I didn't want to go back but here I was on a plane headed back to Afghanistan to go see my old friend Rahim.
Time Skip...
I was pretty upset when I found he was sick, but I didn't show it in front of him. It wasn't until I stepped out of the apartment complex that I broke I into tears. I didn't stop crying until I stepped into the cab and I mumbled the directions to Baba's house. Rahim had told me that his last wish was for me to make up with Hassan who was now currently still living in the backyard in the mud house he stays in with his son. He told me how we were half-brothers and after that I knew I had to see him.
The cab was dirty and my stomach churned as we moved along the bumpy road. The tears on my face had long dried, but I could still feel them crusted on my face. Nausea overtook all of my other senses and I became sick and had to tell the driver to stop while I up-chucked on the side of the road. Specks of dust flew in my eyes and tickled my face as I leaned down on the ground waiting for the inevitable bile that was ready to come up. I got back up and sat back in the car receiving a somewhat ill-favored stare from the cab driver. I looked back at him a sour taste residing in my mouth. His dark skin gleamed as the sun shone on his face and then he turned back and began to drive again. At that moment I now realized what I had gotten myself into. I was going to see Hassan the person I had betrayed not once, but twice but yet was still loyal to me. I looked out the window the familiar hand gripping at my throat and watched the dust that the car's wheels kicked up.
Once we were almost there the cab driver demanded his money from me right then. " We aren't even there yet ", I said in alarm! He pulled a cigarette from his mouth, " Well there's always the option of walking another couple miles ", he pointed out the front window with his cigarette. I huffed and handed him the full amount, he began driving again and said, " I just make sure I get my money ", he looked back at me. " The last two guys ran out on me ", and with that explanation I couldn't blame him.
We pulled up to Baba's house, it looked the same as it did when I had left it. Well, almost the same, it did need a little touching up. There was a boy running in the front yard, apparently he hadn't heard the car. I breathed in and sighed, now I knew I couldn't turn back. I knew I couldn't be a coward this time, I gathered all my confidence and stepped out of the vehicle. The cab drove off immediately and it was then that the young boy finally noticed me. I could have panicked at that moment, but I didn't. I just looked back. I noticed he had Hassan's slingshot tucked in his pants pocket. This must have been Sohrab, Hassan's son that Rahim told me about. It was unfortunate about his mother though who died at the hands of the Taliban. I couldn't even imagine how that must've felt, being at the tender age he was.
He ran into the house as I started walking towards it. And it wasn't until that very moment that I realized I had forgotten what Hassan looked like. What color were his eyes again? I felt meek at that moment standing on the porch looking down at my feet not looking into Hassan's eyes. Apprehension filling my every motion, every movement no doubt it showed. But instead of hitting me and cursing me like I wanted him to do he opened his arms wide and said " Welcome home Amir Agha ".
I froze and looked up at him. Still after all these years he stilled called me that? After all these years he was still loyal to me? I turned the corner of my mouth up as I looked at him, straight in the eyes this time. His brown eyes. His son looked up at me with the same eyes, but laced with confusion. " Did you get my letters ", I nodded. " I'm sorry ", I said forcing myself to look at him again, it was only appropriate. He gave me a genuine smile at that and nodded back knowingly. I fiddled with my thumbs and checked out the hardwood flooring beneath me.
" Well are you going to come in ", he said interrupting the silence. I followed his lead into my old Baba's house. Rest his soul. I was shocked to find everything in mint condition. It looked like a brand new house even better than when I lived here as a boy. I ran into the kitchen a newfound excitement welling up inside of me. Sohrab seemed to catch onto the excitement too and ran alongside me. I stopped at my room door and found everything as I had left it. The toys in the corner, some of my writings stuffed in my pillow case. I whipped around and hugged Hassan who was right behind me and didn't expect it. He looked a little sheepish and a blush dusted his cheeks. When had he gotten so tall? " Thank you so much ", I said although my voice was muffled through his t-shirt, " I don't deserve this ".
I stopped hugging him and looked down at Sohrab who was eyeing all the toys in the corner I had piled up. " You can have it if you want ", I said stooping over to look at him. He looked at me in shock as if I was joking, but then ran over to them wordlessly and began playing. I walked around the whole room twice, feeling the walls up and down, sliding my hands down the furniture and testing my old bed to see if it could still hold my weight. " I don't deserve this ", I said again shaking my head not believing any of it. Hassan smiled again. And I looked up at him finally already regretting the words that were about to come out of my mouth.
