Trying To Move On
Hey guys, I've had loads of spare time on my hands lately because two out of three of our computers have had viruses, and as for the third one, my brother was constantly on it, so I've had loads of time to write, it's just trying to get it typed up and posted, anyway, here's my new oneshot Trying To Move On, it was originally a oneshot, but because it's so long, i had to split it into two parts, and for any of you reading Mistakes, it has been updated now, please read and review, I hope that you like it!
Gabriella sighed as she looked at the guitar sat beside her, closing her tired eyes slightly, but snapping them back open when all she saw behind the closed eyelids was bright lights and red stains, the screams once more seeming to ring through her ears, her own screams, and his.
She lifted the guitar onto her lap and gently started to strum it, glad to know that it was still in tune, and smiling as she glanced at all of the stickers that she had placed on the guitar, his guitar, grinning slightly at the pink glittery ones that he had nearly had a fit about, when he had seen them, but just as soon as the grin had appeared on her face, it had disappeared again, he would never be there to yell at her for defacing his guitar ever again, the guitar that she had inherited two and a half months ago now, February fifteenth two thousand and eight, when they were celebrating their belated valentine's day, due to her being ill the previous day.
"Gabby?" A small voice questioned at the door, and Gabriella glanced towards the door, a small smile flickering across her features, before disappearing again as she looked at Sharpay, leaning against the doorframe, eyeing her best friend up with a scrunched up face, and Gabriella instantly knew that she didn't approve of her change in dress sense, new hair style or the amount of make up that she had started using since the accident, but Gabriella also knew that he would be disappointed and in her mind, that was enough reason to carry on doing it, that way, he might have to come back to her, even if it is just to yell at her.
Rolling her eyes, Gabriella glanced back to Sharpay again, "What do you want Pay?" She questioned sharply, although her tone was a lot softer than the one that she now used with most people, too terrified to open up her heart once more, given how well that had worked out in the past.
Snapping out of her trance, Sharpay smiled back at Gabriella, "It's your turn for the leavers' concert next and Ms. Darbus is completely freaking out because you're not in the wings yet."
Nodding slightly, Gabriella stood up and grabbed the guitar, following Sharpay to the stage, and realising that she must have missed her friends' performance, the whole gang had done a performance together, as a tribute to him, just as Gabriella, the last one to perform in the concert, by her own choice, was also doing a tribute to him, only for her, it was going to be her first time singing since his death, the gang had heard her strumming away on her guitar, but not a single one of them had heard her so much as hum in the past ten weeks, let alone sing.
Gabriella slowly walked out to centre stage, flicking her long, dark fringe out of her eyes as she glanced down at the audience below her, every person having shock written across their features, given the fact that Gabriella had started refusing to talk to anyone but the gang after the accident, unless she had to, and even then it was always in an irritated, short, clipped tone that had anyone running for safety within minutes, she had even started refusing to answer any of the teacher's questions in any of her lessons, even though everyone knew that she knew the answers.
Taking a deep breath, Gabriella settled back onto her stool and surveyed her audience once more, "This song I wrote about two weeks ago now when I had a break down, but I've finally realised that I need to try and let go of the only person that I've ever loved, if I want to keep my own sanity. So this one's for him, I miss you like hell and I still love you Troy, always." As she finished by whispering the last word, Gabriella gently started to strum on her guitar, well aware that the entire room was listening in an awed silence, not even a tiny murmur or whisper in amongst the crowd, everyone that had been involved in the show gathered at the sides of the auditorium or in the wings, the gang right at the front, watching her and listening intently to how she planned to finally set him free, her final attempt of closure.
Of all the things I believed in,
I just wanna get it over with,
Tears form behind my eyes,
But I do not cry,
Counting the days that pass me by.
Gabriella remembered the first time that she had desperately tried to move on from Troy, only four days after his death at his funeral. It was the first time that she had left her room in days, and even then, it was only after Chad literally knelt outside of her door, begging her to come, so she had sighed once, crossed of another meaningless day on her calendar, counting the billions of days until she could finally be back in his arms once again, and had stepped out of the room, shocking everyone with how lifeless she looked, wearing no make up, a black dress and her hair all matted, which Sharpay quickly sorted out, pulling it up into a neat ponytail, Gabriella only sitting their motionless while she did so.
