Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

Twilight characters are Stephanie Meyer's. Source of FMLs: .com/.

One-Shot: FML Cullen Style

Carlisle's POV

One Friday night, I get home around nine o'clock, which is actually pretty early for me considering how much I typically work. I walk through the door and immediately hear laughter. I can pinpoint whose laughter it is, too. My sons'. Emmett. Jasper. Edward... oh, and Jacob. Jacob is here, too, I guess. I make my way to the living room as their booming laughter continues. They are all sitting on the couch in the living room staring at the TV, which I realize has been hooked up to someone's laptop so they can all see the screen. Before I even look at what website they are on, I turn to them and ask, "Oh dear Lord. Four men. The Internet. Please let that not be porn!" They all turn their heads to look at me, and then they begin laughing at me. Excuse me? "What?"

"It's not porn!" Jacob reassures me, and I see a mischievous grin grow across Emmet's face as he says this. This little tidbit makes me doubt what Jacob said.

"And I am going to trust you hooligans?" I ask them, and they all reply with a stupid smile. I take a better look at the TV which is still hooked up to the laptop. The URL box reads "."

"F my life dot com?" I ask. "What the hell is that?" Apparently I am too old to understand because their jaws just drop at the fact that I do not know of this oh so amazing website. "Umm... ok." So I proceeded to read the first paragraph on the page. "Today, I was wearing a picture that had a picture of a squirrel," I read aloud, "and acorns with a sign that said 'Protect your Nuts.' My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML." Wow. "Okay, now that has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever read... and funny, okay go to the next one."

This time, Edward reads it out loud. "Today I looked at my father's Facebook wall for the first time in a month to see what he was up to. His latest post read, 'Dealing with wedding plans!' Really? When was he planning on telling me, his own daughter? FML."

"Sad," Jasper mumbles.

Jacob reads the next one, "Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML."

"Ouch!" Edward mutters "Who knew laughing at someone else's pain could be satisfying."

"Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML," I read.

A simultaneous "oooooooo" comes out off all of our mouths.

Emmett scrolled down the page and read a random entry. "Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML."

"Oh, now that is just lovely," Jasper murme

And we proceeded to read this absurd website... for the next three and half hours.