Chapter One:

After all you put me through, you think I'd despise you. But in the end, I wanna thank you, because you've made me that much stronger.

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The nightmares began shortly after my 22nd birthday.

Jack was in Missouri with the team when I sat up in bed, drenched in a cold sweat, panting.

I had been in a dark room, that was bare except for a single bed. The shutters on the window were bolted shut and I couldn't see the door. I tried calling for Jack and then Mom and then Dad, but no one heard me. So, I got up and explored my surroundings. I tried feeling for a door somewhere, but I couldn't find one. Then Jason burst into the room, grinning manically, laughing… I remember screaming and then…

That's when I woke up.

I tried to get my breathing under control, recognizing the beginnings of a panic attack. Hands shaking, I reached for my phone to check the time. It was 03.33. I sighed. I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep for a while, if at all. I got up and went to the bathroom. I then checked all the doors were shut and locked, made myself an herbal tea and climbed back into bed. I grabbed my book off the bedside table and began to read.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew my alarm was blaring.

Groaning, I rolled over and switched the alarm off. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I remembered waking up in the night as I could see the mug of cold tea on the bedside table, but I couldn't remember the dream. I shrugged. I was being silly. Jason was dead. He had been dead for four years.

So why was he returning to haunt my dreams?

Why now?

I put it to the back of my mind and went and had a shower. I had a relatively quiet day planned. I had plans to meet up with Ashley and Lily that afternoon, but I thought I might drive down to Quantico that morning and see Mom and Penelope. I did some toast for my breakfast, made a pot of coffee and put some in a takeaway mug. I then grabbed my keys and left the house. It was a lovely bright spring morning and I hoped I had left my sunglasses in the car.

Soon enough, I was cruising down the interstate towards Quantico, Jesus Christ Superstar blasting out of the speakers. I had joined the musical theatre society whilst at college and we had done this musical in our first year. I was singing along to Last Supper when I rolled into the carpark. I double checked how I looked in the mirror. I had put so much make-up on that morning it was unreal but I was trying to make it look like I hadn't been up half the night.

Deciding that I looked relatively ok, I grabbed my bag and coffee and left the car. I walked the familiar route to Erin Strauss' office. Having grown up here, I knew my way like the back of my hand. This is the way I had walked everyday after school. I pressed the right floor number on the lift dial and rode the elevator up to the BAU floor. I walked out of the lift and stopped as another memory hit me.

I was nine years old, in my pyjamas, clutching my teddy bear. I was crying, Mom was holding my hand and pulling me through the bullpen. It was so quiet, it must have been late. Mom left me on the walkway outside of Hotch's office and went inside. I just stood there, terrified. It was the night that Mom had caught Jason abusing me and she had taken me to the offices to keep me safe and to see if Hotch could help find a safe house. Mom came back out the office, "Jess" she called, "Jess?"

I blinked and shook my head. I was back in the present day and Penelope Garcia was stood holding my hand.

"Hey Jess, where were you?"

I smiled, "No where interesting."

She looked at me curiously, "Are you okay?"

I nodded, "I'm fine, just a little worried about the team. I get it now, what it feels like to be left behind."

"Uh huh?" I could tell she didn't believe me, "Why didn't you text to say you were coming to visit?"

"I didn't know I was coming to visit. Spur of the moment trip."

"Uh huh?" she said again.

I gave her a look. "I'm fine Garcia, honestly."

She smiled and touched my shoulder, "I'm here if you ever need to talk, you know, that right?"

I nodded, unable to speak. I cleared my throat, "Is my mom free or is she in a meeting?"

Garcia smiled, "Come to the bat-cave and we shall see if the Iron Lady is free!"

I laughed, "You are so lucky that mom knows none of the nicknames you guys have for her!"

Garcia laughed, "Oh, I know!"

Turned out, Mom was free and I walked over to her office having said goodbye to Penelope, really hoping I would have no more flashbacks. I didn't know what was happening and I certainly didn't like it. I tried racking my brains as I walked towards the office, had there been a case recently that Jack and Dad had worked on that had reminded me of what I went through when I was younger? Had someone mentioned his name in passing?

My thoughts had brought me to the entrance to Mom's office. I pushed the first door opened and knocked on the second. A crisp 'Enter!" followed and I pushed the door open.

"Jessica!" she smiled, "I wasn't expecting to see you today!" she got up and came to hug me.

"Well, I'm meeting Ashley and Lily this afternoon for a coffee and a catch up and I didn't fancy sitting in the house on my own so I thought I would come and see you!" I hugged her back and we sat on the sofa.

We chatted for a while about completely normal things. She told me how the team was getting on in Missouri and how they hoped to be finished tomorrow.

"Mom?" I asked.

"Yeah baby?" she replied looking at me.

"Do you ever get dreams about the Replicator?"

Mom looked at me for a minute, "Sometimes, yes. Why?"

"Something must have triggered a memory cause I had a dream about Jason last night and it's just shaken me today. I'll be fine though." I added, incase I had worried her.

"It's totally normal. You used to have nightmares about him all the time when we were living in the safe house."

I smiled, "It's a normal response, right?"

She nodded, "But, Jessica, if it gets worse, please tell someone. You're not on your own in this."

I nodded and looked at my watch. "I'd better get going, the girls will be wondering where I am!"

"Have fun!" Mom hugged me again, "Say hi to Ashley and Lily for me!"

"I will!" and I waved as I left the room.

Back in the car, I rang Monty, who had been the Garcia of the International Response Team before Barnes shut it down.

"Hey Monty, it's Jessica Rossi."

Hey Jess. What can I do for you?

"Can you get me the file for a case that happened in 2015?"

Sure, but why aren't you asking Garcia for this?

"Cause she'll tell the team and I need some space on this."

Ok. I need some info. What case are you looking for?

"The BAU's investigation into the murder of Jason Strauss."