A/N: Hello readers, I just wanted to let you know that I am, and will always be a Jacob Black fan. My stories will mostly reflect that, and I understand that Edward fans might be offended by some of the stuff in my stories, so if you are a truly a strong Edward lover, I suggest you read another story!

Things in italics are direct quotes from any of the books.

DISCLAIMER: Obviously all twilight plot and characters are owned by SM.

BPOV

Prologue:

Sometimes, things seem like everything you have ever wanted has disappeared. Sometimes, things make the world seem dull and gray. That is when you really need to see, or find, the reason to live. And over the last few months; I have found my own way, into a new life of happiness. I found a new reason to live, healing up my heartache from the absence of him. I revolve around something new, something healthier.

1. Longing

In these last few months, my whole life has changed. Pain is my constant companion. Sometimes it's almost bearable; while other times my chest feels like it has a giant hole in it. Think about the reason only makes it worse. What is the cause of all this pain? Love for a person infinitely more precious than anything you could have ever dreamed of; until you met my Edward. Thinking his name, the hole in my chest started to throb. Before I knew it, I was having hysterics. While already incapacitated by the pain, why not think of the precious memories I couldn't bear to lose? That last day in the forest, when he told me;

I'm … tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella.

You're not good for me.

I remember trying to make him want to stay with an imperfect human like me, and realizing that I could do nothing to keep him here. His family needed to leave; I was just a catalyst that made them move on faster. I was gracious for every second he blessed me with his presence; moments I will never forget. Moments that, right now, hurt to remember. I can never repay me for the joy he placed in my life, but I was forever going to try. And that is why I made that promise:

Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?

I nodded helplessly.

I'll make you a promise in return, he said, this will be the last time you see me. It'll be as if I never existed.

Although I had kept my promise to this day, I had the sudden urge to break it to forget what he said but I couldn't understand why. Can't I do him this one little favor, after all he had given me? Of course, but something urged me to stop myself of letting him enjoy his side of the bargain. Even though he left me, I had to believe he still somewhat cared for me. After all I'll always love you…in a way. I mean that sounds like he cares, somewhat, right? "But not even enough to think about the pain he knew he was inflicting" I though to myself. I clutched at the whole, and let the misery have me. I was thankful that I had to stay as normal as possible for Charlie. After all, I didn't want my pain, to be his pain. Just then I remembered I really should start dinner for him, and looked at the clock. 5:15, guess it's a simple dinner for the night. I walked down the stairs, not really noticing much when the phone started ringing. I picked it up quickly, not wanting the extra noise. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bells" It was Charlie, no surprise there. My friends used to call, but they got tired of waiting for a call back that was never returned, "So I was wondering if you could make extra for dinner, because Billy and his son Jake wanted to join us tonight." Great, more people around to watch me nothingness. As hard as I wanted to hide my pain, I ended up in a haze. Not being able to separate one moment from the next most of the time. I didn't mind it; time slipping away from me was all I ever wanted out of life. Less time to dwell on other parts of my life, like the emptiness I had become.

"Sure, Dad." Company just distracted my dad from my misery. I was wondering about Jake though. The last time I saw him was when I first moved here, and when I first learned about what E- he was. "I have to cook now, dad. Bye."

"Bye, hon."

I pulled out the ingredients to make really easy homemade mac and cheese for dad. It was an easy thing to make in large quantities. As I turned the burner on high to get the water boiling, I finally figured out why I wanted to break my promise. He already had broken his the moment it left his mouth. It'll be as if I never existed. As if I would ever forget his presence in my life, the happiest years I would ever have. The hole was burning at the edges, and I clutched my chest reflexively. I wish that it could hold me together. I finished dinner and put it in the oven just as I heard the knock on the door. Obviously it was Billy and his son early, Charlie wouldn't knock on his own front door. What a silly thought. I put on the bets "not happy but close enough" face and went to get the door.

JPOV

I knocked on the door, not knowing what to expect inside. Charlie wasn't home yet, and I knew from what Charlie had told dad that Bella wasn't in such good shape since the Cullens left town. I didn't have anything against them, accept for the pain they brought to the girl I remember from my childhood summers. Making mud pies and laughing at my house. Charlie was sad at home; knowing that Bella was in so much pain didn't help much.

