{ A/N: We own nothing but the plot.}

All of Hogwarts were gathered in The Great Hall for the start of term feast. Ron was munching down on a chicken bone when he looked up at Harry.

"What?" asked Harry.

"Why does Malfoy keep looking over here?" Ron asked.

"He always does....whats the big surprise?" asked Harry.

"No...he's never looked over here like that before." said Ron. "He's up to something."

"Ouch....." Harry and Ron looked over and saw Neville Longbottom holding his stomach.

"Neville? Are you okay?" asked Harry.

"Yeh...yes, I'm fine...I've ju...just got to...dookie!" stuttered Neville. Then, he got up and ran away out of the Great Hall.

"Gosh, I wonder whats wrong with him?" asked Hermione.

"Why won't you go in there and see, Hermione." said Ron.

"Ron! You may have found out about my secret affair with Neville but you will never find out anything else!" Hermione said, turning her back on Ron.

{In The Bathroom}

"AAAAHHHH!!!!!" Screamed Neville in pain. "IT HURTS!!!!!!"

Everything went black......and there lay the now dead...Neville.

[The Next Day}

"GOSH!" yelled Seamus. "WHO TOOK A DUMP?!?!"

"I don't know!" said Ron holding his nose. "And not so loud, Seamus."

"It's coming from this stall." said Oliver Wood.

"Whats that coming out of it?" asked Ron.

There was something red coming out form under the door of the stall.

"Mmmm.....tastes like blood!" said Oliver, happily.

"Why did you just taste...wait...BLOOD?!?!" yelled Seamus.

"Yup!" said Oliver.

The four boys pushed the door open only to find a dead Neville Longbottom with a huge peice of dookie coming out of his butt. His butt high in the air so that it was the first thing you saw when you opened the door.

A/N: Okay I know we are gonna get flames for this but oh well! We don't give a flying fart! Just PLEASE review!