Title: Tropicana

Author: Slash-tastic2

Rating: T

Chapter: 1

Pairings: Leon x Cloud + others

Summary: Cloud had always enjoyed his job as a lifeguard; that is until a certain mysterious surfer showed up and changed that. Costa de Sol's Lifeguard Trio has never been perfect, but with the deranged minds of two of its members Cloud's life will cease to be what it was.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this story. Cha.

Author's Note: Okay, so it's not that I have a wet Leon fetish or anything… (Although, how could you not?) but I couldn't not make this fic the way it is xD But I do have an obsession with Sephiroth using disgustingly hysterical nicknames.


Chapter 1 – Surf's up!


"Hey, you! Don't litter on the beach!"

The blonde lifeguard heaved a sigh as he was exiting the small rusty "HQ" shack, shades in place and whistle dangling neatly from its thin red string onto his broad chest.

Sunscreen?

Check.

Sunglasses?

Check.

Whistle?

Check.

Infamous red Baywatch shorts?

…Check.

Cloud trudged over to the tall lifeguard stand, not very surprised to find the seat was vacant. The blonde's eyes darted across the beach, wincing when they came in contact with a brightly shining head. Either there was bald man without a baseball cap, stadium lights, or Sephiroth's sparkling hair was disrupting his vision. Regardless, the figure was chatting it up with some of the local beach bums. Cloud became positive it was Sephiroth when he witnessed a spiky black haired lifeguard punch him in the head from behind. It seemed as if the silver-haired lifeguard was being reprimanded for his flirtations and Cloud sighed in relief at one less job he would have to do.

"Sephiroth, Your shift is over!" he called loudly, waiting for his colleague to acknowledge him before beginning the ascent to the top of the lifeguard post.

Cloud adjusted his shades, prepping for the long humid hours of supervising beneath the blazing sun.

"Zackie-bear, you didn't have to be so rough. You almost ruined my hair! It took me two hours to put in my 'Body Surf Beach Babe Hair Stylizer'! Cloud, darling, tell him how great it looked!" Sephiroth whined as he moved to lean against the stand.

"Fantastic" Cloud replied sarcastically as adjusted to a more comfortable position in his chair.

"You see!"

"It still looks great, but you left me to take over your shift so you could go off and flirt! Poor Cloud had to take over the rest of it!" Zack chided lightly, picking up a pair of binoculars and gazing through them lazily.

"Oh, Bunny! I'm so sorry, I had no idea my plans could do so much damage! You don't hate me, do you Cloud?" Sephiroth shrieked as he clutched the lifeguard stand as if begging for forgiveness.

"No…" Cloud responded, most likely ignoring everything the two of them were saying.

He imagined that the two would soon make up and be out of his hair, hopefully before they decided to start rubbing sunscreen on each other. Cloud didn't see the point of Zack's hypocritical speech, considering the fact that the black-haired boy was just as flirtatious as his silver counterpart.

"…Hot damn," Zack stated breathlessly as he pulled the binoculars closer to his eyes, "Fetching hot fellow, 2 o'clock. Check out that body! Tasty…"

"Lemme see!" Sephiroth screeched, pushing Zack over a bit so that the duo each occupied one lens, "Hmm…a surfer? I will admit he has a delicious looking figure but no one's hair compares to mine!"

"Who cares about hair when you look like that?!" Zack countered, tugging the binoculars more to his side.

"What is that supposed to mean?! What about me?"

"Your body is just as delicious Sephy, no harm intended sweetie."

"You're a liar! You'd much rather be out there with that surfer doing the—"

Cloud proceeded to tune out the couple and despite his best interests, used his binoculars to take a peek at who the two at been gaping at. Apparently, Adonis had fallen from the sky and took to the waves because the surfer before him was absolutely breathtaking. Cloud felt his sunglasses slip off his nose as he took in the sight before him. Long, messy strands of chocolate brown hair. Perfectly sculpted abdomen. Powerful arms and legs. Cloud wasn't even trying to blame the sun for his flushed appearance, simply watching the surfer as he expertly maneuvered throughout the water.

