(AN: Well hey everyone! It's been a long while, but I'm back! Boy, writing Vecpio after so long was actually kinda hard. It's gonna take me a while to get back to the groove of things. But hey, here we have a new fic from me!
So, with this fic I wanted to go back into the realm of game canon Vecpio, rather than an AU, much like A Deal or No Deal. However, unlike THAT one, this one plans to be a more lighthearted story, probably not that mature. Along with that, I wanted to explore an aspect of the Chaotix: them being detectives, so Mystery is actually gonna be a theme later on. Thing is, I've never written it... but I'm sure it'll be a nice experiment!
Kinda dunno what to say next, I'll let you guys read for yourself. If you like, be sure to give feedback!)
"Hello, is this Ten Ring Land? I have a delivery for you right here."
The manager of the Ten Ring Land in question looked up from his newspaper, confused about this 'delivery'. As far as he knew, his store received all the stock they needed for the day. So why was there a new delivery?...
The obese walrus male manager, getting up from his chair, walked over to the delivery person. What he found off was that this delivery 'person'… wasn't a person, but a robot. Bright red and yet looked very friendly.
"Delivery?" He questioned immediately.
"Yes, your order of the Mobius Examineer magazine."
"I didn't order such a thing!"
"Are you sure? Is says here that you're in our subscription list-"
"Give me that!" The manager took out the piece of paper the robot held. Sure enough, his store, with the correct address and phone number, was on it.
Fuming mad, he looked around at his employees.
"I never signed up for this! Who is responsible?!"
"All I know is that Mobius Examineer is some new popular magazine?" One person said.
"I think it's just celebrity gossip."
"A tabloid? We already sell every other one of those phony magazines, robot! We have no need for more!"
"We have all the phony tabloid magazines we have, robot! We have no need for yours!"
"Oh but you see sir, I do think you may wish to check our publication-"
"I don't care, cancel my subscription! The subscription I never even applied for!"
"I'm sorry sir, but it's our company policy that we can't do such a thing."
"Company? What company?"
"Why, GamNeg Publishing of course!"
"I've never heard of a company like THAT. Well, here's a message from me: tell this GamNeg whatever that unless they're making me money… I'M. NOT. INTERESTED."
"I was just going to get to that! You see, we here at GamNeg believe this publication will be the next big thing, as we plan to gossip- I MEAN, uh… report about Sonic the Hedgehog and his friends!"
"Sonic the Hedgehog?..."
Now THERE was a new possibility… Sonic was quite loved on Mobius. If this meant something someone could read and give his company sales… Why… it was perfect!
"I'll take it! Is there anything I need to sign? Subscription fee?"
"No need to sign, and your first month is free! After that, subscription costs will go for 25 rings per month."
"Why, you now have me sold! Vira, get me my box cutter!"
The robot left as the manager held the box, wondering what the success of this magazine could mean for his store. As one of the employees went to get the box cutter, the manager grabbed the box and set it down on the register. Opening the box with the cutter, he could see the publication in question, Mobius Examineer. In bold yellow letters was its headline:
"Sonic the Hedgehog finally ready to pop the question to Amy Rose?!"
Read All About It
Written by TheHunterPersian
A blue blur shot through the land in a flash, the wind rising by anyone who happened to be near the blur in question. Sure enough, this blur was none other than the hero of Mobius, Sonic the Hedgehog. On this bright day, the hedgehog was heading over to see his best friend, Tails, who claimed that he had something important to show him. It was most likely a new invention, but that didn't mean Sonic wouldn't support his 'little brother'.
Upon reaching the Mystic Ruins, Sonic let himself inside Tails' workshop.
"Yo, Tails! What's up?" Sonic asked upon seeing the fox. "So, what's this important thing you gotta show me? Is it an invention? A Chaos Emerald tracking device update? A chili dog maker?"
"None of that, Sonic. I want you to take a look at this," The fox said as he turned around in his chair. Sonic could notice in his hands a magazine.
"What's that? A tabloid? I didn't know you read these-"
His question was prematurely cut off as he read the article's tagline.
"Sonic the Hedgehog ready to settle down and marry the girl of his dreams?"
"W-wh-what the hey is this?!"
"That's what I've been saying. There's no way this could be real."
"W-who's responsible?! I'd never do such a thing!"
"These guys," Tails flipped the cover to show the publishing company: GamNeg.
"GamNeg? Who are they?"
