Title: Thoughts.
Author: Amaroqwolf.
Synopsis: A simple thought, carries so many more connotations then Jay Reso could ever think they could.
A/N: Was originally gonna be a one shot, but with the help of a besty it's got a few chapters on it. Just wanna add, most everything I am writing right now takes place in the "only in my Mind" Universe, but you don't need to read that to understand this, but references to that story will be made.

Jay found himself sitting alone yet again, it had been a common occurrence in Adam's last few months with the company, he was used to it and he didn't really mind it. Sure it hurt his feelings that Adam would rather spend time with the other guys, but it was okay his alone time gave him time to think. And that was what Jason Reso was doing right now, thinking. He ignored the waitress when she came and filled his coffee cup for a third or was it a forth time. He picked up a limp cold fry and nibbled on it again before picking up his pen. He slowly began to write.

His swirling swooping hand writing barley took up the space the words took up in his mind. He needed to let the single person in this world that was showing him concern how he felt. Whether that person cared or not wasn't really anything he could say or do. Because everyone who was anyone in the WWE knew he belonged to Adam. Even if Adam would rather spend more time with other guys now that he was free of the company.

He shifted on the booth seat ignoring the slight numbness of his buttocks. He sighed and gathered up his notebook pen and then finally dropped a 20 on the table, paused and dropped another 50 on top of it. He nodded and slipped out into the cold night. He climbed into his car and fished around under the front seat pulling out a gun and resting it on the dash.

He sat back staring at the gun silently he quickly wiped at his eyes and let out a shuddery sigh, he pulled the notebook out again and began writing rapidly he knew now what he needed to say, what he wanted to say. He paused at one point glancing again at the Gun which loomed darkly like death's shadow over him. Soon he thought and more ice rain down his cheeks he took a deep breath sucking it into his lungs and went back to writing not seeing the ink smear. He paused again staring for a couple minutes then with a deep breath he finished the letter.

He slowly tore it out of the notebook and folded it up shoving it in an envelope and shove it back in his pocket along with his letter of clearance to work again. He wiped quickly and hard at his crystalline eyes. He pulled the gun off the dash board then shoved it under the seat again before pulling out of the parking lot.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Jay worked his way around backstage slowly ignoring most everyone. He jumped when Ted Dibiasi tapped him on the arm and with a grin. "Welcome back," He said.

Jay blinked looking at him. "Um Thanks," He said with a small uncertain smile.

"Does Wade know your back?" He asked.

"No," He shook his head with a small frown. "I hadn't had the chance," He said slowly.

"You should," Ted said with a nod.

"He licked his lips. "You know where he is?" He asked deciding it was better to go this way.

"He's probably down in the weight room,"

"Thanks," He said softly with a nod heading to the said weight room. Stepping into the room he looked around spying Wade as he grunted and hefted then 200 pound weight of his head, Sweat running down his bare, broad chest. He slid his hand into his pocket fingering the letter he wasn't going to send, never send. At least not while he was alive, He walked towards wade licking his lips, his nerves rattled as he remembered the last time they'd seen each other. It hadn't been pleasant.

"312…313…" Wade grunted, straining slightly.

He arched an eyebrow, "Who you trying to impress?" He asked out loud with out thinking.

Wade blinked looking at him. "Christian," He said setting the weight back on the stand.

"Yep," He shrugged his skinny shoulders.

"He sat up slowly rubbing the back of his neck. "Welcome back,"

He smiled nervously. "Thanks, I'll uh leave you to you're uh Workout,"

"Nah I'm done,

He paused shoving his hands in his pockets. "Oh well uh," He fidgeted his fingers brushing over the letter. "I can leave you be," He mumbled.

"No, its okay, Feeling better? No casts that I see," Wade chuckled looking him over.

Yeah," He laughed. "All better, got cleared, this morning in fact," He said pulling out the clearance form not seeing the letter for Wade fall out and land on the floor.

"You gonna enter the Rumble?" Wade asked.

"Yeah, that's the plan," He said shoving the clearance letter back into his pocket.

"Good for you, mate."

"Yeah thanks," He said slowly licking his dry lips. "You wanna go get a drink?" He asked figuring a little liquid courage would help.

"Sure I could use a drop o' Whiskey," Wade grinned.

"Good, you wanna take a shower," He paused. "I mean you take a shower, not you and I take a shower, because I already took one…." He paused. "But, if you want me to," He blathered blue eyes darting around the room. "Bye," He turned to leave quickly.

Wade blinked in confusion. "I should probably clean up, I reek," He grinned a bit wiping his face.

"I'll be outside," He said before hurrying out of the room leaving the letter behind.

Wade blinked bending over and picking it up. "Jay…you dropped…" He trailed off when he saw his name. The door clicked shut behind him missing what Wade was trying to say. Wade looked uncertain he paused then opened it and unfolded the letter carefully.

Dear Wade,

How do I say this, the last time we talked you were so damn mad at me. I know why but I really couldn't see then. I didn't want to accept that he would use me like that. We were best friends and more. I was blind to him; I thought he was perfect, I guess that makes me blind as well as stupid. And right now I'm sitting here in my car, staring at al….

The words blurred and smudged for a few lines, what was written no longer clear.

"I don't want you to feel like this is your fault. I confronted him about everything and you were right, and now its to late."

The words smudged even worse again.

"I do care about you and I'm sorry it was too late for me to tell you that."

Jason.

TBC…..