Too Late To Say Goodbye
Now I'm under your spell, trapped in a lie
Shouldn't have stood that close to the fire
No turning back, no where to run
No where to hide, it's too late to say goodbye.
Chapter 1
Brendan's point of view
I can feel the heat of his warm body pressed against mine, before I even open my eyes I already know who's beside me, the sight still surprises me though. He's still fast asleep so I take the time to look over his features and before I know it my fingers are moving on their own accord, tracing over every inch of his face. From his strong but soft jawline to his full plush lips, I trace along his ske-slope nose before gently running my fingertip along his eyelashes. I don't know why I feel scared about waking him though because I know it's just a dream. The same one that's been taunting me over and over since I made the most stupid but smartest decision I've ever had to make. It's followed along with his hands all over me like a hot rash, ruining me for any other.
The past few months have been a haze, filled with booze and uncertain memories along with blurry dreams of bright eyes accompanied with dark lashes and sunkissed skin, my hands running along contours of skin I've never properly felt so I've made up the soft warmth of his body, gripping into thick soft hair.
Cheryl had pestered me for the first month and a half, so had the office. Everyone wanted to know what had happened and why I had disappeared, the press had lapped it up I had seen some of the headlines. Truthfully there was only one reason behind it all and that was Steven, I had known he was imbedded into my mind and heart but I hadn't realised just how much. Really I've got nobody but myself to blame, I pushed him away.
Almost straight after he left my office that day I left straight behind him packed a bag and let my PA know I was taking some time off before I got the first flight to my hometown.
So I done what I typically do in theses situations and ran, back to my comfort zone in Ireland, surrounded myself with strong whiskey and lads that had a certain look about them, they only had to have some sort of resemblance to him for me to cling on to them and if I was lucky enough I'd be drunk enough that I would be able to trick myself into thinking it was him.
I ignored my phone, didn't check my emails and simply turned a blind eye to any news reporting about me, but it's been three months and I need to get back to reality. I've never taken so much time off work, everyone already knows something's up for me to drop off the grid like I have. Especially Cheryl and I'm already dreading the questions she is going to fire at me as soon as I land not to mention the press release I'll need to give.
I ignore the flight attendant on the airplane while I turn to the window and watch the clouds pass by, my thoughts drifting to Steven as they normally do. His face flashing in my mind. It's always the stupid things that come back to me while I'm thinking about him, things I should've forgotten about just little snippets that he had slipped out during our long conversations that have somehow been saved in my mind and keep torturing me like this.
I wonder if he's still bothering with the audio books I got him, sometimes I feel like texting him books to try like I used to, just so I had an excuse to get into contact with him. I know I can't though, this is my fault I was the one who made the decision for it to be this way I've not got anyone but myself to blame.
My first stop after I land is to head straight to Cheryl's and I phone my driver to come pick me up to take me there,
She isn't happy to see me when I arrive at hers, standing at the front door with a stern look on her face while she moves just enough to let me through.
I see the invitation sat on the counter mocking me,
"So he really done it then?" I say cocking my head to the bit of paper while turning to look Cheryl in the eye,
"That's really the first thing you've got to say to me after running away for three months Bren?!" She grunts out crossing her arms, "Three months Brendan." She repeats.
"Jesus I know Chez, what would ye have me do? Go back to business and pretend nothing had happened. I had to get it out my system."
She cocks her eyebrow at me, "and did it work?"
I nod, "Yeah it helped."
"Well good because your going to need to get used to the fact Ste's now one of my close friends." She says breezily while she pours us both a cup of coffee,
"Not got anything stronger?" I joke before becoming more serious, "Out of everyone why do ye need to have him around?"
"What does it matter to you anyway?" She huffs slamming a mug down in front of me,
"Nothing Chez it's fine." I grunt,
"I wasn't asking permission. I don't know why your being like this about it, if you cared about him that much you shouldn't have told him to leave."
I let out a sigh before answering her, "It's not that I didn't care ye know I did, I've already explained this all to ye."