We both left Sohrab upstairs in my room exploring the new toys he had just inherited and sat down on the floor in the living room. " There's something important I need to tell you ", I shut my eyes tight and told him everything that Rahim had told me. And by the end of it all he was crying with my arm around him and his head on my shoulder. Tears wanted to push past my eyes too, but I pushed them back. " I'm ha-happy but sad at the same time ", indeed being half-brothers was the happy part but on the downside he had lost out on a great child-hood he could have had and the great father Baba could have been to him. Separated by mothers was the only thing that had set us apart, and inevitably led to the conclusion and the downfall of Baba and Ali's 40-year relationship.
Soon Hassan's tears led me to tears and we both cried in each others arms and laughed too. After all the tears and laughter Hassan began to barge me with questions. " Do you have a wife, a child, are you a great writer now "? To which all I answered with a no. But I told him that I once had a wife, Soraya, a few years ago who had died from a stroke. He teared up again at that and I calmed him down again saying it was alright and that I wasn't sad anymore. And I also told him I was a writer, but not a great one. He smiled at that, his eyes were still red from crying and I doubted mine's were any better. We sat down in the living room in each others' arms asleep until Sohrab came down with my old camera in hand. We both weren't awoken by the click, but the bright flash that followed.
I opened my eyes first, then Hassan slowly, but surely cracked one eye open. He smiled, " What are you doing? " and snuggled into me more. " Look I took a picture, I took a picture ", he replied beaming and waving the Polaroid around in his hands. " I'm hanging it up in Amir Agha's room he said taking off up the stairs. Not only did he inherit his father's features, but also his mannerism and kindness. " He's my heart and soul ", Hassan said into my shirt. " Just like you are ", Hassan sat up straight and stretched his lean arms. " When are you moving back in?
Was he crazy? Move back in with the country literally hanging on a small thread? And stay here with the Taliban roaming the area constantly, holding their guns proudly just looking for an excuse to kill someone? No, noooo, noooooo. There was no way I was going to do that. After the long pause I had taken Hassan frowned, " You're not moving back are you?". He traced shapes with his fingers into the glossy wood floor. I almost shook my head and then stopped myself. And I thought a minute while Hassan continued to look down. " No, but I was planning for you guys to come back with me ", Hassan looked up at me with the same expression Sohrab had when I have him all my old toys. " Re-really ", he said hesitantly as if I was going to betray him again. I nodded, " That's if you really want to go ", he stood looking me straight in the eye. " I can pack our things now ", he said running out of the house. Out of all the things I expected Hassan to say that was the absolute last one of them all. I expected to have to explain all the opportunities of America, the many reasons why they needed to leave. And as I was thinking this Hassan was already back in the house with simply two bags in both his hands.
As we rode in the cab with Sohrab, Hassan, and myself in the back of the car it all just seemed too perfect. Any minute now a bomb would blow up the cab or the Taliban would pull us over and shoot all of us. But none of that happened, we reached the airport safely and I purchased them both passports. The only thing that separated us from America was the wait for the plane to arrive. I sat next to Hassan with Sohrab on ,my other side with all the toys he had felt were his favorite out of the pile. The camera being one of them. Next to me Hassan looked kind of unsure of himself.
" Are you sure you want to go through leaving your birth country Hassan? ", I asked straining to get each and every word out. " I mean we can stay here ", I mentally punched myself for that one. I didn't want to turn back now after getting this far. Hassan shook his head, " No, it'll be good for Sohrab to not grow up in this mess ", he looked at Sohrab and I could almost feel the love radiating from his eyes. Then he looked at me, " Are you we won't be a bother Amir Agha ", he fiddled with his thumbs as I had done earlier. " I mean I don't want to get in your way or anything ", I shook my head and smiled. " No besides my house has been empty and lonely ever since my wife died ", I put my arm around him, " Besides your my brother remember? ".
He smiled timidly, but I could tell he was getting nervous about the plane ride he had never been on a plane before. This would be his and Sohrab's first time off the ground. " Is America really as nice as people say it is? ", Hassan asked. " Yeah and nobody over there cares whether your Pashtun or Hazara ", I said. " Sounds like a great country ", he replied. Our plane arrived soon after that.
Before we boarded the plane Hassan gave me a big hug, partly because he was nervous and partly because he was blithe. We took out seats on the plane and with me in between them. As the engine of the plane fired up I saw how tense Hassan got and squeezed his thigh reassuringly. He looked over and tried to form a smile but failed. I looked over at Sohrab and he didn't seem to be at all scared. 'Hmm', I thought, 'I guess they are in some ways different'. Hassan grabbed a hold of me when the plane began moving and he looked up at me with fear in his eyes. " You'll hold my hand the whole time right? ", I smirked. " For you a thousand times over ".
