I've hurt you--I know that,

That look in your eyes tells me so;

But still, I can't stop.

Something within controls me still,

Until I can no longer control my own will.

I don't want to hurt you,

(I know what you feel for me

and I don't want to let go)

But the poison running my brain

ignores my wishes no matter how much I scream.

(I'm terrified of myself).

Before I met you

I've always depended on the bottle

and thought nothing of it.

Even after our introductions

I still relied on the alcoholic brew

to renew my strength each night--each day.

(Now I want to stop, but it's too late.)

You're hurt because of me--

trembling against the wall,

wanting to just shrink to the floor.

But there's still passion in those eyes

burning bright as anytime before.

(God--I want to stop before

I hurt you anymore).

You tell me to stop--

(Please, please, I shout within

my alcoholic-befuddled mind,

stop, don't, please listen)

But I don't. I can't control myself anymore.

I lack the desire to even try.

(I hate myself now.)

I look into those golden eyes and see the terror,

Shining within them is your pain--

I have betrayed you

(I have betrayed myself, too).

So much confusion hides with your fear,

glits in your jewel-like eyes

(I'm screaming inside to stop,

I'm screaming inside).

New voices arrive, then my own,

(I don't know what they said--

I'm focused on you)

I didn't even realize I spoke

Until more confusion, fear, pain

Shuddered through your body and

Shines in your eyes.

The alcohol in control of me speaks

(I can't believe what it says

--Haven't I caused you enough pain?

I want to die now).

Your cower--I turn away

(But I want to hold you, comfort you

like it's a bad-dream only,

a nightmare of epic porportions).

All for ten dollars, ten dollars.

(Gomen ne, Gomen ne).

Next I hear the shots,

but I don't feel the pain--I only see yours.

(Are those tears I see on your face?

You're crying for me?

But I've betrayed you--).

Say you hate me, curse me.

(I curse myself for hurting you.)

I deserve to die.

Your reaction has achieved justice

--But why are you crying?

I don't deserve it, you know that,

--don't you?

I fade from my body,

(I don't fight it--I can't bear

the thought that I've hurt you,

Nor the fear

that I might do it again if I live.)

Still you cry, realizing what you've done--

Do you think it's your fault?

It's not, it's not;

It's my fault--I held onto the devil

for far too long--

Now I've hurt the only angel I ever knew.