"Yeah well I hope your not planning on building bridges with Ste I think the whole, 'I'm done with ye' speech was brutal enough to scare the poor lad away for good."
"It had to be brutal Chez, if I gave him any pointers that I cared then he would hope and if he hopes then he'll just be disappointed." I tell her truthfully,
"Lets change the subject, what are you going to say to the press? I've been pretty tight lipped about everything but it hasn't stopped the rumours running rampant."
"Probably best going to the office sorting things there before I talk to any press, I'm just going to say I had personal issues and had to take time off."
"You going to tell them you've split up with Ste?" She asks after a few beats of silence,
"If they ask I'll say we've came to an agreement that we're better off without each other, it was amicable no bad blood between us."
"Want me to set it up?"
"That would be grand."
"Should I order you a new suit?" She asks,
With a shake of the head I tell her, "I've got plenty to choose from don't worry."
She shakes her head and her eyes move towards that bit of paper,
"Chez I can't go."
"It would be a nice peace offering if you came along, wish him well and all that." She smiles hopefully, "Plus he would've used some of the money that you gave him to go towards it."
"Chez he'd get me chucked out after the way I treated him the last I saw him." I huff before something clicks, "Wait.. he didn't tell ye?"
"Tell me what?" She frowns,
"He didn't take the money." I huff, "Looks like ye both aren't as close as ye thought." I say before I make my exit,
"Why did he not take the money?" Cheryl asks frown etched on her face as I turn back to look at her,
With a shake of the head I reply, "I've been asking myself the same question ever since."
She doesn't reply as I make my way out the door, running my fingers through my hair, there's already so much I need to do but at least it'll stop my mind from turning to thoughts of Steven.
The next few days pass by quickly and after the weekend my press release is circulating, I had gotten a grilling from Angela McQueen but in much difference circumstances than our last meeting, 'Brendan Brady makes his return as eligible bachelor'. The title made me laugh if nothing else.
The office has been ticking over and no problems have arised since I left, I still set up a meeting with the board to get filled in on everything properly and no doubt they'll give me a grilling for my sudden departure but at the end of the day I'm the boss and it isn't as if I go off the grid very often.
Cheryl's been busy helping me ease back into work and it hasn't gone unnoticed to me that she's on the phone to Steven everyday, constantly laughing and talking about his opening. Part of me thinks she's doing it purposely to get to me, truthfully I don't even need her talking to him to put him in my mind he's already there constantly.
Ste's point of view
"Ugh, I just hate his face!" I hear Sinead screech before turning off the tv, not that I'm not glad she did, I didn't exactly want to hear that voice either never mind see his face.
I had tried and succeeded in ignoring it all, the headlines in the papers or whenever Sinead or Cheryl brought him up I would blank out, I've been doing a really good job pretending he had never came into my life. I had known he had left for Dublin, didn't know when he would come back and frankly would rather he didn't. It would make avoiding him that much easier. I had thrown myself into work, doubled up on shifts and pushed for the expansion on another restaurant, it had given me something to take my mind off him and now it almost felt like it was my baby with the amount of work I had put into it, I could tell the staff were confused if not worried, especially Tony and Sinead.
Then there was a headline I couldn't ignore, apparently he had come back, I tried not to care or at least to act unfazed by it. Cheryl had invited me over for dinner the weekend after he got home and I had just known he was going to be there so I made up an excuse and I don't think she bought it but she must've understood. I know she's only wanting to make the situation easier for us but I'd happily avoid him for the rest of my life and if I'm ever unlucky enough to see him I'll be more than happy to pretend I've never met him before.
Pretend that he didn't make me feel so many things that I had never felt before. I would kid on that I didn't know the electricity that I thought we had both felt. The worst part about the full thing is that I miss him, even after what he said to me I can't help but let my mind drift to him and wonder what he's doing. Think about what it would be like if I did see him again, I know eventually we will see each other again it's unavoidable but for now I'm going to push it to the back of my head and try to pretend he isn't on my mind at all.
