Many nights I have waited, and planned to go to her. Now that everything is settled, I finally can. Tonight. I know what I want, and I am will willing to take the leap to get it. I am no longer afraid of the feelings she causes, of the weakness she could be for me. It is no longer important. I love her, and that is it. That simple fact makes almost everything else not matter.

I show up at her home, the home that held many of her favorite memories and many of mine. I don't have a gift to give to her, I thought on it long and hard but could not come up with something to show her how I feel. I thought bringing the ring I had bought for her after the take over to propose in the human way would be to much at once for her.

I knock and wait.

It doesn't take her long to answer. I block the bond so she doesn't feel me. I do not want her to think that I am influencing her decisions and thoughts. I never have but knowing her she will assume that I am. It is best to err on the side of caution.

She opens the door, and just stands there. There is not much expression on her face but she is happy to see me. I don't need the bond to tell me that but she is also anxious and slightly angry. The entire energy around her is screaming this. She continues to just stare at me. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, it is actually rather nice. It as been a while since I have seen her, and I ache with that thought. I had not meant to stay away so long but, sometimes, time simply just gets away from us, does it not? This happens more often when there is more time to have.

I am waiting for a sign, a subtle cue that she is willing to talk. She stays quiet but tilts her head slightly. I feel this is the best I will get. I take a slow, small step to approach her. My expression is soft, as are my eyes. I can feel it. It is just one of those things that I have no control over in her presence.

"Hello, Love." I try to express myself in just two words. The longing I felt for her, the pain I endured while I was away, my elation at seeing her. While sex is definitely on my mind when I'm with her, it was the longing for her simple touch that has just about killed me.

"What do you want?" She is guarded, and her response is clipped. I understand so I don't push it.

"I simply wished to talk. If that is alright with you." When approaching subjects of importance with her it is usually best to approach as if she were a wounded animal. Soft voice, slow movements, and calm words.

"What's there to talk about, Eric? You were probably off killing people and thought that to be more important than a simple phone call to me. So I don't really see what there is to talk about." She is becoming angrier with every word.

"Sookie, I had many things going on that I had to take care of. Things that I thought it best not to involve you in. You do not like bloodshed so it seemed practical to not draw you into it." She has no idea was has been going on in her absence, now does not feel like the time to tell her.

"So you were killing people? Great just great. I was hoping you were just ignoring me but killing more people sounds like a good excuse. Were you having Pam and Bill kill too, is that why they haven't been around or even called? " Her rage is full blown now and I am still trying to speak calmly to her.

"Things had to be done and as I said, it was practical not to involve you until they were complete."

"So now that they are, you expect to what? To just show up and have me say everything's ok with you killing more people and that now everything's fine, so lets talk? Sorry buddy, I'm not much in the mood for that. I'm tired of death, I'm tired of being around people who deal death. I just want to be normal. None of this, you and everything else supernatural, isn't normal. I can't trust you to change. Your invitation is rescinded, so go away." Her words hurt me, there is no denying this. I'm trying to stay calm and not let my anger or pain slip into my words or through the bond.

"I have never once asked you to be anything other than who and what you are. I never asked you to not be a telepath or be part fairy. I never asked you to fight in wars or battles. I have never asked anything of you that I was not one hundred percent sure that you could give. I never asked you to change who you are and yet you ask it of me. I am what I am, as I have always been. For my entire existence I have been a Viking and a warrior. For over a thousand years I have been a vampire. Death is apart of life, yours and mine.

You reject me be because of what I am, yet you find solace in it. You can not come to value the silence and reprieve from your gift that you get in my presence but become upset because of this very fact. You can not love the fact you can not read my mind but then hold it against me that you are unable. You cannot have it both ways.

You want a family, the white picket fence and the all that comes with it, that you deem normal. I can not provide you with this, I have never said that I could. I have never lied to you about who I am or what I am. You want what you want and I will not hold you from it. If it your choice to pursue it, then I will not stop you.

I do not have it in me anymore to try to convince you that I am right for you. I am tired of chasing you, getting just a little from you, and then having you run away again. You do not to want label what we are, because your afraid, and I have been trying not to hold it against you but I can not anymore. If your fear is what holds you back from me, there is nothing I can do to change that. No matter how much I wish it.

