Hello again or for the first time, Murayama Tsuru here. I decided to do another set of holiday-themed oneshots. And the first one just happens to be for Valentine's Day…yes…I know it's a week late…but I was busy (being lazy)…so, here it is, I hope you guys enjoy ^_^

Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama; it belongs to Sorachi Hideaki-Sensei

Kondo Isao always had mixed feelings about Valentine 's Day. On the one hand, it was a holiday that allowed him to express his love for the wonderful Shimura Tar without seeming too creepy (as if he didn't get enough of that already); but on the other hand, Otae-san never seemed to return his affections. And, to make it worse, whenever he tried to give her the chocolate and flowers he so lovingly picked out for her, she would reject him soundly with a beating and a 'Don't you know it's the girl who's supposed to give the gifts today?'

Whenever this happened, Kondo would feel his usual sense of rejection much more acutely. And, after Otae's rejection of him, he would always give the gifts for his love to the next person, Hijikata Toshiro…for some reason, though, Toshi never seemed to accept the chocolate and flowers with any great happiness. If anything, Kondo imagined his second in command seemed to be in an extremely bad mood on this particular day (and he would cringe whenever Kondo walked into the room).

But this year would be different, for sure! This year, he was going to give those flowers and chocolate to Otae; and maybe, if he was super lucky, she would give him flowers in return! That was Kondo's grand plan that he was going to stick to no matter what!

…But then, Valentine's Day came and went in the blink of an eye and Kondo didn't get to see Otae-san that day as he was extremely busy (for some reason, Toshi seemed relieved about that). So, Kondo resolved that he would enact his plan tomorrow for sure!

But then…a whole week passed by and Kondo was starting to despair that he would never get a break. Lucky for him, though, Kondo managed to sneak away before Toshi got up (apparently, playing hooky is a good idea…) and he did the necessary shopping for his plan to work.

Careful to avoid any other Shinsengumi members (who would undoubtedly turn him into Toshi), the leader of the police organization made his way to his beloved Otae-san's house. on the way, he began thinking of the ways he would give his crush what he bought; most of these plans involved sneaking into her air ducts and hoping she found him before Toshi came searching for him.

On his way there, he passed by the Yorozuya and he thought that maybe, if all went well, he would stop in on the way back and ask Sakata Gintoki for a drink (and beg him to make sure Shinpachi would be able to accept his and Otae's eventual relationship). Suddenly, though, Kondo stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes widening a large amount. After another moment, the leader of the Shinsengumi quickly dashed around the corner of the nearest building so he could watch the scene that had so surprised him without being noticed by those who he was now watching.

On the balcony of the Yorozuya stood both a strangely nervous-looking Otae-san and mostly concealed Sakata Gintoki (all except for the very edge of his wave-patterned Yukata). Even though Kondo could hardly see either Otae-san or Gin-san, he was able to hear the two very clearly.

"Hah?" Said Gin, sounding fairly irritated, "Don't get me wrong, I'd do anything for a chocolate fix, but inn'it a little late for Valentine's Day?"

There was a pause and Kondo had to strain his ears to hear what Otae said next, "That may be, but it took me a whole week to get the recipe perfect. But, if you don't want it, I don't have to give it to you. It is just obligatory 'you, sort of, take care of my younger brother' chocolate after all."

Oh how Kondo wished he could have some of that chocolate! If only Shinpachi were a part of the Shinsengumi instead of the Yorozuya, then Kondo would be the one getting that obligatory 'you, sort of, take care of my younger brother' chocolate! Why couldn't he be in Gintoki's place?!

Kondo heard Gin sigh then, "Fine, if you're that adamant about me eating your chocolate, I guess I could take it off your hands. It is just 'I take care of your little brother very well' chocolate after all. No other special feelings attached at all."

