Ok so I decided to do a commentary on the trollfic Tom! My commentary is in bold and the actual story is normal? Got that? Then we can start!
The five starry cats stared into the misty pool. Why do all these stories start with the cats looking into a pool? A blue-grey she-cat looked into it's depths. Flashes of dark images swirled in the water's pool. She looked up the the other warriors. "I have seen a prophecy." How does dark images on a pool show a prophecy? Can't you be more specific about what they actually see to think that their is a prophecy?
"As have I." A bracken coloured tom nodded, his green eyes darting up and then back down to the calm pool.
"Yes I see it too." A massive white tom with huge jet black paws meowed in a gruff voice. Blackstar is dead?
"There is no mistaking it." A stoney grey tom with brown flecks agreed. Totally not...
The last cat, a small silver-grey tabby with soft white underfur and deep green eyes, looked at each cat in turn. "I... see it too, and it may change the clans forever." Really? Wow...
More and more cats padded into the hollow. They came to hear the prophecy. Of course they did!
"Well Bluestar, would you like to do the honours?," The former Windclan Medicine cat meowed impatiently. Yes Bluestar, GET ON WITH IT!
The blue-grey leader sat up straight, flicking her blue eyes at each cat. With one more glance at the scene appearing in the pool, she spoke clearly her voice ringing through the hollow. "A tom of golden fur and bright glowing eyes will bring the Clans together and clean the forest of it's scars." Ok well the prophecy is well established but you need to do something with it..
"You should pass this on to Firestar. He will need to hear of this." One of the star-pelted cats suggested. My thoughts exactly star pelted cat!
"Yes, of course." Bluestar padded out of the stoney hollow, leaving the other four cats by the pool. Yes and the other cats are left there not sure what to do with their lives...
Prologue done! Chapter one will be up soon!