I came here to discuss with you the future, what I had hoped would be our future. But I can see now it seems that I was wrong in thinking you wanted to share that as I do. This is it for me. This is the last time I will try. If you want to be with me as I want to be with you and you will commit to me: invite me in, we will discuss everything, I will tell you everything, and we can go from here. If, however, you cannot take that leap to be with me, I cannot and will not see you again. There will be no second chances, no more attempts to sway your opinion of me, I will not come crawling to you, and I will not beg. This will be it. This will be the end to the matter of you and I." It breaks my heart to say it but I can not continue as I have since we first met.

"I'm sorry but…" she shrugged and trailed off seemingly unable to complete her statement but still acting as if she didn't care. She, in her heart, doesn't believe me or my words. She is not taking this seriously. Though this is not what she really wants, I will stand by my promise. I will follow her words rather than her heart, since it is exactly what she is doing.

I give a small nod of my head in defeat. I knew. I knew she would do this since her first words to me this night, but I had still hoped for a different outcome. "Then so be it." My ancient heart is breaking and it is bleeding into my words. My voice is still soft and calming, but it is now sounding slightly vulnerable and tinged with the pain I am feeling. I do not care if it can be heard. I give her a bow, it will be the last that I will give anyone for a very time. " I wish you the best Miss Stackhouse, in all that you do. I wish for you to have all you have ever wanted. You no longer have any thing to fear from me and mine. Good night."

I turn away from her, walk down her short steps and once I touch the ground, I take off into the sky. Flying has always helped me clear my head. This time, however, it is not my head that needs clearing. Though as I fly I can't help but think.

I learned many, many, many years ago, when I was new to this life, a very simple lesson. The easiest way to build a man was through his heart. When love is your motivator you can draw more strength in that, than you possibly could from anger. I also learned the easiest way to break a man was through his heart as well. When you torture and your objective is to break them, you take away the one place in their body that they can hide, where they store the positive memories to distance themselves from the physical world around them. That is why my kind shuts down, because for every bit of strength that love and compassion can give, it gives the same amount of weakness. One more thing someone can threaten with, one more thing they can take from you to break your spirit. I have always been colder than most because I learned this lesson first hand. I learned it many times it at the hands of my maker. He used the safety of my family and the safety of my people as means for my compliance. Once he made me, we left my home land but he threatened many times to return if I disobeyed. By the time I knew that my people were all dead, I no longer required the threat. He commanded me many times but he preferred when I did things willingly. When I was released I promised myself that I would not let that happen to me again. That I would not be placed in a situation where I could be maneuvered because of the people in my life.

I broke my promise to myself the moment Sookie walked into my bar on the arm of Compton.

I have reached Fangtasia just as I was about to trail off into that line of thought of her. I land behind my bar and walk in through the employee entrance. I reach my office and sit behind my desk. This place once held much joy for me but now it is just another building and another business in a long line that I have had in my life. It is rather depressing and I will allow myself to wallow but just for this night. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will change. It seems now it is time once again to return to the old ways. It will be difficult to go from living to simply existing but it can be done. It will be done.

I will do what I must, as I always have.

Pam must have sensed my presence and slips into my office. Normally I would be angry at her intrusion but not today. Today it is nice to be near someone that I know cares for me, I do not feel much like myself right now but I think that this situation is a good reason for this.

"Master, where is my mistress?" Pam sounds as excited as she is capable of while still remaining to look bored, at the prospect of having a mistress. I had told her that I was going to resolve things with Sookie. It is finally resolved at least but Pam mentioning her makes my heart hurt.

"You have no mistress, Pam. Everything is resolved between her and I. She wishes for a normal life. Something I can not provide her with." I give my child a slight smile, hoping to let her know I do not wish to speak much more on this topic.

"You must be joking me? After everything, and how closely she is tied to our world she suddenly wishes for 'normal'? You must be kidding me, and everything that has just taken place in her name…" She is angry. I can hear she is just getting started on a rant. I am not in the mood to hear it, maybe another night but not now.

"Pamela." A short, sweet, final, non-refutable command. One word and she is quiet. Without question, turning Pam is the best thing I have ever done.

She drops her head. "Yes Majesty?" She is trying to show her deference and apologies but I am not in the mood to be referred to with my new title tonight.

My voice sounds tired. I am tired. "First you know you needn't be so formal when it is just us. And second, after I set forth an edict, I do not wish to speak on the matter of the telepath any more. Is this understood?"

"Eric?" Pam is wearing a look of concern. "What edict?" She is confused and concerned now.

