A/N: I was thinking about Brittany without Santana the other day. This is the product of those feels.
She tries to be happy, she really does. It was easier to do in the summer, even after Santana left for Kentucky. At least before the school year started, she could pretend her girlfriend was grounded. With class back in session, however, the task is close to impossible.
Each period she spends surrounded by new seniors reminds her how alone she is. Every pitiful look she gets from the friends she has left, whether they're from glee or Cheerios, makes her pull her books closer to her chest and shift her gaze to the floor. Glee rehearsal is the hardest part of her day to get through. When she steps into the choir room, memories spring up unbidden.
Singing 'Landslide' with Santana and Ms. Holliday.
Santana singing 'Songbird' to her.
Santana dancing with her.
Santana and her.
Santana.
It's hard for her to leave the memories and take the next step into the room. It's even harder to sit in her usual seat in the back of the room when she can feel Artie, Sam, Sugar and Tina staring at her as she walks by. She forces herself to smile at them.
Once the practice starts, she tries to focus on anything and everything that isn't the seat next to her or the door to the choir room. Unfortunately, it's second nature for her to reach out for Santana's hand and lean her head against Santana's shoulder during performances. By the second performance, she's doing just that.
"Um… You're hot and everything, but this is moving a little too fast for me."
She startles at the sound of the decidedly masculine voice. She looks up and sees grey eyes where there should be brown eyes, light hair where there should be dark hair, and stubble where there should be smooth skin. She jerks away from the unfamiliar body and bumps into Sugar.
"I'm sorry," she says as her eyes start to burn. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She doesn't know if she's apologizing to the new guy or Sugar. "I need to feed the bird in my locker now," she barely chokes out before she stands up and hurries towards the door.
Mr. Schue calls her name and his voice follows her into the hallway, but that's the extent of the effort he puts into making sure she's okay. Maybe if she were Finn, he would have cared enough to come after her. But she isn't Finn. She's only Brittany, and the one person who cares about her is three hours away.
She slows to a walk and pulls out her phone. She searches for Santana's name, but it takes longer than it should because of the tears blurring her vision. She runs her thumb over the screen when she reaches it and caresses the curves of each letter before she clicks 'New Message.'
She wants to ask what she's doing. She wants to ask if she's thinking about her. She wants to tell her to come back home because she doesn't want to do this on her own. She wants to tell her she misses her so much it makes her heart hurt. Her phone buzzes before she gets the chance to type any of those things.
I love you
The message makes her breath hitch and she has to sit down as the tears finally start to fall. It doesn't take long before she is a sobbing mess in the middle of the empty hallway. She clutches the phone to her chest and whispers, "I love you, too," over and over again as she rocks back and forth. The motion reminds her of the advice she gave Santana on Valentine's Day the day Rachel made her cry, which only leads to the memory of last year, when her and Santana shared their first Valentine's Day together. A fresh wave of tears hits her as she thinks about the kiss at the Sugar Shack that night.
I lo ve you too spo much
After she finally manages to hit send, she curls up on the cold tile and stares at the picture of Santana she has as her wallpaper. It isn't the real thing, but it will have to do for now. The phone buzzes and the screen lights up with a new text.
I miss you too, Britt
She smiles when she reads the message. The first real smile of the day.
The first time all day she hasn't felt empty.
