This all started when I found my favorite picture from a cutscene ever. This whole story was evolved a little from that cutscene and entirely from this picture, which can be found here: .
Thanks for reading.
xoxo
Phoenixx-;;


It was the first time I had ever seen his unshakable optimism fail him. Throughout the entire journey we had all banded together, but he was the unflinching pillar of strength and stubbornness all of us depended on. In that second he was full of doubt, I felt something stir within my heart.

It felt wrong to admit to myself in my head that I depended on him more than others, and that in no uncertain terms, he was my only reason to live at that point. I had lost the only person in my life that I had needed, that I would do anything and everything for. When she was taken from me, I had nothing left. But we were l'cie, too, now and we needed to walk the same path that Serah did. So we hoped we could get her back, that she wasn't beyond our reaches forever. And Snow spearheaded that optimism, the 'we will get her back' attitude. Until now, at least.

And as I turned to walk away from him as he talked to Serah, he muttered the words that stopped me in my tracks.

"We will see her, right?" Snow's head was down, staring at the crystallized tear in his hand. I felt the world crumble beneath me the second the words left his lips. My feet rooted to the spot, all I could do for him was to stand vigil over his grief, his moment of weakness.

His form shook as I reached my hand out to touch him, but froze midway. He wouldn't want my sympathy, my recognition that something was wrong with him. He would rather I ignore it and pretend it never happened, and I knew it. So what kept me from respecting his unspoken wishes? Sheer impulse.

It felt like I just couldn't stop myself as I reached out and laid my palm flat between his shoulder blades. I felt him tense, the heat from the skin beneath the jacket searing my hand. I felt my instincts take over as I waited for him to attack me for intruding. The tension in his body left me on edge as we sat there in a silence so thick it seemed loud, neither of us moving. But then I felt the shift in him, the relaxing of his entire being, and we fell into an easy moment of solidarity.

We sat there like that for what felt like forever when I finally sighed and began to pull my hand away from him. I was emotionally drained and defeated. I needed a break from everything, everyone. From being me.

"Light?" His words reached my ears softly, like a child in sorrow looking to hold onto whatever comfort he had. I stopped moving and responded softly with a "Yes?"

"Please."

"Please what, Snow?" My voice tinged with the lightest scent of irritation.

"Just stay. With me." His voice fell apart in that whispered sentence, breaking down the barriers within me. As his voice asked for me so desolately, I felt something within me crack.

I crumbled and murmured, "Okay", as I settled my hand down against his back the short distance I had removed it. "I'll stay." My heart squeezed inside my chest as I said it, and I knew. I was such an idiot. But it seemed that such a mistake just couldn't be reversed, and that I should just roll with it and pretend nothing changed. For his sake, for their sake, and for my own sake.

I leaned into him a little, resting my open sword against my hip and closing my eyes. I just listened. Listened to everything around me. And I swear that in that moment, I could hear his heartbeat. I could hear his pain, and his heartbreak. His longing and his love. And I was jealous.

My heart ached with loneliness and heartbreak, jealousy and longing. I needed someone like that. Someone to love me so much that their heart ached whenever they couldn't be with me. My eyes watered and I sniffled a little, much to my own dismay and shock.

I pulled my hand away from his back like he had burnt me and turned away as quickly as I could so he wouldn't see me like that. I practically ran from him and tried my best to hide from him for the rest of the time we waited to continue on our journey. I couldn't face that sort of breakdown again. I needed to be strong. Needed to forget what had happened.

I needed him.

-x-

I had thought this pit stop was only going to be for a few hours, just for a break from everything for a little while. I didn't think it was going to turn into an overnight thing. And when I found out, my shame and embarrassment mounted. I couldn't avoid him forever and I knew that.

So did he, unfortunately. After everyone had gone to bed in their respectful sleeping places, tents and such, I stayed up to sulk by the fire. I needed emotional distance to fix myself, so that's what my intention was. But of course he had to show up and ruin my plans.

"Light?" So softly I almost didn't understand what he said. My heart pulled at itself.

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed, like everyone else?" Terse, angrier than I had aimed for.

"I could say the same to you. But I didn't." Quiet now, like I had hoped for earlier. His hand touched my shoulder and I inadvertently flinched away. I closed my eyes in hopes he wouldn't say anything. "What happened earlier? What was that all about?" No such luck exists in this world, evidently.

"Nothing. I was just finished with what was going on. So I left."

"Rather in a hurry, don't you think?" His voice was playful sounding, but I heard the hurt underneath. I squeezed my eyes together, hoping to make the suffering disappear. I wanted everything to be the way it used to be.

"I would say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. I needed to get away."

"That's ridiculous! From what?"

"Myself. Emotion. Heartache and heartbreak. Knowing that what I want will never be mine. I'm sick of always being the one who's solitary. Always." My voice caught and my eyes watered, but I held back. I didn't need him to do this to me. He wasn't worth it.

"I don't understand you. It's actions like that that drives people away! Maybe that's why you're always alone. You never let people in beyond your stupid barriers to get to know you. Jesus, Lightning."

"I'm better off without you and you're better off not knowing me, either." My heart was breaking as he spoke and I needed to just get it all out and finish the breaking as quickly as possible.

"I don't need your shit, Lightning. I want to be here for you. I want to help you, like you help me everyday."

"I don't want you. I want nothing to do with you. I'm too attached already. Please… just go away."

"Light…"

"Don't call me that."

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you." I heard the rustle of him turning around as he began to walk away, and I turned to look at him. His shoulders were rounded in defeat and I felt awful for what I had said to him, how I had treated him. My heart reached out to him, and I knew at that instant that I couldn't let him go.

"Snow?"

I heard the sound of his soft footsteps come to a stop and I knew he was listening, silent, waiting. He was still facing away from me, I knew, because that was Snow. And he only stopped because he wasn't a bad enough person at heart to ignore me and keep walking. And that was exactly why I called to him. So here was my chance.

"I don't want you… because I need you."