'Well of course there are other special feelings attached to that chocolate!' Kondo wanted to yell. Why else would she have come to the Yorozuya, a week after Valentine's Day with homemade chocolate! There could be no other reason! Kondo was feeling hysterical at this point, ready to go in and strangle Gintoki for being so nonchalant about getting Otae's sweet chocolate (especially since he was such a sweet-tooth).

There was another, slightly longer, pause as Otae handed Gin a wrapped package with the chocolate in it. The silver-haired idiot opened the package and then there was a silence as both he and Kondo took in the dark matter that was Otae's homemade chocolate.

After a long while, Gin said, sounding hesitant, "Um…Otae-san, what is this?"

Kondo could hear the false cheer in Otae's voice as she answered, "It's chocolate, silly. What else would it be?"

"Um…well…I'm not sure that chocolate is supposed to bubble like that…nor, I believe is it supposed to be giving off a poisonous aura…are you sure this is safe to eat…?"

A shudder ran up Kondo's spine as he heard her darkly happy reply, "Is it really such a problem, Gin-san? I'm sure a sweet-tooth like you would like any kind of chocolate given to him. Am I wrong?"

Gin swallowed hard and Kondo could almost feel the nervous smile that was most likely on the silver-haired Samurai's face as he responded, "N-no, there's no problem at all, Otae-sama…t-thank you very much for such a kind g-gift. I'll be sure to…enjoy it…"

"I thought so." Otae said, the tension leaving the air suddenly, "Well then, I must be going, I don't want to be late to Kyu-chan's. See you later. I'll make sure to ask Shin-chan how you liked the chocolate."

Otae then started descending the stairs and Kondo had to retreat even further behind the building he had been hiding behind so she wouldn't spot him and figure out that he had been spying on her (even though that was his normal stalker behavior).

Once Otae had disappeared into the crowd, Kondo came out of hiding just to hear Gin groan, "Ugh, why couldn't she have just bought me chocolate? Doesn't she know I'm not actually going to eat this…now I have to throw it away…I feel bad…for the original ingredients…"

Kondo then heard Gin shut the door to his apartment and a new plan hatched in his mind at that very instant; he had to eat that chocolate! If Gintoki was going to just throw away such a precious gift from his beloved, Kondo would stop him with all his worth.

With his half-assed plan in mind, Kondo walked up the stairs of the Yorozuya and opened the door with a loud slam. Looking rather startled, Gin turned around, Otae-san's chocolate in one hand and the other hand on his Bouken looking as if he was ready to attack whoever this intruder was. But then he saw Kondo and immediately relaxed, "Oh, it's you." He said, lazily sticking his finger into his ear, "What do you want?"

"I want Otae-san's chocolate!" Kondo answered immediately with much vigor

With a weird expression on his face, Gin started, "How did you—"

"I was listening from behind a nearby building." Kondo interrupted, seeing no reason to keep his spying a secret from the silver-haired Samurai

"Of course you did." Gin nodded, a look of mild disgust now on his face, "And since you were being the creepy stalker you are, I guess you heard that this 'chocolate' isn't chocolate so much as dark matter…even you might not want to eat it…"

"I don't care!" Kondo said triumphantly, "I want to eat it anyway! So give it to me, Gin-san!"

Gin rolled his eyes, "Why should I? What would I get out of it?"

"Well…" Kondo said, tapping a finger against his chin, he hadn't actually thought this far. Suddenly he remembered the chocolate he had bought for Otae earlier; although he didn't really want to give up the chocolate, he could if he had to (and, if he really had to, he could just buy Otae-san another box).

"Well?" Gin prompted, seeing as Kondo was too lost in his thoughts to give a good answer

"Well," Kondo said again, coming to a decision, "I could give you this box of Kodiva chocolates I just so happen to have. What do you say to that?"

Gin looked very tempted by the prospect of trading Otae's 'chocolate' for a good box of Kodiva chocolate. But the longer Gin thought about, the less tempted he looked. Finally, Gin shook his head, "Sorry, no deal. I do this, sure, I enjoy the chocolate, but she's sure to find out…and that is a wrath I don't really need. Again, sorry…sort of."

