Expectations – The Densi dinner scene and that evening from "Recovery" (5x9). A minority opinion of what happened that night (after the episode).

Author's note: This is my first (& likely only) FF, so please be kind. To be true to the characters and the show, I personally refuse to believe the writers would have Densi jump to the ultimate act of physical intimacy at this stage of their fragile 'ship. Since not shown on-screen, my mind was forced to create a feasible scene that fit between "Recovery" (5x9) and "The Frozen Lake" (5x10).

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with NCIS:LA (other than one famous v-neck t-shirt...)


Kensi POV

This is not tacos.

This isn't anything close to tacos. What is he doing?!

Kensi , the planner, the one who needs to be in control, is anything but. The crisp linens, fine china, and sophisticated Muzak have her on edge. This isn't her, and this certainly isn't them grabbing dinner. Most of all, this isn't Deeks, sitting motionless in a fresh button down.

She feels like she's on an Op, not knowing what's coming next, working to calm her heart rate and focus her thoughts. But it's not working; her nerves are raw. She's accustomed to taking solace in her training and weapons, but none of that exists here. She grasps to find some solid footing, to figure out what they're doing here, but she can't maintain her composure. Her "fight or flight" response kicks in; her walls are reinforced; and haphazardly the verbal ammunition starts flying. She reverts back to the same attacks and questions that are now months old in their repetition – he's avoiding the point; he's yet again not saying what he means.


Deeks POV

What have I done? I tried to charm her, but that's never worked. Not really. Why did I think it would work now? I tried to trick her (& maybe myself), but this is Kensi. Bad Ass Blye. Kick Ass Kensi. A highly-trained federal agent. There was no way this was ever going to work, but as usual, I didn't really think it through. I want to treat her to what she deserves. The problem is she doesn't think she deserves this. Sigh. This just isn't us. Why didn't I use the excuse that I still owed her that dinner at Crustacean? He feels ready to give up. Because I'm sick of the excuses. I don't want this to be the result of a bet or under the guise of a cover. I've been through too much to pretend anymore.

He sees the anger (because people don't get mad, dogs do) in her eyes. It's anger, right? Or is it something else? He can't determine what it is exactly, because all he sees is her mouth moving and hears only a buzzing sound in his mind. He doesn't need to hear the words. Again. He knows. The accusations. It's the same thing all over again. What more does she want?! I always have her back. Ok, so maybe I initially struggled with the words, but I was sure she could read what I was thinking, feeling in the way I looked at her. Maybe she's not as highly-trained as I give her credit for.

But then I did it; I kissed her! The internal pride he has vanishes in an instant as he drops his view back to the empty table. Yeh, that was another abrupt action. Deeks, when are you gonna get your act together?! Such a hasty overtly romantic gesture is never going to work on a woman like Kensi. She reacts to surprises like a puppy to fireworks. Look what happened after that kiss. She sped off. Smooth Deeks; real smooth. Then all hell broke loose. That seems like forever ago.

Then I tried to tell her how much she meant to me, that she was the only thing that got me through the worst experience of my life. Yet somehow that just ended up hurting her. How do I make such a mess of this? He can't take it anymore. He blurts out the only thing he's thinking about in that moment, a moment that's yet again turned disastrous: "I don't wanna be here with you right now."

She looks up perplexed and can seem to barely utter, "What?" Well, that seemed to get her attention. There are barely any cards left for him to play. After all they've been through, he might as well just say exactly what he's thinking. He expresses himself simply while pouring every bit of what he's feeling into those words: "I want to be at my place right now. With you."


Kensi POV

What… did he just really say…? He must have because he's piercing the most serious look into my soul that I… She can barely catch her breath after that confession. She'd been ranting on and on and hadn't realized the impact it was having on him. He did it. Clearly he means what he said. But… what do I… He's not moving. He's not looking away. Deeks' tilts his head, silently prompting a response from her, but she's simply stunned.

She begins an internal argument. This is it. This is the moment I'd been waiting for from him, but now I don't know what to do. Yes, I trust him, but I never imagined he'd…. This is it Blye. You've held him at arm's length for so long. But I'm still…. Will he…? What if…? She still can't admit it to herself. The war she's having with herself comes to a sudden halt: What more do you expect from him? She has no reply. Sensing stability in him she wouldn't allow herself to previously believe, she takes a nervous breath. This is it. She can't vocalize what she's thinking, because her thoughts are swirling with uncontrollable feelings. So the other part of her "fight or flight" response takes over, but she's not fleeing. She won't let herself cause him – or herself – anymore pain. Maybe, just maybe…. Not allowing herself to look back, she works to take steady steps out of the restaurant, hopefully toward something else.


Deeks POV

Wha? What did I just do? Well, she didn't hit me. She didn't lash out. Actually, she didn't even look mad – angry, whatever. He lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, terrified of making even the slightest move that might break the spell they seemed to be in together. He begins an internal dialogue with himself. Well, Deeks you did exactly what she wanted, you said what you meant. And you finally said exactly what you were thinking. You can't come back from that now; you've got to live with the consequences, whatever they may be. For better or worse, at least your days of unknowing are probably over. His questionable pep talk to himself comes to an end. With courage he didn't know he had, he rises from his chair. It's time to go see what fate awaits. He can't tamp down the sliver of hope that creeps in. Maybe… just maybe….

He exits the restaurant, but doesn't see her anywhere. Did he read it all wrong? Did she hail a taxi to get away as far, as fast from him as she could? He glances over to his car. Kensi's sitting motionlessly in the passenger seat. Hmm. That's certainly not what I was expecting.

He quickly slides into the driver's seat and gives a hesitant look toward her. I mean honestly, it's Kensi, a punch wouldn't be out of character here. But she just stares straight ahead. He tentatively mutters, "So, uh…" She offers only a couple of staccato nods, still avoiding his gaze. He starts the car and navigates toward his place.

On the way he turns into a mini-mart. She finally gives him a questioning look. He responds, "Hang on. I'll be right back." She silently complies. Within a few minutes he quickly drops a large brown paper bag in the back and they resume their journey.

Parking outside his apartment, he looks over to her again, but in an instant she's out of the car, standing on the sidewalk, just staring at his door. He grabs the bag out of the back, meets her on the sidewalk, but she seems to ignore his presence. He moves toward his apartment; she quietly follows. This is weird.

He opens the door and holds it open for her to enter. She gives the doorway and then him a puzzling look, as if she's not sure what to do. Luckily, she seems to read the situation and enters his apartment. She's only a couple of steps inside, so Deeks has to take some shuffling steps and contort his body a bit to move around her. She's just standing there, looking around as if she's never been at his place before.

He sets the bag on a table, but doesn't move away from her. A strand of hair has fallen in her face and he can't help himself. He looks into her eyes and reaches up with his right hand to tuck the strand behind her left ear. She appears to still be looking straight ahead, basically at his cheeks based on their height difference. As his hand barely brushes her ear, he tries to control his surprise when he feels her right hand on his left bicep. He tenses and hopes she doesn't sense it. Her touch is light, timid. So un-Kensi like. At a loss, Deeks stutters, "So… tacos." She finally makes eye contact, but with raised eyebrows, offers only a slightly startled look of question? Uncertain of what that means, Deeks steps back, retrieves the bag and heads toward the kitchen.