I can't believe it. I'm at the judges table. To my left is Marcel Reese, and to my right is Coach John Gruden! I guess I am pressed guy so much with my love for the Raiders and my cooking but he wanted to bring me back. He also wanted to bring me back because I won his disabled games. Guy is about to start bringing the contestants in.
First step, the quarterback for the Oakland Raiders, Derek Carr. I can't believe he's going to cook for me. I really try to hide my excitement as he runs in. Nextep, another player for the Raiders, running ack Josh Jacobs. I call him JJ. Next are a couple former raiders, Safety Charles Woodson and wide receiver Amari Cooper. I can't hide my excitement anymore. Even John and Marcel are excited. We're about to get our grub on.
For round one, guy is going to have them make their best after workout dish. They have to make something packed with protein, fit for a football player after training. I can sense a lot of steak coming this way. I'm excited. Then, guy throws his signature curveball, keep it sample. Of course, since we are judges, we run the sample tables as well. Guy assigned me to try to sell them Potato chips. I put a bunch of flavors on the sample station, and start calling out to the contestants. Derek comes to my station first. He picks barbecue flavored chips. He says he's going to crust a fillet in these chips. He's also going to blend them into a barbecue sauce. Now that's what I call smart. I know you can also rehydrate them to make mashed potatoes for gnocchi. Speaking of gnocchi, JJ grabs classic flavor, saying this would be perfect for his gnocchi. Now I'm excited. I've never had gnocchi before. I just really hope he doesn't add any cheese to it. I don't know what the other sample cards are, but I hope one of them is not cheese. Of course, guy knows about my anti-cheese dilemma, so he called over the intercom not to use any cheese. Then, I have an idea. Maybe he could make the cheese section off-limits.
It's time for me to get back to my charging station. Guy brings in a wheelchair to quickly get me back to where I need to be. Thank you. When I get back to my seat, I see that the chefs are all cooking their butts off. It smells great. And, I don't see any cheese. The smells of the food is starting to get me really hungry. There's only 15 minutes left in the round. Then, I noticed something. I gave them chips at my table. Marcel Reese gave them broccoli. Jon Gruden gave them fillet mignon steaks. Last but not least, guy were sampling Tapitio hot sauce. My favorite. Of course, I voice my opinion on all the samples that they were giving out, and guy was very pleased at how much I love Tapatio. You've got to have some spice in your life sometimes. With all the samples, I see allfour ingredients being turned into beautiful dishes including steak with mashed potatoes, potato gnocchi with fillet mignon meatballs, spicy fried fillet mignon bites, and even these massive balls of fried goodness, that I don't even know what's inside. I do, however, do not see cheese on anyone's stations. Next thing I know, guy is counting down from 10. Time is it. I can see beautiful dishes headed my way. Come at me! I'm starving!
First up where is Derek. He's the one that made the fillet mignon steak with mashed potatoes. Turns out, he was able to take the little leafy parts off the broccoli to mix in with the mashed potatoes. That made it so I could not really taste it. I'm not a fan of broccoli at all, so this was a nice touch. He also blanched some of it and put it on the side. To humor everyone, I popped one in my mouth. It was seasoned nicely and cooked well, but still disgusting. Guy looked at me with crazy eyes, because he didn't know I didn't like Broccoli. Josh Jacobs made the giant fried ball of awesomeness. Turns out, he ground the filet mignon, turned it into bratwurst sausage, stuffed it with mashed potatoes, took more of the chips to use as the breading, breaded the mashed potatoes stuffed bratwurst ball in crushed potato chips and Panko, and fried the whole thing. He also tempura fried the broccoli, which I had to try just to see how it would taste. He also had a ramekin that had a sauce made it with the Tapitio in it. Now I'm excited. I take a tempura fried broccoli piece and dip it into the sauce. The punch of flavor and heat nearly knocked me off my chair. It was basically a spicy barbecue sauce. This was bomb! Now, to the fried ball of awesomeness. I cracked it open to look at the layers, and there they were. When I looked a little closer, I saw that the sausage was perfectly cooked and very tender. The mashed potatoes were well made as well. The potato chip and Panko crust was salty and beautiful. Now I was kind of missing something bright and fresh on the side. It was very rich.
Now, here comes the gnocchi. I'm getting excited. Turns out, it was made by Amari Cooper. This is his grandmothers recipe. The gnocchi was tender and I saw a little green flex in it. That's where he hid the broccoli. It was covered in a spicy tomato sauce. Thank you, Tapatio. Now, the meatballs. He sautéed them, roasted them, and then fried them. They were crispy, juicy, and perfectly cooked. All the ingredients were there. Next step was Woodson. He made the spicy filet mignon bites. He took the potato chips, turned them into a crust. He marinated the filet mignon in Tapatio and other sauces. He puts that on top of broccoli fried rice. He took his jumbled up ingredients and went Asian.
