Dynasty Warriors: How D'ya Like Them Apples!

Summary: Liu Bei's relationship with SSX has reached an all-time low. This time, she's not even bothering to HIDE her flings with the men from other kingdoms she brings over to Shu. However, for once in his life and with a little help from his friends, the emperor of Shu is gonna get something called payback…OCxLiuxSSX

Disclaimer: I don't own DW, Koei does. The OCs that appear here are property of me. Hurrah! If I have any need of notes, I'll put 'em where I think I should.

(A.N.: Like this first one: Timelines are not an issue, age is not an issue.)

Cast and bios:

Liu Bei: Shu's emperor and SSX's supposed husband in this AU fic of a surprisingly peaceful time of coexistence amongst the three kingdoms. He has always known that his wife doesn't love him as much as she used to, though his existence is acknowledged in a pleasant enough manner. Presently, he has given up hope of trying to win her back (again) as she is seemingly predestined to fall head-over-heels in love with some dashing young man she knows.

SSX: As the author is inclined to think, 'freedom without discipline leads to chaos'. This princess is situated somewhere in the middle. She obeys the laws of state, but she makes use of her freedom to romance any 'bishounen' she so chooses. Zhao Yun, Gan Ning, Lu Xun and even Zhou Yu are just a few of her conquests.

The Officers of Shu: From the intelligent strategists (Pang Tong is living) to the great warriors (Liu's brothers are still alive), they all share the same loyalty and devotion to virtue. When they're not drilling troops or planning strategies, these men of valour and wisdom spend their free time in a nice little tavern integral to the plot. They often help their emperor and other friends through rough patches in that common meeting place. And FYI, Wei Yan here is loyal like DW5. The only ones not commonly seen are Zhao Yun and Ma Chao, on-off colleagues seeing as they are two of SSX's heart's many desires and Guan Ping and Xing Cai, 'cos they're too young to drink liquor. The latter two are forced to make do with the kiddy bar.

The Lovers: While decent enough on their own, these strapping young men/young adults have one fault. They're easily tempted and blinded by the Wu princess's idea of love. Still, outside of love, they ARE decent people to be around. Heck, Liu Bei even knows some of them on a personal level. However, they just can't escape Shang Xiang's grip…

Li Wen: A personification of the author, Li Wen actually runs the tavern the whole of Shu's officers hang out at. Like the others, he helps out with counselling and whatnot, though if a customer buys a drink, the young man is inclined to give the customer what he/she wants. As THE head minister of all OC related happenings (be they immigrants, new recruits or problems), the young man has several reliable connections. Doesn't wear his razor sharp hats when he's working here.

Xia Hwang Wei: Well, wouldn't YOU like to know! Read and see, friends!

Chapter 1: Establishing Personalities

The sun sets, and a new day comes, repeating is one…Whoops! Wrong series! (A.N.: Cookie to whoever guesses where that was from!)

As I was saying, the sun sets in the kingdom of Shu-Han, marking the time when all major jobs in the kingdom can stop.

Soldiers go on home to their wives, aides and secretaries organise their paperwork one last time before leaving, and even the head honchos decide to call it a day.

It is also a time when other jobs begin. Of course, the others don't matter, so we're just going straight to the palace of Shu where several individuals begin to walk into a bar…

"Evening, all!" came the voice of a young man the author's reliable readers know. First, it was the Five Tigers (minus Ma and Zhao) in one group. They plonked themselves down at a table for three and waved. Then the strategists came.

"Good evening, master Li Wen," came the calm as ever Zhuge Liang's greeting. He walked in, arm-in-arm with his wife, Yue Ying and was followed by his protégé, Jiang Wei, JUST the legal age to consume alcohol. Pang Tong followed in, scratching his back with his staff again.

"What's cooking, kid?" the laid-back hooded man asked.

"Not too much, a few interesting recruits for the infantry and cavalry, that's all. A man named Peng Yuan left Wei to sign up here…" the black haired young man replied. He took a glass and a cloth and started wiping.

Wei Yan entered next. He grunted pleasantly at the others.

"Hi, Wei Yan!" they replied.

Wei Yan took a seat at the counter. He raised one finger.

"Red…Wine…"

"Sure, sure, but mind you don't drink too much…"

"NOW."

Li Wen hurriedly poured a glass of red wine and handed it to the savage.

"So anything going on with you guys?" he asked as he took the jug back.

"Oh, nothing new," Guan Yu responded. He thoughtfully stroked his beard as if trying to remember exactly what happened today.

"The young ones are still training. Ping is actually getting pretty good…Before long, he should be able to get his own commanding position. Otherwise, things were about the same. Help run the country, drill the troops, quell the occasional bandits and finally…"

"three beers, while you're at it, kid!" the third brother of the three ordered.