"So you looking forward to tonight?" Sinead asks, bringing me out my thoughts.
"Yeah will be good, just excited to get the place up and running if I'm being honest."
"Maybe after things have settled you could go away for a bit? Take some time off?" She offers, "I think it'll do the world of good for you."
"Yeah maybe, I'll wait and see."
"Well everything's sorted for tonight, I'll be working with my mum behind the bar while you and Tony work on being the perfect host's."
"Yes boss." I murmur sarcastically,
"You don't think he'll come do you?"
"Definetly not, I think Cheryl's comin with Nate."
"Would be just the thing if he did though. If he's stupid enough to think he's welcome then I'll gladly knock him down a peg or two."
"There won't be any need, plus if he were to come he'd just get treated like anyone else. I ain't letting him know he's got to me."
"Love ya babe." She sighs while giving me a kiss on the cheek,
"You too." I smirk, "See ya tonight."
"Bye." She grins back over-enthusiastically,
I feel bad since she has been walking on egg shells with me ever since I phoned her that night to let her know what had happened,
"Ste? Are you there?" She says down the phone,
"Yep.." I say taking a deep breath, "I've just left Brendan's office there."
"Did you tell him? That why your upset?"
"No." I say with a shake of the head even though I know she can't see me, "No I didn't get the chance to, he said he didn't need me anymore."
The lines silent for a minute before she speaks, "I'm sorry babe but at least now you know."
Now that I'm alone I don't know why I do it, call it curiosity but I search for his interview on my phone, it's been a few days and I've managed to stop myself but I can't anymore. I'm not prepared for his face to pop up on my screen though, I tell myself it's normal to check since technically he is going to be talking about me so I have a right to know what's getting said even if it is scripted.
Something about him is different though as I take in his face, this isn't the man I got to know over the short months I spent with him, the one who shared miniature bottles of whiskey with me in the back of his car or the one who would sit and talk to me for hours about nothing in general.
He has a somber expression on his face as he clears his throat,
"There's been a lot of speculation about where I've been and why I left."
"Is any of it true? You know what they say there's no smoke without fire." The woman who's interviewing asks,
He smiles sadly and nods, "Yeah it's true me and.. my parter have split up. I had to get away for a while."
"What happened between you both?" The woman fires at him, now I know why they call people like this vultures there wasn't any sympathy in her voice whatsoever. Not that Brendan needs it but still,
"It just wasn't working, we're both at different points right now, we can't meet in the middle." He frowns to himself, "I can only wish him the best in life and everything he does, I'm sure he'll be a success and I'm the lucky one in this, to have known someone so amazing and to have been able to have some of his time spent with me." He looks straight at the camera while he speaks and it's as if he's speaking right to me.
"Sounds like some unfinished business." She says and I can imagine her sitting rubbing her hands together, "Is there still some feelings there?"
"I don't do unfinished business, that's me done I won't be asking anymore questions." With that he stands up and walks away abruptly,
I can't help but melt at his words and believe everything he's just said but I know it's an act. It's been an act all along and he plays the part brilliantly.
Before I know it its half five and I'm in the restaurant and we're setting up for opening at eight, "So finally opening night, how are you feeling?" Tony grins to me while patting me on the back.
I frown to myself while I start to put all the chairs in there place, "Doesn't feel real Tone."
"I know what you mean, so you happy with the name?"
"Yeah feels kinda like mine."
"That's exactly how I felt about the Hutch." He grins proudly, "The Hutch and now there's Hay's, got a ring to it doesn't it?"
"Yeah, just as well both our second names start with a H." I grin, "I'm kinda buzzin now that we're talking about it."
"Good, just.. enjoy it yeah? I know you ran about like a mad man on our last opening night so let me deal with this order the now." He says while holding up the phone,
"Cheers Tony." I smile gratefully, I've always been more on the side lines, I focus on the cooking and staff, Tony sorts out the supplies and customers. We balance each other out with the business aspect of things.