Now it's time for the judges to do what they do. Of course, I am voice my opinion on how each person prepared the broccoli. Everyone agreed with me that the tempura fried broccoli was the best. We then came to the conclusion that everyone's dishes were so good, that we couldn't send anyone home. Guy understands and brings everyone back in. He tells them no one is going home, so they will be a double illumination. The relief on everyone's faces to shock when they hear about the double illumination. Then, I see the determination on their faces as they go back to their carts. Then, guy says that they have to make an indulgent winners dinner. Then, here comes the curveball. I saw this one coming from a mile away, and I can't even see straight. Guy says that the contestants have two raid three clearance carts for all the supplies that they can use. They can't use anything else in the store. The game is clearance carts. And guy tricks them with his get all 321 go, the judges and I talk about what our indulgent winners dinners would be. My in goldens winners dinner would be a bacon wrapped burger stuffed with more bacon, and the burger patty it's self would be 50% beef and 50% bacon. The whole thing would be fried in bacon fat. This sauce would be a bacon ranch sauce. Of course, it would have lettuce and pickles as well. I would Call it The barbecue bacon bad ass burger. As I mentioned this, I see everyone's mouth watering.
And everyone came back to their stations, I noticed a bunch of odds and ends in their cards. I didn't know what they picked out, but I hear someone mentioning the bacon bomb that I was talking about. No I'm really excited. When guy hears about the bacon bomb, he asks the judges if they know the hunch. We all shake our heads. Then, guy shows us. Elbows out. Chest forward. Keep the shirt away from the table, just in case. Now I get it. I am ready for this. I see everyone unwrapping proteins that they got from the cards. The one who wanted to make the bacon bomb actually found bacon! I hope they found something to cut the richness. I can hear the bacon angels singing in my head. I looked, and Guy can hear them too. Again, I see no cheese on the stations. These guys know how to listen!
Among all the excitement, I hear a couple upset yells. A couple people thought they found beef, but found fish instead. They hurry off to go raid the carts some more. As they are looking through the cards, I hear more excited hoops and hollers. Some people found ground lamb. Some people found ground pork. I see a lot of burgers in my future. I even think I see a lamb burger being stuffed with caramelized onions and combined with mint. I see another burger being made into a bacon masterpiece. I also see a lamb chili happening. I also see a giant burrito being made. Someone found some giant flour tortillas. I see a lot of good stuff going into those burritos. Then, after the burritos are wrapped, they get thrown in the fryer. That makes it a chimichanga. That definitely takes it up in Notch. Now, I'm excited. Two burgers, chili, and a giant chimichanga. Bring it on, flavor town! When the chimichangas come out of the fryer, they are almost as big as a football. That will be a flavor touchdown in flavor town. Before I knew it, time is up.
First up to the drafting table is Derek. Turns out, he loves bacon just as much as I do, so he made that bacon burger. When I tasted, it is pure heaven. I can hear the other judges in complete silence with how this burger is. " Derek, my brother, this is going on my menu at Dragon Fire Barbecue. This burger is a definite touchdown. You did a great job. Thank you for taking my idea and turning it on its head. It's almost like I threw the ball, you caught it, and you ran for a touchdown. Thank you." I actually got to see Derek blush. Next step was JJ. He made the chili. It was rich. It was decadent. It was a dream on my taste buds. There was one thing I noticed about it though. The sauce didn't reduce enough. Since he found beer in the clearance cards, he didn't let the alcohol reduce down. I can already feel a slight buzz. Charles Woodson made the enormous football sized chimichanga with a slaw on the side. I have never had slaw before. The chimichanga was fried to a crisp. The only negative thing I had about it was it was slightly cold in the middle. The heat of the oil didn't get all the way through to all the ingredients. Luckily, his meat was cooked all the way through so we didn't get any raw meat. Amari Cooper made the last burger. It was a lamb burger that was combined with some mint and other spices, and topped with an arugula salad. The salad was well-dressed. The lamb patty was well seasoned. It was also cooked to perfection. He did a combination of a cast iron skillet and the grill. He also stuffed it with caramelized onions. It was delicious. Sadly, I can already see do you nation. When the chefs go back to the kitchen, I turned to the other judges and voice my opinion. It's going to have to be JJ and Woodson. They actually agree with me. The cold inside of the burrito and the wrong alcohol in the chili are going to send them home. Guy looks at us, and nods in agreement. They actually agree with me. The cold inside of the burrito and the raw alcohol in the chili are going to send them home. Guy looks at us, and nods in agreement. "Judges, that was quick. I have never seen that quick of an elimination. Good job." He brings the chefs back in to break the news to them. When JJ and Winston hear their names, they look defeated. I feel so bad, but I speak up to tell them why they have been illuminated. " JJ, your chili was delicious, but I'm still feeling a little bit buzzed from the raw alcohol that didn't reduce down. Charles, The reason you are going home is because the inside of your chimichanga was cold. I'm very sorry. Great job and raider nation." It was sad to see him go. But, time for around three.
