*Writer's Note: This is set in Year 4 at Hogwats. Also, any sort of racist or homophobic remark we have made here should not be taken seriously. We are just three fans that are silly and sarcastic and enjoy making stupid jokes. We obviously do not own anything except for Jackie, Lydia, and Sarah. All other credit goes to the genius that is J.K. Rowling. Enjoy?

Three very unlikely friends with three very unfortunate traits: alone, they had little to no chance of survival, but together, they could conquer the world, one magical endeavor at a time.

Our tale begins in a community in England of magical witches and wizards, unfortunately titled Gypsyland. Perhaps under different circumstances, these three friends might never had met, but they were the children of members of a magical, traveling circus troupe, in which the three formed bonds with each other that could never be broken; no homo (not that we're against gay people or anything, in fact, one of them might be slightly lesbian for Ginny Weasley . More about that later).

A thud was heard in the loft in which Sarah, Jackie, and Lydia slept. Their triple-tiered bunk-bed proved to be a slight safety hazard to Sarah, who tried to sleep on the top bunk, but often rolled onto the floor by morning. This thud had woken all the girls up: they had been sleeping lightly, for the next morning they would be retuning to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"Bloody hell, Sarah, everyday with the falling on top of Jackie, then me, then the floor." Lydia whined, in a half-grumble, half-yawn.

"You guys didn't want the top bunk!" Sarah tried to reason not being able to receive sympathy from Lydia or Jackie. Their alarm started to go off at that moment, playing the song 'Nice Guys'.

"Jackie, I HATE you for picking this song; you're never picking the alarm song again." Lydia grumbled, again.

"Nice guys finish last, that's why I'll treat you like trash!-"She sang, even further pushing Lydia's patience. Sarah continued to lie on the floor, in a heap.

"Girls, are you waking up? It's time for breakfast!"

The girls slowly made their way downstairs and saw Lydia's parents with somber looks on their faces and they immediately knew something was up because her parents are clowns. Literally.

"Girls we have something to tell you…" started Lydia's dad with tears glistening in his eyes. " This morning in an impromptu rehearsal, Jackie and Sarah's parents died in a tragic aerial/fire accident."

All three girls looked stunned; Jackie was the first to break the silence with her wailing.

"This must be karma for telling Moaning Myrtle I could take her into the afterlife safely because I was a ghost whisperer", cried Jackie.

"I know it's horrible, what's even sadder is… THEY'RE NOT DEAD!" laughed Lydia's parents. "We mad the whole thing up, funny joke, huh?"

"I thought clowns were supposed to make you happy," whined Sarah. "You guys just crushed my life in one sentence."

"Wow guys you should definitely put this in your act because you know making innocent little girls cry is exactly what children go to the circus for," Lydia said in her sassiest tone. "Alright I'm over this. Let's get ready for school guys." Lydia rolled her eyes, leading her friends back to their bedroom.

Three hours, a couple near-fateful slips in the shower for Sarah, and one ride to the train station later, the girls were standing at platform 9 ¾.

"It's always the same," smiled Sarah.

"I'm still scared," Jackie whimpered.

"I STILL don't understand your irrational fear," Lydia rolled her eyes.

"I don't know Lydia, I'm just a little skeptical about running head first into a seemingly solid brick wall." Jackie said profoundly.

"Wow, Jackie. That is by far the most reasonable rationalization for anything you've ever said," Sarah said in surprise.

With their combined strength, Lydia and Sarah managed to push Jackie, along with their entire luggage, onto the platform.

"Every year. Jackie, you should know by now that the wall does not bite. It will not scratch, nor bruise you. So there is no reason why we should have to drag you kicking and screaming through it every year." Lydia stated simply.

"I know, I know but did you see those muggle guys out there? They were pretty hot!" Jackie exclaimed.
"Jackie, there were only old people out there." Sarah pointed out.

"Age is just a number guys." Jackie stated, completely serious. Lydia and Sarah glanced at each other, and then at Jackie, not exactly sure how to respond. Luckily someone decided to call out their names.

"Well if it isn't Jackie Progiciel, Lydia Renflee, and Sarah Baillon." Dean Thomas called out.

"AY' YO Dean Thomas what up G?" Lydia practically shouted.

"Yo Deanizzle, wanna go play some b-ball?" Jackie yelled, continuing the racial insensitivity.

"Why do you guys greet me like this every time?" Dean inquired.

"Aye, Dean, can you teach me how to Dougie while we watch BET? I hear Tyler Perry's Big Mamma's House is on!" Sarah persisted.

"You guys are so racist," he noted.

"I wish I was Beyonce." said Lydia.

"Queen Latifah is my idol." said Sarah.

"My uncle owns a slave, and I'm totally against it." said Jackie.

"Y'know what, I'm just getting on the train." Dean walked off.

"I didn't say he was black!" Jackie shouted after him. Everybody on the platform proceeded to stare at the girls. The black families seemed to glare. All the other ONE black family.

"We can't take you anywhere." Lydia remarked.

The girls clambered onto the train, and while looking for an available compartment, passed Luna Lovegood.

