A/N: Welp, here is my first Ben 10 fanfiction. I'm actually rather proud of it.

This takes place about four months after the events of "Absolute Power" of the first season in Ultimate Alien. In this story, the end of Part 2 is a little different, so it is AU.

Warnings: Self-harming and mentions of drug use and suicide. Includes a few swear words, because Kevin is a potty-mouth.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ben 10: anything. Please don't sue me, I have no money.

EDITED: 2/26/15: Moved the word 'a' from before the '…' to after it.

Addiction

Chapter One

It was 10:42 on a quiet Saturday night. In the living room of the Tennyson's house (the Benjamin division), two teens sat quietly on the couch. The younger one, taking up two of the furniture's three cushions, was staring blankly at the TV screen, watching but not really paying attention to the nature documentary playing. The older one was sitting under the only other light source in the room: a small floor lamp, which illuminated the highly technical-looking manual in his lap. One leg was bent on the seat, the foot resting on the other thigh. Every once in a while, he nods or frowns in concentration, completely absorbed in the book.

They had been like this for well over an hour, and Ben still couldn't believe Kevin was actually reading something.

The documentary ends, and Ben turns off the TV. Silence fills the room, but Kevin doesn't seem to notice. Ben doesn't make to get up, and instead sits there, thinking. It had been several months since the team 'cured' Kevin at the abandoned military base, and there were more than a few things Ben was wondering about Kevin, or osmosians in general.

He heard from Kevin, as well as experiencing it first-hand, that the absorption of energy causes mental instability in osmosians, and he wonders how it feels. Was Kevin aware that what he was doing was wrong, and just couldn't stop himself, or did he simply not care? He wonders if it's the energy itself that causes insanity, or if it is the feeling of power. He wonders if Kevin ever misses the power energy gave him. He wonders if Kevin ever feels tempted, in a fight, to just plug into an electrical socket to give himself an edge. He wonders why Kevin's never bothered to simply absorb the various energies shot at him during a fight. He wonders if Kevin would ever grow those cool horn-things.

Still looking at the TV's blank screen, Ben finally works up the nerve to ask Kevin about at least some of the things he's wondering.

"What's it feel like?" His voice is soft, as if the tone could soften the offense he was half-sure Kevin would feel from the question.

There's no answer. After a few moments, Ben looks over to Kevin. He's still reading, and there's no indication he even heard the question. He repeats himself, a little louder this time, and still gets nothing. Ben frowns, then kicks the other teen in the knee, not bothering to hold back.

"GAHK!" The book drops from Kevin's hands and bounces off his lap onto the floor as Kevin jumps. He grabs his smarting knee with both hands, rubbing it gently as he allows his foot to fall to the floor. A second later, he whips his head around to glare at Ben angrily.

"-the hell was that for?"

"I needed to get your attention." Ben is not the least bit sorry.

"Then speak up!"

"I did."

"Then speak up louder!"

"Did that, too."

Scowling, Kevin returns his attention back to his aching knee.

Ben hesitates to ask. Maybe kicking him wasn't the best idea. He didn't seem to be in the mood for questions, especially ones he knew would likely bring up bad memories.

Kevin feels the heaviness of the silence, and glances at Ben out of the corner of his eye. Ben seems to have a dark, almost brooding expression, and Kevin realizes the other teen didn't kick him just for laughs. Well, the kicking part was probably funny to him, but whatever.

"Spit it out, Tennyson."

Startled out of his thoughts, Ben gives a highly intelligent "wha-?"

"I know you wanna say something, now say it."

"Uhhh…" Put on the spot, Ben freezes.

"What?"

Ben hesitates before starting: "umm, well, I was, uh, wondering, umm…"

Kevin is exasperated and impatient.

"Spit it out!"

Hesitates. "I was wondering…" And hesitates again.

"Yeah, I got that part."

Ben frowns at Kevin, then decides to just go with his original question.

"What's it feel like?"

"What's what feel like?"

Ben hesitates, yet again, and tries to think of how to put it. Kevin scowls. When he opens his mouth to tell him to just say it already, Ben decides to do just that.

"Energy. Absorbing it. What's it feel like?"

