MINE


"A man is like a novel: until the very last page you don't know how it will end. Otherwise it wouldn't be worth reading."
― Yevgeny Zamyatin


Her head rested on his bare chest, only a sliver of the white cotton sheet separated their otherwise naked bodies. She traced the raised skin on his sternum marking where a bullet had pierced his spleen. She still felt the guilt for everything Caleb had done to protect her, all of the sacrifices he made to keep her safe. Then she remembered all the times he had walked away. A tear escaped her eyes and slithered down her cheek landing square on Caleb's chest.

His fingers were tangled in her tousled blonde hair and he watched her breasts rise and fall with every breath she took. It had been a long time since he held her like this. Every day since he had last seen her, he dreamt of being with her again. Being in the same bed and breathing the same air.

He knew the risks when he marched up to that oak wood door. He stood on the porch steps and took a deep breath before tapping the bronze knocker in front of him. Nothing happened at first. He tapped again. The door finally opened and he saw Hanna standing in front of him. Her blonde hair now longer and slightly darker landed just below her shoulders. She had the same pink lips and sparkling eyes but he could tell she wasn't the same anymore. Something had changed.

"Caleb," she breathed when she saw him there, after more than a decade apart.

He looked the same. A little taller maybe and he jawline more defined. His eyes had a darkness that emanated, probably from the secrets he had discovered in Ravenswood. But he was standing in front of her, flesh and blood. She wanted more than anything to turn the clock back to a time before they ever set in foot in Ravenswood, before they learned of secrets that ruined any happiness they had ever experienced.

Ravenswood and Ali were all a part of her past and she had managed to move on slowly but surely. The last thing she needed was Caleb standing on her doorstep and reuniting her with the memories she had worked so hard to suppress. She moved to close the door in his face, not wanting to revisit that road, but Caleb held up a strong arm against the door.

"Wait," he pleaded. "Let me explain..."

"You can't," she replied. "Caleb...I can't...I just can't..."

It pained him to see her like this, hating him. He had rehearsed his words during the drive to her address. He had even considered turning around and abandoning this retched plan nearly a dozen times, but just the thought that he might see her one more time gave him the strength to keep going. Now, as she stood in front of him, he forgot every poetic line he had imagined would allow her to forgive him. He had no words but still, he knew exactly what to do.

Caleb threw back the heavy door leaving a dent in the wall. His arm slid around her waist and he cupped her cheek in his hand before shattering the space between them as his lips met hers. She looped her arms around his neck like a reflex and pressed him against the wall throwing all caution to the wind.

They fit together like a puzzle, like nothing had changed in the many years they had spent apart. They knew each other better than they knew themselves. In a matter of seconds she was peeling off his tight black t-shirt. He reciprocated by unbuttoning her blouse and leaving a trail of warm kisses along her exposed breasts. She giggled at the tickling sensation and dug her fingers into his hair to suppress her moans. He laughed. He loved making her feel loved.

In a brief moment of sobriety, Hanna remembered the open door and the neighbors outside casually strolling by. She slammed the door shut and Caleb pinned her against the solid wood. He kicked aside the delicate pairs of children's tennis shoes by the front door and lifted Hanna into his arms. As they stumbled into the guest suite, Caleb ignored the family portraits hanging above the fireplace and the platinum ring on Hanna's finger that occasionally snagged on a lock of his hair.

He fell back onto the bed bringing her down with him. Then rolled over so she was wedged between his legs. Hanna slithered out of her skirt and gave into Caleb against her better judgment. He looked her dead in the eye with a tender passion that made her feel safe again. She bit her lip tugging at his belt buckle. Caleb understood her message and kicked off his jeans. From there, everything became a blur of tangled limbs to Hanna.

Now she laid in bed next to the man she imagined spending her life with. But she was with someone else, someone who loved her and cared about her nearly as much as Caleb did. They had built a life together and in one afternoon Hanna had ruined it all by falling back in with the past. Suddenly his hand stroking her hair, which had once been comforting, now felt like ticking time bomb. Her flushed cheeks were like a red A emblazoned on her face. She felt sick.

"Why now?" she said finally.

"What do you mean?" Caleb asked.

"Why now?" she repeated. "Why today? Why did you even come here at all?"

"I needed to see you," he said finally.

"And the past ten years?" she asked. "You couldn't have come to see me then. Maybe I needed you once, but not anymore."

"Let me just explain," he said calmly. "We can get a coffee or something and catch up."

"No," she laughed throwing the sheets off. "It's too late for that. You need to go."

"Han?" he shook his head in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"This was a mistake!" she yelled at him. "You should never have come here!"

"I'm sorry," he sighed as he collected his clothes from the floor. "I never meant to..."

"Just go," she bit back tears.

She watched the front door slam behind him. She locked the door and knelt down to rearrange her children's shoes. Then a stream of tears flooded down her face and she collapsed into a heap against the wall. It was a mistake. Hanna couldn't allow herself to go back to that place and dwell on what her life would have been with Caleb. They had a chance to be together but he'd ruined it and it was too late to go back now.