"Seems like our little Bunny-chan has a crush," Zack chuckled as he watched Cloud become mesmerized by the man in the water.

"So it does…Perhaps we should help him. Right, Zackie-bear?" Sephiroth agreed with a completely evil grin spreading across his face.

"Why of course we will, darling. What are friends for!"

The deranged pair burst out into maniacal laughter, poor Cloud unaware and unprepared for the vast disasters that were about to unfold.


Even though it had already been a week, Cloud was still walking on air. He checked every day to see if his mystery surfer would show up. And when he did (4 out of the 7 days) Cloud would just sit on his pedestal and sigh dreamily. He was so out of it that he even fell victim to Zack and Sephiroth's lame pranks.

A few to mention were:

- Slipping down the ladder of the lifeguard stand thanks in part to a "mysterious" jelly substance

- Not noticing the 'I HEART Surfers' sticker plastered to his swimming trunks

- Whoopi cushions in his chairs

- Filling his whistle with sand

All in all, Cloud was through. No more concentrating on Mr. Perfect, as Zack and Sephiroth had dubbed him, he was going to ignore him. Go back to the way it was before, when he had been committed to his sad but important job of being a lifeguard.

"Oh Bunny!" the infamous duo chorused, approaching the HQ shack at high speed.

Uh oh. That tone of voice could only mean one thing – trouble. The twin grins also didn't help to alleviate Cloud's unease.

"…What did you do?" Cloud asked nervously.

"Well…I just had the most brilliant idea!" Sephiroth piped cheerfully.

"It was more of a joint effort!" Zack added quickly.

"Yes, joint. Whatever. Anyway, the 27th National Surfers Competition was in need of a lifeguard for tomorrow sooooo…..guess who's been nominated?" Sephiroth continued as if without interruption.

"Oh no…you didn't…" Cloud began, his eyes widening at the reality of the situation. Just when he had decided to get back to his job!

"Yup! It's you, Cloud! Isn't this great?! Now you and Mr. Perfect are almost sure to meet! I have to thank myself for coming up with such a fabulous plan."

Zack jogged over to Cloud, thumping him hard on the shoulder. "Congratulations! I'm sure you two will be very happy together."

"You better! This is a match made by me, now you'd better get with this surfer bum and get beneath the blankets!" Sephiroth announced loudly, various bystanders turning to eavesdrop on the trio.

"I believe the term is 'below the sheets', love" Zack corrected with a smile.

"Of course it is! Come, Zachary and we will get "below the sheets" at HQ!" Sephiroth added, thinking he was speaking in perfect code.

"Ew! Stop that right now! No making between the sheets in the HQ Shack!" Cloud yelled as he made a few nauseous faces.

"Below the sheets!" Sephiroth cheered like a battle cry before the two took off into the shack, the door slamming behind them.

"I'm not going in there for another six hours…"


"Ladies and Gentleman, Surfers and Spectators! Welcome the 27th National Surfers Competition, where talented men and women from all around the area come to compete for the title of Champion! The winner is awarded the 1st place trophy as well as $50,000! Will our competitors sink or swim? The time is now, registration is complete! Surfers, divide up into 3 lines and get your numbers!"

Cloud watched as the volunteers sat at a long table, distributing numbers to the contestants whilst checking their surf boards to make sure they followed the protocol.

"Excuse me, Mr. Lifeguard? Come over here and help us give out these numbers" one of the female volunteers called to him. He jogged over to the table quickly, ignoring the multiple snickers he received.

"Just sit in this chair and make a fourth line. Ask their name and this paper should have their number on it. Sorry to bother you and thanks for the help."

Cloud figured he was getting the hang of it after about the 4th person.

'Maybe this isn't so bad' he thought happily as he continued to give out numbers.

"Name?"

"I'd love yours first. Can I have CPR now, and later on tonight?" the bleached blonde stated, grinning with the rest of his friends.

Cloud felt his eyebrow twitch angrily.

"Name, please."

