Hello. I just wanted to make some points clear about this story before you continue:
1. This is a story where Bella's past is dramatically altered and a few new original characters will be introduced.
2. This story is partially a supernatural story as there may be new powers and original situations. You have to be very open minded in that aspect as many powers including Bella's might be changed.
3. The Cullen children are all seniors at high school.
4. Jacob never existed in Twilight or the beginning of New Moon. He isn't Billy's son, nor does he lives in Forks. He is part of Bella's past that will be explained later on.
5. I have the entire story planned out so when I give little clues or when I don't explain everything is because it would be explained in the future.
Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its characters and plot all belong to the amazing Stephanie Meyer nothing belongs to me but my plot (except the parts were I burrow SM Plot) and the original characters that will be introduced in the future.
Please enjoy: D
He didn't love me anymore.
I could feel it in his eyes the way he looked at me. In his touch, his fake smile, he won't even kiss me. He became so distant; I couldn't believe this is the way it will all end.
He has just dropped me off at my house. He said he won't be back tonight and to lock my window.
I could feel the end approaching; he got sick of me. I knew it- I think I always knew- I just never admitted it to myself. How could he love someone like me anyway?
I'm an ugly, useless, insignificant human compared to his magnificent presence.
I made the mistake of believing in fairy tales, but life isn't like that.
I sat on my bed, numb and unmoving.
I couldn't even cry; I felt as if there is a huge block of cement crushing my chest preventing me from even having the luxury of breathing.
I tried to think around the haze that was starting to fill my mind- trying to discover when it all went down...
I should have noticed before. I know it was all my fault for not being worthy of him but there must have been something I could have done something to prevent it. It all started last week after my disastrous eighteenth birthday when Jasper attacked me. After Carlisle fixed my arm he dropped me off at my house. He gave me a kiss I doubt I will ever forget- it was full of unbridled passion but with a desperate edge that scared me to death; Edward never crossed boundaries like that… I didn't know if I should be delighted or frightened.
That was last Friday, the last week he have been so distant, so away, so… cold. He acted supposedly normal but he couldn't fool me. I felt the coldness in his stare the way he wouldn't attempt to hold my hand in class like he used too. He casually turned his face when I would try to kiss him; his voice no longer held that tender velvet quality that had me head over heels the first time it so gracefully fell on my ears.
I think that he is trying to make it a smooth transaction for me so when he dumps me I won't take it too hard.
I didn't break down- not yet anyway. I didn't know how but maybe it is because I still have hope that he was just going through a phase and it had nothing to do with me- that maybe tomorrow all the dark clouds will disappear letting the warm sun rays warm my skin.
Like his smile always did to my heart.
I just didn't understand. This past summer was magical; I was among the clouds, the way I felt his love radiating from his every look, his every action directed at me. It was breathtaking.
The words "I love him more than life" never were more truthful.
On my birthday the love in his voice when he wished me a happy birthday stunned me into a high of happiness- one that before meeting him I wasn't aware I could experience.
I kept wondering how someone could forget all about that in just one week. How can he stop loving me just like that? What did I do wrong except being me? Was he scared for my life or was he disgusted that I couldn't even pass one night without being clumsy me and causing so much physiological pain for Jasper?
Or was it because I wasn't and would never be strong enough to defend myself- at least as long as I remain human.
The only logical explanation is that he never really loved me.
Maybe it was all a beautiful idea- that he fell in love with but it was never me. I think what made him finally realize this was when with just a paper cut I ruined everything. He realized how different we are and he won't bother with trying hard to make it work because simply I am not worth it. The kiss with the desperate edge… He was trying to find something. He was trying to find his love for me but he couldn't since there wasn't any to begin with. He made his decision; he figured out the truth.
He never loved me and he never will.
I felt the truth setting in; I felt its weight crushing my chest.
I could feel rapid streams of tears washing my cheeks. It felt as if a dam had broken and now it was too late to contain the damage. I should have passed out by now but I didn't because still my young naive heart had hope that I was just overreacting- that he would hold me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be alright.
Or than he no longer wanted me. I needed to hear it from his lips.
I needed to know before I let go; I needed him to say it out loud so I could break down without any care about whether or not I might be mistaken.
Standing up from my bed was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I walked on shaking knees to the kitchen- thank God Charlie went fishing with Billy today. I don't know how exactly I made it downstairs without breaking my neck, but I guess I was still in shock over what I had realized and of what was yet to come. I reached for the small cupboard on the lowest shelf- I discovered once while cooking that Charlie keeps alcohol there.
I have a past that I never told anyone here in Forks- not even Edward. I was going to next week, since it would be a special day that stands for a taboo that I have effectively blocked from my mind for so long, a simple fact to acknowledge.
A year has passed since the day he left me; the day he left us.
I hadn't contacted any of them in exactly ten months and 13 days- since the day I landed here on Forks grounds. I never told Edward about the three years of my life before I came here; I told him about my life until I met them, but extended it to overlap those three years I wanted to tell him about them so badly.
The pain was too much to even attempt remembering, but I will pay for keeping my feelings bottled up soon.
I unfastened the bottle of vodka. I vaguely wondered what it was doing in the Chief's or police's kitchen but remembered that the man is merely a human who is allowed to occasionally drink is sorrows.
I needed something strong, I haven't gotten drunk since the day he left; I swore I never would again, but apparently all promises get broken.
Such as his promise- he told me he would always love me- no, I couldn't think like that. I couldn't possibly handle it. I was never a drunk or anything, it was just something that reminded me of the past- a past I couldn't relive- or even acknowledge.
Today I would let all the boundaries I have been building for so long crumble because soon I would follow.
I took a huge gulp. God, it's strong, it burned down my throat the physical ache distracting me for a second. I needed to get back upstairs so I'll pass out on the bed. I needed this today- it's the only way to pass through the day with my sanity intact. He said that he wanted to talk to me and he would drop by tomorrow.
Deep down I knew that tomorrow is the day that will shape my life forever; however long that may be.
Honestly, I didn't think I could survive the whole night waiting. The anxiety will surely drive me into insanity.
I laied down on my bed and tried blocking my mind. Surprisingly, it worked; I have always been good at blocking the horrible memories I had but I never could block Edward.
Apparently the alcohol did the trick- I could feel the pleasant feeling of numbness creeping over me. I welcomed its pleasurable feeling with open arms.
I never wanted to forget Edward or anything about him, however that moment I did.
It was the first time such a thought had ever occurred in my mind and it shocked me into unconsciousness.
To Be Continued....
Author's notice:
Hi everyone this is my first fan fiction so please be easy on me. Huge thanks to the beta of this chapter ravenklawbeauty14 …thx so much .For everyone who added my story to their fav lists and alerted it. Thx a million ,you made my day .
I need your reviews to continue with this baby.
More reviews = Faster updates
So please R&R. Thank you.
Lots of love.
A.E.