For round three, guy decides to have Derek and Amari make their best tailgate dish, with no carts allowed. Then, he also brings up the food pyramid. They are going to find out the protein, a sauce, and a whammy ingredient. Here we go. The protein is hotdogs. The sauce is a radioactive ghost pepper hot sauce. The women ingredient is tater tot's. I'm excited, but nervous. Can they dim down that ghost pepper hot sauce enough for me to be able to taste what I'm eating and not feel just pure heat? I have already had a dried ghost pepper in the past for a YouTube video. I told myself I would never eat another ghost pepper again. I can already feel my stomach tighten up. I am already starting to sweat. I ask guy if he has any Lactaid in the store, just in case. He goes to check, and brings back a full gallon. He also find some Lactaid ice cream. These will help in case it's too hot for me. The other judges get regular milk and ice cream. Since three items have already been picked for them, they are already at their stations while Derek and Amari go shopping with just their bare hands. I'm kind of wondering if one of them will use another vessel to carry the groceries in. Oh of course, thanks to derricks long legs, he makes it back to his station first. He was smart and grabbed a giant mixing bowl to carry his ingredients in. Of course, he grabbed buns for his dogs. He has decided to make a potato pancake for a side dish. That is one way to transform the tater tot ingredient. When Amari gets back to his station, I noticed that he has no bones. When guy brings this up, Amari says that he is going to turn the hotdogs into a kind of corn dog using the tater tot's like the corn dog batter. That's pretty innovative. They are going to use the ghost pepper sauce in different ways. It looks like Derek is going to add a little bit into his potato pancake batter. This is either going to hurt or be delicious. Amari, on the other hand, is going to use it in his batter and in a sauce. He is not afraid of this ingredient. In fact, he likes the spice. Well, so he thought until he tried a little bit of the sauce. His face went very red and he ran to get some milk. Derek had to try it as well. Even just smelling it sent him coughing. He knew he would have to use a small enough amount to get the heat, but in order to get the flavor he would need to use more. He will need to find that delicate balance.
" cooking is like a game of football. You have to know how to play the game right, a.k.a. how to cook the ingredients correctly. If you have never tried an ingredient, it's like playing with a new teammate we're trying a new play out of the playbook." That was Derek as he starts chopping ingredients for a slaw. We're going to need a fattening slaw to help balance the heat of all the sauces. The tension is building, just like the spicy smells from the ghost pepper hot sauce wafting through the air. It's making everyone cough. Luckily, we all know to bring our shirts over our noses to help filter the air. I think Gary is starting to regret putting that sauce on the pyramid. I think Derek and Amari are going to have a guy try their dishes too. In fact, he goes over to Amari to taste his sauce. When he takes a small spoonful, I can almost see the smoke coming from his ears. He ends up running to the frozen section and grabbing some ice cream. It was way too much for him. Amari is now embarrassed, and tries to balance the sauce out by adding more of the ingredients besides the ghost pepper sauce. After a couple tries, I think he has burned off too many of his taste buds to even care. I think I'm going to need another gallon of Lactaid to help cut this one. Before we know it, time is up.
First is derricks dish. His hotdog is nice and crispy, his potato pancake is full of flavor and crunchy, his slaw is nice and juicy, and everything goes together really well. I did, however, need to take a sip of Lactaid because of the potato pancake. I was able to taste the flavor of the sauce, but the heat took over after a minute. Luckily, everything was so well done. Now, for Amari's dish. Instead of a bun, he turned the hotdog into a potato pancake corndog. He added some of the sauce into the batter, which added flavor and heat. Sadly, that flavor was over powered by the flavor and heat of his sauce. Everyone was coughing, trying to grab their milk, and wiping their eyes and face because everyone was sweating. His sauce was way too spicy. Even Guy was doubled over coughing. Poor guy. I think I already know who's going to win. When Derek and Amari go back to the Kitchen's, we instantly say that Derek wins. He was able to balance the spice. We could barely taste of Amari's food or even critique him because of all the spice. Even guy agrees, and he is still chugging milk. Everyone's mounts are still burning. I can tell that the flavor town restrooms are going to be full today. It burned going in, it's going to burn twice as much coming out. I may have to take more than a couple Zantac later.
Guy finally brings Derek and Amari back up to us. This time, it is guy who tells Amari that he's going home because of the spice. He is pretty devastated, but understands. As he leaves, he throws his arms up in the air in the touchdown Motion. "Congrats, Derek. Bring the money home." Derek turns to Guy. "We have a new baby boy at home, so this money will definitely come in handy. His name is Deacon." Everyone is excited for the new baby. Now, if Derek brings home $20,000, that could end up starting his college fund. Then, Derek brings up a picture on his phone. It is Little Deacon wearing a future bulldog jersey. He also had a jersey that says future Raiders fan. I bet he is going to go to Fresno State just like his dad.
It's time for Derek to run for his money. He has to find 10 items. He has a find a coconut, a whisk, a 10 pound bag of flour, A label with a pirate on it, I can of dog food, nacho cheese chips, a 2 L bottle of soda, heavy whipping cream, mint chip ice cream, and ground chicken. He found all 10 items, and had 10 seconds to spare. He won the $20,000. When he heard that he won the money, he nearly broke down. He did this for his son. He also did it for Dallas, who has a heart condition. The money would help with the kids medical bills and education. His family is going to be very happy and very proud of him.
The end
