Project 149

CHAPTER -

Regret

I can't think properly anymore. It's been so long. I've been out cold for 6 years now… The people I used to know don't exist anymore to me. I barely know myself at the moment. All I know is that my name begins with "M". I can't hear properly but I hear "M" when my name is called… I think it's my name anyway…

I remember one person, other than some of my actions in the past. I haven't seen that person for a long time now. We've been apart for nearly a decade now, I wonder if they still remember me… I hope so. I've been in this hospital while being conscious for roughly a week now. Every day I remember something that I did with this person, something they said to me, or I said to them. I remember the bad things that I've done and how that person helped me become a real… human I suppose. This morning I remembered something else. I left this person. I left them after all they did for me. I don't remember if I said something about it, or if I just went. Hell, I don't even know if I wrote a goodbye letter or anything. What a man I must be. I regret this decision now, even though I am not fully aware of the situation. I have a photographic image of this person's picture-perfect smile. I hear their voice in my head, their soft, delicate voice. I can feel their hand holding mine and their head resting on my shoulder. There is a word to describe how I feel about this person, but looking back upon what I've remembered other than this person, I can't feel it. I am a cold, husk of a man. A violent rebel without a cause, I hate people like that… well, now I do anyway. I don't deserve this person as far as I can see, but looking at her reactions to me, she didn't deserve to be abandoned. Maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions, but I think I had somewhat of a relationship with this person. I miss them, even without most of the information on them. Do they miss me? Probably not, they probably hate me for what I did. That hurts to know. It really, really does.