CHILD'S PLAY

Ch.1 Accidents Happen

SIRIUS POV

"Sirius Orion Black I am going to KILL you!" Lily shrieked as she, James, Remus and me walked down the empty corridor. "Don't get your knickers in a twist Lils." I grumbled. "As shocking as it may seem to you, I didn't actually plan for this to happen!" I stopped in front of the door to the Potions classroom we were supposed to be cleaning, without magic. "I take it this is the place?"

"Children please," Remus groaned, looking up from his book for the first time since leaving Professor McGonagall's office. "Considering we'll probably be cleaning together for the next couple of hours, perhaps it might be best if we're not at each other's throats, eh?" Lily and I glared at him. "Yeah!" agreed James. "And could one of you please tell me why I have detention too? I was just sitting there, minding my own business…" "If by 'business' you mean writing crappy poetry about Lily." I muttered darkly. James however, appeared not to notice. " ….. when all of a sudden Minnie yells at me about joining her in her office to discuss my, or should I say, our detention."

"Of course, Potter!" Lily spat, "I'm sure you were completely innocent in this ordeal!" "I WAS!" James shouted indignantly. "ENOUGH!" yelled Remus, blushing when we all turned to look at him. "Yes, well Sirius, since none of us seem to be in the know over what just took place, perhaps you would care to enlighten us?"

"Fine." I huffed. "What happened was this…….."

30 minutes earlier

" Mister Black, if you would be so kind as to refrain from throwing things at Mister Snape, I would very much so appreciate it." Admonished Professor McGonagall.

"Anything for you, Minnie!" I grinned.

"Black, don't call me that." Sighed McGonagall.

"That's not what you said last night." I said under my breath.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Nothing!Nothing!" I cried. That woman has hearing like a bloody bat!

"I'm sure." McGonagall said, turning back to the board. "As I was saying class, today we are going to learn how to transfigure mice into decorative bowls of fruit."

Yea, cuz THAT will get me somewhere in life.

"Simply point your wand at the mouse, move your hand in a counter-clockwise motion, say "Achelous" and Voila! Your mouse is now a bowl of fruit! Now, everyone find a partner and grab a mouse from the box at the front of the classroom."

I looked around for a partner, and, spotting Remus, I ran up to him. "Hey Mooney, wanna be partners?" "I'd love to Sirius, but I told Lily I'd be her partner." "RED-HEADED SHREW!" I screamed. "Yes?" Lily asked. "Ummm ……. NOTHING!"I ran towards James in a desperate attempt to escape the vile ginger woman.

'It's weird how she answered to that though…' I thought as I sat next to James.

James was hunched over a piece of parchment and muttering under his breath. "L is for the love we'll always share. I is for how irresistible you are. L is also for…." He paused, trying to find the right words. "What a loser you are for writing poetry?" I inquired. James growled and threw a quill at me. "Well excuse me for trying to help!" I cried, as I transformed my mouse into a fruit bowl.

I sighed. I was siriusly… Ha! Siriusly! Merlin's pants, that joke NEVER gets old! HAHAHAHA….wait… was I saying something? Oh, yea! I was siriusly (tehee!) bored. I needed a distraction from my deluded friend. I eyed the bowl of fruit. I grabbed an apple from it and began to throw it in the air and catch it. 'I wonder if Snivellus likes apples.' I thought, smiling devilishly as I decided how I would find that out. Unfortunately for me, I am a terrible aim. The apple missed Snape entirely, to my disappointment, hitting a wall instead. The apple ricocheted off and hit the box of mice, knocking it over and causing mass panic as hundreds of mice ran about the room.

'Uh-oh…'

"BLACK, LUPIN, AND POTTER, MY OFFICE! NOW!" screamed McGonagall.

"But professor!"Cried Lily "Remus didn't do anything!"

"AND YOU CAN ACCOMPANY THEM MISS EVANS!"

Present

"And that, my good sir, is what happened."I proclaimed with a dramatic flourish.