Gabriella had stayed silent during the entire funeral, flicking her promise ring over in her fingers as she watched the one true love of her life be lowered into the ground, feeling the whole congregations stares on her as she had walked towards the grave and thrown the red and white roses in on top of his casket, and feeling their stares even more at the beginning of the funeral, when she had walked up to his closed casket, placing a tender kiss to it, before retreating back to her place between Chad and Sharpay in the front row, feeling them instantly wrap their arms around her, although she gave no reaction and just kept staring at the pine casket.
But now, at the wake, Gabriella could no longer take the sounds of Lucille Bolton sobbing her heart out while Jack Bolton and the other guests tried to comfort her, most crying themselves for the loss of a beloved child and basketball captain, East High's Golden Boy, everyone's best friend, and shrugged Chad's arm away from her, sprinting up the stairs and slamming the door of the bathroom, locking it behind her, even as she heard the footfalls behind her.
Trembling, Gabriella sat on the edge of the bathtub, realising that somehow she had ended up in her ex-boyfriend's personal bathroom, glancing at some of the pictures that he had hung on the wall in the bathroom, Gabriella's eyes were drawn to a specific one of the two of them, both of them stood in front of a brand new black Audi, Troy's beam saying it all, as he had one arm wrapped tightly around his girlfriend's shoulders, and the other hand placed on the hood of his new car, the brand new car that was now a mangled wreck, along with the owner of that car. Gabriella's eyes flickered up to look at his face in the picture, his bright blue eyes' sparkling with joy and laughter; she had been the last one to see them sparkle like that. The last one to see him alive, the first one to see him dead, yet she still hadn't managed to shed a single tear over the accident.
Her eyes left the picture and she glanced towards the door, faintly hearing the rest of the gang pounding on the door and screaming her name, begging her to open it, but she ignored them, the blood in her running cold and her mouth unable to make any sounds whatsoever, even after four days, she had still not found her voice.
At this moment in time, she didn't care for her life in the slightest, she had already lost everything that she had ever cared for, so she so no point in her being on Earth anymore, she just wanted to get it over with, quickly.
Rising from her seat on the edge of the bathtub, Gabriella crossed the small room hurriedly and opened Troy's medicine cabinet, cracking a small smile when she found a bottle of sleeping tablets, pulling them down from the shelf and into her grasp, she flicked them over and glanced at the back, 'take no more than five tablets within twenty four hours,' smiling once more, Gabriella popped open the bottle, and tipped the contents onto her open palm, counting the full thirteen pills that now lay across her hand, barely registering that the pounding and the screaming on the other side of the door was getting louder and louder, more and more urgent by the minute.
Rapidly though, Gabriella's tiny smile turned into a frown as she continued to watch the pills in her hand, realising that he would be so disappointed in her for giving up her life and not trying to live and move on, that even if she did end up with him, he probably wouldn't talk to her for all eternity.
Slowly, she sunk down onto her knees, feeling the tears gather behind her eyes, but feeling unable to cry them, as the bathroom door suddenly burst open, and the entire gang looked on horrified at Gabriella knelt in the middle of the floor, the bottle clutched in one of her hands and the pills lying on her other open palm.
"Gabby, what did you do? Ryan whispered, as both he and Chad dropped down beside her, handing the bottle and the pills to Kelsi, before wrapping their arms securely around Gabriella, trying to determine whether or not they should take her to the hospital, not expecting an answer after four days of silence.
"I couldn't, I couldn't do it," A hoarse voice whispered, and the gang all looked at her in shock, "He would be so disappointed in me, and you must all hate me," She murmured almost inaudibly, as the whole gang shook their heads.