"Some new publishing company. They're getting really big around Mobius, you can't wander around the streets without seeing SOMEONE reading one."
"That popular? Now I'm curious…."
Taking the magazine, Sonic began to read the contents. It talked about how a reporter took a picture of Sonic at a ring shop, holding some kind of expensive looking wedding ring.
"They have the wrong idea! I was helping the Chaotix with one of their cases! Not preparing myself for marriage!"
"I thought so too when I read the article. Tabloids are known for spewing lies after all. But… the way this one seems to go out, spewing completely random lies for the sake of money. And people are buying into it!"
"Why do you think so?"
"Because we're popular. I mean, when I got this publication, I was questioned VARIOUS times about how much I shed."
"Sh-shedding?"
Tails flipped a couple of pages and stopped in front of an article with a picture of the fox.
"Miles Tails Prower, older than he looks?
It's no question that Miles 'Tails' Prower, sidekick of Sonic the Hedgehog, is a boy with a youthful yet intelligent mind. But in one of our shocking discoveries, it was discovered that it wasn't the case!
While investing Miles' private workshop, shed hairs could found throughout the entire floor, almost as if Tails didn't clean! Add into how he doesn't clean his hair and his workshop gives him reason for scorn!
When it was analyzed what this fur was, it was discovered this was the fur of none other than Tails himself! For a 8 year old boy, this fox sure has quite a lot of hairs to go!"
The article shared the various 'low quality' pictures of Tails' "mess".
"Honestly, I could make it messier in 10 minutes, and that's saying something!" Sonic exclaimed, trying to make light with a Tails that felt depressed after a magazine seemingly made fun of his issue with shed hairs (something that has happened since childhood.)
"Hey bud, don't let it get to you," Sonic said, hand on the fox's shoulder. "It's just some stupid tabloid. No one believes that stuff."
A FEW DAYS LATER…
A crowd of mobians surrounded the magazine stand, talking loudly amongst each other.
"Is that the new issue?"
"Eww, is that REALLY true about Amy Rose?!"
"I knew that girl wasn't right."
As people began to take the publication, its title was in full view of practically anyone who walked by;
"Amy Rose not as girly as we thought? Poor and sleeping with… toilet paper?!"
The picture on the front of the article showed the pink hedgehog in question, sleeping on what seemed like a bed with white sheets.
"Amy Rose, the loving girl who claims to be the girlfriend of hero, Sonic the Hedgehog, is known for many things. Her tarot card readings, her love for soft serve ice cream, and most especially, her shopping addiction.
With receipts going as far back as last year, many (if not all!) clothing stores have been browsed by none other than Ms. Amy herself, totals coming around to at least over 100 rings! Some of them even as high as 800!
How does this loving girl manage to be concerned more with her image than her welfare?
It's quite simple: she isn't.
Our reporters travelled to the home of Amy only to find a shocking sight! Visible by the naked eye, was her bed. You'd think it would be pink with all kinds of stuffed animals on it like any girl her age would have.
Instead, it was a dinky little bed with toilet paper for the blanket.
"That's the kind of girl Amy Rose is," said one Dr. Eggman, claiming himself to be an acquaintance of Ms. Rose. "Concerning herself more about her image than herself. Honestly, the way she lives, she thinks SHE'LL get Sonic?!"
"I'm telling you, that article isn't true!" Amy exclaimed, hoping the constant reporters would get off her back. "Now go away, I'm trying to buy groceries!"
"But ma'am! The article shows photographic evidence! It talks about your addiction to clothing that's so extreme; your blanket is nothing more than toilet paper! Not to mention, the proof of receipts that has YOUR name!"
"So what? What do you want me to do? Prove it to you? Call you shams so you can report that I'm a big meanie next article?"
"Oh, that's actually a good article! Tell us more Amy, what other interests do you have besides your clothing addiction?" One reporter said, getting out his notepad.
"My interests have nothing to do with you, go away!" Amy screamed, bringing out her Piko Piko Hammer. Sure enough, the reporters all went running for the hills. The pink hedgehog sighed, wiping her forehead.
"Man, that always works…"
"Rouge the Bat gaining weight? The not so sexy bat instead shows off her belly fat!" was Mobius Examineer's headline just a week after the Amy story.
"If one thinks of 'sexy', 'suave', enough to even get the attention of women, look no further than Rouge the Bat. This sexy thief employed by G.U.N. may be one of the organization's most well-known forces, but what happens when 'sexy and slim' gets replaced by 'hee-haw ugly and thick?'