"Don't you take that tone with me. There plenty of other suppliers out there you know." I hear Tony shout over the phone before nodding along to whatever's getting said on the other end of the phone, "Thank you."
"Tony do you have to be so stuck up?" I ask while I pat down my hair,
"Well it is Tony." Diane says exasperated,
"Tonight's a big deal for us." Tony calls back while walking towards the kitchen,
"We've got them critics comin out don't we?" I ask him with a frown, I had hoped tonight would just be friends, family and maybe a few customers from the Hutch.
"I didn't want to panic you after the last time."
"You mean when Trevor cut off the electricity and all of them wrote up bad reviews?" I say while I let out a snort of laughter,
"Don't even mention that mans name in front of me Ste." Diane hisses,
"Right sorry, I forgot." I mutter, she still isn't completely over Tony going behind both of our backs and making a deal with the local drug dealer Trevor Royal.
"Anyway we won't need to worry about any of that this time around will we? He got paid off a long time ago." Tony says while giving his wife a peck on the cheek,
"Yeah true, just don't get why it was all secretive." I sigh, talking about the critics again.
"Well it's just you've been putting so much into this place I didn't want to stress you anymore." Tony tells me while lifting his eyebrows at me,
"He's right, you would've ended up working yourself into the ground and then you'll be no good to anyone." Diane agrees,
"Suppose your both right." I admit, "Anyway, it's just us three and Sinead working here tonight yeah." I remind them, "Jason, Blessing and Mark should be alright for tonight in the Hutch."
"Sounds great, we'll need to get another Chef for in here though." Tony reminds me,
"Think I might know one, we can talk it out either later or tomorrow." My sisters ex Cameron springs to mind.
With that out the way we all start to get organised for the opening, me and Diane get the tables and chairs spotless and inspect the bar and kitchen, time and time again while we wait for Tony to come back from picking up the supplies after phoning to tell them they were taking too long. Once he's back we all get stuck in,
It's all just appetisers, Tony bosses us both around on what's to go with what while me and Diane exchange nervous looks with each other. Thankfully once Sinead comes we've got an extra pair of hands so we get through it quicker.
"All sorted for tonight then?" Sinead grins,
"Yeah, glad Tony's calmed down a bit now." I grin back,
"Works us like trojans when he gets like this doesn't he." She wraps her arms around me, "Would never know that you were business partners."
"It works though doesn't it? Plus soon he'll be back at the hutch and I'll be here."
"Yeah suppose your right, and I'm going to be split between the two." She gasps over dramatically,
"Never know the local talent might cheer you up." I tell her while giving her a knowing look,
"Really? Seen any?" She questions,
"Nah not really, but that perked ya up didn't it." I laugh, "What's happened with Freddie now?"
"Nothin, it doesn't matter." She sighs and with a shake of the head and walks away. I make a mental note to bring it back up later on, since everything with Brendan I've buried myself that deep in work I haven't even thought about how she's been doing and guilt tugs and me when I realise that I haven't been much of a friend to her lately.
It doesn't take long before the place starts to fill up a bit, there's maybe a crowd of thirty, Diane and Tony walk around with the trays of food while they explain to each person exactly what's in it and Tony pronounces the names of the appetisers perfectly with a smug smile on his face.
"Ste babe, I'm so happy for you!" Cheryl exclaims while she wraps me up in her arms, "This place looks amazing!"
"Cheers Chez, ya wanting a drink or anything?"
"No I'm alright love, Mitzeee's away up to the bar the now." She smiles, "I hope ye don't mind love it's just Nate couldn't make it."
"Don't be daft, course it's fine." I tell her thinking to myself that she couldn't exactly bring Brendan, "There's complimentary champers obviously, Sinead's on bar duty."
At that point a beautiful brunette struts up with a glass of champagne in each hand and I recognise her straight away,
"I'm not stupid enough to take anything that's free, you won't be palming me of with that cheap fizz." She says before she looks me over and gives me a gleaming smile showing off her straight white teeth, "Ste it's nice to properly meet you I've heard so much about you. I'm Mitzeee, with three e's." She says while holding three of her fingers up and grins,
"Couldn't stop talking about me then Cheryl?" I smirk at her while they both share uneasy smiles,
"So anyway, how have ye been?" She asks me,
"Yeah good, you been up to much?"