The exasperating beach bum leaned forward, invading way too much of Cloud's personal space.

"I'll tell you if you go on a date with me tonight."

"I'd rather not" Cloud replied smoothly.

"Aww, don't be shy. It's Ark Nwo. We'll show you a good time, I can pr—"

"Some of us actually want to surf," a deep voice interrupted, "save the harassment for after you lose."

"Who the fuck? I'll kick your ass right now pretty boy!"

"On the waves gentlemen. Number 22, Mr. Nwo" Cloud announced, standing in his chair.

"When I win, I'm coming back here and you're coming wi—"

"Number 22."

The man grumbled before cursing and leaving with his group. Cloud returned to his seat, looking up to thank his savior.

"Thanks for…" Cloud paused.

"Leonhart. And it's no problem."

Oh shit, Mr. Perfect.

Cloud froze for a few minutes, simply staring at the man before him. It was him! Mr. Perfect was standing in front of him wearing a pair of black swimming trunks, loose navy blue T-shirt and stoic expression.

"I'm Cloud! …Oh! Um…sorry, N-Number 6" Cloud stuttered almost punching himself for his unnecessary introduction. It wasn't like he would remember his name anyway.

Mr. Perfect nodded, and just when Cloud thought he was leaving he paused and turned back around.

'Is there something on my face?' Cloud thought in a panic as the brunette leaned over the table. Cloud could feel himself blushing as Mr. Perfect grabbed his hand. He felt something being pulled off and looked up to see him waving a hair band in his face.

"Can I borrow this?"

"…S-Sure" Cloud replied meekly, silently thanking Sephiroth and Zack for always forgetting their hair ties with him.

- - - -

After that, the sign in went off without a hitch, not of course without a few more date requests (less demanding than the previous one).

The competition was soon underway and for some reason the Lifeguard stand was completely empty on HQ's side of the beach…...

"We need to make sure he's watching when we do it!" Sephiroth reminded Zack as they searched for a victim.

"We need someone young and helpless! We're sure this is a good idea, right?" Zack seemed a little unsure but a little reassurance from Sephiroth blew all doubts from his mind.

"Her! The one with the hideous bathing suit!" Sephiroth yelled, pointing a young redheaded girl.

"Alright. Commence Operation Cloud Is A Super Lifeguard Stage 1 – Target Sighted."

The duet slithered up to the girl in silence, Sephiroth popping up in front of her to distract her.

"Can I interest you in…uh…Fabulous hair for the fabulously fabulous? It's a wonderful product as I'm sure you can see!" Sephiroth lied as he petted his silver locks, watching Zack out of the corner of his eye. Seeing the girl's attention caught by his boyfriend, Zack punted her beach ball out into the water, near the Surfers Competition area.

Hearing the noise, the girl whirled around to see empty space.

"Ah! My beach ball!" she cried before running headfirst into the waves.

Zack crawled from his hiding spot behind a tiny sandcastle.

"Stage 1 Complete!"

The two exchanged high-fives, missing the way no one noticed she was gone.

- - - - -

Cloud was concentrating on the competition when he spotted a blob of pink floating closer and closer to the surfers. He was out of chair the moment he realized it was a person and began sprinting down the beach. He could hear the puzzled questions as he ran down to the water and soon everyone realized what was going on at a mother's horrified scream.

"Priscilla!!! Oh my god, my child! Somebody save my Priscilla!!"

Cloud dived into the waves, pushing his arms harder until he reached the drowning girl. He finally got a hold of her, the young girl crying and trying to breathe at the same time. They began swimming towards the beach but they were too close to the surfers however, who couldn't understand the situation because they were too preoccupied with the competition. A moment before Cloud saw the surfer riding a giant wave he tossed Priscilla as far as he could, some of the nearby spectators grabbing her as a smaller wave pushed her onto the shore.

Cloud couldn't remember much except the deafening sound of water, shouts, black vision and the inability to breathe.


