A/N: This was originally a song fic, but as always--I've removed the lyrics. The song that's supposed to be used is by George Jones of the same name. I threatened for months to kill John to this song, well he finally pissed me off doing something back in August 2006 and I did it. As always, if you want to read the copy WITH the lyrics drop me a note with your e-mail and I'll be glad to share them with you off site. Enjoy! Until next time--PCGirl.

----------------------

Disclaimer: Characters and locations are all property of ABC/Disney--I'm just using them to quelch my creative thurst.

As she opened the hotel room door she realized how much of a mistake it was to come. She could still make it home in time to give the kids their baths and put them to bed if she turned now. No—she wouldn't run. Wouldn't deny herself this moment when he was finally at peace. The image that had haunted her for years had flashed in front of her and she began to get choked again—just like she had when Bo had called with the news that he was gone—just like she had over ten years ago when she last saw John.

"Hey—why didn't you tell me you were coming back here? I would have come with you," said John as he walked into the hotel room. It wasn't until he closed the door he realized she was standing in front of the bed with an open bag in front of her. "You going somewhere?"

Natalie just nodded, keeping her head down as she zipped up the bag and put it on her shoulder. As she turned around John saw her tearstained face, "What's wrong?" he asked as he came over and tried to touch her face.

"Don't touch me, John," she yelled as she swatted his hand away.

"What? Why?"

"Because if you touch me I might not be able to do what I need to do," she said as she looked down, wishing she could just get to the door and run.

"What you need to do? Are you leaving?"

"You always were such a good detective," she laughed, her voice still shaking as she spoke. "I can't do this."

"Can't do what?"

"Wait. I can't stand here and wait John—I realized today the words will never come. There will always be another case that is more important than those words. It's just—it's too much. I wanted this time to be different—I wanted in the end to be able to see my future with you in it. But if we keep going down this road we'll destroy each other. Don't you see that?"

John couldn't help but laugh, "Actually—I don't. I mean—I know I wasn't the best when I was trying to prove Spencer killed my father, but now he's in jail. Now it will be different."

"You don't know what," said Natalie as she pushed her way past him and to the door. "I'm sorry John—." She paused a moment before walking out—taking in her last memory of him standing there in what was their home.

That was the image that stayed with her for years—the image that still bothered her from time to time. It didn't come as steadily as it did before—not since she had her two precious boys and husband to love. But it did—and the whole train ride from Philly all she could do was repeat those last words she ever said to him. As she put her bag down on the bed she repeated them once again, "I'm sorry, John."

--------------------

Natalie knocked softly on the door—not sure why, she had known for a long time she was welcome here just as much as she was at Llanfair.

"Nat," smiled Bo as he opened the door and pulled her into a big bear hug. "How are Aaron and Jacob? Were they upset they didn't get to come?"

"They don't know I came—Hugh's going to tell them I had a business trip and that I'll be back home tomorrow night," smiled Natalie softly.

She had never seen Hugh coming—had been in Philly for two years before running into him one day at the courthouse. They had met up that night for a couple of beers—then it became a weekly thing. And somehow along the course of a year she had moved out of her small apartment into his and before either realized what they had done they were getting married by a justice of the peace.

Her mind went to John—she'd heard stories from Michael when he'd be in town for a conference. How John wasn't the same after she left—how he kept trying and failing with relationships. And the reason why—that was left unsaid, and it broke her heart knowing that.

She gave a loud sigh to Bo, "I still feel like I can go to the station and he'll be there in his old office—staring out the window or tossing the football in the air. It's been ten years—."

"I know sweetie. It felt that way when Nora passed—we'd been apart for so long, but it still hurt. A love like that—you never get over."

"I know," she smiled. "They know who will be the new Commissioner?"

"Not yet—Matthew's a little young, but I know he'll follow in my footsteps one day," smiled Bo as he tugged at his Police Blue's one last time. "You ready to go?"

"As ready as I ever will," she sighed as she took his arm and they left together.

--------------------

"Maybe I really should have just sent a nice card," whispered Natalie as they walked into the funeral home. Some of the older officers gave her smiles and Jack and Davis both came and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She saw a few of the newer officers checking her out until she heard a familiar voice telling them to stop. She smiled at seeing Matthew come out of the group and join her and his father, "Hey Matthew," she smiled as he gave her a hug.

"Hey. I'm glad you made it—I know John would be too."

"I left him with a broken heart—who can be glad about that?"

"It wasn't a broken heart that killed him."

"Seems like it to me," she said as they reached the beginning of the receiving line and she realized it had gotten eerily quiet. She looked at Eve and Michael standing there watching her and all she wanted to do at that moment was run but instead she walked in front of Bo and to Michael. "I'm sorry," she said as the tears began to fall slowly.

"Thank you for being here," said Michael as he pulled back and took a hold of her chin. "My brother loved you—I know he did."

Natalie nodded, "I don't think that makes me feel much better. I mean—I should have waited for him—he was always there for me—I should have been there for him."

"You couldn't waste your life on a moment that might have never come, Natalie."

Eve finally spoke up and took Natalie's hands, "My son is right. And my other son," she spoke—the words becoming choked in her throat, "Is finally—at last—at peace."