Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck or any of the characters. As much as I would love to, that honor belongs to Andrew Hussie.


Watching the download bar slowly inch across her computer screen was not how Nepeta had wanted to spend her afternoon. The pawbeast-like troll stared as it crawled across as slowly as possible, as though it were teasing her. This was the only reason she never relied on computers for entertainment. No matter how much she growled or hissed, it would always just move along without a care in the world. Animals were much more interesting.

She wouldn't have been waiting if it hadn't been for Karkat. He had been getting tired of only seeing her when she was able to leave the forest where she lived and visit his home in the far-off city. They had been friends for as long as they could remember, but communication had always been extremely difficult for them. She had once tried to borrow Tinkerbull to deliver messages between them, but the poor lusus was simply too weak to make the large journey both ways. Since then, they had been restricted to speaking when they met face-to-face.

Last time she had met with him, however, he had pointed her in the direction of troll named Sollux Captor, who had a spare computer and a device that would allow her to access the strange world known as the internet. He instructed her to download the program Trollian as soon as she returned to her hive, and to search for the name carcinoGeneticist once she had an account.

She glanced at her sleeping lusus, just a ball of fluff by her recupercoon. The pawbeast had advised her to hunt now and work with the computer later. She wished she had listened, as clouds were starting to roll in and it looked like there would soon be too much rain for her to safely hunt in. She still had plenty of food, but it was dry. Fresh meat was always preferable to jerky.

There was a "Ding!" as her computer finished the download, and she excitedly opened the application. She was met with a blank troll list, and a search bar. She thought for a moment, and decided to name herself arsenicCatnip. She wasn't entirely sure what arsenic was, but it sounded cool and she liked it.

Once she had an account, she searched for carcinoGeneticist. The name popped up and she sent a message.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AC: karkat!

CG: NEPETA, FINALLY. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

AC: i had to take the long way home

AC: the pawbeasts were migrating and they got in my way

AC: sorry

CG: WHATEVER, AT LEAST WE CAN FINALLY JUST CHAT.

CG: SO EVERYTHING'S OKAY OVER THERE?

AC: yep

AC: it looks like its going to start raining soon

AC: im happy i have somebody to talk to

AC: its boring here when the weather gets bad

CG: SAME HERE. THE ELECTRICITY GOES OUT ALMOST EVERY TIME IT STARTS RAINING.

CG: WAIT, DON'T YOU LIVE IN A CAVE?

CG: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET SOAKED OUT THERE, ARE YOU?

AC: no, dont worry, ive got plenty of shelter in here

AC: its nice and warm thanks to my lusus

CG: WELL, AT LEAST THE LAZY PAWBEAST IS GOOD FOR SOMETHING

AC: shes good for more than that

AC: she protects me and teaches me how to hunt and plays with me when the weather is nice

CG: UGH, NEPETA, DO YOU KNOW WHAT A COMMA IS?

AC: a what

CG: CRAP, I FORGOT, THIS IS ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES YOU'VE USED A COMPUTER.

CG: OKAY, DO YOU SEE YOUR "M" KEY?

AC: yeah

CG: RIGHT NEXT TO IT IS THE COMMA

CG: YOU CAN USE IT FOR LISTS AND STUFF

AC: do, you, mean, like, this,

CG: NO, NO NO NO. DO NOT START SPEAKING LIKE TAVROS.

CG: ALL RIGHT, JUST WATCH.

Nepeta listened to her grumpy friend and did as he instructed. By the end of the lesson, she had an idea of how to use punctuation, though she found it far easier to go without.

AC: thanks karkat!

CG: SURE. JUST MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER TO USE IT.

CG: IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE JUST READING SOME OF THE STUFF PEOPLE SEND.

AC: don't worry, i'll remember.

AC: uh…

AC: hey, karkat?

CG: WHAT?

AC: why do your letters and my letters look different?

CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST ASK THAT.

AC: why?

CG: COME ON, NEPETA.

CG: DOESN'T THAT LUSUS OF YOURS TEACH YOU ANYTHING ABOUT BEING A NORMAL TROLL?

AC: i guess not, really.

AC: she never had a good reason to.

CG: UGH.

CG: NEPETA, MY LETTERS LOOK DIFFERENT BECAUSE THEY ARE CAPITALIZED.