Leon had seen Cloud sprinting down the beach and quickly followed his gaze, trying to spot what was disturbing him. When the mother screamed, everyone began to realize just what was going on and Leon himself ran down to the shore in an effort to help. As he was running he saw Cloud's heroic attempt to save the girl and after the wave hit the blonde disappeared.

Leon didn't bother to slow down or stop as he plunged into the water after the lifeguard, searching for him. After searching frantically for about a minute, he felt something heavy hit his leg and realized it was Cloud.

When they got back on shore, a lot of people were trying to crowd around them but the rational volunteers held back the worried group. Leon listened for a heartbeat, panicking when he heard none. He began performing CPR, noticing the young redheaded girl crying by her mother.

Push.

Push.

Push.

Cold lips only proved to motivate Leon to try harder to revive the blonde.

Just when all seemed lost, Cloud began coughing up water. He was soon taking deep breaths, clinging to the fabric of Leon's wet T-shirt while resting his head on the brunette's shoulder.

Cloud lifted his aquamarine eyes to stare into Leon's, the brunette nodding as if he heard the 'thank you'.

The volunteers rushed in, wrapping the two in towels just as the crowd began clapping at their bravery and courage.

Cloud felt himself slowly blushing and felt it increase when he spotted a tinge of pink dusted across Leon's face.


Cloud felt mortified. More than mortified. A lifeguard had to be saved?

He touched his lips and blushed at the vague memory. A lifeguard had to be given CPR? Pathetic.

Sephiroth and Zack had both given him guilty looking glances that day but Cloud decided he'd rather not know at all.

Currently the three of them sat in Cloud's living room, looking worriedly at Cloud's pet chocobo.

"I don't know what's wrong with Jenova! She refuses to eat and it looks like she's in pain!" Cloud stated in a worried tone.

"…Maybe she has indigestion?" Zack supplied a little too cheerfully.

"She most likely won't eat because she's not primped enough. Her feathers simply refuse to shine! She needs proper salon care!" Sephiroth announced matter-of-factly.

"That's it, I'm taking her to the vet!"

Cloud darted into his room to get her chocobo collar before ushering everyone out the door.

- - - -

"Just what exactly takes so long? Jenova's not looking too well, I knew I shouldn't have been giving her those extra meals but she seemed so hungry!"

"No, that one right there! Yeah, him. He's a pretty hot nurse" Sephiroth whispered to Zack, pointing to one of the employees.

"The one next to him is too. Hmm…You think we could convince one of them to join us in a threesome?" Zack whispered back, the two grinning as they plotted various schemes.

"Are you guys even listening?! Jenova could be dying and all you can think of is…sex!" Cloud berated angrily, just as a young nurse came up to them.

"Aerith! Something's wrong with Jenova!"

She nodded comfortingly as she escorted the three of them into a room. She did a couple of tests, 'hmm'-ing the entire time.

"Well, Dr. Lucretia is out at the moment but I'll ask another doctor to come in a minute and double check something."

She stuck her head out of the door and called someone over.

"Excuse me, doctor? Could I borrow you for a moment?"

"What can I help you wi—" the doctor stopped mid-sentence at the sight of the odd trio.

"Impossible…" Cloud mumbled, eyes never straying from the doctor.

"Oh shit! It's Mr. Perfect!" Sephiroth shrieked whilst pointing at Leon.

"Apparently it's Dr. Perfect," Zack corrected with a smile, "How lucky are you, Cloud?!"

Cloud groaned at the irony of the situation, his face burning red.

Aerith giggled nervously, "Well on the good side, I think Jenova is pregnant... with triplets!"

And that's when Cloud promptly passed out on the floor, Sephiroth and Zack performing a 'B-A-B-I-E-S Yay!' cheer on the sidelines.

…Life was just full of surprises.


AN: w00t. haha, if anyone has played FFVII they'll get some of the character references (-cough- Priscilla -cough-) Anyway, hope you enjoyed it!

Next chapter: Will Cloud and Dr. Perfect eventually get together? Who knows? (I do and so do you) Rivals appear from Destiny Beach and challenge the Costa de Sol Trio to see exactly who is the best lifeguard, and the winner takes all!