A/N: This is my first A Walk To Remember fanfic. It's just a drabble-y ficlet, but I had this idea scribbled down for a long time and I just found it again, so I had to write to it. I actually like how it turned out. This is my absolute favorite movie of all time—but I've never done any FanFiction for it because, I don't know it seemed like such a good, deep story on its own, I couldn't change it. This is in Landon's POV. Enjoy! R&R! Thanks! –Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own AWTR.
If I
They say you shouldn't linger on the what ifs, because they won't change anything. I try to accept that the past is in the past, but I think about it everyday since Jamie passed.
If I had driven a little faster, left a little sooner. If I hadn't gotten caught. If I hadn't left Clay there. If I had stayed. Hell, if I had been smart enough to not have him jump in the first place.
I wouldn't have been a tutor. I wouldn't have been on that bus with her. I wouldn't have spoken to her that first time, or anytime at all. I wouldn't have been playing janitor during the Stars & Planets thing. I wouldn't have heard her witty jab at Dean. I wouldn't have had to laugh because it was good comeback. I wouldn't have been in the play. I certainly wouldn't have been cast as the lead (I mean, whose idea was that in the first place? It was ridiculous).
Then I wouldn't have needed help with my lines. Then I wouldn't have gone to Jamie for help. Then I wouldn't have messed it all up to look good in front of my friends. Then I definitely wouldn't have had the chance to hear her angelic voice. Then I wouldn't have kissed her in front of everyone we knew. Then I wouldn't have set Jamie up for that childish prank that Belinda and the rest of them thought would be funny. Then I wouldn't have taken her on that date. Then I wouldn't have known about her list. Then I wouldn't have wanted to make sure she achieved each and every one of her aspirations. Then I wouldn't have slowly began to fall in love with her—the one thing I said I wouldn't do.
If it hadn't been for all that I wouldn't have had her in my life. If it hadn't been for all that I wouldn't have been so affected by her death—it would have been just another sad story of a life cut so tragically short.
But I wouldn't have straightened out my life. I wouldn't have had a reason to make a better life for myself. I wouldn't have found a way to reconcile with my father and be better to my mother. I wouldn't have made myself into a person who deserved her love and faith.
I would never have known how to love her nor had my own faith without Jamie, and that would have been a tragedy in it of itself. So maybe I can't help but dwell on what it would have been like if it had been different, but I always come back around to the fact that I wouldn't give up the time I had with Jamie for anything in the world, even if I could.