CG: YOU CAN CAPITALIZE YOUR LETTERS WITH SHIFT AND CAPS LOCK.

AC: Oh, I Think I Get It Now.

AC: no, that's weird looking.

AC: i like this better.

CG: IT SUITS YOU.

AC: thanks!

AC: so, why do you use all capitalized?

CG: I DON'T KNOW.

CG: IT'S JUST HOW I TYPE.

CG: EVERYBODY HAS A QUIRK, OR WHATEVER THEY CALL THEM.

CG: I WASN'T IN THE MOOD TO BE CREATIVE.

AC: should i have a quirk?

CG: ONLY IF YOU WANT ONE.

CG: SOME CAN BE REALLY OBNOXIOUS, SO BE CAREFUL ABOUT THAT.

Nepeta sat back and thought. She couldn't think of anything she wanted her quirk to be. This was, after all, one of the first times she had used a computer, and she had no idea what would be appropriate.

She suddenly saw a small button on the screen she hadn't seen earlier. It had the words "Random User" on it. Just to find out what it would do, she moved her mouse over the option and clicked.

Her troll log with Karkat disappeared, and was replaced with a blank white one.

"Karkat!" she cried, trying to figure out what she had done. This computer business was extremely confusing.

She looked again at the new log. There were currently only a few words right across the top.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

She giggled slightly. What an odd name. Maybe someone with such a silly tag would be willing to help her out.

She was nervous for a moment. She had never been social, being raised in the middle of the forest. Karkat was her only friend, and before now she rarely had a chance to speak with him. She had little practice when it came to communication.

Steeling herself, she typed out a few simple words.

AC: hello!

AC: i'm nepeta. what's your name?

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

To Nepeta's surprise, the chat closed, and she found herself back in the chat with Karkat. He seemed to be just as panicked as she had been.

CG: NEPETA?

CG: NEPETA?

CG: COME ON, NEPETA, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

CG: WHERE ARE YOU?

CG: CRAP, YOU'RE NOT HURT, ARE YOU?

CG: CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, ANSWER ME NEPETA!

CG: IF YOU DON'T RESPOND SOON, I'M GOING TO GO OVER THERE WITH MY LUSUS AND FIND YOU.

AC: karkat, i'm here!

CG: NEPETA, FINALLY.

CG: YOU'RE OKAY.

AC: don't worry about me, karkat.

AC: i've got a strong lusus to protect me.

AC: i should be more worried about you, with that big crab lusus of yours.

CG: WHATEVER.

CG: I'M JUST HAPPY YOU'E OKAY, JEEZ.

CG: ANYWAY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

AC: i think i clicked on something, and it made me start chatting with someone else.

CG: WHO?

AC: i dunno, their tag was something silly, kind of like…

AC: minotaurTesticles? or maybe centaurBalls…

CG: …

CG: NEPETA, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO TROLLS LIKE THAT.

AC: why not?

AC: they seemed kind of shy.

CG: LET'S JUST SAY THERE ARE CREEPY PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET.

CG: DON'T TELL ANYONE YOUR NAME AND STUFF, OR YOU'LL PROBABLY REGRET IT.

AC: aw, come on.

AC: how bad could they be?

AC: maybe they're really friendly, and you're just being a meany.

CG: NEPETA, AS YOUR BEST FRIEND, I FORBID YOU FROM TALKING TO CENTAURBALLS.

AC: aw, karkat, if i see them again, can't i just say hi?

CG: NO.

CG: NO SAYING HI, NO BEING FRIENDLY.

CG: JUST. PLAIN. NO.

AC: ugh, fiiine.

Nepeta growled. Stupid Karkat could be so bossy sometimes. He was always telling her that she needed to make other friends. But now here she was attempting to do just that, and he was saying no.

Still, she did trust him. Even if he was grumpy, he was still her best friend. He wasn't trying to be mean, he was just looking after her.

AC: you'd better introduce me to your other friends soon.

CG: SURE.

CG: TOMORROW, THOUGH. MY LUSUS WANTS ME RIGHT NOW.

AC: aw. this was fun.

CG: YEAH. YOU'D BETTER STAY LOGGED ON.

AC: i will, i promise.

AC: bye karkat!

CG: BYE, NEPETA.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]


Thank you for reading the first chapter of Meowrails, I really appreciate it. Please leave reviews and tell me if you think anything should be edited. I appreciate anything you have to say about my work.