"Take note Pam." I do not wish to answer her questions on this until I do what I must. I do not know if I will be strong enough to do it later. So it must be done now.

"Yes, master." Pam understands that I mean business right now.

"The official edict from the King of Louisiana, Arkansas, and Nevada: that the telepath, Sookie Stackhouse, is not to be approached or contacted in anyway by any living within my Kingdom, vampire or otherwise in connection to the supernatural world without my express permission, on the pain of final death. Human's used to contact her for the intent to circumvent me and my edict will killed as well as their masters. Those from any other states known to be contacting her without my express permission will be killed as well. Swiftly, mercilessly, without trial, without question." I draw a breath that I don't need to try to center myself. "That is all Pam."

Pam looks shocked. Which is very rare, and only happens around those she trusts explicitly "Is that it? Your giving up?"

"Yes, she wants to be out of this, and it is in my power to give her what she wants."

"But Eric… everything is finally settled. There is no royalty for you to answer to, none above you save the counsel. You and her can finally be together without having to fight for your lives everyday. I'm aware there still is and will always be danger but the amount of this has decreased immensely with you on the throne. I do not understand. This is it?"

"She no longer wants to keep the company of death dealers so I am going to close our bond. She wishes to live a normal life, with a family. She cannot find that with me. If I thought she could find it with another I would not fight her on it. Even if it would kill me, even if I ignored the ridicule of our world by letting her be with a lesser creature, she still cannot be with another supernatural without the danger that comes with this world. I would not be able to trust another to keep her safe. So, yes this is it. If she thinks she will be happy with a 'normal' life, I will help her get it. I am giving her all that is left within me to give, so she can be free to choose her own path." I feel as if I am on the edge of tearing up, there is a stinging behind my eyes. I will not let my child see me cry. I still have things to do. "Send out the edict, you are dismissed child."

Pam looks uncertain but at my dismissal, bows her head and leaves my office. I am alone again. I have calls that I will delegate to Pam that can be made tomorrow but there is only one call tonight that must be made. I compose myself again and pick up the phone. I dial the number without having to look it up. It is not that late in the night so I know he will answer. This will probably be the last time I will call this number. It rings a few times before a gruff voice answers.

"Merlotte's. How can I help you?"

"Sam. This is Eric Northman, do you have minute or two to talk? It is rather important." I usually am not nice or courteous but I will be asking for something and anything working in my favor will help.

"Sure…just give me a moment." He sounds suspicious, I cant blame him. I would be too. After a short pause he's back. "Ok, I'm in my office. What's up?" He is not a happy shifter.

"Within the next day or two there will be an edict being sent out to all supes. I wanted to let you know you are exempt from this edict and that this will remain so if you will do something for me."

"Excuse me? Weres and shifters don't follow vamp edicts." I have always hated when people not even half my age inform me of the ways of my world. They are just children in comparison to me and I find it annoying. I was around when many of these ways were established. Stupid children.

"I am aware that you don't, but your kind follow edicts from the pack masters, and masters of the region. Most of the masters of the regions are allies of mine. They will enforce my edict but this is not why I called. I called because we have some matters to discuss." I had been consolidating my power for the take over and decided that alliances with the region masters of the Weres and Shifters might be a handy thing to have in the future. I was right.

"Ok. I'm listening." Normally a stupid child getting put in their place would amuse me, but not this time.

"My edict will prevent any supernatural's from contacting or approaching Miss Stackhouse. I am exempting you from this on the stipulation that you will inform my regime if there are any who disobey me."

There was a pause.

"Why?" It was a simple question with many difficult answers, but I gave a simple answer

"Because she wants a normal life, free of supernaturals, and it is within my power give her this." This seems as good a reason as any to continue using as an explanation. It is true so I think will use it again when asked.

"Won't your king over ride it?" The shifters voice holds his uncertainty.

"No. I have no king."

"….Your king now aren't you?" he sounds unsure of his logic. Maybe he isn't so stupid after all.

"I am."

"Of Louisiana?"

"Among other states."

"What other states?" He seems interested now.

"Arkansas and Nevada."

"Damn, when'd that go down?" I am aware he usually stays out of politics of any kind but he seems pleased with this turn of events.

"In the past couple weeks or so, I have yet to have a coronation so only those affected by this change are aware." I held off the coronation in hopes of have my bonded by my side. There goes that hope.

"Ok, now what do you get out of this edict?"