"There's room in here if you three would like to sit down." Luna invited warmly.

"Guys, we can't sit in there." whispered Jackie.

"Why not? I thought you liked Luna?" questioned Sarah.

"She makes me feel like an idiot, she always reads in some sort of foreign language, and I never have even heard about anything she ever talks about." They shot Jackie a look that said 'we-love-you-but-you're-an-idiot'. They opted not to sit with her, and instead sat in the compartment that contained Harry Potter and Ginny, Ron, Fred and George Weasley. They had been friends with them since their start at school, but that didn't mean they were any nicer to them.

"Uhm, just wondering why's the compartment so big?" questioned Sarah.

"Well we had Hermione bewitch it… before we kicked her out," answered George.

"That makes sense, Hermione's annoying as fuck," Lydia said.

"So Ginny," Sarah managed to say creepily.

"Uhm.."

"How was your summer? No homo."

"Okay, how about yours?"

"Awesome, no homo."

"Well that's good."

"Your boobs look great."

"…"

"Kind of homo," Jackie chimed in.

"You got that right, winky face," said Sarah. Ginny then for an unobvious reason left. (Obvious reason, Sarah).

"Damit, every time that happens," cried Sarah.

"So how was your summer, Lydia?" Ron asked. Lydia stared blankly transfixed by Ron's gorgeous physique.

"I ate a jar of mayonnaise with a fork in three minutes one time," responded Lydia.

Ron giggled at Lydia's nervousness. Her eyes only widened more giving her the appearance of a confused ostrich.

"So, Fred this summer I thought of some good pranks to play," Jackie said excitedly.

"Oh, you mean like setting off fireworks in George & my room while we're in there sleeping. Your pranks are truly brilliant," said Fred.

"No, as great as that was, we're gonna turn all the banners in the Slytherin Common Room pink and purple!" Jackie exclaimed. For the rest of the ride Fred and George continued to discuss pranks and everyone else chatted amongst each other while listening to a classic rock mix. Until Sarah spotted Dean Thomas and proceeded to exclaim,

"Hurry change to NWA!"

As Dean walked by he couldn't help but stop. "Honestley?"

"Black Power!" yelled Lydia. Dean decided to not deal with their racist jokes at that point.

As the train came to a stop and everyone finished changing into their robes, the group exchanged many a greeting from their classmates. They were recognized with a variety of acknowledgments, ranging from high fives to glares, but they received one from almost everyone. The girls boarded a carriage and waited patiently for it to set off to school. Upon waiting, they decided to call out to just about everyone they knew to share their carriage with them. By the time the carriage got moving, the carriage contained Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Seamus, Dean, Fred, George, and Padma. Halfway through the ride Lydia was becoming increasingly frustrated.

"I am not enjoying this one bit. I have Hermione's obnoxious frizzy hair in mt mouth and Padma's disgusting stench in my nostrils. Why did we think this was a good idea?" Lydia grumbled.

"You're pretty funny Lydia," Ron chuckled beside her. Lydia stared back like a deer in headlights.

"…Once I ate a live gold fish for three dollars. It was the most delicious and slippery experience of my life." Lydia awkwardly replied. Ron continued to laugh at her expense for the rest of the ride. Once she was out of Ron's eyesight she burst into hysterical tears. "Every time he looks at me I just blank out and tell him my most embarrassing secrets. I can't even help it!" She sniffles.

"Yeah, bro, you should really work on that. Also, you might want to try to control your facial expressions a little better." Sarah attempts to comfort her teary friend. Lydia pulled herself together, and they made their way into the Great Hall. All they heard of Dumbledore's speech was that an all boys' school was visiting Hogwarts for something or another, because Jackie was trying to decipher wether Dumbledore's beard was real or not.

"So you guys, do you think the Headmaster of Durmstrang will be gay, so Dumbledore can have a butt buddy?" Sarah whispered.

"I hope so, I think it's about time Big D lose his v-card." responded Lydia. Just then, a soft-core porn began to play out as some French sluts cantered in with their asses jiggling like the gelatin sitting on the table before them.

"Guys, I think Ron just came," snickered Jackie. Lydia felt the familiar prickle of tears poke at her tear ducts.

"Y'know one time I watched a soft-core porn, and I accidentally left it open on the browser, and my parents found it and I blamed it on Jackie's younger brother." Lydia blurted.

"That was YOU watching 'Naughty Ginger Aurors'?" Jackie said, earning a glare from Lydia, who again donned the appearance of a confused, and this time angry, ostrich.

Then, the boys or should I say men of Durmstrang did some crazy acrobatics, reminding the girls deeply of home, except a more amateur and crappy version. Needless to say, they were less than impressed.

"Oh my go, did you see that guy? He looks like that one Quidditch player, I think his name's Crumble." observed Jackie.

"Like Cookie Crumble?" asked Sarah.

"That's Viktor Krum!" said Ron, in awe.