"Brie, we could never hate you, we're just so worried about you, we can't lose you as well," Taylor muttered, tears streaming down her face as she also fell to the ground, followed by Sharpay, Kelsi, Jason and Zeke, the whole gang clinging onto each other, all of them sobbing noisily but Gabriella, who just sat there silently, staring into space, letting them hang onto her and each other as her arms stayed by her side, knowing that only one pair of arms would ever be able to warm her up, but he was gone forever.
I've been searching deep down in my soul,
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old,
Feels like I'm starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
And I said,
Gabriella smiled softly as she remembered their first meeting, a little over three years ago, when she'd joined East High School halfway through their freshman year, and had instantly fallen in with the gang, Troy of course already being a basketball superstar for the school.
Gabriella gently loaded up her new locker with all of her schoolbooks, warily glancing around at all of the people passing by her, each one studying her intently, as if trying to place her, and although she was only thirteen years old, having skipped the third grade, when her teacher became increasingly frustrated with Gabriella's constant corrections in front of the class, Gabriella already knew the horrors of high school, having already moved three times in only her freshman year, and having been called freaky math girl at every single one of those schools.
Sighing softly, she took out the books that she figured she would need for her first two periods, and readjusted her white skirt that reached just beyond her knee, also making sure that the buttons on her powder blue, silk blouse were all done up in the right holes, and that her pale pink flip flops were in no danger of flying through the hair and hitting somebody in the head, as they had so horrendously done on her first day at her last school, causing everyone to laugh and put their books over their heads every time she passed them in the hallways from then onwards.
Glancing at her class schedule one last time, she started to head for her homeroom, with a woman names Mrs. Darbus in room one two one.
Halfway down the corridor, Gabriella felt an arm grab her wrist, causing her to drop all of her books as she was flung up against a locker, pain radiating through her back, as she blinked repeatedly to try and clear her vision of the spots that were now corrupting it, finding herself staring into the faces of five older guys, each at least double her size and wearing football uniforms.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" The first one smirked, holding Gabriella up from the ground by her arms as she squirmed and wriggled, trying to get lose.
"Hmm, I don't know Greg, I think that it would be a new chick that we're all going to have our way with," The second one grinned as Gabriella pulled back further into the lockers, whimpering slightly, "What do you think Eric?" He laughed with the third one who just shrugged, before stepping right up close to Gabriella's face, causing her to pull back again as she felt his clammy breath roll up her face and felt his gaze focus on her chest before lifting up to her face, smirking as he reached a hand out to stroke her side and Gabriella started to thrash and wriggle, knowing that her attempts to get free would be useless given that there was no longer anyone in the hallway, they were huge compared to her and the fact that there were five of them against the one of her.
Turning her head to the side and whimpering once more, Gabriella's eyes caught on a pair of cobalt ones, that seemed to darken as he moved closer to the crowd around the lockers, striding down the corridor with obvious confidence.
"Sanders!" he barked, and instantly the one holding Gabriella up and the one who had come so close to her face that she could feel his breath glared at the intruder, Gabriella only now realising just how similar they were, at least brothers, if not twins, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" The stranger carried on, and Gabriella winced slightly at the venom in his voice.
The five football players immediately sprung apart, letting Gabriella fall to the floor with a loud thud and a small shriek as she rubbed her head, glaring at the backs of the football players as they ran away, careening around the corner at such a fast pace that they all fell over, before picking themselves up and running off again.
"Pathetic," the stranger spat, staring after them with fire burning in his eyes, "A bunch of seniors scared of one freshman," he shook his head slightly and turned to go, before he noticed Gabriella still sat on the ground and he smiled softly at her, holding his hand out to help her from the ground, and quickly catching her when she almost fell over again, "Come on, I think I know just the place that you need to go to," He smiled warmly at her and he scooped her up into his arms bridal style, Gabriella feeling surprisingly safe in his arms as she wrapped her arms securely around his neck, burying her face into his neck as well, as she felt him stoop quickly to collect her books, before strolling off casually, her still clutched tightly in his arms as he climbed a set of stairs and pushed a door open, an array of sweet aromas filling Gabriella's nose as she felt him sit down, settling her on his lap, before trying to coax her to pull her head out of his neck and talk to him.
