He hung up the phone. His palms sweating, and his heart beating. He analyzed himself, and thought it ridiculous to nervous over something so mundane.
But it wasn't mundane, not anymore. He told himself. He remembered the days where it would be easy, almost meditative. But now? There were times where it was as if his body, and mind weren't on the same page, hell they weren't even in the same book! But then, his body would affect his mind. His heart would pound, his mind would play nervous thoughts and worst case scenarios in his head. Why the hell couldn't it be vice versa? Mind over matter? It's the damn adrenaline, he wasn't even going to war!
All he did was ask to go over to Jazmine's.
He heard her angelic, and young voice over the phone. is she as nervous as I am? He thought. What the hell is going on with me? I shouldn't be nervous at all. She's my friend, it's not like she can kill me. Insult me, yes, emasculate me, possibly, defriend me, she could do it anytime, she could terminate this friendship at anytime. How about today, she should do it! What kind of a friend have I been? Huey thought. If she disowned me, I could walk away without guilt, and stop feeling this anxiety.
No! What am I saying? He asked himself, getting up, and standing in front of the bedroom window.
This is stupid, I'm worrying over nothing. I should just go over there, and act like nothing's changed.
He walked down the stairs, building a wall of confidence.
But what if I just decided to stop caring? An ice pick of doubt shattered the wall.
Huey sat down. Think about it. He told himself. If I stop caring, then I can stop worrying. It'll all be just like before! He told himself. But how am I going to stop? I love her. I guess all I have to fo is see her the way I used to see her, back when I just saw her as my friend.
Hmmm, let's see: she's naive, she believes in irrational illusions! He told himself.
She's smart, honest, caring, funny, easygoing, peaceful, talented, beautiful, determined. There's so much more. He thought.
Love regained itself over Huey's mind. He became frustrated.
What is it with this emotion? He told himself. It's got the benefits, and side effects of a drug.
His thoughts took his more cynical attitude. Love can be the downfall of humanity, it muddles people's rational thinking, causes all these turbulent emotions. Break ups? Adultery! Huh! People kill themselves!
There's love of sin, love of violence, love of power, love of greed. People with bloodlusts, gluttonous people start wars! You can get torn between your worlds because of love. If you love someone, you're just putting yourself up to getting victimized.
This world is a cold, and dark place, and pain, greed, lust, selfishness, victimization, and tyranny all hide behind supposed 'Love.'
Huey sat on the couch for a few moments, after coming to this dark realization.
"If I love Jazmine, I'm just setting myself up to get hurt, or I'll hurt her." Huey said, aloud. He was answered with silence.
The phone rang. Huey checked the caller i.d. It read, "DuBois Residence."
Huey sighed, "I cared about her too much to hurt her. This relationship is terminated."
Huey got up, and started walking towards the DuBois house.
Jazmine and I weren't even dating. Huey told himself. Sure we told each other how we felt, but it hasn't drastically changed our friendship. She even said herself she wants things to stay the same, so they will.
Huey walked towards the house. His mind was clear. Telling himself he no longer felt love for Jazmine. He knew that it would blow over, sometime. He wasn't in love with Jazmine, no matter how incredible she was. Love was an illusion, that hid heinous behaviour, and actions.
Besides, he had other things to do then to become one of those guys who gets pressured into marrying a girl by age 20, then he wastes the next 10 years of his life trying to stay with a woman who loses interest in him. Soon she says 'she needs her space' and runs off with some dude. While he's depressed over a two timing woman.
He rang the doorbell. Love was irrational. Huey thought.
Misleading
Conditional
Victimizing
Agonizing
Self absorbed.
'Unconditional' love? Unbalanced, selfish love is more like it. Huey thought. His scowl deepened.
Jazmine opened the door. Huey's scowl faded.
The sunlight coming in bounced off of her skin, eyes, and hair, she looked like a luminescent angel.
Huey looked at her, and he saw her perspective again, just like with the drawing before. In that moment, his cynical views melted away, and he felt another surge of enlightenment.
Huey could hear Jazmine's thoughts: love unites people, love is kind, and peaceful. Love, devotion, and passion, can lead people to what makes them happy. Love is so powerful, and change your perspective on the world. Without love, the world would be cold, and lonely, and there would be no healthy existence. Even the water and the plants need some form of appreciation, and sustenance to thrive.
Love is beautiful, powerful, versatile, universal, unconditional. Jazmine thought. In many ways, love is perfect, and absolutely necessary.
Huey came back down form Jazmine's point of view. He looked at her, and she looked at him.
In that moment they had both read each other's thoughts, and felt each other's feelings.
"Huey." Jazmine said.
"Jazmine."
"Come in." Jazmine gestured. Huey followed her inside.
Maybe I do love Jazmine. Huey thought. But not the way I perceive love.