This time, Kevin hesitates, eyes wide, caught off guard. He wasn't expecting a question like that. He's not sure how to answer that, or even if he should. He thinks hard, slowly turning forward to face the blank TV. The silence is heavy, anticipating. A minute passes. Kevin, moving slowly, bends over and picks the manual off the floor. Automatically, he smooths out the ruffled and slightly bent pages before opening it and staring at them.

Putting the book in his lap, he starts leafing through the pages, looking for where he was before Ben decided their knee and foot should get to know each other. Once he finds it, his hands still and he leans back into the couch, posture relaxing, looking like he's going to just ignore the question and keep reading. Ben continues to stare at Kevin, still half-expecting an answer. After a minute or two, he grows frustrated and gets up from the couch, giving up on an answer and planning on just going to bed. Turning from the couch, he starts to remind Kevin to lock the front door behind him whenever he decides to leave when he's stopped by Kevin's answer:

"Pure power."

It was said softly, almost like he hoped Ben wouldn't be able to hear it. Pausing, Ben turned around and sat back on the couch, propping his legs on the middle cushion and motioning to Kevin to keep going.

"Pure power. But no control. But it doesn't matter, 'cause there's just so much power."

Ben isn't sure if he means control over the power or control over himself. Kevin isn't sure, himself.

"And once the rush fades, once you get used to the power flowing through your veins, you just wanna do something with it. To make something happen, 'cause you can, and you wonder how the hell you managed to survive without it. Without the power."

He picks up the pace, words stumbling over each other like they can't get out of his head fast enough.

"And then you go and you do something with it, and you use it up in seconds, 'cause the energy seems limitless, and so you use it all up at once. But then it's gone. There's no more left. And you panic 'cause the energy, the power is gone and you feel so week, so completely helpless without it. Useless. Unprotected. And it's terrifying, even though you've gone most of your life without the power, but you don't remember that 'cause you just went from invincible to nothing in three seconds flat. You're terrified, panicking, and you gotta get more, gotta protect yourself, 'cause you feel like the helplessness could kill you, like the powerlessness is swallowing you whole, and there's nothing but panic.

"So you go looking for more energy, and this time you absorb it on purpose."

It's at this point that Ben realizes Kevin's describing the first time he absorbed energy.

"And after the rush fades, you just stand there for a while before you realize you're standing right next to an energy source and you can absorb more, and so you do it. And the power is so much more, the feeling is just… Then you go out and do something.

"You run out just as fast as the first time. And the panic is back. And then you absorb again, only more this time. Then you do something, and run out again. Then the panic returns. It always returns. So you do it again. And again.

"And it's… a horrible cycle. It's like… an addiction. A drug. You use, and it feels great, but once it fades, you feel like you could die. So you use again, 'cause you want to feel it again, and you don't want to feel that. And every time, it's just a little bit more, and the feeling when it fades gets worse and worse."

Kevin gives up with the book, and now just stares straight ahead, gaze blank.

"And the things I did with that power…" Kevin trails off, then starts again in second person.

"At first, its little things. 'Cause you're not the kind of person to hurt people. You shoot at cans, try to see if you can burn your name in the sidewalk, that sort of thing. Then, you start thinking: this kind of power could really hurt somebody. And it scares you. Of course, you don't realize that until it's already happened. You're… horrified. You try to stop, try to get rid of the power, but the emptiness…

"You swear you'll never do anything to hurt anybody in any way anymore. And for a while, you stick to it. Then you see the guy who was kicking you around last week leave his car unattended, and so you blow it up. Didn't mean to, but… And then the dude comes back, and you're still standing there, and he grabs you, and you shock him. You shock him good. And he runs. And before he runs, you see the fear in his eyes.

"And you realize… nobody's gonna push you around ever again."

A/N: And there you go. This story actually kinda got away from me. I was intending it to be a one-shot, where Kevin explains what it feels like and Ben's like "wow, I didn't know that's what you go through" and that's it. But then Kevin went from just describing what it feels like to describing what his first time was like, and... yeah.

The first chapter isn't AU, but the rest will be. No, I'm not telling you how it goes. You'll just have to read on!

There shall be more to come! I already have most of the story up to the fourth chapter written down, so feel free to threaten me with pointy objects if I don't update within a day! Over the internet, though, not in real life.