Gabriella blushed madly as she scooted herself off of his lap and sat beside him on the wooden bench, the stranger with the bright blue eyes chuckling softly at her actions.
"Thank you," She whispered softly, her eyes showing true sincerity with those two simple words as he swung around to look at her, shock emanating from him at the fact that she had thanked him for something that as far as he was concerned, any decent human being would do for another, but a beam broke out on his face regardless.
"It was no problem, really, they're just a bunch of pathetic idiots, who will be lucky to graduate at the end of the year," The stranger's smile broke into a beam as he heard Gabriella's giggles echoing through the air, "I'm Troy by the way, Troy Bolton," He smiled and held his hand out to Gabriella, which she took gratefully.
"Gabriella, Gabriella Montez," She grinned, giggling again as they kept their hands unconsciously together, interlocking their fingers.
That day, Troy had introduced her to the gang, and she had instantly found her true family with all of them, even if she was at least a year younger than any of them, almost two years younger than Troy and Chad, given that their own birthdays' were in the October, whereas hers wasn't until the June.
It had taken six months for Troy to actually ask Gabriella out, about three days after her fourteenth birthday, although the pair always acted like a couple anyway, always interlinking their fingers, kissing each others' cheeks when they greeted, dangerously close to their mouth's, and Troy continuously planting sweet kisses to Gabriella's forehead, her knight in shining armour, intent on protecting her, from that first day onwards, right up until his death.
Gabriella was barely recognisable now to what she once looked like, gone were all of the colours, all she ever wore now was black. Long sleeved tops were her preference, usually with thumbholes in them as well, although if she had to wear short sleeves, she somehow always managed to find a black jacket to cover her arms. She no longer wore skirts at all, instead only wearing either black combat pants or black skinny jeans, and on her feet, she only ever now wore black trainers that were two sizes two big for her and were outlined with luminous pink, the only colour that she ever wore, and no matter what the weather, her attire never changed.
Her eyes were now even more set apart than they ever had been before with the heavy black eyeliner that surrounded them and the dark eye shadows that she now constantly wore.
Troy had always said how much he loved running his fingers through her long, curly hair, so in an act of defiance, only three weeks after his death when she was still furious with him for leaving her, she had hacked it all off, so it was now only just beyond chin length, and was religiously straightened every single morning to keep her old bouncing curls at bay, she also now had a thick, full fringe, which settled, just below her eyebrows, and since then, she had kept her hair no longer than just beyond her chin, cutting it if it ever got 'too long'.
Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything that I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold onto.
Gabriella held back her tears as she sang the first chorus, the first words that she had written to go along with the haunting music, that reminded her just why she needed to sing the song, just why she needed the closure. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back, not now, not ever. The one person that she had left that knew everything about her was gone, she was now all alone in the world, pushing everybody out, trying desperately to protect the broken, leftover shards of her shattered heart, broken ever since that fateful night that haunted her waking and her dreaming hours, February fifteenth two thousand and eight.
"Troy, put me down," Gabriella giggled, kicking her legs slightly, and then screaming when she realised that her dress was riding up when she did that, causing Troy to laugh and gently adjust the dress once more, so that it was once again covering her modestly, as he spun around, clutching Gabriella tightly to his left shoulder as she pounded on his back, screaming at him to put her down.
"No way Elle Belle, this is getting you back for saying that my shoes didn't match my tie," Troy chuckled, spinning her even faster as he started to tickle her sides as well, her laughter taking him over as he placed her back to the ground in front of him and let his eyes linger over the petite brunette in the scarlet red dress, fixing her hair slightly as she looked up at him self-consciously, always nervous over what she looked like, which was one of the things that Troy loved so much about her, she never realised just how beautiful she was to him and the rest of the world, so she never learnt to flaunt it and become to vain about it. Smiling slightly, he reached up and took her hand into his own, pulling it away from its' task of fixing her hair, his smile growing at her confusion, "You look beautiful Ella, you always look beautiful, stop worrying."