While traveling the beaches of Emerald Coast earlier this week, Rouge was spotted eating various fattening foods from stands. Meats like drumsticks and bacon, sweets of all kinds, even going as far as to have a burger! While normally we're not the ones to judge ones eating habits, the way Rouge is handing it makes her only one thing: a pig.
"Rouge is almost always snacking on something," tipped off an anonymous source at G.U.N. "How that girl stays thin, I'll honestly never know. My personal belief? I think she starves herself. Poor thing, she's clearly got issues. But what do I know? I'm just a government official talking smack about one of my employees."
Like clockwork, the same reporters that bugged Amy were now bugging Rouge after the article was published.
"Is it true that in one weekend, you had not only chicken, but rich steak, fattening potatoes, and other such delicacies-"
"Are you here to shame me about what I eat, or here to ACTUALLY report on something?" Rouge replied crossly.
"No no, Ms. Rouge, the Examineer says so-"
"You'd much rather BELIEVE some stupid tabloid?! That proves the state of reporters nowadays. Go away! G.U.N. has me on a case, and having you reporters bug me isn't going to make things faster. Don't think I haven't seen your article about Amy!"
Rouge flapped her wings, flying away from all the reporters. One of them wrote quickly on their notepad.
"Not denying the state of her weight, Rouge flew away, most likely in denial about her unhealthy eating habits. Hopefully this gets her on the track of being the babe she once was."
Sure enough, in the coming weeks to almost months, nothing more than scandalous articles were published by the Mobius Examineer. The people of Mobius would go on to read about how Knuckles secretly owned a rap record label and a mansion, Tails was actually an immigrant from somewhere that isn't Mobius, Shadow actually cried and showed emotion, and other such articles. One of the articles, 'Precious Little Rabbit' is actually a cursing devil?!" claimed that Cream constantly used curse words to the point that it would put any comedian to shame.
After being followed and harassed by reporters for days to the point it would keep her up at night, afraid to go back to sleep and sometimes even crying, Vanilla reached her snapping point.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" She screamed in one of the very rare times she showed anger to the reporters at the rabbit's home. Cream held Cheese tightly, a look of worry on her face. "You may feel free to write about me in ANY way possible, but it's another thing to constantly harass my daughter! Leave her alone, or I won't be afraid to get the authorities involved!"
And with that, she slammed the door in the faces of the reporters.
After months of more articles and being shamed by the public (Sonic being shamed in public after having a chili dog just after an article claimed his BMI was in the 'obese' for instance), it seemed that the articles only targeted Sonic's more well-known allies. While there was one article about the Babylon Rogues which claimed they had to work as babysitters because their money was spent on unnecessary junk, it seemed that others could relax about not having an article about them.
"I swear, this is just getting ridiculous!" Sonic said, arms crossed as he and his friends sat around at an outdoor food court. "Everywhere we go, these reporters think they're getting a scoop each time we do anything!"
"It won't be long before they start following us into public restrooms…" Tails groaned, sipping his soda.
"Can't wait for that," Knuckles replied, rolling his eyes.
"But what do we do until then?" Cream asked sadly.
"I feel like we should lay low until this whole Examineer thing dies down. It's clearly looking like to be some kind of fad the people of Mobius have. It'll be like everything else: it stays for a bit, then dies some time later," Amy said.
"If only if that WAS easy," A voice said. Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Cream turned to their side to see Rouge flying down next to them.
"Rouge!" Knuckles exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"Dealing with the same problem you guys are going through: tabloid reporters," The bat replied.
"You too?! Jeez, the paparazzi must really be THAT bored," Sonic added. "Right, they made an article about you and Shadow right?"
"Shadow's really not taking it good. He actually used Chaos Control on several reporters. Hey, not like it matters, they're annoying me too, so they get what they deserve. I swear, where did this stupid 'Mobius Examineer' come from?"
"It's like it's designed to ruin our lives!" Cream whined.
"Not necessarily, Cream. Celebrity gossip is just… well that. Your article wasn't true, right?"
"Well… no."
"Exactly. Now, I feel like what we should do is not be afraid to step outside, but kinda hang low. Don't reply to any reporters, and hope this all dies out."
"I hope so too, bud."
It didn't.
More articles would get published later on.
However, there was one group that still didn't have an article written about them.
The Chaotix.
For the Chaotix, this was the case… until THAT fateful article…
