Disclaimers: I do not own FF6, any characters, or names of anyone but JD.

Warning: This will insult your intelligence and waste your time and you will most likely feel more stupid upon completion.

"Where is Locke!" Celes yelled as she entered the locker room. "That perv stole my panties again."

"Panties? Mwahaha!" Cackled Kefka. Well it was actually Kefka's son. Kefka had died long ago but as most megalomaniacs go he had a few concubines. His son, or at least the one the returners knew about, was just as crazy as him but lacked the supernatural prowess of the statues. But then again this story may be stupid but sticks to the canon so no one has supernatural powers anymore. Anyways Kefka's cried laughed.

"You let him get them again? You should have used one of my amazing locks, or at least let me use mind control to reprogram him," remark JD. Why can he use mind control you ask if there is no supernatural powers? You see he is myself insertion. As you will see as this story progresses I not only have amazing abilities but am also incredibly gorgeous, witty, and humble.

"JD," Celes swooned for exactly three minutes before Kefka laughed again and she realized what a jerk Kefka jr. was and why she was there. "WHERE IS LOCKE!!!" She exclaimed, Exclaimed, EXCLAIMED. Mildly irritated to say the least. She then ran out the door causes her head to become slightly more bald with her hands as she stormed out.

"This has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever written," remarked JD. "Don't I have better things to do?" The answer to this is no because I can't sleep.

Anyways somewhere in South America, this is what they renamed the southern continent, Locke was looking for an ancient artifact known as a scwibble. A scwibble was an ancient devise used by espers to grow plants known as scwobbles. These scwobbles spawned fruit that was very tasty but poisonous to humans and would cause them to convulse in a way that they could have been mistaken for break dancing, and then die. While eating this caused many to win competitions at the cost of their own lives it was deemed a part of the Whipper-Snapper War that caused the death of many baggy pants youth by people over seventy about 200 years before the Esper War. The other issues that caused this war were playing bagpipes too loud and the youths tailgating elders who were driving their buggies too slow, among other issues. Locke had no idea that Celes was looking for her under where but still help a fear he had never known as he entered the darkness of the mountain cave. The darkness of course was eliminated by Locke using his cell phone to shine a light on the floor.

Suddenly a gigas appeared.

Locke was frightened for a moment but remembered that even without magic he was still level 99 with an Excalibur so he simply poked the giant and it ran off screaming for its mommy.

Luckily for Locke the monster was the boss of the cave and dropped the scwibble. "Yay! I can go home now." So Locke went home. Found Celes' very mentioned unmentionable in a pile in her incredibly dirty room and they lived happily ever after. It was even more happy when it was discovered that JD could eat scwobbles, do the dance maneuvers, and still live.