People keep telling me that it will heal with time. They don't realize how wrong they are. But then again, they don't know the full story. People think that Gwen Stacy was just unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and was killed by the Green Goblin. I wish I could be that naïve, I wish I could ignore the fact that I'm the reason she's dead. It was my fault she was in that mess in the first place; I should have found another way to beat Electro, on my own. Then she wouldn't have been there, and Harry probably never would have found out I'm Spider-Man. I waited five months. I was pathetic. Of course I was allowed to grieve, I loved her, I still do, but that doesn't mean I should have put the rest of New York at risk by taking away their guardian.
I think I finally understood what Uncle Ben was trying to teach me. With great power comes great responsibility. It makes sense, I just wish I'd realized it earlier. I realize wallowing in self-pity isn't going to get me anywhere, but what else can I do?
I've moved out of Aunt May's house and I'm living in an apartment not too far from Empire State University, where I'm attending college. I've been trying to distract myself with schoolwork but it's not that easy. I mean, it sort of works, but everything reminds me of Gwen. Really, the only time I can escape my thoughts is when I'm swinging around the city, just feeing the wind against my body, feeling the adrenaline pumping through my body. I remember when I was a kid everyone said they wished they could fly, but web slinging is so much cooler.
I have to admit, I'm glad I put the costume back on. Of course, under the circumstances I didn't really have a choice. Rhino would have killed that kid, and countless other people. It wasn't an easy fight, but I did win. Since then crime hasn't been too bad, except there have been rumors on the street about a new "Kingpin of crime". Recently I thought it might be a good idea to get an informant. His name's Blackie Gaxton, he's a bit of a douchebag, but he knows his stuff.
Recently, I decided to visit Gwen's mother. I hadn't seen her since the funeral, and I expected her to be angry with me, but the second she opened the door and saw me she hugged me. She cried for a little bit and we talked, sharing grievances. Her sons were at school, so it was just us. I've gotta say, it helped a lot to know that I wasn't the only one who was still hurting. She thanked me for coming by, and I left. That was three weeks ago. I haven't seen her since.
Another thing I've been distracting myself with lately is Max Dillon. Honestly I can't say I blame the guy for going completely batshit crazy. Of course, that doesn't make what he did right, but it wasn't entirely his fault. He'd been married, but his wife cheated on him, three times, and then left him. I visited his mom, who had no idea that her son had turned into Electro and died. She didn't really seem to care about him at all. I felt bad for the guy, his life was awful. Not only did his family suck, but no one respected him at Oscorp either. He really did have a brilliant mind, but no one appreciated him. I couldn't even remember his name, I'm supposed to be a symbol, I should have been better than that. I could have helped him. He could have been a hero.
I've also visited Dr. Connors every now and then at Ravencroft. He cried when I told him that Gwen was dead. He'll get out of here eventually. He's showing signs of his sanity improving, so it shouldn't be more than a year. I've been to Ravencroft so many times but I've never had the courage to visit Harry. Yes, he tried to kill Gwen, he tried to kill me, he went insane, but he was my best friend. I never imagined one person could change this much. I was always afraid of what would happen if I visited him, but today that changes.
"Osborn, you've got a visitor!"
"Is it Menken? Tell him to get out!" he sounded sleep deprived.
"Oooooh, pretty boy's got a date!" said another inmate, who sounded extremely off his rocker. He was sitting a few seats away from where I was talking to this guy who I assumed was his lawyer or something.
"I'll eat you alive, Kasady!" threatened Harry.
The guards threw Harry into his chair, and when he took notice of me, he launched himself at the glass, screaming and scratching at it. My spider sense went off a second before he did, so I jumped out of my seat as the guards held him down. They gave me a look as if to ask if I still wanted to talk to him, and I nodded. I sat back down as they took their hands off of him. Somewhat reluctantly, he reached for the phone.
"What do you want?"
I didn't know what to say.
"Did you come to gloat? To mock my imprisonment?"
"Don't be so dramatic." I didn't even realize I said it until it came out. He chuckled.
"I expected you to be angry with me."
"I am."
He grinned. His teeth were sharp and shattered. I cringed at the sight of them.
"You know it's your fault, right?" he said. I glared at him. "You should have just given me your blood, and your precious little girlfriend would still be alive." He sighed. "You know, when I met her, she was nice. She was so in love with you. I can't blame her, who wouldn't fall in love with a superhero?" He said the word "superhero" as if it were the worst insult he could think of. I gulped.
"Has anyone else come to visit you?"
"What does that matter to you?"
"I just want you to get better, Harry."
"I'll be better when you're dead!" he shouted, standing up.
"That's it, Osborn, you're done!" shouted the guards, dragging him away, screaming death threats at me. Coming here was a bad idea. But it was just the first change of many that were about to enter my life.
The next day in Professor Warren's class, about five minutes into his lecture I started to doze off because of the lack of sleep. Then someone opened the door and entered the room, stumbling around, trying to keep all of her books and papers in her bag.
"Sorry I'm late, Professor Warren." She said.
I'd never seen this girl before, anywhere on campus.
"It's quite alright my dear. Class! May I introduce you to our new student, Mary Jane Watson! I believe there's an empty seat next to Mr. Parker over there."
She thanked him and awkwardly walked over to the vacant seat next to mine as he continued on with his lecture.
She had beautiful, red, flowing hair and she wore glasses that were real, but they looked like fake hipster glasses. She was wearing a beanie and a cashmere jacket over a plaid shirt that was unbuttoned near the top, showing some cleavage, which I couldn't help but glace at, and jeans. She was beautiful.
When she sat down she set her bag on the ground and smiled at me.
"Hi, I'm Mary Jane." She said, extending her hand.
I smiled and shook it. "I'm Peter. Parker. Peter Parker."
She smiled at me one last time before turning her attention to the lecture. I couldn't help but stare at her for a few more seconds before also returning my attention to the lecture.