Guan Yu sighed.

"Yes, Li Wen…three beers will end today's report…" he said dryly.

Jiang Wei looked over the menu and discussed it with his master.

"…So you see, master, were we to order the Eastern Han vintage, we should be able to have pleasant wine while keeping ourselves safe from total inebriation…"

The Sleeping Dragon nods.

"Indeed…But should we be so bold order a bit of Western Han vintage? The quality should be intoxicating, but I've heard the taste is…"

"Maybe we could mix both wines?"

Yue Ying slapped both men on the back of their heads.

"OW!"

"OW!"

"Liang, we're supposed to be taking a break! Stop discussing the wine as if it were a battle strategy!"

"But my dear, we should be prepared at all times…"

"Indeed, Madame Huang! The Prime Minister has a very good point there. Besides, I for one would rather calculate how much wine we can take before getting drunk…"

A laugh is heard from Huang Zhong. Jiang Wei turns.

"Kid, the only way to tell how much you can take is to drink until you see double! Better yet, drink till you're absolutely unconscious!"

The master bowman laughed loudly once more. Everyone just sighed.

"So are we all ready to order?" the OC asked, taking a note pad and a brush dabbed in ink. Yue Ying shakes her head.

"Sorry, Li Wen, but Master Liu Bei isn't…"

"Hello, everybody," a sombre sounding voice said. Those facing away from the door turned immediately and saluted with clasped hands, uttering "Greetings, your highness."

Liu Bei just waved, signalling to them to sit down. The King of Han Zhong sat at the counter and everyone followed suit.

"What'll it be, sir?" Li Wen asked. The others cleared their throats loudly. "Oh. And you guys?"

Liu Bei sighs. The first one for tonight.

"Gimme a Qin, Li Wen…And keep it coming…I'll need it."

As the orders were placed by the other officers, Liu Bei just couldn't help looking down. While wines both strong and light were served, the emperor heaved a great sigh. Pang Tong nudged Jiang Wei.

"Here's where somebody asks the master what's wrong, kid…" he whispered.

"Master, what's wrong?" Yue Ying asked sweetly.

"Here comes the denial," Zhang Fei whispered to the second brother.

"Oh, nothing, Yue Ying…"

"A repeat of the question…" Huang Zhong says quietly to Wei Yan, who nods and grunts.

"Are you certain, lord Liu Bei?" the greatest strategist of that period asked.

"Ten to one it's the wife again," Li Wen whispered to the kitchen. What's that? No, he's not insane. Well, maybe just a little, but there's really somebody in there!

"Well…It's about Shang Xiang again…"

A big "I KNEW IT!" was heard across the room, followed by a humble apology. Liu Bei just softly muttered "It's OK" and continued.

"She's the reason Zhao Yun and Ma Chao aren't here…So you all should know what that means…" the emperor says dejectedly.

"More wine for us. Those guys can really hold their liquor," Zhang Fei says in a rather pleased tone. Guan Yu sighs and whacks him over the head.

"YEOW!"

"Brother, why do you still keep her around? We simply don't get it…Surely you could find other women who'd do you honour…" the mighty Guan Yu asks.

"Guan Yu, I'm sure that you and Zhang Fei know me more than others, so I'm rather surprised you need to ask."

The red faced man sighs and strokes his beard thoughtfully. During that time, another round of drinks is served and downed.

"Yes, we know all about your well-defined moral hierarchy. We all know that the deaths of your first two wives were unavoidable accidents and we all know that you can't very well throw Lady Sun back to Wu as if she were some little fish…"

The young Jiang Wei piped up.

"But sir, I'm certain you COULD…um…send off Her Highness. Why continue to put up with it?"

A glass is served to the emperor.

"Tell the kid why, master."

Once again, a heavy sigh in the bright tavern. Liu Bei drinks first and wipes his mouth clean afterwards.

"Young Jiang Wei, it's because that would be wrong…And yes, I know that morals could very well lead to my downfall, but two wrongs don't make a right…I can't do that to my wife on a whim, you see…

"Besides," he starts, smiling a bit, "King Arthur had his heart set on Guinevere, and I have my heart set on Shang Xiang all the same…"

(A.N.: Was King Arthur around then? No matter. Timelines are no issue!)

A tense silence followed. The young ones (or one) knew not what to say and those that knew the emperor well enough were still thinking. Then, comfort came from a most unusual source.

"Liu Bei…Good man…Luck change…soon…Heaven want…" the savage growls, tenderly patting Liu Bei on the back. Behind his colourful mask, his eyes shone with sincerity and wisdom. The emperor smiles, his mood lifted a bit.

"Thank you, Wei Yan. And I certainly hope so too."

The others smiled and each patted their emperor on the back.