"Nothing." This answer is the most true I have given him in this entire conversation.

"You don't do something for nothing. That's not how its done. So I ask again, what do you get out of this?" He sounds annoyed that he thinks I'm lying to him.

"I get nothing. If your so intent on your thoughts of me getting anything out of this, why don't you tell me what it could possibly be." I didn't give him time to even try to answer. "You can't can you? I didn't think so. This edict lets her live her life without any interference from the supe world, including me. Your exempt from this so that I can ensure my edict is followed and enforce it if its not. When the edict comes, read it, and know you are the only one not affected by this. You will check in with someone in my regime, most likely Pam, on a regular basis. I doubt you will want to, but this is the only way I can protect her with the edict still in tact." I paused to let him digest this. "I will inform the region masters that the packs she belong to can only come to her if she calls and is in danger the same as I will inform those in area 5. Other than in those circumstances she will not have any interference from this world. I gain nothing, and with that said, do you agree to this stipulation?"

"I do."

"Good. Pam will be expecting your call by the end of the week. Good night." And I hung up.

Now that that is done, I have nothing left to do tonight. I still do not feel like myself but it will most likely pass. I stand up and leave my office. I do not wish to be here anymore tonight. I leave through the employee door not even bothering to see what fangbangers are in the bar tonight. I have duties that I must get back to tomorrow but that is tomorrow. I take off in to the air and head home.

I fly slowly over the buildings and streets. I see the people below and wonder if they realize how short their life is compared to mine. If they realize that they spend so much time deliberating about something that they rarely complete what they were deliberating about. If they realize that the money they spend their entire life making doesn't do them any good when their dead. If they realize that they only want what they cant have simply because they can't have it. That they unconsciously look for their perfect match from the time they can walk but when they find it, still look for better, for someone absolutely perfect. That no matter how much is given to them they still want more. Not all of them are like this but those that are; use to disgust me. Now I pity them and then I pity me because I pity them. If nothing else can be said for them as a species, those that live do live to the fullest.

I frown a little when I realize that most of my kind simply exist and that I will once again be one of them. I take some comfort in the fact that now that Sookie is free she can live for me.

I wish I did not have to let her go but it is what she wants so she will have it. Her life is her own, and while I have controlled small parts of her life to keep her safe or what I felt was in her best interest, the road she is choosing is taking her from me. But it is her road to travel. My journey has been long and I know what its like to be forced down a path not of your choosing and the repercussions that come of it. No matter how much I want her, I can not be like my maker.

I land in my front yard and slowly walk up the steps. I open the door and head straight for my bedroom. I strip down to nothing and climb in my bed. I have always thought of it as a good size for my person but tonight it seems to big. A quiet reminder that I am alone again. I feel my eyes start to tear again and I let them. No one is here to see me cry, or feel my pain.

The bond is still shielded so we are unable to feel one another. I focus on the gentle hum that has existed in me since Rhodes. So much has happened since then and yet it doesn't seem like it was enough. I focus on it as I slowly close it, the hum getting softer and softer until it is almost none existent. When there is just about nothing left of it I feel the tears running down the sides of my face. I can completely sever it or I can keep what little of the bond there is left kept locked away; if I so choose. I wish I was strong enough to sever it. To completely let go of her and embrace the darkness and emptiness that is calling me, but I am unable. This I will keep for me. There is just enough for me to be able to feel her but not enough for her to feel me. She gets what she wants and I get to keep the only comfort I have left.

Right now, that is enough for me. To simply feel the gentle hum of her in my body. Right now I do not want to feel her happiness or smugness or whatever else she is feeling that only will hurt me to know. No. Right now, I just want to feel her and pretend that she hurts just as much as I do and she regrets what has become of us.

Tomorrow I will change. Tomorrow I will stop all this nonsense and start anew. Tomorrow I will return to my life as a King. Tomorrow I will do my duties, complete the paper work, hold court, dole out punishments.

All as if this day has never happened.

There was an Italian author named Dante Alighieri who once wrote "Remember tonight…for it is the beginning of always." With everything that I am I hope he is wrong, but something tells me he's not.

For tonight, tonight I am just another man with a broken heart. A man who feels as if his whole world seems to be crashing down around him. A man whose pain is overwhelming. A man that has an ache in his chest that reminds him that while it no longer beats, it still bleeds. A man who is simply alone.

Tonight very well may be the beginning of my always.