"Kinda busy.. with well you know."
"Cheryl's been running around like a headless chicken after Brendan, sorting out all this fake-ish break up nonsense." Mitzeee explains before taking a drink out her glass and winking, she starts to circle around me like a vulture, "Now I see what all the hassle was about."
"What you on about?" I frown,
"Never mind her love." Cheryl grins before shooting Mitzeee daggers, "So this is busy for opening night isn't it?"
"Yeah thought it would be smaller than this but Tony's invited some critics."
"Paparazzi are here?" Mitzeee grins while brushing her hands through her hair and fixing the bust of her dress, "How do I look?"
"They aren't here to take pictures, they're here to write about the food." Cheryl grumbles,
"How can they resist? I'm a local celeb to these people." Mitzeee scoffs,
"How do I know his face Ste?" Cheryl asks bringing my attention to a man stood on the other side of the room, it takes me a minute before it clicks,
"Can ya give me a minute just gotta go.. get you both refills." I quickly think of an excuse,
"Yeah well mind none of the cheap fizz for me, Cheryl will be happy enough with that though." Mitzeee shouts after me,
I look around until I find Sinead behind the bar, "What's he doin ere?"
"Who?" She asks looking around clueless,
"Vinnie, I know your the only one that would've invited him."
"Well he gave you his number for a reason." She winks and grins,
"It weren't like that, ya know he wanted me to spill about Brendan."
She huffs, "Well I think you should."
"Didn't ya see his interview?"
"You actually ate that up? He just wants to look like the good guy." She scoffs,
"He could've said anything or nothin at all Sinead, why would ya invite Vinnie?" I snap, "You've went right behind my back to do it an all."
"I thought it would've been good for you to meet up with someone else that fell for Brendan's games." She huffs crossing her arms again,
"I didn't fall for any games, we aren't even talking." I hiss back, plastering a fake smile as I wave to Tony while he gives me a thumbs up and goes back to taking to one of the critics again.
"He's only been back in the country a week, I bet he'll get into contact with you within the next week." She mumbles,
"Ya couldn't just back off and leave it could ya?" I nearly shout, "I'm trying to move on with my life why are ya dragging this all back up?"
"Your not doing very well with the whole moving on thing are you? His sisters here, don't think I didn't notice." She says while rolling her eyes at me,
I roll my eyes right back at her before saying, "Y'know Cheryl's my friend, what made ya think inviting him would be a good idea?"
"Your my best mate Ste what was I meant to do?"
"I don't know let it go? I know I have." I lie easily,
"No you've not you've just been burying your head in the sand so you don't need to think about it." She snaps back at me, she truly does know me well.
"It's worked for me though, I'm fine Sinead it's as if Brendan never even came into my life."
"Who are you trying to kid, me or you?" She asks while arching her eyebrow,
"I haven't got time for this, I'm gonna need to go talk to him now aren't I?"
"Probably a good idea yeah."
"What did ya say to him on the phone?" I question her hoping she hasn't said anything to confirm his suspicions,
"I said I found his number when I was putting your washing on and thought I'd invite him."
"This isn't over." I gesture between us before I make my way across to the other side of the restaurant.
I plaster a fake smile on my face before I say, "Sorry, I didn't know Sinead had invited ya."
"It's fine, this is my boyfriend Simon." Vinnie says while introducing me to the tall man beside him, his dirty blonde overgrown hair keeps falling into his eyes.
"Nice to meet you, Ste is it?" He offers his hand
"Yeah." I say distracted while giving his hand a small shake,
"So I thought you might've changed your mind about Brendan now that you both split up." I look between the two of them at that, "Simon knows everything." He tells me,
"Ya must've saw his interview, me and Bren ended on good terms." I say looking at them both and swallowing down my nerves,
"Still pretending it was real then?" Vinnie shakes his head,
"It was real." I tell him adamantly,
"I know your face now, you work in that Italians up the town, checking out the competition?" I hear Cheryl's voice from behind me and I close my eyes while scrunching up my face knowing there's no way of getting out of this situation.