Kondo felt a pang of disappointment, followed right after by a pang of annoyance. Gin-san wasn't even going to eat the chocolate, why did he care if Otae got mad at him for giving it to Kondo. Irritation in his voice, Kondo said, "Then, Gin-san, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to take it by force!"

"What?" was all Gin had time to say before Kondo catapulted himself at the silver-haired Samurai. Quickly moving out of the way, Gin was barely able to dodge the flying chief of the Shinsengumi.

Once Gin moved to what he thought was a safe distance away, he growled, "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you really want that chocolate that badly?"

"Of course I want that chocolate!" Kondo said as he launched himself at the silver-haired Samurai again

After another narrow dodge, Gin asked incredulously, "Why?"

"Because I love her!" Kondo shouted, launching himself Gin for a third time

Instead of dodging this time, though, Gin seemed to have heard something that made him freeze. Kondo took full advantage of this to take the chocolate out of Gin's hand. Triumphantly, Kondo raised the (almost deadly looking) chocolate high in the air, celebrating his victory.

"I really wouldn't do that if I were you…" Gin warned, but Kondo ignored it; this was a dream come true for him, to be able to eat Otae-san's chocolate (even if he had stolen it).

Just as Kondo was putting the chocolate into his mouth, the door opened and Otae stepped in again saying, "Oh, Gin-san, I forgot to tell you…"

Everything seemed to slow down then as Kondo's mouth couldn't stop itself from closing around all of the chocolate. It tasted…well, Kondo didn't really get the taste as the sight of Otae made him swallow 'his' chocolate immediately after.

After the choking attack that came with swallowing a piece of chocolate whole finished, Kondo said nervously, "O-Otae-san, what are you doing back here? I thought you were going to Yagyuu's house…"

Looking irritated, Otae responded, "I was. But then I forgot that I had gotten chocolate for Shin-chan and Kagura-chan as well…"

"Wait a minute," Gin said, sounding surprised, "You bought those two brats chocolate, but you decided to make it for me? Do you really dislike me that much?"

Otae seemed to disregard that comment and continued speaking, "Gin-san, what is this gorilla doing here? And how did he manage to get my chocolate? I think we may need to call animal control, don't you?"

Gin looked almost sorry for Kondo at that point; but before he could say anything, Kondo brought out the chocolate and flowers he had bought for Otae, "O-Otae-san, here are some gifts in return for the chocolate. It was delicious…!"

The next sound that could be heard was the cracking of knuckles followed by a howling scream of pain


That evening, Hijikata returned to his room after a long day's work. For some reason, Kondo-san had elected today to be the day he skipped. And although Hijikata wouldn't say this aloud, he really wished his boss would be more responsible sometimes; there was enough trouble without him goofing off…

Hijikata turned on the lights and his brows furrowed in consternation, "Not again…" he growled softly. There was Kondo-san, fast asleep (or unconscious, Hijikata couldn't really tell) on the floor, a half-eaten box of Kodiva chocolates very near. Hijikata had really hoped they gotten passed this already. It was a week passed Valentine's Day, after all.

But there his boss was, consoling himself after another rejection from Shimura Tae. Hijikata sighed, at least there was room for Hijikata's futon this time. As the vice-chief of the Shinsengumi set up his bedding, one question came to mind, what the hell did his boss do to get so beat up?

Hijikata decided not to dwell on it tonight, though. There would always be time tomorrow after all. With one last small sigh, Hijikata turned out his lights.

And that is the end of that one ^_^ whoo, it was pretty fun to write. I don't usually write Kondo or Otae, so it was interesting to try something different. Well…yeah…that's all I have to say…We shall see if I write a oneshot for Hina Matsuri or not…I haven't thought that far ahead yet…well, see you next update ^_^

-村山鶴