I can't believe I did that.
Almost killed her.
Just because she rejected me.
Crushed me.
Now what's the point of staying?
I'm not Dauntless.
I was never Dauntless.
Sure, I could have been.
But I just couldn't do it.
I had to beat up Will,
Will, my friend,
Just to stick around.
Edward saved me. Saved me then.
But he couldn't save me now.
No one could.
Because I'd almost killed her.
And now things could never be the same.
She said she'd kill me if I touched her again.
She would. She could.
And everyone would take her side.
Why wouldn't they?
I'd almost killed her.
Now she wouldn't have to bother.
One step.
One leap.
And all this could be over.
She could be happy again.
She wouldn't have to be afraid of me.
She would get closure.
She could hate me.
Like I hate myself.
One step.
One second.
One pain.
Then silence. Forever.
It would be the most Dauntless thing I'd ever done.
No, it wouldn't.
I'm a coward.
I'm a coward,
So I'd almost killed her.
My friend.
No, not my friend.
Not anymore.
Not since I'd almost killed her.
The look she gave me
As I held her life in my hands
Would never leave my mind.
Not until I left this life.
All I had to do to forget
Was take one step
Over the edge.
I just can't go on with this
Knowing I'd almost killed her.