"HAH, WHAT A KRUM-MY LAST NAME! KRUMMY KRUM KRUM!" Sarah remarked. The three girls laughed inappropriately loud, in the midst of one of Dumbledore's sentences. Lydia was still crying a decent amount though. She tried to cover up her tears while everyone continued to stare.

"Should we head back to the Common Room?" Ginny suggested after Dumbledore was finally done speaking.

"I have no problem with that, no homo," said Sarah.

"Sarah every time you say that you get a little gayer," Lydia added to the conversation.

"Yeah, it is a little suspicious," Ron said. Lydia's eyes proceeded to widen. "He agrees with me that must mean he likes me," Lydia had accidentally said her thoughts aloud.

"What?" Ron asked.

"Uhm she said 'Yeah let's go back to the Common Room," Jackie helped.

Lydia, Sarah, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and George headed back up to the Common Room, and everyone made themselves situated before they noticed Jackie and Fred had gone missing.

"Where did Jackie and Fred get off to?" asked Harry, very english-ly.

"Haha, they probably are "getting off"." commented Lydia.

"What?" asked Ron.

"Er..uh, wanna get off later?" stammered Lydia. At that moment, Jackie and Fred stumbled through the door.

"Donde estaban?" Sarah winked.

"Sarah, you know I don't speak pig latin," said Jackie, like a dumbass. "Oh man, I forgot to tweet about our prank I'll be right back!"

"Do you ever think she'll learn?" questioned Sarah.

"Probably not," answered Fred.

All of a sudden, Oliver Wood sauntered into the room like the pompous asshole he is. Then, like a bee's drawn to honey, Sarah flew over to Oliver and stared into his big chocolate brown eyebrows.

"Oliver what are you doing here?" Sarah asked in awe.

"Weren't you suppose to graduate last year?" questioned Lydia.

"Yeah but I didn't make it on the Puddlemear United Quidditch team SO, I decided to come back for a year," Oliver responded.

"That's awesome," Sarah batted her eyelashes.

"Hey guys wanna play some spin the bottle?" Jackie asks, coming back down from the Girl's Dormitory.

"Yeah!" said George.

"Right," said Fred, "That's an excellent idea!"

Sarah then downed a bottle of Butter Beer to begin the game.

"I'll go first!" exclaimed Lydia. Sarah then bewitched the bottle to land on Ron.

"Alright, this is going to be a fun time," Ron said excitedly.

"I brush my teeth at least two times a day unless I forget," Lydia said awkwardly before pouncing on Ron. Jackie and Sarah cat called for the three minutes Lydia attempted to suck Ron's lips off his face.

"That was quite a show Lydia," laughed Sarah.

"Why don't you go then, Sarah?" Lydia challenged.

"Fine I will!" Without any magical assistance the bottle landed on Ginny and Sarah's facial expression was indescribable.

"I've waited so long for this," said Sarah, "no homo."

Sarah then wiggled her eyebrows and leaned in for a kiss. Not five seconds later, Sarah pulled back and said, "Not to impressed. Sorry Ginny, I'm over you." Ginny could only stare at Sarah with a besotted look on her face.

"You're up Jackie!" Sarah grinned. When Sarah saw who the bottle landed on, the grin slid off her face.

"Oliver Wood? Do I have to? I feel like his eyebrows are going to eat me," Jackie stuck her tongue out.

"Uhm… I can hear you, Jackie," Oliver said in his sexy Scottish accent.

"Whatever. Pucker up eyebrows McGee." Jackie shrugged, leaning over to awkwardly kiss Oliver, After no one said anything, Fred spun the bottle.

"Oh, no way, I get a redo!" Fred groaned in disgust. His spin landed on George.

"You guys aren't into twincest?" Sarah joked.

"Not in public, at least," George winked. In any case, Fred took another turn. This time he was luckier, for the bottle pointed straight to Jackie. Jackie giggled and Fred looked just as excited. They kissed for a good minute, not nearly as intense as Lydia and Ron's, but very sweetly. Sarah conjured up a ribbon heart that framed their faces as they pulled apart.

"Aww!" Lydia and Sarah squealed at the sight. Jackie and Fred were adorable. It was really just giving everyone a toothache.

"Aaand with that lovely display of affection, I think it's time for bed," George chuckled getting up to leave. As everyone began to shuffle upstairs, Sarah caught Harry by the arm. He looked a little disheartened.

"Aww Harry are you lonely 'cause you didn't get a kiss?" Sarah asked.

"A little," Harry pouted jokingly.

"I can fix that!" Sarah exclaimed before pecking Harry on the lips and sprinting upstairs, leaving the poor boy confused.

"Bro nice," Lydia fist bumped Sarah once all the girls were in their dormitory.

"I try," Sarah smirked. With that, the girls began to get ready for bed. They had class tomorrow, and sleep deprivation was no good way to start the year.

"Goodnight Lydia," Sarah sighed.

"Goodnight Sarah. Goodnight Jackie," Lydia said.

"Goodnight. Sweet dreams, Sarah," Jackie chirped.

"Sweet dreams, Jackie," Sarah said, finishing their goodnights. The girls slipped off into dreamland swiftly, excited about their coming year.