's hands explored Liam's torso and started teasing down until Liam was the one to move and take the shirt off impatiently. Theo could go on like this for the rest of his life if he could get to see him exasperated like that. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No… yes. No! I mean, no. But yes." Theo licked his neck and ended biting and pulling his earlobe. Liam groaned.

"What is this?" He kissed him once more and lifted himself by his elbow. "Were you expecting me to talk you down? That I would make a list of your qualities and say how much I think you can do this, even if we both know that you won't believe a word I'd say and be as nervous as you were when this talk started one year ago?"

They glared at each other. Liam looked away.

"Let me make you feel good." Loved, Theo should have said, but that wasn't the moment. Any moment was the moment.

Liam nodded and he smirked, moving over him, Liam's legs wrapping around his hip. Theo took his shirt off just because he knew Liam liked skin on skin a little too much. He didn't care if Liam saw his scar, actually, Theo hoped Liam got to see all of his dark sides and have enough reasons to give up on him. Which was fucked up, once Theo's greater fear was losing Liam.

Theo kissed him again and went down to his neck, collarbone, until he could give attention to his nipples, one by one, Liam's erection rubbing on his stomach. Theo could almost feel him vibrating underneath him, suppressing the sounds he'd probably die to make.

"But I kinda want that." Liam said, suddenly, his voice tense and a hand firm on Theo's hair. "I wanna hear that. Because I don't know. I- I just don't know."

Theo looked up and saw him shivering, his eyes closed and jaw shut tight. Damn, he was so beautiful. Theo trusted himself to fight alongside him and to get his back if things went south, he was a fighter after all, but he wasn't sure he knew how to deal with Liam emotionally. He didn't know how to help or how to protect him from something he couldn't just punch in the face.

So he decided to make an effort and do what he's been asked. Even if he wasn't sure about that either.

"You know when I'm lying, don't you?" He said and Liam looked back at him, frowning. "I used to be good at this. I am good. But you seem to just know, right?"

Which was really frustrating for Theo. His heart wouldn't stumble when he lied, his eyes wouldn't divert to the wrong place and his breathing would keep its normal pace, he was pretty good at this, but, even then… A clear signal that Liam somehow saw him, knew him.

That question, though, wasn't for Liam to answer. Theo kept talking. "So listen to me carefully and know that none of this is a lie. Believe it. So I never have to say that again." Liam swallowed, his eyes burning him with expectations. Theo turned his attention back to Liam's body, he couldn't look at him, and started kissing his chest, gently. It would be easier like this.

He let himself be surrounded by Liam's scent, he nuzzled, kissed – worshiped – his skin, the way his muscles reacted to him, the way his nails started digging the nape of his hair. It was strange that he desperately ran from his feelings but also desperately wanted to dive on it.

"You are the only one I trust." Theo whispered making his way back up, against Liam's throat, both shuddering with their body contact. "You fight yourself everyday and win everytime.

"There's no way you're going to fail us, you care too much for that." He didn't think too much about the us, including himself into the group of significant people on Liam's life, even if he didn't have the right to be there.

"You won't rest until you save everyone." He kissed his jaw, then his cheekbone, then his closed eyes. Liam was panting, lips half open. "You keep saving me."

Incredible how this level of intimacy could turn him on. He would feel stupid saying things like that in every other situation, but not when Liam took him even closer, craving for something that Theo didn't think he could provide him. He would never think his hollowness would let him be honest like that.

He didn't even notice when he started thrusting, Theo's boxers and Liam's sport shorts still between them, but he wouldn't bother to take them off now. Soon Liam was following his pace, scratching his back almost painfully.

Theo was also having a hard time to breathe, scenting a handful things from Liam's chemo signals, a bit overwhelmed, feeling himself a lot of conflicted emotions.

They kissed in the mouth messily while Theo forced himself up, pulling Liam's legs even more apart, swallowing his moan.

He lifted himself enough to look down and see Liam's face. Theo used to think of himself as a heartless person, the fact that the organ pulsing inside him wasn't even his just proved his point. He despised this heart and let this hatred remind him of his past mistakes and how it meant that he was still alive when he shouldn't. But it was in moments like that, with a wrecked Liam under him, he felt gratitude for being in this earth. He felt an uncharacteristic warm in his chest that could easily make him want to keep going.

"I would die for you, Liam Dunbar. Even if I know that you would die for me first." And that was it. Liam looked at him behind half closed eyes and pulled him for another kiss. Theo sat and took Liam with him, on his lap. They moved together a couple of times and the sound Liam made when he came put him over the edge.

Liam was breathing hard against his neck; every contact point between them seemed to burn him.

They ended lying down again after getting rid of the mess that were their underclothes. Liam hold Theo down this time, aware that things had changed, aware of the depth of their connection. Theo was sure Liam could sense his mixed feelings and was grateful for the silence that fell between them; he couldn't stand to hear his own voice or to know what Liam was thinking about all of this.

When they heard Liam's mother getting up, they hadn't other option but disentangle from each other. He received a kiss in the corner of his mouth before watching him go, closing the door and leaving him alone.

The room seemed to close around him almost immediately. Everything suddenly was too much.

He was so fucked up.