Then suddenly, without warning, Zhang Fei let out a mighty belch.

"Ah…Wine! More wine!"

Laughter erupts from even the strictest of the people gathered there. After all, they're like family. This causes their spirits to raise, particularly Liu's. At least here he can find comfort and joy.

Much time elapsed. With their emperor, the circle of friends was as complete as it could have been at the time. Laughter, tears and jokes were heard from the wooden building amidst drinks of an alcoholic nature. They drank, they laughed and they sang until it was well past midnight. Then rang the clarion call…

"Closing time, all! One last call for alcohol!" Li Wen announces loudly, banging on the counter. Yet more orders are placed for the last time and even the host pours himself one. Then, Pang Tong, eloquent as ever no matter how tipsy, rose his glass.

"I propose a toast!" he called out, hiccupping. The others turned.

"To our great master Liu Bei! May he find true and lasting bliss eventually! Uh, I mean soon!"

Yeah. Eloquent as ever.

Liu Bei looked down in embarrassment.

"Aye!" exclaimed the rest.

They clinked their glasses together and patted Liu Bei on the back. Then, after downing their drinks, they all started to leave one by one.

Huang Zhong needed the aid of Jiang Wei (despite his protests on how much stronger he was with wine), Zhuge Liang left with Yue Ying, the tiger generals staggered out drunkenly and Pang Tong hitched a ride on Wei Yan.

The only one left was Liu Bei, slumped on the counter. Li Wen sighed and took a mop, starting to wipe away any remaining drops of beer and wine.

"You know, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here, master…"

"Yeah…I know…" the drowsy emperor muttered.

"But hey, I'm not a magician or a general…so could you cut me some slack, eh? Maybe top me up, my friend?" he said cheerfully.

The young adult smiles.

"I think you'd better be getting home, sir. You've had a drop too much than you're used to this time," the tavern keeper advises.

IMPORTANT PLOT CHARACTER, GO!

"Oh, let him stay, Wen. What's the harm?"

(Insert the sort of soundtrack that plays when a beautiful bad girl walks through the halls of a high school in a teen movie, complete with slow motion)

That's when SHE walked in. A nasty soundtrack started playing and for Liu Bei, everything seemed to go in sl-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow motion.

(A.N.: Hey, I just said that!)

She was tall for a girl and had long black hair that flowed down like a waterfall to her shoulders. Her eyes were like ebony and her figure was terrific and slender. Her face, with sweet lips and a well-shaped nose, was beautiful and her complexion was a nice. (A.N.: Somewhere in between light dark and fair)

The King of Han Zhong's jaw dropped. His OC minister, however, simply rolled his eyes and reached out. A click was heard and the music stopped.

"Xia Hwang Wei, do you really need to be so over-the-top?"

Liu Bei quickly turned and saw a black box with some buttons and cases in it. An extravagant suitcase? Then he turned back to see the young lady that walked in. Or were they twins? Alcohol was still there, but wearing off…A minute ago he coulda sworn he saw three Wens.

"Oh, c'mon, Wen! Just let a girl have some fun!"

As if on cue, she pressed another button and the song 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' came on. Just as Xia was about to sing to the first strains of music, however…

"NO. We've been through this before, Hwang Wei. We don't NEED to be that excessive…Besides, your taste in music is horrible…"

A button was pressed and the 'Bohemian Rhapsody' started playing.

"That song coming from the guy that told me not to be so over-the-top? HA!"

The two started to bicker over their tastes in music when Liu Bei shook his head a bit and started to talk, his senses returning again.

"Look, I really don't think there's much of a need to fight, you two…"

The two turned to the emperor in slight surprise.

"Oh! I'm sorry, your highness…We almost didn't notice you there," the girl apologised with a slight bow. Liu Bei waved her off as he did with most people who made the mistake of thinking they had to bow to him.

"Now, now, it's no trouble…But who are you? I've never seen you before…"

"Well, I'm…"

Li Wen cleared his throat and shoved her away a bit.

"Her name is Xia Hwang Wei, sir…"

"HEY!" she yelled. The young man with the spiky black hair just ignored her and continued his description.

"She's rather new here. Worked in the kitchens for just a few days. And…she's my relative…"

Liu Bei looks up in interest.

"Family? Well, why didn't you tell me? I'm sure we could find a post for her…" he suggested, albeit in a tired manner.

"WHAT!" the ebony haired girl exclaimed suddenly.

"He DOES that? Wen, why didn't you tell me! I don't want to spend the rest of my natural life pouring wine, y'know!"

"Hwang Wei, appointing family relations and close friends is not an effective way to elect officials! Look at what happened to Qin! Let me and the emperor finish our talk!"

Xia turned around and sulked, muttering swear words against Li Wen.