If looks could kill, I'd be 6 feet under right about now. I have never seen Lily so angry before. Except for that time with the zebra and the bowl of pudding. Honestly, that prank seemed foolproof at the time! But, back to the situation at hand.

"Black, I swear I will kill…." "Let's get in there and start cleaning, shall we?" Remus interrupted, in hopes of saving me from Lily's violent rampage. But I say, bring it on girlfriend! I'll go hand-to-hand with that green-eyed harpy, I'm not afraid!

"Whatever." I muttered and led us into the classroom. That place was filthy! I have never seen such a pig-sty in my life, and that's saying something since I share a room with Wormtail. It was like the Hogwarts dump, and every piece of garbage ever to grace the floors of Hogwarts over the past 50 years was chucked in there.

"Oh my GODS!" Shrieked James and Lily. Ugh, women!

"Alright lads and lass!" I directed, attempting to take charge of this foul situation. " Remus, you dust the book shelves. James, you mop the floors. Lily, you clean out the rat-traps. I'll be standing by this cauldron pretending to look productive… I mean uhh ……cleaning it out…… and inspecting it no you don't!" Lily shouted. Curses! Another brilliant plan foiled by that … that...red-head. "All you're going to do is stand there, doing nothing, while the rest of us do all the work!"

"Damn! I was so looking forward to helping you guys out. But, if you insist, I'll do nothing while you guys do all the cleaning." I smirked as Lily's face turned the same color as her hair.

"You know what I mean, you bloody…" "Lily, I think we can settle this without a huge argument. You and Sirius can both clean the cauldron. That way, you can be sure Sirius is doing his share of the work and you won't have to be stuck pulling rat corpses out of the traps. How does that sound?" Remus interrupted, again. What is his problem? He needs to mind his own business and let me and Lily settle this mano-y-mano

"Fine." She huffed, shoving me out of the way as she headed towards the cauldron. But, being the gentleman that I am, I ignored her violent actions and went to go help her.

"Ugh! What's in this? It smells like dirty diapers!" I pinched my nose and shoved the cauldron towards Lily. "You can clean this out. I'm not touching that stuff!"

"You are such a drama-king! I am not doing this with you! Stop being a baby and ladle this stuff into a vial so we can wash out the cauldron."

Drama-king? DRAMA-KING? No one calls me a drama-king!

"Don't call me a drama-king, you harpy!" Let's see how she likes them apples!

"Black. Clean. The. Cauldron." She said slowly, pushing the pot-o-stank in my direction.

Who does she think she is?

"No. You do it." I said, pushing it back towards her. That outta shut her up.

Evidently not. " Black, I am not going to tell you again. Clean it." She said angrily, thrusting it towards me.

"You do it!" I shouted, thrusting it towards her. This cauldron shoving match continued, until I got so angry that I knocked it over.

Spilling its contents on both of us.

JAMES POV

Mopping floors sucks. Seriously.

I cannot believe Padfoot made me mop the floors. I mean come on! We're in a Potions classroom for Mordred's sake! All kinds of nasty crap has spilt on these floors and most of it is probably toxic. And I'm breathing it in! Oh my gods. What if it makes me sterile? Lily and I will never have children!

Note to self Don't start crying out of the blue when people can see you. Remus is looking at me funny and it's making me very uncomfortable.

"Prongs? Are you ok?" Oh, great. A werewolf is asking me if I'm ok. What is the world coming to? "I'm fine Mooney, I was just thinking…" I stopped when I heard a splash. "What was that?" I asked. "Probably just Padfoot knocking something over again." Remus sighed tiredly. "Let's check it out, just to be safe."

I nodded as we headed over to where Padfoot and my sweet Lilyflower were stationed. I stopped dead in my tracks.

Sirius and lily were unconscious, lying in a pool of something that smelled a bit like diapers. But that wasn't the shocking part.

Lily and Sirius had been turned into four year olds.

'How am I going to explain this to McGonagall?'