"Not at all, I gave Ste my number that night, surprised I got an invite tonight." Vinnie tells her grinning wickedly at us both,
"Ye do know he was with my brother that night don't ye?" She frowns,
"That's exactly why I gave him my number."
"Can someone tell me what's going on?" Mitzeee says frowning,
"Ste you want to tell them what's going on?" Simon butts in,
"Vinnies got some sort of vendetta against your brother." I spill to Cheryl not wasting any time beating around the bush, "Seems to think that me and Brendan were lying about being together."
"Drop the act Ste will you?" Simon hisses again speaking over Vinnie,
"What's it even got to do with you?" I snap back at him,
"You know what? This isn't worth the hassle." Vinnie groans, "I thought you would've seen the light by now but I guess I was wrong. Your blinded by him aren't you?"
"You'll regret this." Simon promises, as they both make they're way out.
"Why do I feel like that was one big anti climax?" Mitzeee giggles,
"What exactly is going on Ste?" Cheryl questions,
"Sinead invited him I don't know why, Vinnie thought I were gonna go to the paper with a story about Brendan."
"And were ye?" She says betrayal flashing across her face,
"Obviously not, I've not spoke to Brendan in months if I was gonna I would've done it by now." I tell her honestly with a shrug,
"He does have a point Cheryl." Mitzeee nods.
Cheryl nods back in agreement and it seems enough of an explanation for her, "I'll worry about it tomorrow, for once I don't want to need to sort anything out that's to do with Brendan."
"How about them drinks then Steven?" Mitzeee grins at me,
I honestly don't know what it is about her that seems to have me on edge it's as if she knows something that I don't, "It's Ste." I tell her dumbly,
"Sorry Ste." She emphasises as her eyes light up with glee, "Let's all go grab a glass, I think we all need one after that poor attempt of a showdown."
She struts away from us both, "Is she always like this?" I ask looking at Cheryl,
She just nods before explaining, "You get used to it, seems to be quieting down the three of us could get a few drinks then I'll help you clean up? I would offer Mitzeee's assistance but I don't think she'd be much help."
"Sounds good yeah, go find a seat I'll catch up with you soon." I tell her while I make my rounds around the room thanking everyone individually for coming,
"On yous go." I tell Tony and Diane, "I'll get this place cleared up and meet you early at the hutch to talk interviews?"
"Thanks Ste, just going to grab my coat." Diane says before making her way into the kitchen,
"I'm proud of you by the way Ste, you've came a long way since I first met you."
"Not this again Tony, I don't need you getting all emotional."
"It's just." He pauses, "never mind I'll see you tomorrow." He grins at me before going to get Diane,
I go and look for Sinead but she's nowhere to be found, that alone makes me frown because no matter the amount of arguments we've had with each other in the past we've never proper fell out and she's never stormed off without at least telling me. I decide to give her some time to cool off and send her a text to make sure she's okay before I go over to Cheryl and Mitzeee who are seated at one of the booths with leftover food scattered around and a bottle of champagne with three glasses sitting.
Something's telling me these late night drinks are going to give me more cleaning up than what it's worth but I find myself sliding in beside Cheryl while the three of us talk about a load of rubbish and dig into the food and champagne before we decide to open a bottle of wine between us.
So I know I took an age with this but I wanted it to be perfect! Obviously we've missed out a bit from when the last fic finished till this one started but not to worry there will be fillers in the next few chapters as well as the build up to this story. Sadly there wasn't a lot of Brendan in this chapter but I promise to make up for it in the next one, I hope you all enjoyed this LGx
BTW the lyrics at the top are from the song 'Too late to say goodbye' by Cage the Elephant, if you haven't heard of them your missing out.