"As I was saying," he continued, "We're only DISTANTLY related. She was the brain child of the same author that thought me up.

"You see, the story she was slated to star in got cancelled so she wound up here…Quite frankly, I have no idea of what she can do, and so I can't make any proposals yet."

Liu Bei nods in silence. Apparently, she was a refugee of a ravaged story, shot down before its time. There were far too many of those kinds of things these days…

"Oh c'mon! We've all seen a basic pattern, Wen! Any good-aligned character made by the author is bound to have skills! I mean look at the evidence! Two paladin/commanders, a couple of superskilled pilots in two popular mecha series, a masterful fighter/strategist of the art of war…"

(A.N.: Some of these are original stories which I want to publish, some of these are script forms which, when I DO think of reformatting them, might be found here in the Misc. section!)

"She HAS a point…" Liu Bei noted.

"Yes, well, as much as I truly believe this is so," Li Wen started, looking at the both of them, "I'm afraid that's just not the way things are done. Hwang Wei, if you want an official post, you'll have to work for it!"

Xia sighs.

"Yeah, yeah, I know…"

The two sigh. Li Wen turns to his master.

"I'm sorry, sir…This isn't a very pleasant topic."

"Oh, don't worry, Li Wen. But honestly, I do believe your cousin could very well be worth a lot. After all, a beautiful young girl isn't bound to go by unnoticed, right?" he comments, trying to ease the situation.

The two relatives smile at him.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, sir," the mysterious girl replies honestly.

Once again, however, Li Wen had one of his grins on again.

"Of course, sir, if you knew her for even just a few days like me, I think you'd see just how whiny she can get," the young OC joked, picking up on the momentum of comedic relief.

"I'm standing right heeeere," she said in a singsong voice.

"Oh, I knooooow," he replied obnoxiously in counter singsong voice. She eagerly smacked him on the back of his head.

"Ouch!"

"You're so bad!" she chastised jokingly.

Li Wen ducked another blow.

"I'll call it a night, sir…"

A third blow hits him right smack in the face. Li Wen steps back, rubbing his nose to sooth it.

"Hwang Bei, I wand you do close ub for thad…"was his reply.

(A.N.: Translation: Hwang Wei, I want you to close up for that…)

"What!"

The young man waved and quickly ran out through the back door. Xia sighs.

"You two are real close, huh?"

She turned to the emperor.

"Well, the author recommended I leave for the DW universe. There was a chance I'd be read and discovered. And of course, him being the only OC made by the common author we share, he was the first person I had to look up…Still, he's a decent chap all the same."

"So I see…"

The two of them paused for a short while.

"You know, Miss Xia…"

"Oh, please, sir, you can call me Hwang Wei if you want…" she said casually with a smile. He nods.

"Very well, then…Hwang Wei…I try to make it a point to know most of my officers personally. Now, I'm certain that you're a good and intelligent young woman, and I'd really want to give you a good post. If you want, we could, say, maybe have an interview one of these days?"

The girl looks, taken aback slightly.

"I know you're a good guy, sir, but…You'd do that? For a stranger like me?"

"Oh, I don't think you'll be a stranger to us soon enough…In the meantime, maybe you could let Wen introduce you to some of the guys that come here. We all really have our nice points once you get to know us closely," Xuan De adds casually.

The girl smiles.

"I'll think about it. Now I think you'd better get going, sir. If your wife I keep hearing so much about is as bad as she seems, I wouldn't wanna keep her waiting…" the OC lightheartedly says. Liu smiles.

"Yeah, I guess you're right…" he admits lamely. He starts to get up from his seat, muttering a small 'goodbye'. Suddenly, as he stretched a bit, supporting himself against the counter, he felt something cold.

"What th…?"

He turned and saw a glass of red wine.

"So how about it, sir? One for the road? I won't tell Wen…" she offers.

He smiles but pushes it back.

"I think I'll pass, Hwang Wei. See you around," he says finally, making his way through the door. She smirks.

"See you later, big guy."

Thoughts swirl through the emperor's head. What was going on? Who was that girl really? Why is he thinking so much about her?

He shakes his head. A problem for another day. For now, he should just be glad that his kingdom has another new officer and that there's another person added to the community.

Elsewhere, after a (ahem) roll in the hay, SSX suddenly gets up.

"My love, what's wrong?" Zhao Yun asks.

"Is something the matter?" Ma Chao asks as well.

"I sense…a disturbance…" is all she can say.

The two officers look at each other.

A.N.: I think this chapter might not have flowed nicely to fit the mood I tried to establish with the planning of this fic, but it was more of an intro. Anyways, with the finishing of this chapter, the only thing left for my brain to do is rest…Blehhh…

Oh! And reviews and suggestions are welcome! Thanks, guys! Hope you liked it so far!