Walking out on him seemed to nearly kill me inside.

I know why I did it. I know it was the right thing to do, but that doesn't ease the agony. If anything, it makes it just that much worse.

After all, I know it's wrong and sick for me to be in love with a Moroi. There, I said it. I'm in love with him, but the fact that I still do even after I know, I know, it's wrong makes it so much worse. It's a sin! It's blasphemy!

I wish I could talk to my mother again. I wish I could ask her why she never mentions moroi, strigoi, or dhampirs. I wish my father could understand that maybe, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, they're not that bad. If I can't believe I said it, then how could I ever expect my father to.

Oh, I hate this. It's like my body has become a battleground between my mind and my heart. It hurts more than any physical pain ever could, probably because it goes beyond the realm of physical possibility, of conscious concentration and analysis. That's also a problem, because that's all I know.

My final wish, the most impossible of them all, is for that just once my life would lose it's complication and I could allow myself to do what feels right, not what I've been taught is right.

Am I possibly already brainwashed? Is that why they send the moroi lovers to the facilities? Is it so they can put back in what the "bad guys" have managed to break through?

My independence of thought and comprehension is one of the things I treasure most in this world, and if I were to lose it, I guess there would be no point in living at all.

Another short, drabble like fic. I've been asked to do a longer fic rather than just angsty crap pieces when doing Bloodlines work, but I refuse to do a longer fic until the series is finished. That way I don't get my universe mixed up with the current one, especially when the new book is right around the corner. 5 days left!