Just then the door opened, and I saw Bella's poor excuse for a fake smile. Under her eyes were purpley bruise like shadows, and she look way too pale. Bella was always naturally pale, but right now she looked sickly. She was way too thin, as if she hadn't eaten very much in awhile. She had her arms firmly crossed in front of her, as if she was trying to keep herself together. That's at least what it seemed like to me. "Come in guys," she said, her voice flat and empty. It sent chills down my spine. I pushed dad in and asked I f there was anything I could help her with and she just shook her head. I decided I might as well start a conversation with her, take her mind off things, "So how's school going? What grade are you in again?"

She looked up at me with a surprised expression, before she collected her thoughts and answered. "It's okay I guess. I've been doing really well lately in classes. I'm a junior, you?"

BPOV

I couldn't help but looked a little shocked when Jake asked me about school. I tried to reign in the emotion, which could only be shock, from my face to answer his question, "I-It's okay I guess," I almost blushed with embarrassment from my stuttering. "I've been doing really well lately in classes. I-I'm a junior, you?" Wow, I can't answer a single question without sounding stupid. I blushed this time, and couldn't believe it. I can't remember the last time I blushed with any emotion. I had no reason for why all of the sudden I could. Only that Jacob had to have been the reason behind it. After all this time, I had forgotten that Jake really was a cool guy. He seemed to find it amusing that I was blushing, and smiled pretty big.

"Well, school's okay. Boring down on the rez, but you get used to that. I have these two best friends, Quil and Embry that I spend most of my time with. I am rebuilding a Volkswagen rabbit, did you know that?" He looked at me with a huge sense of pride, widening his grin a little.

"Umm, I think Charlie's mentioned it before." I said, holding back another blush of embarrassment at my hesitation and at my lack of response. "How long is it going to take?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I need a lot of parts, so I need to save up some more money first…" And after that he got really into it. Rambling on and on in car language I don't even understand. His eagerness to impress put a smile on my lips. Not the fake one I use to delude Charlie or his company, a genuine one. I was smiling because I felt like it, it was involuntary. Jacob's energy radiated out of him and was infectious. When Charlie walked in, Jake and I were still engrossed in conversation. I like it, because unlike conversations with the many other people I know, I didn't have to think about when to nod or look interested; I really was interested. When the time had 10 minutes left I started making the salad. Jake insisted on helping me cut up the veggies as we talked about his life. Every once in awhile he'd ask me a direct question, concerned that he was doing all the talking. I immediately told him I was a better listener than a talker, and he finally believed me. When dinner was ready I called in Charlie and Billy. The dinner table was quiet as the guys devoured their food. I guess the macaroni was really good! Billy insisted they had to leave, that Jake needed to catch up on his homework. Charlie managed to drag Billy into the living room to watch the rest f the game. "Hey, so Bella?" Jake's tone was almost nervous, and a little embarrassed.

"Yeah" I turned to look at him, he quickly looked down at the floor.

"I was wondering if maybe you would wanna hang out this weekend. Or next, if you're too busy." He looked up with anticipating eyes.

"Ummm, I don't seem to be too busy, I could head down on Saturday? If that would work for you?" I sad. I already could tell that Jake was fun to be around, he'd even made me smile and blush.

He looked up, and his wide grin made a small smile appear on my face immediately. "Really? No, I'm not busy. Wanna meet down at first beach? I heard it's going to be kinda nice outside" Hois voice growing more excited as he thought of the possibilities.

"Sure, but can we meet at your house? I think I know my way there better."

"Sure, sure." Just the Billy and Charlie stood up. It was time for them to leave, and everyone said their goodbyes and they went on their merry way.

"You and Jake talked an awful lot, what was it about?" he said with hope in his eyes.

"School, friends, and stuff" A smile tugged at my lips and Charlie looked really happy to see it show up, even if it was a poor echo of what it used to be. I told him I had a long day and wanted to get into bed. I checked my email and went to sleep, bracing myself for the nightmare that haunted my sleep every night. The next thing I knew it was morning. I woke up to my alarm, without dreaming or screaming. I was amazed. I wondered how yesterday was different than any other day I had had, and then I saw the difference; Jacob Black.

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