First ever fanfiction. Please read and review- would be very grateful. Hope you enjoy!
"Oi you're squashing me!" Syed tried to sound indignant as he rolled away from the weight that had been spread across his chest. "Eh? Oh sorry" replied the muffled voice and a hand moved to sleepily pat his shoulder. Syed sat up and looked at the body beside him. Christian had now rolled over and was face down in his pillow, arms crossed above his head. He was making sleepy snuffling noises and sighing every now and again. Syed found himself staring and smiling as he put his mouth on his partner's head and breathed "morning sleepy" into his hair. The reply he got was delayed for a few seconds and then the mattress started to shift as Christian finally turned over. "Hey you" he mumbled and stifled a yawn whilst he scratched his chin. Christian blinked in the morning light coming through the window and Syed's thoughts turned to how beautiful his lover looked as the sun's rays picked up the highlights in Christian's ruffled hair.
"It's still early. How about I make you some coffee?" he said as he began to extricate himself from the duvet they were sharing. He was stopped in his tracks by a strong arm which gently, but firmly, caught him just below his rib cage. He looked down questioningly and waited for Christian's response. "I don't want you to go" Christian managed as he looked up and held Syed's gaze.
"I'm only going to the kitchen! About 10 feet away if that. What's wrong? Aww, will you miss me that much?"
"Doesn't matter" was the whispered response and Christian began to turn away and bring the duvet back up to his chin. "Coffee would be great thanks."
"Christi..."
"I'm sleepy. Would you mind leaving it at the side of the bed? I prefer drinking it luke warm anyway," Christian interrupted.
"But..." No response. "Um ok, night then. Won't be long." Syed's voice was strained due to the pretence of normality and the struggle not to sound tetchy. He finally made it out of the bed and started to make his way across the floor towards the kitchen. He tried to be quiet as he slowly turned the tap on and filled the kettle. He looked in the fridge for any tempting breakfast items but settled on simply taking out the milk carton and giving it a cautious sniff. Filling up the coffee mugs and adding a sweetener to his own cup, he finally looked over towards the bed. As soon as he did, an eye, watching him from afar, quickly closed and then Christian turned over from his side onto his back, arms crossed protectively against his rising and falling chest.
Syed hesitated and swallowed a lump which had begun to form in his throat. He hated this feeling of not knowing how to react. Was he supposed to pretend to be ignorant to the tension now palpable in the room? Or was he meant to respond? Every instinct told him that the second option was more likely.
Only he wasn't sure how to even begin.
Decision finally made, Syed made it across to the side of the bed in a few steps, carefully balancing the mugs. He placed Christian's cup on the shelf and stood leaning his shins against the lower part of the bed. He rocked back and forth occasionally, taking sips from his drink, as he waited patiently for a reaction.
Eventually, clearing his throat, he said evenly "your coffee is probably luke warm by now."
"Christian?"
"Ta," came the muted reply.
"Still sleepy, or are you ok to talk for a bit?" Syed's voice had now begun to sound desperate and, worse, he knew it. He couldn't let things go with Christian, not anymore. All those long months he had felt forced to pretend everything was normal, to pretend that he was alright, to betray his body's natural reaction when in the same space as this, now, closed off man in their bed. No, he just couldn't go back there. Syed waited again for a response before looking down into his half drunk coffee and placing it beside the other untouched cup. He shakily stretched out his right hand and touched Christian on the shoulder. He could feel the flesh under his touch tense slightly but he found himself unexpectedly grateful that there was no attempt to shake him off or move away. Emboldened, he strengthened his contact and added an almost indiscernible squeeze.
"Christian?"
"Muslim?" The reply was instant. Mocking. Humourless.
Syed froze before quickly snatching his hand back, rubbing it several times protectively as though physically injured in some way. Although it felt as though time had momentarily stood still, it realistically must have been only a matter of a few seconds, because he had only just turned away from the bed when a pair of arms crept around his waist and pulled him back.
"Sorry," Christian mumbled into the back of Syed's neck. "Sorry, I'm sorry Sy."
"I should grab a shower. Got a busy day at SYTAN and I promised Tanya I would do a stock inventory before the weekend." Syed had somehow managed to keep his voice level but he knew he had to get out the room before he crumpled. He started to move but the arms around his waist tightened their grip and he felt paralysed by them.
"Sy, I really am sorry. I was just joking when I said that, stupid I know."
The voice had now moved from its position behind Syed's neck to his left ear and as the familiar, ticklish sensation hit Syed he breathed in haltingly.
"Please don't go Sy."
Those words again. Syed turned around slowly, placed his hands cautiously on Christian's forearms and looked down, before dropping his arms to his sides. He felt his eyes sting and he willed the unshed tears away.
"What do you want me to say?" he then whispered.
"I dunno... maybe nothing. Syed, that was stupid of me but we used to be able to laugh didn't we? Remember? You said that you couldn't believe that that had been the basis of our first conversation and that we were actually together."
"Christian, that was before, when we were both laughing at the past. Not making digs at each other." He took a deep breath. "Look, why don't you drink your coffee and I'll go and get ready for work." Syed raised his eyes and stared into Christian's not sure what he would find. He was surprised to be met by an unexpectedly gentle and unwavering gaze which set him off guard.
"Stay." It wasn't a plea, more of a matter of fact statement and it was one that Syed felt powerless to oppose.
"What did you mean earlier when you said that you didn't want me to go? Earlier, when we woke up," Syed asked, his voice regaining strength.
Christian sighed and looked away, suddenly finding the nearest wall a point of great interest. "Nothing really. I don't always make sense first thing in the morning, you know that better than anyone."
"The way you said it made me think that it meant something. I thought that things were ok. I thought that ..."
Christian looked into Syed's eyes and sighed. "You thought right Sy. Things are ok, better than ok. I just wanted you to stay and snuggle in bed that's all."
"Really?" Syed didn't sound convinced and became even less so when he caught Christian's gaze wavering. He always did that when he lied. That was when he could never look him straight in the eyes for too long.
"Come on. How about that shower?" Christian began to get up, stretched, and grabbed hold of Syed's hands, intertwining their fingers.
"Hmmm. We can talk later though right? I want to know what's going on inside that head of yours Christian. Things have felt, I don't know, a bit weird for the past few days."
"Well I am weird." Christian led Syed away from the edge of the bed and pulled him towards the bathroom. " There's nowt as queer as folk you know."
Thank you for reading!