Gabriella blushed and looked to the ground, shuffling her feet nervously, before reaching up and wrapping her arms tightly around Troy's neck, pressing her lips tightly against his as his eyes widened in surprise, before he melted into the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her as close to him as humanely possible, and opening his mouth slightly when she begged him for entrance, allowing their tongues to begin the sensual dance that they had started long ago now, way back in the June of their freshman year.
Pulling apart when air was a necessity, Troy leant his forehead on Gabriella's, and the couple breathed heavily, their eyes never leaving the others. "What was that for?" Troy questioned, scrunching up his face as Gabriella giggled softly.
"You're incredibly, unbelievably amazing, Wildcat, you know that right?" Gabriella whispered softly, her coffee coloured eyes scanning the sapphire ones, lust and love shining in both of the opposite coloured eyes.
Troy beamed back at her, "I could say the same thing about you Ella Bella," Troy's beam widened as he watched his girlfriend struggle to contain a yawn, "And now my sleeping beauty, I think that we need to get you home before you collapse on me." Troy chuckled softly and scooped Gabriella up into his arms bridal style, kissing the top of her head when she buried it into the crook of his neck, as he headed straight towards his black Audi.
Gently, he placed her into the passenger seat, and did up her seat belt, chuckling to himself as he realised that his stunning girlfriend was already asleep, "I love you Ella, forever and for always," he whispered, dropping a tender kiss to the top of her head, before pulling away, only to find himself staring into the chocolaty depths of her eyes that still took his breath away, even after having known her for three years, and had her be officially his for two years, eight months, one week, and three days.
"I love you too Troy, forever and ever, and ever," Gabriella murmured back to him, honesty and love shining in her eyes, as she gently tugged on his tie, pulling him closer until their lips met in a sweet, loving kiss.
Troy smiled as he pulled away and softly pecked her lips once more, before standing up and closing the car door, walking around to his own side of the car, and settling himself, before starting the engine, turning to tell Gabriella to change the radio station over, only to find her already asleep once more, his jacket draped around her shoulders.
Twenty minutes or so later, Gabriella's eyes blinked open sleepily, and she smiled across at Troy, who was concentrating seriously on the dark road that lay ahead of them, lit only by his own headlights.
Suddenly, there was a blinding white light heading straight for their car, and no matter where Troy swerved the car to, the blinding lights seemed to follow, Gabriella started to scream, Troy's yelling joining her own only moments later, the squealing of tyres and the crunching of metal sounding out through the silent night air on the deserted dark road.
Having no idea how much later it was, Gabriella slowly started to open her eyes, the first thing that she realised being the pain that seemed to radiate from her legs and her head.
Slowly, she raised one hand up so that she was touching her forehead, pulling it away when she felt it touch a sticky substance, and realising that the crimson tint to her fingers was blood, now matted into her long curls as well.
Quickly, she whipped her head around to look at Troy and make sure that he was still safe. In the pale moonlight, his skin seemed to glow a paler colour than she had ever seen it before, his eyes were a dull, unblinking blue, his chest unmoving, no breath entering or leaving his body and he was stained with dark red patches everywhere, from his head straight down to his stomach.
"No, no, no, Troy no! Please don't leave me! You promised that you would never leave me! Troy, please wake up, please, I need you, wake up!" She screamed, over and over again, until her voice was hoarse and the tears had mixed in with the dried blood on her face, "I love you Troy, please don't leave me," Gabriella whispered quietly, gently pushing his eyelids closed, forgetting her own physical pain as raw emotion for the man that she loved took over and she placed an affectionate kiss to his lips, pulling away with a strangled sob when she realised how cold they were, too cold for him to still be with her.
Gabriella pulled away from him and screamed for help for what seemed like days, but in reality was only hours, until another car finally pulled along the lonesome road, and saw the car wreckage, the distraught teenager and the motionless teenager and immediately called for ambulances and the police.
That would always remain Gabriella's worst memory, but it would always be the memory that she would be drawn back to the second that she closed her eyes, seeing the man that she loved, usually so full of life and warmth suddenly motionless and cold.
